History Funny / TheRoadToElDorado

--> Miguel: We'll follow the trail!
--> Tulio: ''What'' trail!
--> Miguel: The trail we blaze!
--> Hacks at overgrowth... to reveal a massive lump of rock.
--> Miguel: (Beat, then points further down the beach) ''That'' trail we blaze!

-->'''Chel''': On the scam.
-->'''Tulio''': [[BlatantLies Scam? Wha-there's no scam, why would you]]... ''Why''?

* "Big smile! Like you mean it!"

--> '''Tulio:''' I will give you the honor of a quick and painless ''death'' -- ''(pulls a tiny dagger from a guard)'' --But not with that. [switches it for a rapier] I prefer to fight fairly!

-->"ImOkay!"

-->''(Altivo brings them the key to their cell.)''
-->{{Beat}}

'''Miguel''': ''[nods]''

--> '''Tulio:''' I will give you the honor of a quick and painless ''death''-- [pulls a tiny dagger from a guard] --But not with that. [switches it for a rapier] I prefer to fight fairly!

-->''[The jaguar steps on him]''
-->(muffled) "I'm still okay!"

** Tulio's BigWordShout causes all the smoke to retreat back into the volcano and it lets out a cough.
*

-->'''Miguel''': [''deadpan''] We are both in barrels, that is the extent of my knowledge.

-->'''Tulio''': [''raises eyebrow''] Uh, do you mind?
-->'''Chel''': [''without a shred of shame''] No. --Oh! Oh. Sorry. [''starts to back out of the room, but [[EatingTheEyeCandy keeps staring]] and eventually closes the curtain after thoroughly checking them out''] Bye.

-->'''Miguel''': [''behind him, dragging the helpless man to safety, utterly deadpan''] Like he says. [''{{beat}}''] Stars. [''beat''] Can't do it. [''disappears for a beat, only to stick his head back in the frame''] Not today.

* "Apparently, El Dorado is native for [[PunctuatedForEmphasis great. Big. ROCK!]]" Tulio is hammy here.
-->'''Miguel''': Do you think Cortes could have gotten here before us and--

-->'''Tulio''': Here's the plan. In the dead of night, you and I, grab some provisions, hijack one of those longboats, and then we ''row back to Spain like there's no mañana!''

-->{{Beat}}

-->{{Beat}}
-->'''Tulio''': In the dead of night, you and I, grab some provisions, hijack one of those longboats--

-->[''Altivo brings them the key to their cell.'']

-->'''Tulio''': [''rubs his forehead''] Aaargh! Here's the gate...

-->'''Tulio''': and I am Tulio.
-->'''Miguel''': [''snags his foot on Altivo's reins''] And they call us [[BreadEggsBreadedEggs Miguel and Tulio!]]
* A more downplayed bit of humor but still relatively funny:

-->'''Tulio''': [[BlatantLies Scam? Wha-There's no scam why would you]]...''why''?
* Tzekel-Kan takes his evil magic potions as an UmbrellaDrink, apparently.
* When Tulio and Miguel are stuck in the brig of Cortez's ship, with Tulio's unique strategy for thinking up an escape plan.
-->'''Tulio:''' [''smacking his forehead on one of the support beams, having left a sizable dent in the wood'']

-->'''Tulio:''' [''looks up from the post with a glimmer of hope''] Wait... Wait Wait Wait, I-I'm getting something... (beat)[''goes back to smacking his forehead'']

-->*beat*
-->'''Tulio:''' (Points at Miguel) You're not a god?
* When Miguel and Tulio use vines to avoid the jaguar statue, it leaps at Tzekel-Kan instead. He's understandably dismayed, and the jaguar statue's jaw drops off. It's almost too quick to notice. Makes one wonder if the jaguar did air quotes when Tzekel-Kan first unleashed him.
*

-->'''Tulio:''' So, you-- ''You f--''

-->'''Tzekel-Kan:''' [[CurseCutShort BEHOLD!]]

* While sitting in the rowboat, a seagull dies on one of their oars. When the starving duo reach for it, a shark pops up and steals it with a huge crunch, and they are just frozen at the unfairness of it all. ''Hilarious.''

* "Apparently, El Dorado is native for [[PunctuatedForEmphasis great. Big. ROCK!]]"

-->'''Miguel:''' Tulio, I just want to let you know, [[NoodleIncedent I'm sorry about that girl in Barcelona.]]

'''Miguel''': *nods*

-->'''Tulio''': What's happening?!

* When Miguel and Tulio use vines to avoid the jaguar statue, it leaps at Tzekel-Kan instead. He's understandably dismayed, and the jaguar statue's jaw drops off. It's almost too quick to notice. Makes one wonder if the jaguar did air quotes when Tzekel-Kan first unleashed him.

* "On the one hand: GOLD. On the other hand: (points to a tapestry of a man getting his heart ripped out) '''PAINFUL AGONIZING FAILURE!

-->'''Tulio:''' (Points at Miguel) You're not a god?

* Miguel and an angelic choir seem about to launch into another song as he looks out at El Dorado before Tulio stops it.

* Miguel and an angelic choir seem about to launch into another song as he looks out at El Dorado before Tulio stops him.

-->'''Tulio:''' [''looks up from the post with a glimmer of hope''] Wait... Wait Wait Wait, I-I'm getting something... [''goes back to smacking his forehead'']

-->'''Miguel''': Did you ever imagine it would end like this?
-->'''Tulio''': The horse is a surprise.

* TwoWords: "[[OhCrap HOOOOOOOOOLLLLLLLLLY]] ''[[LastSecondWordSwap SHIP!]]''"

** That line was even funnier in the Norwegian dub, where Tulio really drags out the vowels: ''"Stor. Svær. STEEEEIIIIN!"''

* This entire movie is built on the premise that ThoseTwoGuys got a movie of their own the ''first'' time around, instead of waiting for the sequel... so the movie is just packed with very funny lines.

* "Apparently, El Dorado is native for [[PunctuatedForEmphasis great. big. ROCK!]]"

-->'''Miguel''': "Do you think Cortes could have gotten here before us and--"
-->'''Tulio''': "And what?! Taken all the ''really'' big rocks? The scoundrel!"

* "Your horse bit me in the BUTT!"

* "Your horse but me in the BUTT!"

* "On the one hand: GOLD. On the other hand: (points to a tapestry of a man getting his heart ripped out) '''PAINFUL AGONIZING FAILURE'''".
* you're HORSE bit MY BUTT!!!

* Several. To name just one:
-->''Miguel and Tulio are stranded in the ocean on a rowboat with Altivo''

-->'''Tulio''': Miguel, you're talking to a horse.

-->'''Tulio''': Yes. Find the prybar. He can't understand ''prybar'', he's a dumb horse, there's no way he--

* "On the one hand: GOLD. On the other hand: (points to a tapestry of a man getting his heart ripped out) '''PAINFUL AGONIZING FAILURE'''".

-->'''Miguel''': [''snags his foot on Altivo's reins''] And they call us Miguel and Tulio!

* On the one hand: GOLD. On the other hand: (points to a tapestry of a man getting his heart ripped out) '''PAINFUL AGONIZING FAILURE'''".

" On the one hand: GOLD. On the other hand: (points to a tapestry of a man getting his heart ripped out) '''PAINFUL AGONIZING FAILURE'''".