History Funny / SixteenThirtyTwo

* From ''1635: The Cannon Law'', while they're trying to get the Pope out of Rome, he suggests sheltering from the demolition of a gate in some nearby granaries. Ruy's response:

** The whole escapade begins with Ruy cheerfully approaching the walls of the place where the Pope and his troops are under siege, and shouting up to the Swiss Guards that he's there to rescue the Pope.

* In the middle of Chapter 57, when Dr. Nichols and Julie each have one of the school's two .30-06 rifles and start shooting at the Croat officers leading the attack on the school.

* Posters with portraits of some of the mercenaries caught in the Battle of the Crapper are hung around Grantville and other cities, declaring that they are to be killed if found in American territory after July 5th (two days in the future). The mercenaries' commander complaints, stating that "American territories" is too vague a term, and asks how far they extend. Heinrich (serving as a translator between the Germans and the uptimers) turns to Mike Stearns - who just stares at the commander. [[GilliganCut A few months later]], the commander has found a job. In Russia. He figures that it would be far enough.

\\

* Speaking of whom: Lt. Cantrell's debriefing at Simpson's hands after the battle.
-->''Had he been asked a year earlier--even a few days earlier--Eddie Cantrell would have sworn that no human being could possibly stand at attention as rigidly as he was doing that very moment. As if, by imitating perfectly the absence of all life, those still alive in the vicinity might just possibly ignore him. Mistake him for a potted plant or a vase or something. Maybe a statue.''

-->''Alas, it didn't work.''

-->''"Let me get this straight, Lieutenant Cantrell," said Admiral Simpson, staring down at him from what seemed an impossibly imposing height, his hands clasped behind his back. "If I'm interpreting your incoherent mumbles correctly, the accusation leveled by the king of Denmark against one of my junior officers is indeed correct. Entirely correct, and in all its particulars."''

-->''"Well..."''

* The Stone children find out that Father Mazzare is summoned by the Holy Inquisition to Rome. They begin helping the Venetian CoC plot to dynamite their way into the trial of Galileo and rescue him and Father Mazzare from the clutches of the Inquisitors. [[spoiler: They aren't present when Mazzare explains before leaving that this isn't the ''Spanish'' Inquisition, but the ''Roman'' one. No torture here- it's all courtroom debate. And Mazzare ''wants'' to go as [[SugarWiki/MomentOfAwesome he's been summoned to defend Galileo]].]]

* Sharon Stone threatening Ruy Sanchez and the ambassador of the Spanish Netherlands (a Catholic Cardinal) with a [[AssShove prostate exam.]]
* Cardinal Richelieu's TranquilFury about the events of the novel, composing a very blunt letter to the French nobleman responsible for letting Ducos use him, which doubles as a TheReasonYouSuckSpeech, and then deciding to have the man ReassignedToAntarctica

** Brillo is an unusually intelligent ram with terrible wool who becomes an in-universe {{Memetic Badass}} and {{Memetic Molester}} though broadsheet stories about his supposed exploits. The Downtime peasants begin to view Brillo as a symbol of the common folk overcoming the well-bred and rich nobility.

* During the battle of Jena, when Julie {{Pink Mist}}s one of the enemy mercenaries ... and starts swearing, because she ''"missed".''

* The Stone children find out that Father Mazzare is summoned by the Holy Inquisition to Rome. They begin helping the Venetian CoC plot to dynamite their way into the trial of Galileo and rescue him and Father Mazzare from the clutches of the Inquisitors. [[spoiler: They aren't present when Mazzare explains before leaving that this isn't the ''Spanish'' Inquisition, but the ''Roman'' one. No torture here- it's all courtroom debate. And Mazzare ''wants'' to go as [[CrowningMomentOfAwesome he's been summoned to defend Galileo]].]]

* [[spoiler:After delivering the child of Crown Prince Dara and saving his wife's life in a CrowningMomentOfAwesome,]] Shah Jahan promises Priscilla Totman her weight in silver. She laughs it off... then is summoned to court in the next chapter where Shah Jahan has set up an enormous scale.

* Don Francisco Nasi and Mike Stearns cannot find a qualified merchant to send on a mission to Mughal India for saltpeter and opium. So they opt to send the Frenchman Gervais- ''con man''.

* Most of Florence's stress comes from trying to find a particular type of Ram to continue breeding ewes that make fine wool. Her only breeding Ram that survived the Ring of Fire is an ornery creature with terrible wool of his own that will ruin the pedigree of her flock. It's named "Brillo".

*** The U.S.E Nobles, meanwhile, fund ''a full ballet production'' about Brillo's MemeticMolester antics. Princess Kristina becomes obsessed with Brillo Ballet collectibles.
* The N.U.S. is confronted with a CitadelCity that has never been taken by Protestants or Catholics, fortified and staffed with hardy militia. The Grantville solution to a problem that couldn't be solved by Gustavus Adolphus? The army eats up the entire budget of the public works department to build a modern highway going around it.
** The highway is so attractive to locals that all traffic stops going into the city. The General launches a sortie out the gates after its completion to try and force a battle. Grantville repels him, and he finds the gates locked behind. And all the women in the town dump the boiling water from their laundry on his soldiers.

->'''John:''' What, like leather and shit?"

* Sharon Stone threatening Ruy Sanchez and the ambassador of the Spanish Netherlands (also a Catholic Bishop) with a [[AssShove prostate exam.]]

[[folder:1634: The Galileo Affair]]
* The Catholic priests of Grantville composing a letter to the Papacy to summarize the evolution of Catholic doctrine over three hundred years... And one of them including ''ComicBook/ChickTracts''.
* Ruy Sanchez' relentless romantic pursuit of Sharon Nichols. The man is as mad as Don Quixote, but is still a ChivalrousPervert.
* The Stone children find out that Father Mazzare is summoned by the Holy Inquisition to Rome. They begin helping the Venetian CoC plot to dynamite their way into the trial of Galileo and rescue him and Father Mazzare from the clutches of the Inquisitors. [[spoiler: They aren't present when Mazzare explains before leaving that this isn't the ''Spanish'' Inquisition, but the ''Roman'' one. No torture here- it's all courtroom debate. And Mazzare ''wants'' to go as [[CrowningMomentOfAwesome he's been summoned to defend Galileo]].]]
* The Inquisition places a bounty on copies of Galileo's treatise, paying for every copy turned in by the public. [[RefugeInAudacity The Venetians begin printing the book in bulk and turning them in to the Church- often before the ink is dry.]]
[[/folder]]

-> Strand: "He did not appear to be in bondage."
-> John: "What, like leather and shit?"
-> Strand: "No. Like slavery. Though what you mean by leather and feces, I'm afraid I don't understand."

-> Monique: "Someone's a Libra!"

** One of the boys asks an old woman where he can buy potatoes for the project and is promptly beaten senseless by her.[[note]]Turns out 17th Century Germans considered potatoes a demonic aphrodisiac. He basically walked up to an old lady and said "Hail Satan! Do you have any Viagra?"[[/note]]