History Funny / Rome

8th Aug '16 4:25:32 AM TrickDirt
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* Dark example, when [[TheSociopath Octavius]] ([[EnfantTerrible age about 14]]) takes over Pullo's interrogation and torture of Evander.

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* Dark example, when [[TheSociopath Octavius]] Octavian]] ([[EnfantTerrible age about 14]]) takes over Pullo's interrogation and torture of Evander.
24th Jul '16 3:42:38 AM JackG
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* Antony is given a strict budget to recover Caesar's eagle. Half a talent. When he debriefs Vorenus on the mission, Antony steals half of it without a second thought, and meassures the weight of the money bag with his hand to make sure he's being rapacious enough.

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* Antony is given a strict budget to recover Caesar's eagle. Half a talent. When he debriefs briefs Vorenus on the mission, Antony steals half of it without a second thought, and meassures the weight of the money bag with his hand to make sure he's being rapacious enough.
13th Jul '16 6:56:19 AM Pallo
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* It's a recurrent line of his, but Antony's expression and delivery when Octavian confirms that he's already borrowed three million sestertii to give to plebs makes that particular instance stand out.

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* It's a recurrent line of his, but Antony's expression and delivery when Octavian confirms that he's already borrowed three million sestertii to give to plebs makes that particular the following instance stand out.out:
12th Jul '16 6:59:21 PM Pallo
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-->'''Antony:''' [baffled] On Juno's... CUNT!

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-->'''Antony:''' [baffled] ''[baffled]'' On Juno's... CUNT!
12th Jul '16 6:57:43 PM Pallo
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* There's something primally amusing about Vorenus reducing the statuette of Concord to woodchip and then verbally dissing her.
-->'''Vorenus:''' I am a son of Hades! I fuck Concord in her arse!
* It's a recurrent line of his, but Antony's expression and delivery when Octavian confirms that he's already borrowed three million sestertii to give to plebs makes that particular instance stand out.
-->'''Antony:''' [baffled] On Juno's... CUNT!
18th Jan '16 2:21:55 PM outlander2012
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-->'''Cicero''': ''[moving to leave]'' [[BlantantLies A pleasure as always]].

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-->'''Cicero''': ''[moving to leave]'' [[BlantantLies [[BlatantLies A pleasure as always]].
18th Jan '16 2:21:05 PM outlander2012
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-->'''Cicero''': ''[inspecting the paper]'' It appears to be a list of [[ArmyOfThievesAndWhores every dishonest rascal in the city]].
-->'''Antony''': Very droll. It is a list of next year's election candidates drawn up by our beloved Caesar just before he was taken from us. Posca found it amongst his papers.
-->'''Cicero''': Oh, ''another'' lucky find? [[ForgingTheWill You are prodigious, Posca]].
-->'''Antony''': I want ''your'' endorsement of the names. For the sake of unity, amity, etc, etc.
-->'''Cicero''': Isn't that just a little ''too'' brazen? Who would believe Caesar chose such wretches?
-->'''Antony''': Surely you don't think these men paid me to put their names on the list?
-->'''Cicero''': Not at all...I expect they paid ''Posca''.
-->'''Antony''': So? What's the problem?
-->'''Cicero''': My endorsement will be worthless. People will merely assume I've been intimidated by you.
-->'''Antony''': Are you not intimidated?
-->'''Cicero''': [[ImNotAfraidOfYou Not especially]]. [[RefugeInAudacity At present you cannot afford to kill me; you need me to run the Senate]].
-->'''Antony''': ''Today'' I need you. ''Tomorrow''...
-->'''Cicero''': Then tomorrow I shall worry. Today, [[BullyingADragon Today, I suggest you let me strike the worst scoundrels off this list, ''then'' I will endorse it]].
-->'''Antony''': ''[beaten] Fine''. Do as you like!
-->'''Cicero''': ''[moving to leave]'' [[BlantantLies A pleasure as always]].
18th Jan '16 2:09:08 PM outlander2012
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* Cicero could win a gold medal in SnarkToSnarkCombat. Consider the below exchange between himself and Mark Antony at Antony's office.
-->'''Mark Antony''': Why are you here?
-->'''Cicero''': ''You'' sent for me.
-->'''Antony''': Oh yes, that. Show him. ''[Posca hands Cicero a roll of paper]''

* Mark Antony and Posca counting the cost of losing the Battle of Mutina to Octavian
-->'''Mark Antony''': How many dead, all told?
-->'''Centurion''': 8000, give or take, sir.
-->'''Posca''': ''Eight thousand''?!
-->'''Mark Antony''': Oh do cheer up! ''You're'' still alive, aren't you?!
-->'''Posca''': I do hope so! If this is the afterlife, it is ''extremely'' disappointing!




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* On the other side of the battlefield, you have Brutus and Cassius engaging in some CasualDangerDialog as Brutus remembers that the date is Cassius's birthday and Cassius snarkily accepts his apology for forgetting the cake, making Brutus promise to make him an extra large one next year.
18th Jan '16 6:57:33 AM outlander2012
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--->Fine, fine. Merula, fetch that German slut from the kitchen.

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--->Fine, fine. Merula, fetch that German slut from the kitchen. ''[addressing the slaves fixing up her funeral attire]'' And get it right, or you'll be ''next'' for the King of Goats there!
** And this exchange between the two just beforehand:
-->'''Antony''': I've never fucked a woman in a funeral dress before.
-->'''Atia''': Nor shall you now.
-->'''Antony''': That's a shame. It'll have to be Merula then. ''[Merula starts in shock]'' Come here, old girl! Jump on!
-->'''Atia''': She'd eat you alive!
10th Jan '16 10:34:41 PM damus2300
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* The news reader noticing no one's listening to him because of the curfew he just announced.
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http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/article_history.php?article=Funny.Rome