History Funny / TheRoadToElDorado

* While sitting in the rowboat, a seagull lands on one of the oars, [[HopeSpot indicating that land is near.]] It then promptly dies. When the starving duo reach for it, a shark pops up and steals it with a huge crunch, and they are just frozen at the unfairness of it all. ''Hilarious.'' Even the horse is heartbroken!

* [[http://junkrat-the-junker-rat.tumblr.com/post/167682872899 A post on Tumblr]] describing the movie as a D&D campaign with bizarre streak of 1s and 20s, which is strangely fitting especially when you remember Miguel and Tulio were using a pair of die at the beginning.

'''Tulio''': I'm sorry, were you going to say '''worse'''?

'''Tulio:''' Oh, boy.

-->'''Miguel''': Back to Spain? Yeah?\\

** In a similar vein, there's another tumblr post describing it as why the bard and rogue shouldn't go on their own adventure together.

'''Tulio''': [[SarcasmMode Yes. "Find the prybar."]] He can't understand ''prybar''! He's a dumb horse. There's no way he--\\
''(Altivo brings them the key to their cell. {{Beat}}.)''\\
-->'''Tulio''': Well, it's ''not'' a prybar.

'''Miguel''': The trail that we blaze!\\
(''Hacks at overgrowth... to reveal a massive lump of rock.'')\\
'''Miguel:''' (''{{Beat}}, then points further down the beach'') ''That'' trail that we blaze!\\

'''Tulio:''' Ah, ah, wait. Wait a minute. New plan. We find the city of gold, we ''take'' the gold, and ''then'' we go back to Spain.\\

* [[http://junkrat-the-junker-rat.tumblr.com/post/167682872899 A post on Tumblr]] describing the movie as a D&D campaign with bizarre streak of 1s and 20s, which is strangely fitting especially when you remember Miguel and Tulio were using a pair of die at the beginning.

* A post on Tumblr describing the movie as a D&D campaign with bizarre streak of 1s and 20s, which is strangely fitting especially when you remember Miguel and Tulio were using a pair of die at the beginning.

--->'''Tulio''': What's happening here?
--->'''Miguel''': ''(deadpan)'' We are both in barrels, that is the extent of my knowledge.

--> '''Tulio:''' I will give you the honor of a quick and painless ''death!'' ''(pulls a tiny dagger from a guard)'' But not with that. ''(switches it for a rapier)'' I prefer to fight fairly!
--> '''Miguel:''' Oh, you fight like my sister!
--> '''Tulio:''' I... ''fought'' your sister - that's a compliment!

--> '''Miguel:''' You said it yourself it was possible, and it is! It really is! The map to EL DORADO!
--> '''Tulio:''' ...You drank the seawater, didn't you?

--> '''Tulio:''' The little voice? Remember the little voice? Just for a second imagine that you have one. What would it be saying about Chel?
--> '''Miguel:''' ....[[ChivalrousPervert Mmmmmrrr]]...

-->"[[ImOkay I'm okay]]!"
-->''(The jaguar steps on him)''
-->''(muffled)'' "I'm still okay!"

-->'''Tulio''': ''(snatches the dice)'' Hey, how'd you get those?
-->'''Miguel''': ''(behind him with a [[FunnyBackgroundEvent suspicious look]])'' [[{{Hammerspace}} Where was she]] ''[[VictoriasSecretCompartment keeping]]'' [[GettingCrapPastTheRadar them?]]

-->'''Tulio''': ''(raises eyebrow)'' Uh, do you mind?
-->'''Chel''': ''(without a shred of shame)'' No. -- ''Oh!'' Oh. Sorry. ''(starts to back out of the room, but [[EatingTheEyeCandy keeps staring]] and eventually closes the curtain after thoroughly checking them out)'' Bye.

-->'''Tulio''': The stars are not in position for this tribute!
-->'''Miguel''': ''(behind him, dragging the helpless man to safety, utterly deadpan)'' Like he says. ''({{beat}})'' Stars. ''(beat)'' Can't do it. ''(disappears for a beat, only to stick his head back in the frame)'' Not today.

-->'''Miguel''': Do you think Cortes could have gotten here before us and --
-->'''Tulio''': And what?! Taken all the ''really'' big rocks? The scoundrel!

-->'''Tulio''': Here's the plan. In the dead of night you and I grab some provisions, hijack one of those, uh, longboats, and then we ''row back to Spain like there's no mañana!''
-->'''Miguel''': Back to Spain? Yeah?
-->'''Tulio''': Yeah!
-->'''Miguel:''' In a rowboat?
-->'''Tulio''': You got it.
-->'''Miguel''': Great. Sensational. And, and that's, that's your plan, is it?
-->'''Tulio''': That's... pretty much it.
-->''({{beat}})''
-->'''Miguel''': [[SincerityMode Well, I like it!]] So, how do we get on deck?
-->''({{beat}})''
-->'''Tulio''': In the dead of night you and I grab some provisions, hijack one of those, uh, longboats--

-->'''Tulio''': Miguel, you're talking to a ''horse!''
-->'''Miguel''': That's it Altivo, find the prybar!
-->'''Tulio''': [[SarcasmMode Yes. "Find the prybar."]] He can't understand ''prybar''! He's a dumb horse. There's no way he--
-->''(Altivo brings them the key to their cell. {{Beat}}.)''

-->'''Tulio''': Okay... Here's the gate , here's the boat...
-->'''Chel''': Uh huh, and?
-->'''Tulio''': ''(rubs his forehead)'' Aaargh! Here's the gate...
-->'''Chel''': Uh huh, and?
-->'''Tulio''': ...here's the boat...
-->'''Chel''': Got that... and?
-->'''Tulio''': Well... Here's the goat, and here's the bait...
-->'''Chel''': TULIO!

-->'''Miguel''': I am Miguel.
-->'''Tulio''': And I am Tulio.
-->'''Miguel''': ''(tries to dismount, snags his foot on Altivo's reins, recovers)'' And they call us [[BreadEggsBreadedEggs Miguel and Tulio!]]

-->'''Chel''': I want in.
-->'''Tulio''': In?
-->'''Chel''': On your scam.
-->'''Tulio''': (nervous laugh) [[BlatantLies Wha-there's no scam, why would you think there's a]]... ''Why''?

-->'''Tulio:''' ''(smacking his forehead on one of the support beams, having left a sizeable dent in the wood)''
-->'''Miguel:''' So, um, how's the escape plan coming?
-->'''Tulio:''' ''(looks up from the post with a glimmer of hope, or possibly concussion)'' Wait... wait wait wait, I-I'm getting something... ''(goes back to smacking his forehead in time with the music)''

-->'''Tzekel-Kan:''' [[PunctuatedForEmphasis You! Are not! GODS!]]
-->''({{beat}})''
-->'''Tulio:''' ''(points at Miguel)'' ''You're'' not a god? You lied to me?

-->'''Miguel:''' Tulio, I just want to let you know, [[NoodleIncident I'm sorry about that girl in Barcelona.]]
-->'''Tulio:''' So, you -- you ''f--''
-->'''Tzekel-Kan:''' [[CurseCutShort BEHOLD!]]

--> '''Miguel''': We'll follow the trail!
--> '''Tulio''': ''What'' trail?
--> '''Miguel''': The trail that we blaze!
--> (''Hacks at overgrowth... to reveal a massive lump of rock.'')
--> '''Miguel:''' (''{{Beat}}, then points further down the beach'') ''That'' trail that we blaze!
--> '''Tulio:''' Oh, boy.

--> '''Miguel:''' ...But you don't want to go, so...let's get back into the boat and row back to Spain. After all, [[SarcasmMode it worked so well last time]].
--> '''Tulio:''' Ah, ah, wait. Wait a minute. New plan. We find the city of gold, we ''take'' the gold, and ''then'' we go back to Spain.
--> '''Miguel:''' And BUY Spain!

--> '''Miguel:''' ...But you don't want to go, so...let's get back into the boat and row back to Spain. After all, [[SarcasmMode: it worked so well last time]].

--> '''Tulio:''' Oh, boy.

* They leap into a pair of barrels, which are promptly shut over their heads.
-->'''Tulio''': What's happening here?
-->'''Miguel''': ''(deadpan)'' We are both in barrels, that is the extent of my knowledge.

* Tzekel-Khan [[BlackComedy starts in on about human sacrifice again]] with Tulio.

-->'''Tulio:''' ''(points at Miguel)'' ''You're'' not a god?

** When they're about to leap into those barrels, Tulio bets Miguel they ''won't'' make it. When they do, there's a cheerful "you lose!" from inside Miguel's barrel, and a pair of coins are flipped out of Tulio's into Miguel's as Tulio promptly pays up.

* "On the one hand: GOLD. On the other hand: (points to a tapestry of a man getting his heart ripped out) '''PAINFUL AGONIZING FAILURE!'"

-->'''Tulio:''' ''(points at Miguel)'' You're not a god?

* While sitting in the rowboat, a seagull lands on one of the oars, [[HopeSpot indicating that land is near.]] It then promptly dies. When the starving duo reach for it, a shark pops up and steals it with a huge crunch, and they are just frozen at the unfairness of it all. ''Hilarious.''

* "Your horse bit me in the BUTT!"

--> '''Tulio:''' Oh, boy.
* "YOW! Your horse bit me in the butt!"

--> '''Tulio:''' Oh boy.

** Hit MemeticMutation status, particularly on {{Tumblr}}. Pretty much every second post under the movie's tag is about the stars.

--> '''Tulio:''' I will give you the honor of a quick and painless ''death'' -- ''(pulls a tiny dagger from a guard)'' -- but not with that. ''(switches it for a rapier)'' I prefer to fight fairly!

--> '''Miguel''': The trail we blaze!

--> '''Miguel:''' (''{{Beat}}, then points further down the beach'') ''That'' trail we blaze!

-->'''Tulio:''' ''(looks up from the post with a glimmer of hope, or possibly concussion)'' Wait... wait wait wait, I-I'm getting something... ''(goes back to smacking his forehead)''