History Funny / RifftraxShortsAndLiveShows

Funny moments from the Podcast/RiffTrax of short subjects and live Rifftrax shows.
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[[folder:Shorts]]

[[AC: Aesop's Sound Fables: Frozen Frolics]]
* "Yes. The can-can barked by dogs. That makes sense. In a window paney, Series/TwinPeaks-y kinda way."
* The realization that the two tramp like leads and the... "dogs" pulling their sled are apparently the same species leads Kevin to declare the short set in a "dark world of slave labour". Soon after, when the driver whips the team, Bill suggests he'll be hearing from PETA.
-->'''Kevin:''' Yeah, but since he's sorta an animal himself, we may be in murky territory.\\
'''Mike:''' In fact, Bill, PETA may denounce you for harassing him.
* Kevin stealing Bill's "I am the Walrus" joke.
* "Aesop's Fables: Very true to the source materials, so as to avoid angering the online Aesop fanboys."
* After Kevin introduces a seal as... well, Seal, Bill breaks out into a rendition of "Kiss from a Rose" to the tune of the short's soundtrack that the gang at ''Radio/ImSorryIHaventAClue'' wouldn't scoff at.
* They turn the two leads into a father leading his son on a death march to the North Pole.
-->'''Mike:''' Dad's mourning looks a little too similar to pondering which limb to eat first.

[[AC:Aqua Frolics]]
* The moment when the short just ''[[NoEnding stops]]'' with no warning.
-->'''Bill:''' Eh? Wha-- Hey!

[[AC:At Your Fingertips: Boxes]]
*
-->'''Bill:''' Forget playing stickball, Timmy, slap on another coat of FUCHSIA!!!\\
'''Kevin:''' Oh yes!

[[AC:At Your Fingertips: Cylinders]]
* "This is a planetarium." "IS IT?!" This was one of the riffs that brought the house down at the ''Manos'' live show.
* [[WesternAnimation/{{Futurama}} "Bite my shiny cardboard ass!"]]
** "Why did you give me a fear of heights?!"

[[AC:At Your Fingertips: Grass]]
* "IS CORN GRASS?" and "IS BAMBOO CORN?" The question is never actually answered.
** At later live shows, you'll find humorous facts shown on the screen before the show. One of them confirms that corn '''is''', in fact, grass.
* The terrified reaction to the clay doll.
-->'''Mike:''' '''WHAT AM I?!?!'''
* Kevin running around on stage in a grass headdress and bowing to the kids in the grass masks. Later, he tries to pawn the headdress off to the other riffers. It doesn't work.
* The whole thing is so bizarre and hysterical that it is one of the best shorts they've ever riffed on.
* The entire ending when the riffers give into the madness and start chanting and gibbering to the music

[[AC:Batman Takes Over]]
* Right off the, ah, 'bat' they note that Batman drives a perfectly ordinary car in this version:
-->'''Mike:''' And off we go in the Batmob...wait, what?\\
'''Bill:''' Yeah, the Batmobile's in the shop, but hey; this loaner four-door Ford gets great mileage. And it's black... actually it's maroon, but-but you can't tell! Loaner away!
* "I'll just go and see if he's [[FreudianSlip Batman.]] IN! I'll go see if he's ''in''!"
* On Vicki Vale: "You know, Superman should get a reporter girlfriend whose last name starts with the same letter as her first name."
* When the Wizard, a cloaked, masked villain, is first identified.
--> '''Henchman:''' The Wizard!\\
'''Bill:''' They call him that because of his wizard ha-- magic wa-- his ''ski mask'', because of his ''ski mask.''
* The Wizard's chilling, evil catch phrase: "Being sorry is stupid!"
* There's a few running gags for the Batman serials, most of which originate with this one:
** A rarely-seen but often-mentioned henchman named Gabe, whom the riffers treat like their favorite character
** The consistent depiction of Gotham City as extremely rural and sparsely populated
** The Wizard not being remotely wizard-like
** Batman's incompetence and flabby physique
** Robin's age, as he appears to be maybe three years younger than Batman

[[AC:Batman: Tunnel of Terror]]
* During the credits.
-->'''Bill (as Batman):''' Jeez, don't you ''ever'' shut up? ''ComicBook/ADeathInTheFamily'' can't come soon enough!

[[AC:Batman: Robin's Wild Ride]]
* The outrage at the end of the short for the [[NonindicativeName Non-Indicative Title]]:
-->'''Kevin:''' '''''WHAT PART''''' was "Robin's Wild Ride"?!\\
'''Bill:''' '''''THE GENTLE TURN?!'''''
* After his thugs return with the explosive they stole from the train, the Wizard berates them for not getting the "special detonators," which he had not said a word about:
--> '''Bill:''' Also you could have mentioned that THERE WERE TWO F***ING BOXES!
* Kevin as Robin:
--> '''Kevin:''' You know, I'm really starting to regret dropping out of vocational school to become your fake-o son; you make run around wearing embarrassing underpants and I get beat up a ''lot.''\\
'''Mike (as Batman):''' That's it; I'm selling you to the Penguin.

[[AC: Batman Trapped!]]
* We start on what is perhaps the best riffs about the serial's intro:
-->'''Mike:''' The World's Greatest Detective and the Boy Wonder continue work on their latest caper: "Who Turned Out the Lights On the Sound Stage? Come On, Guys, Seriously! We're Still in Here!"
** And then:
--->'''Kevin:''' Batman and Robin sit in silence, both struggling to ignore the fact that a school bus full of children pointed and laughed and called them "panty wastes" at a stop light just moments ago.
* The mooks knock out Robin without much fuss:
-->'''Mook:''' Put him in the back. Let's out of here!\\
'''Kevin:''' Before a really intimidating hero shows up, like [[ComicBook/{{Aquaman}} Aqualad]] or [[Franchise/SpiderMan Aunt May.]]
* The mooks arrive at the cabin
-->'''Mook:''' Bring the boy inside.\\
'''Bill (as other Mook):''' You mean the guy [[DawsonCasting roughly the same age as us, possibly older]]?
* Batman struggles over several scenes to climb a cliff-side:
-->'''Kevin:''' ''(exasperated)'' His climb out of [[Film/TheDarkKnightRises Bane's hell-pit]] didn't take this long!
** As Batman finally reaches the top:
--->'''Bill (as Batman):''' ''(gasps)'' Yeah, who needs superpowers? Perfect physical specimen... ''(groans)'' Oh, god!
* The Wizard attempts to interrogate Harrison via hypnosis:
-->'''The Wizard:''' Watch my eyes!\\
'''Bill (as the Wizard):''' If you don't, my hypnosis will be utterly ineffective! ...So kindly do as I say?

[[AC:Batman: Robin Rescues Batman]]
* Once again, [[NonindicativeName at no point does Robin actually rescue Batman]]. The crew doesn't fail to notice this.
* The RunningGag about how the narrator says "ruse" at the beginning (he pronounces it as rhyming with "goose" -- you'd almost think he'd never seen that word before he was handed the script).[[note]]To be fair, "roos" is an acceptable, if now-archaic, way to pronounce it.[[/note]]
* Upon seeing the title:
-->'''Mike:''' The prequel to "Batman Retires in Shame".
* The mooks spots Robin lurking in the hallway:
-->'''Mook:''' Look!\\
'''Bill (as mook):''' A lightly repressed pervert!
* The lameness of this version of the Batman costume is often commented upon, but this one takes the cake:
-->'''Batman:''' Watch him!\\
'''Bill (as Batman):''' 'Cause I can't. I can't see a damn thing with this *beep*ing mask on!
** Which is especially helped by Batman's actor often tilting his head noticeably back throughout the series, presumably because he has problems seeing out of the mask otherwise.

[[AC:Batman: Target Robin]]
* The Wizard's plan to trap Batman reminds Bill of the previous episode "Batman Trapped", and how in said episode [[NonIndicativeName Batman never got trapped]].
-->'''Bill:''' Doesn't make much sense, but I'm the Wizard.
* Commissioner Gordon tells Batman about a bad guy who talked in custody
-->'''Gordon:''' He's just named the next location where his Remote Control Gang will strike.\\
'''Bill:''' It's the Museum of Lame Gang Names.
* The narration at the end:
-->'''Narrator:''' What sinister use does the Wizard plan to make of the remote control machine?\\
'''Kevin:''' Uh, ''stealing''? He's been using it to ''steal''.

[[AC:Batman: The Fatal Blast]]
* Bill is ''still'' not over how [[NonIndicativeName unlike a wizard the Wizard is]].
-->''(the Wizard enters his secret hideout)''
'''Bill (as the Wizard):''' Now, time for some sinister, wizardly black magi-- ''or'' more tinkering with this machine.
* On that note, immediately after the above riff, Mike comes to a startling realization
-->'''Mike:''' Is the Wizard under house arrest, has he ''ever'' left this room?
* A lone henchman rigs a trap for Batman. It's a really tiny box that we're supposed to believe houses a bomb (and the "fatal blast" mentioned in the title).
-->'''Mike (as Henchman):''' Once this spring-loaded jewelry box goes off, there's no way Batman will refuse my proposal!
* Batman escapes from a gas-filled room by pulling an acetylene torch out of his pocket:
-->'''Kevin:''' He carries an acetylene torch in his belt?! That is a man's man!\\
'''Mike:''' Where does he get his gas? I immediately regret asking.
* Batman and another guy are trapped in a cabin:
-->'''Batman:''' You stay here. I'll go check on Robin.\\
''(opens the door, gets shot at)''\\
'''Bill (as Batman):''' You know, on second thought, '''*Bleep*''' Robin.

[[AC:Batman: The Wizard Strikes Back]]
*
-->'''Mike:''' Batman and Robin: they can do anything Franchise/{{Superman}} can do... When Superman wears his Kryptonite pants.
* During a fight scene:
-->'''Mike (as mook):''' [[AndThisIsFor This is for]] ''Film/BatmanForever''!
** Later:
--->'''Bill (as mook):''' And this is for JimCarrey as TheRiddler!

[[AC:Beginning Responsibility: Broken Bookshop]]
* As one of the books is recounting how she got ruined:
-->'''Book:''' It was awful... ''awful!''\\
'''Bill:''' Why did you make me talk about this? THIS IS WHY I DRINK!
* After one of the books tries to escape into the box that is being carried out:
-->'''Book:''' There's a book in the box that isn't fixed yet!\\
'''Kevin:''' '''GET HIM!!!!'''
* As one of the books is talking about how nervous it was being handled by a little girl:
-->'''Book:''' But I was worried.\\
'''Kevin:''' ''(demonic voice)'' YOU SHOULD BE.
* After one particularly androgynous child is identified as a "she":
-->'''Bill:''' ''(incredulous)'' ''She?''


[[AC:Beginning Responsibility: Taking Care of Your Own Things]]
-->'''Pillow:''' You see, Reggie? We are not happy.\\
'''Bill:''' And when we're not happy, people ''die,'' Reggie, people ''die''!
* Not long after:
-->'''Pillow:''' If you don't change your ways…
'''Kevin:''' We'll eat your ''heart''!
* "Aww, isn't that cute, they expect us to believe Reggie comprehends chess."
** "Reggie strongly believes that rooks are the best-tasting chess piece."
** "No problem, harder checkers!"
-->'''Bill''': Horace was already bitter from being named "Horace".
* "Crudgy!"
* At the end of the short:
-->'''Bed:''' Remember Reggie; don't tell anyone about us.\\
''(roughly ten seconds later)''\\
'''Reggie's Dad:''' ''(sarcastic/amazed)'' I think the toys put themselves away and the bed made itself!\\
'''Mike:''' I said to keep your mouth shut, you cross-eyed little toad!
* "Record's stuck..."
* "Reggie's a cross between [[TheSimpsons Ralph Wiggum and Milhouse]]."
* When Reggie puts a ruined book away:
-->'''Book:''' You'd better put me away or I'll snitch on you, you stinker!\\
'''Bill:''' I haven't had a book threaten me since ''Dear Mr. Henshaw'' said it was going to kill my dog.
*
-->'''Horace:''' ''(angrily throwing the football down)'' I'm going home!\\
'''Kevin:''' Finding a dead cat in the ''TabletopGame/{{Parcheesi}}'' box was the last straw!

[[AC:The Calendar - How To Use It]]
-->'''Bill:''' [[CampGay Mind if I dial up the gay?]]
* The "music" by the Scott Baio {{Expy}}.
-->'''Bill:''' This guy could instantly win a "Make Everyone Hate You" competition.\\
'''Kevin:''' Lord, this is making me actually miss ''High School Musical''.\\
'''Mike:''' You know, because of him, I now hate ''time itself''.
* The moment when [[YourHeadAsplode Mike, Kevin and Bill's heads exploded]] at the sheer ''ingenuity'' of the calendar.
-->'''Narrator:''' Due to the untimely deaths of Mike Nelson, Bill Corbett and Kevin Murphy, Rifftrax has been canceled. We apologize for the inconvenience, and we blame the calendar.

[[AC:The Case of Tommy Tucker]]
-->'''Bill''': CAN'T MY HUGE FEATHER HELP IN ANY WAY?????
* The opening playlet:
-->'''Bill:''' Gah!!!\\
'''Mike:''' ''[[Film/TheWickerMan Wicker Man: The Musical]]!''\\
'''Kevin:''' ''(to the tune of "Hooray for Hollywood")'' Not the bees! Not, not, not the bee-EEE-eees!"
* Repeated speculations that the protagonist has actually been sent to Hell and doesn't realize it.

[[AC:Christmas Dream]]
*
-->'''Kevin''': '''I'M COMING FOR YOU!!!'''
* As the rag doll is blowing away some paper with an electric fan:
-->'''Kevin''': Oh no, my manuscript about [[Literature/{{Twilight}} a sparkly boy vampire and the dull girl obsessed with him]].

[[AC:Christmas Rhapsody]]
* Kevin combining "Angels We Have Heard on High" with "Poker Face" by Music/LadyGaga.
* The running gag involving the tree constantly referring itself as being "small and of no account", to the point that Mike, Kevin, and Bill keep referencing it in the other Xmas shorts that they've riffed.
** "I can't deposit money at the bank. Why? [[{{Pun}} No account]]."

[[AC:Christmas Toyshop]]
* The gang's reactions to the clumsy father.
-->'''Kevin''': Oh, [[ComicStrip/{{Blondie}} Dagwood!]]\\
'''Mike''': Is dad a retired [[Film/TheThreeStooges Stooge?]]\\
'''Bill''': Dear god, did he have his spinal cord removed? What the hell's wrong with him?!

[[AC:A Circus Wakes Up]]
* The gang can't decide if one spangly-dressed male performer is "the ugliest woman in the circus" or Music/DavidBowie -- or both! (This joke is even funnier for those who have seen the video for "Ashes to Ashes".)
* The guy in a zebra costume.

[[AC:Clean and Neat with Harv and Marv]]
* When the duo suddenly materialize on the screen:
-->'''Kevin:''' No... ''no''.... HARV AND MARV?!\\
'''Bill:''' But we killed you! WE THOUGHT YOU WERE DEAD!
* Then:
-->'''Kevin:''' ''(giggling stupidly as Marv)'' Aneurysms tickle!
* The revelation that Harv and Marv aren't even human:
-->'''Marv:''' I wish I were a real human so I could do that.\\
'''Harv:''' A real human? You wouldn't like it!\\
'''Mike:''' You're much better of as a... Oh, God, Marv! What the hell ''are'' we?!
** Then:
--->'''Kevin:''' Existential Crisis with Harv and Marv!

[[AC:The Clean Club]]
* Repeated reference to the many [[FamilyUnfriendlyAesop family unfriendly aesops]] in the short, including "If you don't clean your room, it'll eventually take care of itself" and "Every time you wash, you massacre anthropomorphic talking germs."
* Even if the guys didn't even mention this, this entire short is crazy when you realize it was made in 1990! (One kid did have a Stay Puff Marshmallow Man toy that at least dates it to sometime after 1984) Even more crazy is that voice acting giant COREY FREAKING BURTON was in this nightmare! It makes one think if he's ashamed of doing this or even remembering it.
* This exchange:
-->'''Girl:''' Maybe that's why my hair itches so much.\\
'''Mike:''' No, that's early on-set schizophrenia. There are bugs in your brain and they want out.

[[AC:Coffeehouse Rendezvous]]
* "I harmonize badly!", featuring some HollywoodToneDeaf turns from the guys.
* The obviously stoned students being interviewed at various points.
* The ending segment with the church coffeehouse, ending with a bunch of kids filing ''out'' of the place while the narrators go on and on about how popular coffeehouses are.
*
-->''(dark blond kid gets interviewed)''\\
'''Kevin:''' Mike, is that ''you''?\\
''(round-faced goofy girl with glasses and braces gets interviewed)''\\
'''Mike:''' Kevin, is that '''''you'''''?!\\
''(a very familiar looking boy with glasses and receding hairline gets interviewed)''\\
'''Bill:''' Yes, that's me. Just to save time.\\
'''Kevin:''' I wasn't even going to ask.

[[AC:Cooking Terms]]
-->'''Narrator''': Cream the butter? Better get the cream!\\
'''Bill''': This narrator seems deeply invested in her failure.\\
'''Narrator''': That's right. Pour it in! The recipe says cream the butter so put in lots of cream!\\
'''Kevin''': That's right. Ruin the cake! Just like every woman I've ever known has RUINED MY LIFE!
*
-->'''Narrator:''' To cream butter merely means to work it with an instrument until it becomes soft and smooth.\\
'''Bill:''' Now is that clear or would you like to douse it in cream again, you empty-headed bint?!
* During the jelly demonstration, the narrator mentions the "sheet from the spoon" test, which [[{{Mondegreen}} the guys hear]] as the "sheep from a spoon test".
-->'''Bill:''' ''(barely containing his laughter)'' You'll need an adult sheep!
*
-->'''Narrator:''' Almost all bread and roll recipes call for "kneading the dough."\\
'''Bill:''' And ever since I discovered the dog-track, I've been "needing the dough!" ''(beat)'' Seriously, I think these guys are gonna kill me.
* After another of the Narrator's patronizing explanations
-->'''Narrator:''' To boil is to heat the water until bubbles form.\\
'''Kevin (as Narrator):''' Water is a transparent odorless tasteless substance...
** Just before that:
--->'''Mike:''' Should someone who doesn't know what "boil" means even be allowed near an open flame?

[[AC:Cops - Who Needs Them?]]
* "Just don't sit on the DRUG-SNIFFING HAMSTER!" ''Wheeeeee!''
* Rifftrax's new favorite character, Frank!
** "What Frank?"

[[AC:Cork Crashes And Curiosities]]
* The increasingly ridiculous Irish Accents used by the trio
* As racing cars are unloaded from the docks after the narrator notes how only rich countries like Ireland can afford to host racing
--> '''Mike''': ''(cheerfully in a fake Irish accent)'' Anyway we did that instead of [[TakeThat fighting World War Two]]... [[BilingualBonus Erin Go Bragh!]]
* The RunningGag revolving around the mysterious "Irish Sweep" billboards that are repeatedly seen:
-->'''Mike:''' I'm getting a sudden urge for an Irish Sweep, I hope that's not anything dirty.\\
'''Kevin:''' [[CreepyMonotone IRISH SWEEP! MUST BUY UNKNOWN PRODUCT OF INDETERMINATE PURPOSE NAMED IRISH SWEEP!]]\\
'''Kevin:''' EH LOOK AT EM GO!\\
'''Bill:''' ALL RIGHT FOR RACING!\\
'''Mike:''' [[SoylentGreen IRISH SWEEP IS MADE OUT OF PEOPLE!!]]

[[AC:County Fair]]
* Given that it's another short by the company behind the ''At Your Fingertips'' series, the whole short is one.
* "A game is a thing [[ShapedLikeItself that is a thing!]]"
* Kevin suddenly singing Music/{{Friday}} to the tune of the short's song, much to the other's unease.
* Bill's ad-libbing the song at the end of the short
-->'''Bill:''' ''(singing)'' Welcome the chilly embrace of my Death! Slipping off into the voooooiiid...\\
'''Kevin:''' ''(highly disturbed)'' Wow.\\
'''Bill:''' ''(still singing)'' Slipping off into the voooooiiid...\\
'''Kevin:''' ''(concerned)'' Bill? BILL! COME BACK BILL!!!\\
'''Bill:''' ''(still singing)'' Slipping off into the voooooiiid...\\
'''Mike:''' ''(tearfully)'' Its too late... we've lost him for good this time!\\
'''Kevin:''' NO BILL! OH GOD BILL AAAARRARGGGHH '''BIIIILLLLLL!!!!!'''\\
'''Bill:''' ''(still singing)'' Slipping off into the voooooiiid...
* This bit, with extra points for Bill's painful attempts to keep it in the meter of the song:
-->'''Narrator:''' A circle is a shape you know, and a circle is always round.\\
'''Bill:''' Except sometimes when a conic section is viewed in a two-dimensional orthographic projection... ({{Beat}}) EVERYBODY!!! (music changes key immediately after)
* "The ferris wheel goes around and around, around and around like the merry-go-round. It falls to the ground with a hideous sound, and the bodies are tumbling down, down, down..."
* The riffers debating whether the merry-go-round goes "around and around" or "straight as an arrow".
-->'''Kevin:''' ''(upon seeing the merry-go-round)'' Is that the thing that goes around and around?
'''Mike:''' Nope. Straight as an arrow. Name's throwing you off.\\
'''Singer:''' The merry-go-round goes around and around...\\
'''Kevin:''' But they're saying it in the song. Around and around—\\
'''Mike:''' Hey! Who are you gonna believe? Me or your lying eyes and lying ears?

[[AC:Courtesy: A Good Egg-sample]]
* The guys interpret the short as the work of ''Batman'' villain Egghead that got out of control:
-->'''Bill (as producer):''' I mean, we ordered up a thing for kids about courtesy, and this is just a bunch of crap about eggs!
* When Benedict falls off the slide and cracks open, the guys cheer for his death.
-->'''Kevin:''' Fry him up so we can feast on his innards!
* The egg infirmary is labelled "Egg-firmary".
-->'''Mike:''' Oh, come on, they're not even trying!\\
'''Bill:''' So you're saying they don't get an A for ''eggfort''?\\
'''Kevin:''' Or an ''egg'' for eggfort?\\
'''Bill:''' Or an egg egg eggy egg egg egg...\\
'''Kevin:''' ''(joining in)'' Egg egg egg egg egg...?
* The guys portray post-injury Benedict as brain-damaged:
-->'''Bill (as Benedict):''' Creator/JeffDunham [[TakeThat is very funny!]]
* "Stop having the same voice as me!"

[[AC:Courtesy Counts A Lot!]]
* Randomly saying "Courtesy" during situations that have nothing to do with courtesy at all.
* "Cartoon Steve Urkel in a hot-air balloon"
* Kevin's freakout over the birthday scene.
-->'''Bill:''' What IS that? Why does it have an omelet around its neck?\\
'''Kevin:''' ''(calmly)'' Guys, just a heads up, I'm gonna start screaming like I'm being murdered now, and probably for several days.\\
'''Mike:''' Yeah, I understand.\\
'''Bill:''' Oh, sure.\\
'''Kevin:''' OK. Here we go. ''(clears throat)'' AAAAGGHH OH MY GOD!! WHAT UNHOLY ABOMINATION WAS THAT?! OH MY LORD IT'S THE MOST HORRIBLE THING I'VE EVER-- AAHH THERE IT IS AGAIN!!! AAAHH MY GOD WHAT IN HELL IS THAT THING?! OOOH THE DEMONS ARE COMING THEY'RE SUCKING MY SOUL OUT OF MY BODY!!! AAAH SWEET GOD MERCIFUL...!!!\\
'''Bill:''' K-Kevin? Kevin. Kevin... it's gone now. It stole all the joy from the souls of every man before it left, but it ''is'' gone.\\
'''Kevin:''' ''(weakly)'' Thank you...
* The clown walking around scene:
-->'''Bill:''' Ah! Fresh NightmareFuel. I was starting to get low.

[[AC:The Creeps Machine]]
* As the camera closes on on a hole with chewing, serrated metal jaws:
-->'''Narrator:''' I can take you through some of its doors and windows, and we will see how the Creeps Machine works.\\
'''Mike:''' ''(creepy voice}'' Just don't stick your wiener in there...\\
'''Kevin:''' Wasn't going to.\\
'''Mike:''' Trust me.\\
'''Kevin:''' I do!\\
'''Mike:''' It may ''seem'' like a good idea...\\
'''Kevin:''' It really didn't.\\
'''Mike:''' ...But there could be drastic downsides!\\
'''Kevin:''' Eh, you don't have to elaborate.
* The RunningGag about "old Bobo" (a Jack in the Box clown) as a demonic MonsterClown.


[[AC:Danger Keep Out]]
* Repeated jokes about the way the foreman changes from clay to human and than back again:
-->'''Mike:''' I guess my prayers to that evil wizard worked!
* While Christine and Mario lie injured in the construction site, we cut to the foreman:
-->'''Bill:''' Damn, these blueprints call for the blood offering of two innocents! Now where am I going to find those?
* The end, where Bill has a horrible accident on the way out of the studio.

[[AC:Don't Be A Bloody Idiot]]
* This is an Australian short about safety when hunting/hiking/camping out in the Bush. The guys however, interpret "the bush" as something...dirtier, and their reactions to anything that could be even remotely suggestive are the funniest parts of the short.
-->'''Kevin:''' ''(after the short shows several newspaper clippings about people who've died out in the bush)'' I'm taking a vow of celibacy!
** Later:
--->'''Bill:''' Ah, "When They Go Bush", the book penned by Lou Diamond Phillips when his wife left him for Melissa Etheridge.
** Then:
--->'''Bill:''' Don't try to classen up your filth by attaching the word "saga" to it.[[note]]Also easily seen as a TakeThat against ''The Twilight Saga''.[[/note]]
* Also, when the host of the short starts naming several important items to take when camping, the guys are anxious for him to mention a ''particular'' essential cutting implement. When he finally gets to it...
-->'''Host:''' ''(picking up a small Swiss Army knife)'' ...a knife...\\
'''Mike:''' What...What?! [[Film/CrocodileDundee That's a knife?!]] Make up your mind, Australia!\\
'''Bill:''' So inconsistent!
* And Bill's allusion to a NoodleIncident, triggered by the scene of the two weekenders setting up camp:
-->'''Bill:''' Y-y'know, this reminds me, ''' very ''[[BerserkButton VERY]] [[NoIndoorVoice MUCH,]]''''' of my honeymoon.\\
'''Mike:''' Bill...?\\
'''Bill:''' I loved it!\\
'''Kevin:''' And your wife?\\
'''Bill:''' She loved it too!\\
''(A moment or two later, a shot of the wife frying hot dogs in a pan, while the husband sits around drinking beer)''\\
'''Kevin:''' Still remind you of your honeymoon?\\
'''Bill:''' ''Even'' more so!
*
-->'''Narrator:''' And be sure to bring plenty of tucker[[note]]"Tucker" is Australian slang for a food bag.[[/note]].\\
'''Kevin:''' We should bring the movie ''[[Film/TuckerTheManAndHisDream Tucker]]''? Why?!\\
'''Bill:''' [[TitleDrop A man and his dream!]]\\
*
-->'''Mike:''' Man, these people are ''[[{{Pun}} in tents]]''[[note]]intense, geddit?[[/note]]!\\
''(Kevin groans)''\\
'''Bill:''' ''(softly)'' Go ''straight'' to hell, Mike.

[[AC:Down and Out]]
* When there's an unfortunate close-up of the characters crotch, framed by a harness:
-->'''Mike:''' [[BrainBleach GAH!]]\\
'''Kevin:''' Speaking of "down and out"!\\
'''Mike:''' Maybe he's just a stashing a piece of sidewalk chalk!
* Bill finally gets enough of the heavy-handedness of the short.
-->'''Bill:''' Wear a helmet and facemask '''AT ALL TIMES!!!'''
** Then, when the short advises wearing a belt:
--->'''Mike:''' I don't wear a belt.\\
'''Bill:''' ''(darkly)'' You're a dead man.
* Finally, Bill lays out the consequence of not following safe procedure:
-->'''Bill:''' You'll be stuffed into a jumpsuit, given brown dress shoes and a bad haircut and be forced to stumble around like [[Film/LifeIsBeautiful Roberto Benigni]]!
* After the man in the film fails to land after a short jump:
-->'''Mike:''' Aaah! I forgot how my body works and what gravity is for and where I am in space!

[[AC:Drawing For Beginners - The Rectangle]]
* The constant jokes about the extremely basic subject matter. "Wait, I haven't seen how ''paper'' works!"
* When drawing a little boy looking out a window to see it's raining oddly-shaped raindrops: "It's raining nooses! The universe is telling Willy to stop being a wuss and go for it!"
* "We need a more rudimentary film!"
* Mike turning the short into SeriousBusiness:
-->'''Mike:''' And you can ''burn in Hell'' if you think this problem can't be solved with a rectangle. ''({{beat}})'' In Hell.
* "Pitch for the home team" is an euphemism for an act ''so filthy'' we can't even tell you what ''letter'' in begins with!"
* "Now for a real challenge, we're going to draw a brick!"

[[AC:Drugs Are Like That]]
* The entire damn {{Anvilicious}} short.
* Bill turning the opening song into a cereal commercial while a montage of drugs cascades down.
-->'''Mike:''' What are you going to teach two kids who keep an entire Lego box ''filled'' with drugs?\\
'''Bill:''' Maybe how to hide them better?
** During the mixed drugs-toys montage:
--->'''Narrator:''' ''(singing)'' Drugs are like that too...\\
'''Kevin:''' ''(singing along)'' Drugs are like your toys.
* All the jokes about the extreme lack of attention either child seems to be paying to their conversation.
** "They oughta check their house for carbon monoxide!"
** "What's a crack? Is it a baby?" "A ''what?''" "A baby!" "What baby?!"
*** "What in God's holy name is a ''baby?!''"
** "Why don't you LISTEN, you ''bonehead!''"
** Thousands died that day, and around the globe, people asked the same questions: "WHAT? WHADDYA MEAN? WHAT'S THAT?"
* Bill and Kevin trying to get out of watching the short, Mike forcing them to stay. It's reminiscent of the ''Hobgoblins'' episode of [[Series/MysteryScienceTheater3000 MST3K.]]
* Bill acting like a junkie freaking out during the part where the baby drops his pacifier.
* "Glenn Campbell! Creator/EwanMcGregor! Strom Thurmond!"
** "Gloria Steinem! Janet Reno! Strom Thurmond!"
* Their attacks at the end on the narrator Anita Bryant, most famous for hawking orange juice and being severely homophobic.

[[AC:Emotional Maturity: Act Your Age]]
* This:
-->'''Principal Mustache:''' You already know what to do about the desk, Jimmy.\\
'''Bill:''' Hope it ''[[AssShove fits]]'' [[AssShove up there]].\\
*
-->'''Principal Mustache:''' I hear you have a very unusual pencil.\\
'''Mike:''' [[GettingCrapPastTheRadar It curves quite a bit to the left!]]
** Then:
--->'''Principal Mustache:''' May I see it?\\
'''Bill:''' If you promise not to take any pictures.

[[AC:Families: Earning and Spending]]
* In a case of perfect timing, there's a RunningGag about tentacle hentai during the segments about a Japanese family. Kevin berates Bill for the joke... then cut to a display playing a commercial featuring an octopus in a microwave. Kevin officially gives up.

[[AC:Families: Food and Eating]]
* RunningGag about the Mexican family's haphazard eating schedule.
-->'''Candida:''' ''(narration)'' We usually eat at my grandparents' house. My mother eats later, when my father comes home from work.
'''Kevin:''' We're totally winging it schedule-wise until someone invents iCalendar.
* Then:
--> '''Candida:''' ''(narration)'' Grandmother will eat her dinner later, after everyone else has eaten.\\
'''Mike:''' This is getting awfully haphazard.\\
'''Bill:''' Grandpa starts eating before everyone, then stops halfway through, and only resumes later that night when we've all gone to bed.
* [[BrickJoke Bricked]] later, with the Japanese family:
-->'''Hiroyuki:''' (narration) My father works late, so he doesn't eat dinner with us.\\
'''Bill:''' He eats with the Mexican grandmother.

[[AC:Family Teamwork]]
* After the first kid learns he won't get the vacation he wanted.
-->'''Kid:''' All I could think about was all of the fun I was going to miss out on. And then something funny happened: I stopped thinking about me and I started to think about how disappointed the whole family must be.\\
'''Bill (as kid):''' Their depression really picked me up!
* "I AM BECOME DEATH!"

[[AC:Flying Stewardess]]
* "The captain thanks you for keeping the plane [[Film/SnakesOnAPlane snake-free]]."
* "Hi, I'm Bob Executive. Which way is business?"
* One joke made better by the live riff: the frequent jokes at the expense of Ft. Worth, Texas were followed by "Sorry, Ft. Worth" once they realized that people there were watching it live.

[[AC:Get That Job]]
* On the look of one recruiter.
-->'''Kevin:''' Being the black Colonel Sanders keeps him very busy.
*
-->'''Job Seeker:''' One of the hardest part of writing a resume was putting down my job objective.\\
'''Kevin:''' Ginger walrus!
* Mike's reaction to the narrator explaining that, to learn how to write a resume, he simply went to the library and looked up a book on the subject:
-->'''Mike:''' "A lot of these shorts should just be titled "Go Get a Book."

[[AC:Good Eating Habits]]
-->'''Narrator:''' After school, Bill was hungry. He was hungry, and he had some money.\\
'''Mike:''' So he ate his money.
* At the end of the short, the film breaks, cutting off the narrator mid-sentence, leading to this gem:
-->'''Narrator:''' And that...\\
'''Bill:''' AH! THE BOMB!

[[AC:Goodbye, Weeds]]
* Kevin's jaunty song accompanying the theme music:
-->'''Kevin:''' "Gonna say goodbye to weeds! Weedle-deedle-deedle-deedle-deedle-dee! When the weeds are gone/we'll have a nice clean lawn/and a nasty skin disease! And the bees all start to die! And the birds fall from the sky! Well, we sealed our fate/but our lawns look great/as we kiss the world goodbye!"

[[AC:Highway Mania]]
* After Kevin continuously makes a horrifically annoying siren sound, Bill stops him with a SugarWiki/AwesomeMoment line:
-->Kevin? Don't take this the wrong way, but I ''will'' murder you, and ''smile'' while I do it.

[[AC:How To Keep A Job]]
* This callback:
-->'''Mike (as the boss):''' Let me show you something we call "the hide cellar."\\
''Bill:''' ''(shuddering)'' The tail...
* The lead character's attempts at excuse making:
-->'''Ed:''' It wasn't my fault! The company just up and started firing people.
'''Mike:''' And for ''some'' reason they started with ''you''?


[[AC: Join Hands Lets Go!]]
* The utter, utter insanity of the short and how much it confuses the three allows for countless jokes throughout.
* At the very start the flashing colours and nonsensical numbers culminating in a huge "666" has Kevin immediately shrieking about demons.
* The increasingly sinister lyrics they suggest for the "join hands" song ending.
* This moment:
-->'''Bill:''' Why are they dancing around a statue of Aragorn's mom?\\
'''Mike:''' ''(chanting)'' [[Literature/TheLordOfTheRings And here's to the sword that will be reforged!]]
* Their sincere disgust at the "ketchup bukakke" and their gratitude that it was not mayonnaise.
* 2 thirds of the way through the riffers finally give into the madness and attempt to join in with the dance, only to end up hurting themselves.

[[AC:Kangaroos]]
* The bullshit about wild lions at the start, which gets Mike all confused. Especially Kevin dubbing over the dog.
* During the demonstration of kangaroo "boxing", it's obvious that someone is holding the kangaroo up off-camera. "Nobody's helping me!"
* Kevin's desire to merchandize the kangaroo, including making bottle openers out of their scrotums, trying to recruit them for a basketball team [[AintNoRule which is immediately shot down]] and mentioning how delicious they are.

[[AC:Little Lost Scent]]
* Kevin's "[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5SArFMVbZUg screaming goose]]" bit.
* The riffers' reimagining of little Gregory as an AxCrazy BoisterousBruiser.

[[AC:Lunchroom Manners]]
-->'''Narrator:''' But Mr. Bungle didn't stop to wash his hands or comb his hair. He went right to lunch.\\
'''Bill:''' Still, he was the cleanest person in the Taco Bell.\\
'''Narrator:''' Then instead of waiting in line at the lunchroom, Mr. Bungle pushed everyone aside and went right to the front.\\
'''Mike:''' As the biggest, it was his right!
* Later on:
-->'''Narrator:''' Phil washed his hands well, with lots of soap.\\
''(Phil squirts far more soap than he needs onto his hand)''\\
'''Bill''': He decided to take some soap home for his entire ten-person family!
* Mr. Bungle's name being used as a MadnessMantra.
* Kevin going full [[GodwinsLaw Godwin]] on the short:
-->'''Mike:''' You know who else picked up their tray?\\
'''Kevin:''' HITLER!\\
'''Mike:''' No! Mr. Bungle!\\
'''Kevin:''' Oh, same thing, really!

[[AC:Film/MagicalDisappearingMoney]]
* First off, the Witch is the new Film/MrBNatural of the 21st Century. Everything she does and says is so over-the-top quirky, the comedy comes from her ''trying'' to be kooky but coming off as an idiotic, creepy ditz.
* The jokes about the sale on breaded zucchini.
* Any joke about the witch's dark plans, culminating in "Join me in the dark abyss of savings!"
* When the cat from the witch's purse [[WhatHappenedToTheMouse disappears]]: "[[WebOriginal/LOLCats I can haz freedom?]]"
* "Vote for Christine O'Donnell."
** "I'm you."
* "Ahh, Beard completer!"
* When the witch makes a milkman disappear:
--> '''Mike:''' Please. Whatever you're thinking, don--'''''OH! OH GOD! HELL IS HOT!'''''
* "She's pathetic, but she's not nearly as creepy as the witch in the adult video store."

[[AC:Monkey See, Monkey Do: Verbs]]
* "Monkeys like to play." "Mostly [[Music/TheMonkees Last Train to Clarksville]]." ''SLAP'' "OW!"
* This exchange:
-->'''Narrator:''' Wade.\\
'''Mike:''' Wade Garrett, Sam Elliott's character from ''Film/RoadHouse''.\\
'''Bill:''' Forced that one in there, didn't you Mike?\\
'''Mike:''' Bill, don't make me rip your throat out.

[[AC:More Dangerous Than Dynamite]]
* The entire short is about the once common practice of washing clothes... in gasoline.[[note]]Which is what dry cleaning is, which is obviously no longer a do-it-yourself activity. Professional dry cleaners haven't used gasoline as the solvent in decades, too.[[/note]]
* (As a housewife pours a pan of gasoline in her kitchen) "Wait they were serious about the whole washing clothes in gasoline?"
* (As a housewife) "Oh no! Something somehow went wrong with my pan of gasoline!"
* (As a safety inspector, inspecting a gasoline based dry cleaning business) "Sure you can wash clothing in gasoline here. You're wasting my time even asking!"
* (As a worker escaped from a gasoline fire) "Why can't we just use soap and water!?"
* An announcer discusses all the safety features commercial dry cleaners have, then cut to a woman washing clothes in her home.
-->'''Announcer:''' But what chance does the housewife have without these safety features?\\
'''Mike:''' Well, she could not wash her clothes in gasoline. That would be a start.
* Kevin has some nice stuff, apparently, in the live version.
-->'''Kevin:''' *[[StuffBlowingUp BOOM]]* My car! *[[StuffBlowingUp BOOM]]* My mountain! *[[StuffBlowingUp BOOM]]* My bridge! *[[StuffBlowingUp BOOM]]* My subdivision! *[[StuffBlowingUp BOOM]]* Britney Spears' birthplace! No!\\
'''Bill:''' No!\\
'''Mike:''' Would you stop that?
** In the internet version:
--->'''Kevin:''' *[[StuffBlowingUp BOOM]]* Take that mountain! *[[StuffBlowingUp BOOM]]* Ha, cross this, y'ah stupid bridge! *[[StuffBlowingUp BOOM]]* Ha...dirt field? *[[StuffBlowingUp BOOM]]* My home! I regret my enthusiasm for the earlier explosions!
* The SpinningNewspaper showing the top headline, "Woman Dies of Gasoline Burns".
-->'''Bill:''' "Hundreds Killed in Chinese Quakes" gets lower billing?
* During the demonstration of how a dry cleaning company is prepared in case of a gasoline explosion, a joke is made pertaining on of the worker's resemblance to a certain celebrity.
-->'''Mike:''' They killed Creator/VincentPrice!
** In the live show, this leads to a couple jokes about a "post-explosion" Price when the Rifftrax Crew is promoting their live riffing of ''Film/HouseOnHauntedHill1959''.
* The short itself has the {{Narm}} moment involving the ablaze housewife with [[SpecialEffectsFailure the flames being very obvious animation]].

[[AC:Film/MrBNatural]]
* As bandmembers form the name "Conn":
-->'''Bill:''' Ah, I see. '''[[Film/StarTrekIITheWrathOfKhan COOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!]]'''
* When Mr. B begins to talk:
-->'''Bill:''' Mr. B, have your testicles dropped?
* As Mr. B starts stretching "his" legs in a sexy way:
-->'''Mike:''' Man, Mr. B's [[HartmanHips one hippy son-of-a-gun]], ain't he?\\
'''Kevin:''' ''(disgusted)'' Ugh, Mr. B, sir, ''please!''\\
'''Mr. B:''' I met him [Buzz] while he was in junior high, 12-and-a-half years old.\\
'''Bill:''' Mr. B, why are you saying that with such ''relish''?!
* As Mr. B capers off:
-->'''Mike:''' ''(high pitched voice)'' I'm a creepy sorcerer!
* After Mr. B implies how music will make you popular:
-->'''Fred:''' How do you like the new clarinet, Jim?\\
'''Mike:''' ''(SarcasmMode)'' Wow, that's a real panty-dropper, huh.
*
-->'''Fred:''' Not me, Jeannie...\\
'''Mike:''' ''(falsetto)'' Chicks really dig his [[Creator/PaulReubens Pee Wee Herman]] impression.
*
-->'''Mr. B:''' Looks like Buzz might be needing me. Well, that's what I'm here for!\\
'''Mike:''' That, and [[ViewerGenderConfusion to issue confusing boners.]]\\
'''Mr. B:''' Better wait 'til he calls on me, though, 'til he reaches for the spirit. ''(points at "himself")''\\
'''Kevin:''' Well, he's a 12-and-a-half year old boy. [[ADateWithRosiePalms He probably reaches for the spirit three times a day.]]
* When Mr. B first appears to Buzz:
-->'''Mr. B:''' Mr. B Natural, at your service!\\
'''Kevin:''' AKA Peter Pansexual!
*
-->'''Mr. B:''' Presto! Allegro!
'''Bill:''' [[RunningGag Cerebro!}}
'''Mr. B:''' Vivace!
'''Mike:''' [[RunningGag Magneto!]]
* When Mr. B starts dancing like a happy king.
-->'''Kevin:''' Yep! That's the dance of a tyrannical king if I ever saw one!\\
'''Bill:''' I've ''kicked'' my usurpers to Hell, and taken their lands! My reign of terror is secure, which gives meeeeeeeeeeeeeee confidence!
* In the same scene as above:
-->'''Bill:''' This is a tune that says "I find it hilarious I farted...and I'm doing it again!"
** And later...
--->'''Bill:''' This tune says "I find it hilarious I farted after eating Taco Bell...No wait, I have to go to the hospital!"
* The Rifftrax version includes a scene not included in the [[Series/MysteryScienceTheater3000 MST3K]] version which involves Mr. B exiting Buzz's room by [[EnterStageWindow leaping head first out of the open window in his room]]. Along with the silliness of said moment, the Rifftax crew add their own wit to the scene.
-->'''Mike (as Mr. B):''' I've taken angel dust, see? SEE!?!
'''Kevin (as Buzz):''' ''(looking out his window)'' Oh my god, she's pizza! ''(makes puking sound)''
* Making Mr. B. creepier.
-->'''Music teacher:''' What's your lip size?\\
'''Mr B:''' Medium!\\
'''Kevin (as Mr. B):''' [[HotForStudent Perfect for kissing!]]\\
'''Mike (as Buzz):''' ''(creeped out)'' Uh, thanks, mister...
* The crew stating that rock and roll destroyed Buzz's chance to be cool, rendering him a bitter old man who was a top poster on his local paper's website, complaining about gays and Jews.

[[AC:The Night Before Christmas]]
* A running gag involving Santa leaving a toy shovel in the stockings of one of the kids.

[[AC:Nutrition: The All-American Meal]]
* "Barr!"

[[AC:Norman Krasner]]
* Norman, ensemble darkhorse from the liveshows and Rifftrax's new byword for depressed / disgusting / pathetic / perverted individuals, returns in this short to spend 6 minutes taking a shit in a public restroom, failing in every conceivable way, and accidentally groping other men within. Needless to say the jokes literally write themselves and the riffers have a lot of fun with it.
** The riffers suspect that Norman is using the art history book as "[[ADateWithRosiePalms good fappin' material]]".
--->'''Kevin (as Mona Lisa):''' ''(with an Italian accent)'' Norman, you sick, sick man!

[[AC:Film/OneGotFat]]
* The ''Franchise/PlanetOfTheApes'' jokes:
-->"A bicycle safety film ''where apes evolve from men''?!"\\
"We're headed over to Cornelius and Zira's for the game."\\
"To the Forbidden Zone!"\\
"It is/is not Ape Law!"
* The shrieks of utter horror once the masks are revealed. Bill never really recovers from it (and it makes his jokes even funnier).
** "THEY'RE GOING TO FIND ME!!!"
* Kevin's consistent "monkey flinging poo" jokes, with Mike reprimanding him a few times.
--> '''Kevin:''' Whole lot poo flinging there.\\
'''Mike:''' Oh, Kevin!\\
'''Kevin:''' Well, it's what they ''do'', Mike! YOU'RE LIVING IN DENIAL!
** Finally, Mike says, "What the heck", and gives permission, leading to:
--->'''Kevin:''' It's POO-FLING-A-PALOOZA! ''poo! poo! poo! poo!''
* Their reaction to the narrator saying "[[AccidentalInnuendo handle his sack]]".
*
-->'''Kevin:''' In case any of you kids thought being happy was a good thing: [[PunctuatedForEmphasis Choke. On. THIS.]]
** "She had a tragic, yet GOOFY death!"
** "On the bright side, her monkey colleagues found her DELICIOUS."

[[AC:Overcoming Fear]]
*
-->'''Headline:''' Student Defends Bicycle Ordinance\\
'''Kevin:''' ...on slowest news day in history.
*
-->'''Barker:''' I've, uh, noticed you out there...\\
'''Mike:''' Things you don't want to hear in the locker room.
* (after seeing a dog jump over a high fence) "DOGS CAN DO THAT? Now I'm scared of them too!"

[[AC:Paper & I]]
* The entirety of the short shown at the ''Film/HouseOnHauntedHill1959'' live riff. The guys turn a harmless short about paper production into a story of a young boy's descent into madness at the hand of his paper bag.
-->"We'll blot out the moon, Billy! We'll be '''GODS!'''"
* What was funnier about it was how little they had to work to change it. "Did you ever think about what the world would be like without paper?"
* "Daah, you have arms now! You're learning and adapting!"
* "Then a trip through the gonad-jabber!"
* The demonic paper bag tells Billy to give a class report just like he told him: "The Jewish banks and the Queen of England are conspiring to destroy our economy!"
* (after all the magazines and newspapers disappear) "Oh no, somebody invented the internet!"

[[AC:Patriotism]]
* The guys get a ''lot'' of mileage from the fact [[Series/HogansHeroes Bob Crane]] is involved with the short. [[note]]Bob Crane was scandalized when it was revealed that he and a partner taped their sexual encounters with women who were unaware they were being filmed - and shared the tapes with others.[[/note]]
-->'''Bill:''' Man, Bob Crane had a funny sense of what contributed to "a little act of patriotism".
** Later, when Crane's narration is silent:
--->'''Kevin:''' ''(nervously)'' Mr. Crane, you're awfully quiet right now. You're... not taping anything are you?\\
'''Mike (as Bob Crane):''' ''(creepily)'' Just keep on doing what you're doing.
** "Yes, I'm ''Bob Crane'', telling you how to be a good person."
* From the short itself: "If we learn to care for others, to respect others we'll learn how to care for to respect our country."
* The short's definition of patriotism becomes vague and odd:
-->'''Bob Crane:''' Patriotism is being proud of being who you are and whatever you do.\\
'''Kevin:''' So... if I like to make sculptures out of my own feces, I'm a patriot?\\
'''Bill:''' Mm-hmm.\\
'''Kevin:''' Cool!
** Then:
--->'''Mike:''' Making ugly things even ''uglier'' is what patriotism is all about!
* This reference, when Crane goes on about how everyone loves Arbor Day.
-->'''Mike:''' Unless Arbor Day and [[Film/TheStarWarsHolidaySpecial Life Day]] happen to coincide, well, you know, Chewbacca is out.

[[AC:Pearl of the Orient]]
* "These people are Moros." "Hey! We're not the sharpest knives in the drawer, but there's no call for that!"
* The reaction to the cock fight and Bill's {{Pun}}s thereafter.
* The really, really bad segue at the end from polishing a pearl to shots of war-torn Manila.

[[AC:Reading: Who Needs It?]]
*
-->'''Coach:''' You can't read, right?\\
'''Desmond:''' What are you talking about?\\
'''Coach:''' You haven't been leveling with me. You can't read, right? Well, right?\\
'''Desmond:''' Yeah, right.\\
'''Bill:''' Wait, read or write? Pick one.
* As the coach and the English teacher discuss how the basketball player, Desmond, can't read:
-->'''Coach:''' How did he get through school then?\\
'''Kevin:''' That would mean we absolutely su...Oh.
** During that same conversation:
--->'''Teacher:''' Desmond is just like a hundred other students who are only getting C's and D's.\\
'''Bill:''' A hundred? Is their school district severely inbred?
** Bricked later with:
--->'''Casting Director:''' I bet this school has a reading class you can take.\\
'''Kevin:''' This school? I wouldn't be so sure.

[[AC:''WesternAnimation/RudolphTheRedNosedReindeer'']]
* The following line resulted in such a huge laugh at the live riffing of the short that the Rifftrax crew ended up missing a few lines due to the audience still laughing:
-->'''Santa Claus:''' (''to Rudolph, '''at Rudolph's bedside''''') [[InnocentInnuendo Rudolph, I need you tonight]].\\
'''Kevin:''' [[{{Squick}} WHOA!!!]]
* This line:
-->'''Bill:''' Disney/{{Bambi}} would later come to regret the "[[YourMom Yo mama]]" jokes.

[[AC:Safety - Harm Hides at Home]]
* The RunningGag about the main character's occupation of "freelance architect".
* "I guess the [[Film/TheWizardOfOz Lollipop Guild]] is part of [[Franchise/StarTrek the Federation]]..."
* The entire "aliens recruit Karen" scene is golden.
** "[[Franchise/AlvinAndTheChipmunks Me... I want... a hula... hoop..."]]
** "Is [[Music/EltonJohn Funeral For a Friend]] ever going to start?"
** Their reactions to the color filters, which change from brown to green... which makes them want it to go back to brown.
* "Hey, I think I'll eat this ''RAGING OUT OF CONTROL '''FIRE''' MOM LEFT ME!''"
* "But now you're dead and I'm here to take you to Safety Hell."
* A kid finding his dad's gun: "Perfect! I have a drive-by after school!"
* "Oxygen: scourge of mankind!"
* "This key could kill you."

[[AC:Santa's Village of Madness]]
* Since all three shorts were by the same producer who localized the infamous [[Series/MysteryScienceTheater3000 MSTed]] ''Film/SantaClaus1959'' film, it was a given that they would be full to the brim with riffable hilarity, as well as callbacks to that particular episode.
* When Bill promotes his new website, lightbulbs4lesss, Kevin goes into a little {{Squee}} moment, imitating [[WesternAnimation/WallaceAndGromit Wallace's happy arm dance]].
* Mike, Kevin and Bill [[SanitySlippage giving into the madness]] when the Wolf, Skunk and Puss In Boots all start arguing incoherently.
* The reference to said episode and the ''[=MST3K=]'' running gag as the camera pans across the same shots of children building Santa's toys.
-->'''Kevin:''' Years have passed, and a hardened Lupita has crushed all attempts by the children to unionize.\\
'''Kevin:''' ''(quietly)'' [[CallBack Lupita, nooooo.]]
* Gary The Gloryhole, aka the "Magic Teletalker" from the episode. (The crew is far more explicit that the riff used in the previous episode ("The pleasure mouth!").)
-->'''Narrator:''' The computer that registers the good and bad deeds of all children on earth.\\
'''Mike:''' But mostly Santa's ''bad'' deeds with the Magic Teletalker.\\
'''Kevin:''' ''(audibly cringes)'' Noooo...\\
'''Mike:''' ''(darkly)'' That's right.
* The horrifying return of the [[Film/SantaAndTheIceCreamBunny Ice Cream Bunny]][[note]]Actually the Easter Bunny, but RuleOfFunny.[[/note]].
-->'''Mike:''' ''(as the Ice Cream bunny is revealed to be piloting Santa's train)'' '''WHOA''' '''''WHAT!?''''' WHAT THE HELL!? HE HAS AN ICE CREAM BUNNY '''''TOO'''''?!\\
'''Kevin:''' Did I somehow miss a hugely beloved piece of American folklore?\\
'''Mike:''' ''(as the other two chuckle quietly)'' Ice cream bunnies, everywhere.
* This is immediately followed by Bill reprising his simultaneously hilarious and terrifying impression of the ice cream bunny from his previous movie.
-->'''Bill''': ''(in raspy, [[Film/PrinceOfSpace Krankor-esque]] voice)'' [[NightmareFuel AAAALL ABOARD!!!]] [[LaughingMad HURRR HURR HURRR HURRR]].
** The riffers then repeatedly make dark references to the Ice Cream bunny's many unspeakable crimes and murders, directly comparing him to Film/{{Candyman}} as he seems to appear whenever they mention him.
--->'''Bill:''' Also, he committed a few murders in the ghetto.
* In the final short, the riffers speculate as to why Santa only has four reindeer.
-->'''Mike:''' He lost them in a late night dice game with the Ice Cream Bunny.\\
'''Bill:''' ''(in horrified realisation)'' Oh god... what does the Ice Cream Bunny want with five reindeer?\\
'''Mike:''' ''(whispers)'' You do ''not'' want to know.
* The Wolf... thing's over the top performance and his hideously discordant theme music in particular (described as "two accordions having sex" and directly compared to the [[Film/ManosTheHandsOfFate Torgo theme]]) cause the riffers to break down in confused laughter multiple times.
* This was also one of the rare, rare times [=RiffTrax=] had host segments. At the end of the short, Mike, Bill and Kevin lament "the death of Christmas" and how everyone forgot Merlin's bizarre humming in the short as a Christmas tradition, making it seem like it was a classic carol. They all then mindlessly start humming like Merlin to cap off the short.
* As Santa is seen walking with a pair of reindeer during the first short:
-->'''Bill (as Santa):''' [[CallBack I need]] ''[[CallBack both]]'' [[WesternAnimation/RudolphTheRedNosedReindeer of you tonight]]. Ho ho ho!
* During the final short as the "Ogre" ''(Gumby and Pokey Mated!)'' once again threatens Santa
-->'''Ogre:''' Stop hiding Santa! I'll find you and when I do I'll destroy you!
'''Kevin:''' I swear Santa, I will tear out your liver and [[{{Gorn}} EAT IT IN FRONT OF THE UN GENERAL ASSEMBLY!!!]]
-->'''Bill:''' Ugh, dark turn in Santa's Village.
*
-->'''Ogre:''' ''(offscreen)'' Merlin! Don't throw that at me!\\
'''Bill:''' ''(horrified)'' His colostomy bag, oh ''God''!

[[AC:Seat Belts - The Life Saving Habit]]
* The riffers repeatedly call out the fact that the film makes a "subtle" shift in background music to sound more urban [[UnfortunateImplications whenever a black person is on screen.]]
* Bill's obvious horror at seeing the test dummies of children and babys slam into the windshield again and again:
-->'''Bill:''' Let's see it five more times to make sure my nightmares are good and vivid tonight!
** And again at how the narrator has to beg the parents shown to provide basic protection to their children:
--->'''Bill:''' *sigh* Listen and weep as the announcer begs the parents to love their children.
* "Sooner or later we're gonna hear '[[TheSimpsons Hi, I'm Troy Mc Clure]]'..."

[[AC:Setting Up A Room]]
* The sheer madness of a half-hour-long short about putting together a kindergarten classroom drives the guys insane.
* "Well, at it's not setting up ''Film/TheRoom''." This, of course, gets Bill to trot out Tommy the Substitute teacher, with Mike and Kevin reacting as panicked children.
* They theorize that the women are aliens and start imitating [[Series/SesameStreet the Yip-Yip Martians]].
* The inexplicable appearance of younger movers and the porno music they start singing.
* The RunningGag about the younger woman never introducing herself, that the women just want to end their lives, and the simmering anger they inject between the two leads.
* The whole short can be summed up in this line:
-->'''Mike:''' WOULD YOU STOP SHOWING A WOMAN PUTTING AWAY BLOCKS!?
** He nearly breaks completely when they ''cut back''.
* The inexplicable moment when the cameraman audibly sneezes and they just keep going.
* Kevin giving in to the madness.
-->'''Kevin:''' YES! THE ''CUBBIES!'' YOU GLORIOUS, INSANE '''''BITCH'''''!!!

[[AC:Shake Hands with Danger]]
* The final reprise of its theme song: "It's the 'Shake Hands with Danger' party mix!"
* The narrator's awkward silence while Chuck Hamlin works on the excavator. Mike, Kevin and Bill use the opportunity to deliver some lame Chuck Norris facts for him. Later on, we see his dead body at various places throughout the film, and they note that the others are working while his corpse is still warm and (at the end) that he hasn't even been buried.
-->'''Bill:''' Man, I REALLY fell on my keys!
* [[LaserGuidedKarma Hey everyone, the cruel old bastard finally got his comeuppance!"]] "Yay! Woohoo! I hope he dies!"
* After Harry inadvertently wrecks a house due to not paying attention to the controls of his vehicle.
-->'''Kevin:''' ''(as the narrator)'' Shake Dangers Hand? HELL Harry ain't fit to wipe danger's backside!
** Bill quietly cracking up while Mike hums a reprise of the endlessly repeated "Shake Hands with Danger" guitar riff makes this all the more hilarious.
--->'''Bill:''' Shake hands with tedium. Buh, duh dah duh duh - *yawns*
*
-->'''Bill:''' We had our crack sniper ''shoot'' Glen to prove a point about safety.

[[AC:Skipper Learns a Lesson]]
* The neighborhood kids are trying to talk new girl Susan into digging a trench in a vacant lot with them:
-->'''Narrator:''' "You should see our trench!" Pete said, "It's long and wide and deep, too! We're having fun."\\
'''Kevin:''' Pete's favorite TV show was the test pattern.
* Later:
-->'''Narrator:''' After that, everyone played together and had a good time.
'''Kevin:''' Until later that summer when they had to band together to destroy Literature/{{It}}.\\
* When Skipper, the titular dog, meets a dachshund:
-->'''Narrator:''' "Go away!" said the dog. "Go away! You look funny!"\\
'''Bill:''' Said the practical joke of evolution.
* "Would Film/OldYeller have been as beloved if he was a racist that got done in by poster paint? I say yes. Even more so."

[[AC:Story of a Teenage Drug Addict]]
* Upon a close-up of the main character's old, unattractive mom:
-->'''Mike:''' GAH! Dad, why are you dressed like that?
* The main character's unsuccessful attempt at boxing:
-->'''Drug Addict:''' The other guy made hamburger out of me.\\
'''Bill:''' Then I got kidnapped by some guy who kept saying, "[[UsefulNotes/McDonalds Robble-robble!]]"

[[AC:Story-Telling: Can You Tell It In Order?]]
* Given how it involves an especially....enthusiastic clown (whom, to quote Mike, "there aren't enough prisons in the world to contain") teaching kids how to tell a story in the correct order, the short is filled to the brim with MonsterClown and Pedophile jokes from Mike, Kevin, and Bill.
-->'''Bill:''' ''(after an especially confusing and badly edited intro)'' Hey, this thing's hopelessly out of order already, start over!
'''The Clown:''' ''(appearing out of nowhere on the pitch black backdrop)'' BOO!!\\
'''Bill:''' ''(now screaming in terror)'' ''HOLY GOD'', WHAT IS HAPPENING!?
* Immediately afterwards, as the clown begins to describe the game he wants to play:
-->'''The Clown:''' OHHH That was FUN wasnt it!! ''(Kevin audiably cringes in horror)'' But that isn't the game were gonna play, NO SIREEE!\\
'''Kevin''' ''(horrified)'' ARGH I NEED AN ADULT!!
* And immediately after that...
-->'''The Clown:''' And the game is called...\\
'''Bill (as the clown):''' A WRONG THAT CAN NEVER BE UNDONE!! GUHOHOY!!
* When the clown starts to tell the story about Jim:
-->'''The Clown:''' Now this is the story about what happens when Jim's bedtime comes! ''(cue the kid on screen starting to strip)''
'''Mike:''' ''(utterly mortified)'' What!? Oh, Mr. Clown, please, I beg of you, stop this NOW!!
* And at the end:
-->'''Mike:''' ''(at the very end of the short)'' Coronet: Even we don't know what the Hell that just was.

[[AC:This Is Hormel]]
* The 30 minute short is a tour of Hormel's [[DeadlyEuphemism "disassembly"]] factory for their processed meats. As one might expect of a 30 minute display of dead animal carcasses being processed, it achieves the level of ShockSite, resulting in ''many'' BrainBleach moments - punctuated by the ''skinning of a cow carcass''.
-->'''Mike:''' '''''The tail! The tail! THE HORRIBLE TAIL!'''''\\
'''All three:''' [[BigNo NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!]]\\
'''Bill:''' You're still thinking about the tail, aren't you?
** Their speculation as to the shattered mental state of the poor souls trapped in the "hide cellar" and forced to process the skin of said carcasses is also golden.
--->'''Kevin:''' These guys' nightmares make the ''Franchise/{{Saw}}'' films look like ''WesternAnimation/DoraTheExplorer''.\\
'''Mike:''' You don't get fired at Hormel: you just get reassigned to 'the hide cellar.'
* The fact that the kids actually ''asked'' to have a tour of the plant gets a lot of mileage. Finally, the crew surmises they and their family went vegan after the tour.
-->'''Kevin (as the Hormel secretary):''' ''(writing back to the kids after getting their letter asking to have a tour of the plant)'' What the hell is ''wrong'' with you?!
* Repeated mention by the narrator of wieners (and wieners being "discharged" or "free swinging"), "hung" sausages, "picnic boning", boning lines, the "batch master" and other innuendo filled words cause Kevin to repeatedly melt down at the sheer number of jokes he could make.
* Of course, in a short about pork manufacturing, they had to eventually get to the guys' favorite meat:
-->'''Narrator:''' Next is the story of how bacon is made.\\
'''Bill:''' [[BaconAddiction The greatest story ever told!]]

[[AC:Three Magic Words]]
* Bill makes a joke that the opening music, when sung backwards, is ''Literature/TheProtocolsOfTheEldersOfZion''. Cut to the butcher's shop, where the butchers are wearing wide hats. Mike's response: "Wait a minute, those are rabbis!"
* "Our hollow-eyed dopplegangers will fill you in in the rest."
* "Just cook the #$(*ing dinner!"

[[AC:Tooth Truth with Harv and Marv]]
* Mike [[OverlyLongGag spending the entire duration of the short's closing credits doing an imitation of Marv's laugh.]]
* Mike and Bill on HoYay:
-->'''Mike:''' Sure, Harv and Marv argue, but the sex? Out of this world!\\
'''Bill:''' And so frequent.
* The bizarre presence of the alien tooth fairy woman, who clearly does not want to be involved in this production at all.
** "Layer upon layer of madness."
* "Marv's teeth are clogged with TP and feces."
* Mike does a hilarious impression of Harv, especially this line:
-->'''Harv:''' I know everything there is to know!\\
'''Mike:''' My non-specific rage prevents me from sharing though!

[[AC:Film/ATripToTheMoon]]
*
-->'''Mike:''' Gentlemen, please! If we can just reach agreement, we are steps away from giving the world the greatest [[ShockSite Lemon Party]] the world has ever seen!\\
''(a few minutes later)''\\
'''Mike:''' Why are they taking off their robes? Guys, I was just KIDDING about the Lemon Party thing. GUYS, GUYS!
*
-->'''Kevin:''' Hang on. Hey, director, [[Creator/GeorgesMelies Mr. Méliès]]? [[Film/{{Hugo}} That train station urchin kid is hanging out watching us again.]]\\
'''Bill:''' Ecch. Yuka, throw rocks at him til he's dead.
* A few shots at the AmbiguousGender women at the launching.
-->'''Kevin:''' Step forward, pleasingly buttocked young sailor boy-girls!\\
''(later)''\\
'''Bill:''' Your breasts are firm and lovely, young man.

[[AC:The Trouble With Women]]
* The crew gets a lot of mileage with the misogyny.
-->'''Mr. Bradshaw:''' As per her qualifications, I assigned her to an inspections bench.\\
'''Mike:''' She got ''bra marks'' all over it!
** Also:
--->'''Kevin:''' It's those damned Fallopian tubes, Walt!
* [[LargeHam "A woman by the name of... Mmmmmyrtle Malloy!"]] "He was voted 'most likely to impersonate Henry Fonda' in high school."
* This exchange:
-->'''Mr. Bradshaw:''' Maybe you should treat them right?\\
'''Brad:''' What do you mean, ''treat them right''?!\\
'''Kevin (as Brad):''' You mean like even ''more'' resentment?!
* Reacting to the "What's Brad's problem?" title card.
-->'''Mike:''' Well, he started life as Ellen Bradley, the hormones aren't taking, and he's kinda bitter. Good night.

[[AC:Vision in the Forest]]
* The RunningGag involving Vaughn Monroe's elderly looking wife.
* As Smokey the Bear comes out of a billboard: "Pedobear: [[TheMovie The Motion Picture]]!"

[[AC:What It Means To Be An American]]
* The frequent attempts to end the short and the guys' exasperation when it just keeps on going. It's made doubly funny by being one of the longer shorts and thus sold in two parts, making it a RunningGag.

[[AC:You and Your Family]]
* In the transition between scenes:
-->'''Narrator''': Now, are you ready for the next family scene?\\
'''Mike''': No, I'd like a break... ''(narrator continues on)'' Hey! Why even ask?
[[/folder]]

[[folder: Live Shows]]
''[[AC: Film/PlanNineFromOuterSpace]]''
* From the short:
--> '''Bill:''' The captain would like to thank you for keeping the plane [[Film/SnakesOnAPlane snake-free]].
--> '''Kevin:''' Hi, Bob Executive! Which way is Business?
* During Johnathan Coulton's song of "re: Your Brains" Kevin stands behind him and acts like a hungry zombie during every chorus.
* From the film:
** Mike's eloquent soliloquy for Tor Johnson that ends with "[[CallBack Time for]] [[Recap/MysteryScienceTheater3000S03E20TheUnearthly go to bed]]!"
** When Eros hits Tanna during the aliens' MotiveRant and she interrupts:
---> '''Kevin:''' This is my [[PrecisionFStrike bullshit]] lecture!

''[[AC: Christmas Shortstravaganza]]''
* All three of the old commercials that comprise the gifts the trio got for each other that year.
** Mike's "gift" was of a '60s toy robot with an AccidentalInnuendo-filled [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yc2NWo8HbCI commercial]].
* The discussion about Larry during ''Parade of Aquatic Champions''.
* Kevin going "WHOA!" in response to Santa telling Rudolph, "I need you tonight," during the final short set off a chain reaction of laughter so long that the riffers missed three lines as a result.

''[[AC: Film/ReeferMadness]]''
* Kevin going insane and running around the stage wearing a fancy headdress at the end of the ''At Your Fingertips: Grasses'' short.
** The very question of, "Is corn grass?" sets up a RunningGag that continues to be used in live shows to this day.
* From the movie, the RunningGag of Jack being a BigEater.

''[[AC: Film/HouseOnHauntedHill1959]]''
* The RunningGag of Watson Prichart being a leprechaun.
* Mike's Paul Lynde impression as Templeton from ''Charlotte's Web''.
* Mike's prolonged, "Llllllllllladies~" as Lance approaches Annabelle got the biggest laugh of the night.
* After one too many bad puns, Kevin is fired right on stage and they bring Paul F. Tompkins in as his replacement. Only Paul's riffs are so bad they fire him right away and bring Kevin back in.
** Of course that doesn't stop them from telling Kevin, "Tompkins is waiting in the wings!" after another bad pun later on and the camera pans to show Paul waiting to strike.

''[[AC: Film/JackTheGiantKiller]]''
* The pre-show cards. A few from ''Film/JackTheGiantKiller'' included "Movie Mistakes" (''Film/{{Zookeeper}} starring Kevin James''), "Real Life Giant Killers" (''David - Goliath''), "Only in the Movies" (''Could a woman who is beautiful, intelligent, and fun have difficulty finding a relationship, because she is "kinda clumsy"''), Movie Anagrams (''Blil Plluman - Bill Paxton''), and Movies that Netflix Puts on Instant Watch Instead of Podcast/RiffTrax (''Cool Dog'').
** The all-time best is the one where they finally answer an open question from the previous year's show: yes, corn is grass.
* At ''Film/JackTheGiantKiller'', the constant jokes about "[[AccidentalInnuendo seizing the bone]]."
** "Be right there..."
*** Bill's speaking for the skeleton right after that scene: "Well, nice to meet you too. Mr. Rude-y Pants. Look, if you can't be civil I think you should go!" Right as the skeleton points out the way forward.
** "Up yours, Pendragon!"
** [[SpecialEffectsFailure "Aaah, the shadow of a chain is causing me to jump off this wall!"]]
* [[WebAnimation/TheFlashTub Shmorky's]] animated short before the main show, an [[DerangedAnimation animated representation]] of the thoughts of [[Website/SomethingAwful Lowtax's]] daughter Lauren. It's hilarious.
** This leads to a bit in ''Film/JackTheGiantKiller'' where the guys suggest that one scene in the film (which involves [[ItMakesSenseInContext a chimpanzee reaching for a bottle containing a leprechaun in order to have him assist Jack in dealing with a two-headed giant]]) was actually written by Lauren.
*
-->'''King:''' Let's see this giant of yours.
-->'''Bill:''' GAH! I thought this was a ''family'' show!
* Kevin, joined in by Mike and Bill, [[WithLyrics singing to the theme]]. They did it so well Bill exclaimed, "Take that, ''BookOfMormon''!"
*
-->'''Bill:'''"Uh oh, tentacles! Hide your Anime/SailorMoon [[AllAnimeIsNaughtyTentacles characters]]."

''[[AC: Film/ManosTheHandsOfFate]]''
* In ''Film/ManosTheHandsOfFate'':
** The pre-show cards for ''Film/ManosTheHandsOfFate'' includes the following haiku that sums up ''Film/TransformersDarkOfTheMoon'':
---> No no no no no
---> No no no no no no no
---> No no no no no
** This movie quote:
---> "You cowards! You're all cowards! I'm takin' my shirt off and you're going to have to tranq me to stop me!" ''[[Music/TheWiggles The Wiggles Movie: The Magical Adventure]]''
** Movie Mistakes: Sam Worthington
** We lied and we're actually going to show ''Film/KingRalph'' instead. ''(next card)'' We still haven't decided out whether that would be ''better'' or '''''worse'''''.
** Did You Know?: A new Creator/{{Pixar}} movie came out this summer. Yeah, apparently it was called ''WesternAnimation/{{Brave}}.''
** There will be a ''Series/{{Lost}}'' movie that explains all the things the show left hanging. It will be 36 hours long.
* In the short beforehand, "Welcome Back, Norman", the title character accidentally leaves a briefcase on top of his car. The next few minutes are just basically buildup until the inevitable happens, and the riffers joke about it. Then, Norman, while trying to make his way out of the parking lot, looks out the window, looks up in the exact direction of where the briefcase is...''[[AchievementsInIgnorance and doesn't even notice it]].'' '''''And the short doesn't even acknowledge this.'''''
-->'''Kevin:''' ''(spreading his arms in disbelief)'' '''''OH, WHAT THE HELL?!'''''
** Later, after the inevitable flinging of the briefcase from the car, Kevin says as Norman, "Oh, so ''that'' is what that large, brown oblong box on top of my car was!"
** Another RunningGag was Norman's "CatchPhrase", a deep, soul-sucking sigh, "Uhhhhhhhhn."
** There was also a CallBack to ''Film/SantaAndTheIceCreamBunny'' when the Crew invited the audience to close their eyes while Norman grunted while trying to get in his car.
* A couple of memorable moments from the "At Your Fingertips: Cylinders" short that also was shown beforehand:
-->'''Kevin:''' Yes, but they still haven't answered whether cylinders are grass or not!
-->'''Mike:''' CallBack!
** One of the items being made out of cylinders is a horse, which results in a crack about making a Catherine the Great to go underneath the horse.
** [[WesternAnimation/{{Futurama}} Bite my shiny cardboard ass!]]
** "Why did you build me with a fear of heights?!"
** Poking holes in a tube with paper at the end makes it "a planetarium". "DOES IT?!"
* Bill ordered a pizza, Mike and Kevin [[CallBack feared he ordered]] [[MythologyGag from Torgo's again]], but he assured them he ordered Giovanni's. It arrives... being delivered by Torgo (played by ''Manos 2'' Torgo Rupert Munch). He is berated by The Master from ''Manos 2''.
** After the show, a parody of ''Take It Easy'' sung by Torgo and featured clips from both ''Manos: The Hands of Fate'' and ''Manos 2: The Search for Valley Lodge''. Here it is [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dRsVyZqwWY8 in all its glory.]]
* During the ''Manos'' Live Show, a brief 30 second television ad from the 1970's promoting California prunes was so bizarre, it had the entire audience in stitches as well as the Rifftrax crew ''without a single riff being uttered''.
** They did, however, frequently cry out "No!" in disgust when the man in the add poured yet another glass of prune juice.
-->'''Mike:''' This guy's my hero!
** They also wondered why the prune company, in order to advertise a healthy lifestyle, hired a "weathered, old, Orville Redenbacher wannabe" as the spokesman.
-->'''Bill:''' Mike, you sold us out to Big Prune!
* The White Trash ''Literature/{{Twilight}}'' Sketch. At the end, Kevin and Bill took a bow to thunderous applause.
* Mike's AskAStupidQuestion response to Bill's question of whether this is, in fact, Manos ''the Hands of Fate.''
-->'''Mike:''' No, actually this is a different Manos: a delightful Pixar film- ''of course it's Manos: The Hands of Fate''!

''[[AC: Film/{{Birdemic}}]]''
* The theater cards for the live Rifftrax of ''Birdemic'' had some of these winners:
** "After the show, we'll roll 27 minutes of credits then show a scene of Mike, Kevin and Bill eating shawarma."
** ANAGRAMS: "Skete Ulirch" ''(next card)'' "Not Quite JohnnyDepp"
** "You are all weirdos" - [[Series/TheMuppetShow Sam the Eagle]], [[WesternAnimation/MyLittlePonyFriendshipIsMagic BronyCon keynote speaker]]
** "Before complimenting a young lady [[ToddlersAndTiaras Honey Boo Boo]] costume, [[ForHalloweenIAmGoingAsMyself check first to make sure she is in fact wearing a costume.]]"
** "Don't assume that empty seat is available, Creator/ClintEastwood said there might be an invisible [[UsefulNotes/BarackObama President]] sitting there."
** "Dear Head Beagle, [[ComicStrip/{{Peanuts}} Snoopy]] has threatened to kill my family if I ever speak. Please hel-Oh God he's coming!" - Woodstock
** "No, not ''ComicStrip/{{Doonesbury}}'', ''ComicStrip/BloomCounty''. '''''[[DuelingShows BLOOM. COUNTY.]]''''' [[SocietyMarchesOn Very popular in]] [[TheEighties the 80's]]. Come on, I know ONE of you has heard of me." -- [[ButtMonkey Opus]], trying to get a table at a restaurant.
** "[[BrickJoke Corn is grass]], however, Candy Corn tastes worse than grass."
** "We tricked you, we're actually showing ''Setting Up A Room'' four times in a row."
** "[[Creator/BenjaminFranklin Ben Franklin]] wanted the turkey to be our national bird. He also endorsed "gravy" as our national beverage."
** "Remember everything you've read about surviving a ZombieApocalypse. Then wonder why you've spent so much time reading about how to survive a Zombie Apocalypse."
** "Anyone caught texting during the show will be made to sniff Gary Busey's used dental floss."
** "IN CASE OF BIRDEMIC... try to start pooping white so they think you're one of them."
** "Your punishment must be more severe, girlfriend." -- [[Film/TheDarkKnightRises Bane]], from his sassy new daytime court show, ''Judge Bane''.
** "''Disney/WreckItRalph'' was intended to be a sequel to ''Film/KingRalph'', and the title referred to what John Goodman's character did to the Royal Palace's toilets."
** "2012 marks the year that Tim Burton ran out of other people's movies to remake and accidentally remade one of his own (''WesternAnimation/{{Frankenweenie}})''."
* The live show of ''Birdemic'' featured the return of the BeleagueredBureaucrat Norman and his depressing misadventures in a hotel in ''Norman Checks In''. [[CatchPhrase Unnnnnnnnnnhhhhhhhhhhh.]]
** After the horrifying sight of Norman lathering up in the shower (the reaction to which is a CMOF itself), Bill makes a RunningGag out of referring to Norman soaping up his crotch with various colorful euphemisms...until he calls his junk a "[[UnusualEuphemism Spirit of St. Louis]]", which, as Mike points out, ''doesn't even make sense as a phrase''.
-->'''Bill:''' It does! Think about it!
-->'''Mike:''' I ''am'' thinking about it!
** It becomes a BrickJoke during ''Birdemic''; when Rod and Nathalie are being attacked by birds in their hotel room, the crew states this will be just the time for Norman to step out naked and lathered with soap again.
** As the camera pans across the wreckage of Norman's hotel room, the 'Mona Lisa' that had been hanging on the wall is now on the bed in place of Norman:
--> '''Kevin:''' Oh, Mona, you cruel, savage bitch! ''What did you do!?''
* During the ''Birdemic'' live show, Bill whips out a NintendoDS during the opening driving scene, insisting, like a kid on a road trip, that playing ''VideoGame/MarioKart'' will make the drive go faster. He gets reprimanded by the other riffers. This is funny enough...and then Bill attempts to make a BrickJoke out of this when the kids in the movie randomly start playing a PSP. The joke goes as usual until Bill mispronounces it P'''''C'''''P. Mike, Kevin, and the audience lose it.
--> "PCP"...yeah, we'll need it to get through this!
** Followed by a meta example with Bill posting on his Twitter to ask people to stop telling him that ''Mario Kart'' isn't even a PCP game.
* From a line only found in the live show (but good enough to be reprised the following year in ''Night of the Living Dead''!):
-->'''Mike:''' Guys, if they [[Film/ManosTheHandsOfFate pass a sign for the Valley Lodge]], ''[[ScrewThisImOuttaHere I'm leaving.]]''

''[[AC: Film/StarshipTroopers]]''
* The tradition of pre-show cards continues:
** "''Film/StarshipTroopers'' is loosely based on a novel by Creator/RobertAHeinlein, making it the ONLY science fiction film not based on a book by Creator/PhilipKDick."
** Movie Anagrams: [[Film/AfterEarth ATFER EATHR]] ''(next card)'' HOLLYWOOD NEPOTISM
** Movie Anagrams: Magneto ''(next card)'' Cerebro
** Movie Anagrams: Channing Tatum ''(next card)'' Apparently, that's an actual name
** Movie Anagrams: [[WesternAnimation/MonstersUniversity EONSMTRS NIUVSERTYI]] ''(next card)'' At least it's not ''WesternAnimation/{{Cars}} 3''[[note]][[http://disney.wikia.com/wiki/Cars_3 Unfortunately...]][[/note]]
** Movie Quotes: "Sure, I'll do a movie called ''Noobz''!" -- ''Film/StarshipTroopers'' star Casper van Dien
** Movie Quotes: "Sure, I'll do something called ''The Dog Who Saved Christmas Vacation'' with Mario Lopez!" -- ''Film/StarshipTroopers'' star Casper van Dien
** Movie Quotes: "Sure, I'll reprise the role of Johnny Rico in ''Film/StarshipTroopers3Marauder''!" - [[BrickJoke Guess who?]]
** Movie Quotes: "What was I supposed to do? Let them die?" "UNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNGH." - ''[[CallBack Welcome back, Nor]]Film/ManOfSteel''.
** Movie Quotes: "'''''YES''''' I'm sure I'm Tonto. Why does EVERYBODY KEEP ASKING ME THAT???" -- JohnnyDepp as Tonto in ''Film/TheLoneRanger''
** Spoiler Alert!: That guy in [[Film/StarTrekIntoDarkness the new]] ''[[Film/StarTrekIntoDarkness Star Trek]]'' [[Film/StarTrekIntoDarkness movie]] [[ItWasHisSled turns out to be Khan]]. Related spoiler: Hollywood is out of ideas.
** Movie Mistakes: [[Film/TheWorldIsNotEnough Christmas Jones]].
** Did You Know?: At least one person in your theater has been sitting there since last summer, [[GainaxEnding trying figure out WHAT HAPPENED in]] ''Film/{{Prometheus}}''.
** We lied. We're actually showing you ''A Talking Cat!?!'' in its entirety unriffed.
** "There ain't no rule that says a dog can't play Series/DoctorWho!" Next summer: ''Film/AirBud 12: Tearin' Up the TARDIS''
** Next season on ''Series/GameOfThrones'': home video of your most painful childhood memory.
* "So what are you doing after prom?" "[[Film/WildThings Matt Dillon and Neve Campbell.]]"
* This got the longest, hardest laugh:
-->'''Rasczak:''' I need a corporal. You're it, until you're dead or I find someone better.
-->'''Mike:''' Ah, my wedding vows.
** In second place: "Oh no! [=RAID=]!!!"
* The RunningGag about Dizzy being an extreme {{Yandere}} and StalkerWithACrush on Johnny, and Johnny treating her as a disposable "second choice" (and the inevitable FirstGirlWins.)
* The RunningGag about the increasing {{Anvilicious}} commentary about Carl's SS uniform and PuttingOnTheReich.
-->Even I've picked up on the Nazi symbolism, and I'm Denise Richards!
* The "Gorillagrams" meant to provide a distraction during the nude scenes.
* When Carmen points out the ship she'll be piloting, docked just off the moon: "Uh, Denise, that's the moon, honey. You won't be flying it."
* "Creator/DavidCronenberg's ''WesternAnimation/ABugsLife''."
* "[[DullSurprise SMILE-TRON 3000 ACTIVATED.]]"
* Everyone breaking the news to Denise Richards that she'll be [[Film/TheWorldIsNotEnough the worst Bond girl ever]].
* "I'll never forget how I settled for you..."
* "She wants the D...-list actor."
* "I can fit an entire tuna can in my mouth!"
* "You have 20 minutes." "So... two minutes of sex and eighteen minutes of tearful apologies?"
* On a field full of bug corpses:
-->'''Bill: ''' This is what happened every time I played ''VideoGame/SimAnt''. I wasn't very good."
* "Good thing our guns holds 200 bullets!....I mean, 500 bullets!....ONE THOUSAND BULLETS!"
* "AT&T: Still dropping your phone calls in the future."
* "80% of the rest of the script will consist of MOVE, MOVE, MOVE!" *character drops said line* "EIGHTY PERCENT!!!"

''[[AC: Film/NightOfTheLivingDead1968]]''
* The Caption Contest winners for a still from ''Night of the Living Dead'':
** "And this is what happens, kids, to anyone who twerks.
** "Subway... Eat Flesh!"
** "Steve, The Other White Meat"
* The pre-show cards were again in force:
** "Rampant commericalism has distracted us from the real meaning of Halloween: placating demons to ensure a bountiful harvest."
** Did You Know?: "Oogie Boogie, ''WesternAnimation/TheNightmareBeforeChristmas'' ' bulging burlap sack full of hideous worms and grubs, was inspired by newscaster Nancy Grace."
** Did You Know?: "The 'Great Pumpkin' was just a lonely man with a horribly misshapen head. He heard what [[ComicStrip/{{Peanuts}} Linus]] called him, and it hurt."
** Did You Know?: "The "My Buddy" doll was the inspiration for Chucky in ''Film/ChildsPlay'', and Puffball Popple was the inspiration for Pinhead in the ''Franchise/{{Hellraiser}}'' movies. (A lot changed in focus groups.)"
** Did You Know?: "You couldread Dante's vivid descriptions of Hell, or just step into a convention center bathroom during Comic-Con. Up to you."
** Did You Know?: Coming next Halloween: ''Film/FreddyVsJason Vs Film/MiloAndOtis''."
** Last Minute Costume Ideas: "[[Film/TheLoneRanger A Native American dressed as Johnny Depp.]]"
** Last Minute Costume Ideas: "Filmgoer watching ''Film/ParanormalActivity'' (costume consists of taking a nap)"
** "Bunnicula, Count Duckula and Count Chocula all have their roots in the same myth: the Florida Skunk Ape."
** Movie Mistakes: "Tara Reid: Archeologist - ''Film/AloneInTheDark2005''"
** Movie Mistakes: ''[[Franchise/{{Saw}} Saw, Saw II, Saw III, Saw IV, Saw V, Saw VI, Saw 3D.]]''
** Movie Mistakes: "''[[Film/FridayThe13th1980 Friday the 13th]]'' was supposed to end with a peaceful boat scene, but then some dead guy jumped and totally ruined the plot."
** Movie Mistakes: "''Film/TheWickerMan'' failed to focus on the most interesting subplot: what was in the gunny sack the old lady was holding that Nic Cage thought might be a shark."
** Movie Mistakes: "The utterly terrifying, nightmare inducting animated film ''WesternAnimation/TheSecretOfNimh'' was mistakenly [[WhatDoYouMeanItsForKids marketed as a children's movie]]. [[NightmareFuel Oh God, that owl...]]"
** Movie Quotes: [[Recap/TheSimpsonsS4E5TreehouseOfHorrorIII "Flanders was a zombie?"]] - Morgan Freeman, ''MollFlanders'' (1996)
** Movie Quotes: "Whoa, Wilford Brimley was in this???" - anyone watching Creator/JohnCarpenter's ''Film/TheThing1982'' for the first time
** Halloween Haikus:
--->[[WesternAnimation/TheNightmareBeforeChristmas This is Halloween!]]
--->Creator/TimBurton took the credit
--->From Henry Selick
** "Zombie movies have evolved a lot over the decades. For example, in 2002, ''Film/28DaysLater'' introduced zombies that run fast. Another example is, uh... hm. That's pretty much it."[[note]]To be fair, ''Film/ReturnOfTheLivingDead'' had fast zombies first - and introduced the concept of ''Braaaaaaaaaaaains''.[[/note]]
* The crew get the riff that Ben resembles UsefulNotes/BarackObama quickly and out of the way.
** Along with the riff of, "[[TheBlackDudeDiesFirst I'm the black guy in a horror movie!]]" when Ben tells Barbara that he's also afraid.
* The many {{Running Gag}}s about Barbara's HeroicBSOD (mumbling about candy and such), Harry's constant seething rage at everything, and Karen identifying herself as Mrs. Cooper (which also inevitably leads to a ''Series/HanginWithMrCooper'' reference.)
** However, when Barbara starts talking nonstop about her brother's death, Kevin ponders if the first sign of zombie infection is ChewingTheScenery.
* When Karen kills her mother:
-->'''Mike:''' The logical conclusion to [[HereComesHoneyBooBoo the Honey Boo Boo saga]]!
** Also, "She's been spade!" is one of the best puns ever delivered at a Rifftrax event.
* Mike's voice for a police dog near the end--"[[ScoobyDoo Rut? Rombies?!]]"--causes Bill Corbett to lose it for about thirty seconds.
* In a case of AccidentalInnuendo, there's a segment in the movie where a local police chief is being interviewed on TV, and he mentions how he and his posse ran into a bunch of ghouls, but they were able to "beat them off". Big laughs followed as Mike, Kevin & Bill [[ADateWithRosiePalms interpret that phrase a bit differently]] and it's off to the races.
** Also: "Thousands of people are dying but this guy's having a great time!"
* Outside with the zombies: "'Cause [[Music/{{Thriller}} this is Thriller, Thriller]] -- oh, come on, you're not even trying!"
* The opening short is ''Norman Gives a Speech'', and the riffers lead into it with an AudienceParticipation UNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNGH-along. (The key is to have it come from a place of utter despair.)
* "Say what you want about the zombies, but at least they're not Instagramming pictures of their food!"
* The riffers concluding that Ben and Harry are suffering from BelligerentSexualTension.
-->'''Bill:''' Can't you two see that you're in love with each other?!

[[AC:''Film/SantaClausConquersTheMartians'']]
* From the pre-show Trivia Slide background songs: ''[[CrossesTheLineTwice Grandma Cooked the Dog]]''.
* Snoopy from the ''Santa Claus and the Fairy Snow Queen'' short evokes a ''lot'' of memories of MrBNatural. Her AnnoyingLaugh gets a lot of mileage, too.
-->'''Mike:''' (Imitating Snoopy when she sees the toy soldier.) Your hat is obviously CompensatingForSomething! Nyehehehehehehe!
* Mimicking the jack-in-the-box and his horribly nasal voice.
-->'''Bill:''' How romantic, when your final moment together is cemented with the words- (mimics the jack-in-the-box) LAST KISS!
* Renaming Chochum as Gandalf the Green.
** On that note
-->'''Chochum:''' What time of year is it?
-->'''Kimar:''' It's the middle of Septober.
-->'''Kevin:''' (as Chochum) I thought it was Febuly!
** Also, while Chochum is describing Christmas to the Martian counsel:
-->'''Bill:''' (as Chochum) All the Chinese restaurants are full of Jews!
* The "Lower landing legs!" segment.
* During the scene with Torg:
-->'''Kimar:''' Torg! Come out of the space ship! Torg! Come! Out! Of! The! Space! Ship!
-->'''Bill:''' Torg, go!
-->''((Kevin starts singing Torgo's theme and doing a dance version of Torgo's walk)''.
-->'''Bill:''' No, ''no'', '''''no''''', go back in your ''own'' [[Film/ManosTheHandsOfFate movie]]!
-->'''Mike:''' ''(as Torgo)'' [=YoU CaLLeD mE=]?
-->'''Bill:''' AWAY!
-->''(Crowd bursts into thunderous applause.)''
** Followed by "Creator/AlexTrebek's Funeral March" when Torg first appears on screen.
--->'''Bill:''' He was in Double Series/{{Jeopardy}}!
* Turning all of Billy's dialogue in the first half of the movie to, "Come on, Betty! No, wait a minute!"
* Mike's "Screw them," riff after Santa is assured that the elves would be unfreezed eventually.
* "Diabeetus!"
* Pretty much everything in the mind-meltingly bizarre short "Santa and the Fairy Snow Queen", from Snoopy (the new Mr. B Natural) to the Candy Lion ("I can eat candy!")
** The Candy Lion gets a CallBack in the main movie, when a character's downing food pills with sweet flavors. "I can eat candy, too!" "Get out of here, Candy Lion!"
* Not visible to the people outside of the actual show, but after Bill flubs several lines he [[HeroicBSOD falls to his hands and knees]] and [[ScrewThisImOuttaHere tries to crawl away from the stage]] while Mike and Kevin [[ThrowItIn stop riffing and drag Bill back to his feet]].
* Near the end of the movie, when everyone's saying their goodbyes. Kimar and Momar wish Santa luck and all that as he heads back to Earth.
-->'''Santa:''' And I wish ''you''...
-->'''Bill:''' (as Santa) had not kidnapped ''me''.
* Kevin being creeped out when Werner von Green talks about a "final phase"
* When Droppo is discovered on the ship and begins messing with the controls:
-->'''Mike:''' "Oh, Droppo, you lovable scamp, you've doomed us all!"

[[AC:''Film/{{Sharknado}}'']]
* The pre-show cards continue to be a hoot:
** Movie Mistakes: Creator/MeganFox as [[Film/TeenageMutantNinjaTurtles2014 April O'Neil]].
** Movie Mistakes: Any time a character is shown using Bing for a web search.
** Movie Mistakes: In ''Film/JawsTheRevenge'', director Joseph Sargent accidentally let the cameras capture scripted scenes on film and released the footage to the viewing public.
** Movie Mistakes: Clownfish are born hermaphrodites and can change reproductive organs [[ParentalIncest to mate with their offspring]] if their other mate dies -- a glaring plot hole in ''WesternAnimation/FindingNemo''.
** Movie Mistakes: Creator/TheAsylum has never produced an unprofitable film.
** Movie Quotes: "Could we please have a ''[[Film/QuantumOfSolace QUANTUM OF SILENCE]]'' around here?!" - Film/JamesBond, ''Double-Oh, Dad!''
** Movie Quotes: "I'm a man with a very particular set of... [[ArcFatigue eh you know what, just keep her this time]].", Creator/LiamNeeson, ''Film/{{Taken}} 3''
** Spoiler Alert!: The next season of ''Series/TrueDetective'' will have 16 detectives, and it's a RealityShow to see who's the truest detective of all.
** Spoiler Alert!: The final battle in ''Film/DawnOfThePlanetOfTheApes'' has the simian army facing its deadliest foe yet: [[CuriousGeorge The Man With the Yellow Hat]].
** Did You Know?: Ian Ziering was rated "Best Looking Guy from ''[[Series/BeverlyHills90210 90210]]''" in a poll conducted in a poll of randomly selcted Ian Zierings.
** Did You Know?: Creator/SyFy used to be called the Creator/SciFiChannel and aired [[Series/MysteryScienceTheater3000 a plucky little cult show featuring a cast of wacky characters.]] And that show was ''Wrestling/{{ECW}} [[BaitAndSwitch Wrestling]]''.
** ''Film/{{Sharknado}}'' has an 82% "Fresh" rating on RottenTomatoes [[DespairEventHorizon so why don't we just]] [[WatchingTroyBurn burn everything and]] SaltTheEarth right now.
** ''Platypusicane!'' starring [[Film/CrocodileDundee Paul Hogan]] as Dirk Outback, discoverer of the platypus, and whose saliva is the only antidote to its deadly venom. Shannon Elizabeth co-stars.
* They replay ''Film/ACaseOfSpringFever'' before the movie.
** The fact that the guy who wished for springs to disappear, only for them to come back, and for him to talk nonstop about springs to his buddies while golfing. Implying, among other things, that he talked about springs for the entirety of their hours long car ride to the course.
-->'''Bill:''' COILY IS YOUR GOD NOW.
** Coily's introduction:
-->'''Coily:''' "The name's Coily: Coily the Spring-Sprite they call me!"
-->'''Kevin:''' [[AGodAmI "I am the one true GOD!"]]
* The RunningGag at early on in the film when characters refer to Fin as some of Ian Ziering's fellow ''Series/BeverlyHills90210'' cast members, including Tori Spelling.
** Reaches BrickJoke status at the end of the sequel too.
* Many comments on the ''horrible'' continuity:
-->'''Bill:''' ''(shot of a completely calm day on a sunny beach)'' Meanwhile, ten feet away from the ''hurricane-slash-shark attack.''
* Mike's increasing SanitySlippage at a tissue caught in Fin's windshield wipers.
* As a white Bronco passes by in one shot: "Hey, O. J."
* Having a character named April in the movie made this joke inevitable:
-->'''Fin:''' April! April!
-->'''Bill:''' The [[WesternAnimation/TeenageMutantNinjaTurtles ninja turtles]] are in trouble! We need ya!
* As the main characters head into a liquor store: "Look out, gin. Tara's home!"
** Tara gets mocked a lot, and every time it's hilarious. "Oh, look, she's trying to act! How sweet!"
** "She hasn't been the same since Uwe Boll stopped returning her calls."
** She does get one moment though by kicking a dolly with a chainsaw over to Fin and Bill exclaims, "Welcome to Taradise, bitches!"
* When some sharks are raining down on a retirement home, and one lands in a pool where an old man is floating near the edge.
-->'''Mike:''' ''(as the old man)'' Finally, sweet death is upon us! ''(grabs old woman and pulls her in)'' Come on, Ester!
* At the end, when Fin is cutting his way out of the shark that swallowed him:
-->'''Bill:''' That's not really him. It's just another chainsaw-wielding guy that got eaten by a shark.
-->'''Kevin:''' Fingers crossed for Creator/BruceCampbell!
-->(The audience goes nuts.)

''[[AC:Film/{{Godzilla 1998}}]]''
* The show debuted the new [=RiffTrax=] bumper, which included, among other things, [[Film/{{Avatar}} Navi]] being chased by [[WesternAnimation/TheSmurfs Gargamel]] holding a butterfly net and [[Literature/{{Twilight}} Edward Cullen]] being staked by ComicBook/TheMightyThor; as a MythologyGag, a shot of the [[Series/MysteryScienceTheater3000 Satellite of Love]] can briefly be seen. The intro included a new song by Creator/JonathanCoulton and animated by Creator/HarryPartridge.
* The pre-show cards included:
** Anagrams: Cdae Yaereg
*** Hahahahahahaha, seriously, Cade Yeager is Marky Mark's actual character name in ''[[Film/TransformersAgeOfExtinction Transformers 4]]''
** Anagrams: [[Franchise/{{Gamera}} Garema]]
*** A GAMER (what, you were expecting something else?)
** Spoiler Alert: Godzilla wins - ''[[WesternAnimation/BambiMeetsGodzilla Bambi Vs. Godzilla]]''
** Spoiler Alert: ''Film/DawnOfThePlanetOfTheApes'' turns out to be a commercial for Dawn's new ape-friendly dish soap.
** Spoiler Alert: Apparently Godzilla [[CaptainObvious is some kind of supersized lizard]]. Who knew!
** Spoiler Alert: The television series ''Series/TwinPeaks'' [[CaptainObvious contains two peaks.]] [[TheUnreveal Sorry for ruining it!]]
** Hollywood Lingo: "UncannyValley" - When a CGI or animatronic character looks almost human and evokes feelings of unease or digust. (See also JohnLeguizamo.)
** Hollywood Lingo: "AlanSmithee" - the pseudonym used by directors of cinematic disasters, was retired in 2000. It's since been replaced by "Uwe Boll".
** Hollywood Lingo:: "Reboot" - pinata full of cash
** Movie Mistakes: Using the term "canon" to refer to [[Franchise/{{Godzilla}} the series of cheap movies about the big rubbery dinosaur]].
** Movie Mistakes: Caring who directs ''Film/AntMan''
** Movie Mistakes: Forgetting how to train your dragon, thus necessitating the sequel ''WesternAnimation/HowToTrainYourDragon2''.
** Movie Mistakes: [[Film/GodzillavsMegalon Jet Jaguar]]
** Movie Quotes: "I hear he's a very nice person in real life." - the closest to a positive review any recent Creator/AdamSandler movie has received
** Movie Quotes: "Some men just want to watch the world burn. Others prefer comfortable shoes." - from ''Film/TheDarkKnight Gets Into the Shoe Business''
** Movie Quotes: "Some men just want to watch the world burn. Hey, have you tried these bacon-wrapped figs?" - from ''Film/TheDarkKnight Won't Stop Recommending Bacon-Wrapped Figs''
** Movie Quotes: "Some men just want to watch the world burn. Typical Scorpios, am I right?" - from ''Film/TheDarkKnight Dates a Woman Who's All About Astrology''
** Movie Quotes: "@!#?@!" - VideoGame/QBert: Live in Concert
** Movie Quotes: "What the?! Where the hell are the Owls of Ga'Hoole?!" - Guy who thinks ''Film/GuardiansOfTheGalaxy'' is a sequel to ''WesternAnimation/LegendOfTheGuardiansTheOwlsOfGahoole''
** Did You Know? The mayor and his assistant in 1998's ''Godzilla'' are based on Series/SiskelAndEbert. In fact, the whole movie is a lot like Siskel and Ebert (present day).
* The biggest laugh came from when Nick buys pregancy tests from a clerk. The scene is strikingly familiar.
-->'''Broderick''': Do you have any at-home pregnancy tests? Especially ones that look for gonadotropic hormones or clomiphene citrate?
-->'''Mike:''' ''(as clerk)'' [[Film/TheRoom Oh hi, Johnny, I didn't know it was you!]] Where's doggy?
* Many riffs on New York. One line brought down the house in the Regal Union Square Stadium 14 in New York. When the Audrey and Animal are going down a wrecked subway station, Kevin exclaims, "Still better than the G train - am I right, New York?" It was followed by another line that caused the New Yorkers to explode in applause: when [[BadVibrations the station begins to shake]], Kevin states that it's either Godzilla or NJ Governor Chris Christie approaching.
* After one too many scenes of [[FunnyForeigner Jean Reno]] complaining about [[CulturalPosturing American food]], the guys get fed up.
-->'''Bill:''' American coffee! Movie critics! Emmerich's grudges ''explode'' across the screen!
-->'''Kevin:''' ''[[MundaneMadeAwesome GODZILLA!]]''
* After two ships are attacked and the crews are left paddling in the ocean, they insert this exchange between two crew members;
--> Ted, [[Film/{{Titanic 1997}} my heart will go on]]!
--> I don't care, Bob!
* The film has a scene with three helicopters called Echo 1, 2, and 4. They get a couple good jokes out of the odd numbering.
--> "This is Echo 3, can I land now?"
--> "Shut up!"
* One of the times Jean Reno shoots out a security lock and kicks the door down.
--> '''Bill:''' Sacre '''BOOM!'''
* This:
-->'''Roaché:''' Elvis Presley. He was the King.
-->'''Mike:''' And somewhere, [[Series/FullHouse Uncle Jesse]] nods his approval.
* On Tatopoulos' CaptainObvious statement about islands.
-->'''Tatopoulos''': An island, water on all four sides...
-->'''Mike''': [[SarcasmMode You mean as opposed to an island with ''land'' on all four sides?]]
* Many riffs on how little anyone seems especially bothered by the carnage:
-->'''Caiman:''' And many people are not happy about it.
-->'''Kevin:''' They're 'not happy' about the ''mass casualties''!
* Shout-Outs to other famous Toho kaiju:
-->'''Bill:''' Meanwhile, [[GhidorahTheThreeHeadedMonster King Ghidorah]], desperate for attention, keys some guy's car in Toledo.
* When Audrey yells at the TV that it's "Gojira" not "Godzilla"
-->'''Kevin''': Whatever you say, female neckbeard!
* When Zilla munches on a helicopter:
-->'''Itadakimasu!'''
* Steam rising from the sewer manholes can only mean one thing: The [[TeenageMutantNinjaTurtles Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles]] are totally baked!
-->"Dude, our sensei is a talking rat!"
-->"Heh, Donatello ''does'' machines!"
* When the army gathers up tons of fish for Godzilla
--> '''Soldier:''' Alright, you bastard, time for supper.
--> '''Mike:''' [[TakeThat Golden Corral's]] new slogan.
* The crew's lampooning of Mayor Ebert.
--> "Next thing you know, she's going to be saying that [[Creator/RogerEbert video games are an art form]]!"
* The gang's reaction to the inexplicable usage of the word "sweets".
--> "Sweets? What are you, a 1980s English grandma?!"
* The [[{{Squick}} reaction]] to Niko singing "Singin' in the Rain".
--> "[[CrossesTheLineTwice This is even less attractive than the]] ''[[Film/AClockworkOrange Clockwork Orange]]'' [[CrossesTheLineTwice version]]."
* Noting that Godzilla uses its fiery breath only twice in the whole film, to almost no effect:
--> '''Mike:''' Oh, I guess his pilot light was out.

''[[AC:{{Film/Anaconda}}]]''
* The pre-show cards this time around:
** Movie Mistakes: Optimism for ''[[Franchise/{{Ghostbusters}} Ghostbusters 3]]''.
** Movie Mistakes: Creator/PeterJackson bought [[Film/TheHobbit a Hobbit movie]] [[Film/{{Gremlins}} from a spooky old gift shop, got it wet, fed it after midnight]], and it turned into [[Film/TheHobbitAnUnexpectedJourney three]] [[Film/TheHobbitTheDesolationOfSmaug Hobbit]] [[Film/TheHobbitTheBattleOfTheFiveArmies movies]].
** Movie Mistakes: On the DVD box set of ''Film/{{Anaconda}}'', ''Anacondas: The Hunt for the Blood Orchid'', ''Anaconda 3: The Offspring'', and ''Anacondas: Trail of Blood'', there isn't [[{{Ouroboros}} a snake swallowing its tail]].
** Movie Mistakes: There are no {{Wendigo}}s in ''Anaconda'', a major oversight to this one weird guy at the office who won't stop talking about Wendigos.
** Spoiler Alert: ''Series/TrueDetective'' season 3 will star Film/SantaAndTheIceCreamBunny.
** Spoiler Alert: Despite the [[NonIndicativeTitle misleading title]], Creator/LiamNeeson's movie ''Film/AWalkAmongTheTombstones'' contains no frozen pizza. Thumbs down.
** Anagrams: [[Film/DraculaUntold DRCALU NUTOLD]] ''(next card)'' DRACULA IT'S BEEN TOLD SEVERAL TIMES
** Anagrams: Film/{{SSSSSSS}} (Hint: It's a 1973 horror film about snakes starring Strother Martin and Dirk Benedict.) ''(next card)'' SSSSSSS (Cheer if you got it!)
** Did You Know?: The new TV series ''Series/{{Gotham}}'' explores the childhood of the city's most famous and beloved heroes, [[Film/BatmanAndRobinSerial Gabe]].
** Did You Know?: [[{{Hipster}} Your friend]] who was really into the ''[[ComicBook/GuardiansOfTheGalaxy Guardians of the Galaxy]]'' [[ComicBook/GuardiansOfTheGalaxy comics]] before [[Film/GuardiansOfTheGalaxy the movie]] came out [[ItsPopularNowItSucks is lying]].
** Did You Know?:
--->[[Series/MysteryScienceTheater3000 MST3K]] is referenced in the lyrics video for Music/NickiMinaj's butt song, which is called Anaconda.
--->JenniferLopez, star of tonight's movie ''Anaconda'', also has a new butt song.
--->[[InsaneTrollLogic Conclusion: [=RiffTrax=] and butts are the center of the universe.]]
** Movie Quotes: "What's in the bag, a shark or something?" - Nic Cage, [[Film/TheWickerMan finally vindicated]] in the film ''Nic Cage Has Dinner at the Shark-In-a-Bag Cafe''
* While introducing the film, Bill accidentally refers to Music/JenniferLopez as Creator/JenniferLawrence. HilarityEnsues once he is informed of the mistake he made.
* This bit:
-->'''JonVoight:''' You're in the jungle.
-->'''Bill:''' [[Music/GunsnRoses YOU'RE GONNA DIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEE!!]]
* Many of the actors' performances were spared, with the exception of John Voight. The riffers had something for him in nearly every shot.
** Especially about how incredibly, obviously evil he is:
-->'''Sarone:''' This river can kill you in a thousand ways.
-->'''Kevin:''' Drowning, crocodiles, [[BreadEggsMilkSquick psychotic hitchhikers]]... no, wait! Forget that last one!
* Bill pointing out [[{{Blooper}} the infamous reverse waterfall]].
* When a certain actor falls into the river:
--> "The water is colder now because it has an Music/IceCube in it!"
* Early in the movie, Eric Stoltz and J-Lo are watching the glow from a large group of fireflies. Stoltz mentions how the male fireflies communicate using "big, masculine flashes". Leading to...
--> '''Bill:''' Speaking of "masculine flashes", ZZZZIIIIIP, FLOP!
* The anaconda attacks a character in the kitchen.
--> '''Kevin''': Ah, so since the kitchen doesn't have buns, hon, the anaconda DON'T want none. (the audience groans, applauds) WE HAD TO DO IT!

''[[AC: [[Film/SantaClaus1959 Santa Claus]]]]''
* The pre-show cards this time around:
** Depressing Christmas Specials: [[ComicStrip/{{Garfield}} Lyman's]] Christmas alone after [[ChuckCunninghamSyndrome John Arbuckle kicked him out and kept Odie for some reason.]]
** Depressing Christmas Specials: Christmas in Balloonland [[note]]A reference to the Z-grade kiddy matinee film, ''Fun In Balloon Land''.[[/note]]
** Movie Quotes: "By the way, Katniss, I loved you in {{Film/Anaconda}}." - Peeta, Film/TheHungerGamesMockingjayPart1 [[note]]For those who didn't attend the Rifftrax Live presentation of {{Film/Anaconda}}, this is a CallBack to Bill accidentally referring to Music/JenniferLopez as Creator/JenniferLawrence.[[/note]]
* Yet another "At Your Fingertips" short, entitled "Sugar and Spice" about making molded candy decorations.
--> '''Kevin''': Now we're at the point where this film answers the important question: are egg cartons grass?
** At the end, the narrator suggests they can eat the molds (made entirely of sugar and food coloring): "Enjoy a nice big helping of diabetes, kids!"
* When Santa gets a letter from a boy asking for a new brother:
--> '''Kevin''': Well, Santa's gonna get ''bizzzzzaaayy!''
* While Pitch gloats over his plot to make three little boys misbehave:
--> '''Mike:''' "Meanwhile the other devils are causing a terrible famine in Africa."
* During the montage of Santa's child slaves:
--> '''Mike:''' The British kids' performance was so bad we're not even going to show it.
** All the jokes pertaining to Santa's helpers from all the countries.
*** The African kids pretty much didn't need a riff thanks to the UnfortunateImplications of how they are depicted, although there is a joke about how this is Christmas for Gov. George Wallace.
*** Because the Japanese kids have absolutely no enthusiasm at all, the riffers claim they've reached "Someone threatening to kill their dog off screen" levels of excitement and that the one on the left is trying to blink a message for help to his parents.
*** Before that there's Mike's riff about Santa paying an elf to dress up as Godzilla and sneak up on the kids.
*** The kids from the Caribbean: "This song is called, [[PiratesOfTheCaribbean "Please Don't Let Johnny Depp Make a Fifth One."]]
*** The German kids sing an apology for trying to invade other countries, and say they'll "try" not to do it again.
*** When focused on the group of kids from South America, the riffers think that some of the Argentines are actually [[ArgentinaIsNaziland German]].
*** The American kids, which consist of a boy and girl dressed as cowhands and plucking awkwardly at guitars: "[[WesternAnimation/ToyStory2 Woody and Jessie's]] album was ''very'' poorly recieved."
*** One of the kids in the Mexican delegation is ''clearly'' a marionette.
*** Santa introduces kids from "The Orient"; this is after China and Japan have gone. Cut to a belly dancer and snake charmer as the very confused riffers try to figure out which of the many countries of "The Orient" they come from.
---->'''Mike:''' (As the bellydancer dances) Ladies and Gentlemen: Hot Property!
** About halfway through this interminable sequence: "To answer your next question, there are one hundred and ninety-six countries in the world..."
* One of Pitch's evil thoughts whispered to someone sleeping: [[PokeThePoodle "Eat gluten!"]]
* On a close-up of Pitch's face: "You can barely tell that it's [[Film/{{Hellboy}} Ron Perlman under that make-up."]]
* When the devils dance around during their introduction, Kevin starts singing [[Theatre/AChorusLine "I hope I get it!"]]. This was actually the contest-winning guest riff.
** "Creator/AndrewLloydWebber's ''Literature/ParadiseLost''!"
* Due to the god-awful dub, when Lupita's mom tells her the story of Christmas, it sounds like she's saying "the birth of Craig" instead of "the birth of Christ". Craig immediately became the riffers' new god and got a couple of callbacks later on.
--> '''Mike:''' (as Lupita's mother, as she does the Sign of the Cross near the end of the film) [[BrickJoke Thank you, Craig]].
* The RunningGag of Lupita's dad being addicted to cockfighting, which is why they're broke. His first reaction when he sees Lupita's doll is [[CrossingTheLineTwice to to try and figure out how much he can hock it for]].
* Yet another RunningGag of Merlin's walking. "Doo-be-doo-be-doo-be-doo-be..."
* As Santa is losing weight in order to fit down chimneys, the low angle shot makes it appear to the riffers that Santa is about to take a crap.
* Bill and Kevin re-enacting King Theoden's rally cry as the Rohirim arrive at Peleanor Fields in ''Film/TheReturnOfTheKing'' as Santa prepares to head down to Earth, with the Nashville audience joining in with the "DEATH!" chant.
* While Santa is reading children's letters:
--> '''Santa''': "I have been very obedient..."
--> '''Bill''': It's from [[LIterature/FiftyShadesOfGrey Anastasia Steele]]!
* One riff involves Lupita pointing out the FridgeLogic of her father trying to find a job at 4:00AM on Christmas Eve.
* Keeping up with the tradition of using the Teletalker as the basis of a dirty joke, one line mentions how Santa, while he's delivering toys, has his helpers keep Merlin away from the machine while he's gone.
* As the evil trio plan yet another attempt to capture Santa Claus:
--> '''Boy''': As soon as Santa Claus lands on the roof there, all three of us will jump on him! We'll tie him up, and stick him in a sack..."
--> '''Bill''': And we'll blame it on the [[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/West_Memphis_Three West Memphis Three]]!
* On the infamous laughing reindeer:
-->'''Mike:''' "Bow down before Blitzen! BOW DOWN!!"

''[[AC: Film/TheRoom]]''
* Among the songs played during the pre-show includes a new song from the Rifftones about the effects of a computer virus on [[Music/{{Vocaloid}} Miku Hatsune]] titled "My Girlfriend Has a Virus."
* The short was the final "At Your Fingertips" video. With the guys remarking how bored the kids look while building boats out of garbage.
* Prior to the first Johnny/Lisa sex scene: "For those of you who associate positive things with the word 'sex,' [[FanDisservice that is all about to change.]]"
* Bill comparing Johnny's naked body to the body Music/WeirdAlYankovic had during the Franchise/{{Rambo}} sequence in ''Film/{{UHF}}''.
* During the spiral staircase sex scene, Bill and Mike act out just how difficult, awkward, and painful sex on a spiral staircase would be, and ''really'' getting into it...and Kevin is just standing there laughing his ass off.
* [[Music/SimonAndGarfunkel "Oh hai, darkness, my old friend!"]]
*
--> '''Johnny''': If more people loved each other, the world would be a better place!
--> '''Kevin''': [[TakeThat He just wrote a]] Music/{{Coldplay}} song!
* When Lisa offers Johnny a drink:
--> '''Lisa''': If you love me, you'll drink this.
--> '''Mike''': Seven words you don’t want to hear Creator/BillCosby say.
* During the first sex scene, the awkward position of the characters lead the guys to assume Johnny must have had a "hip dick" installed. This becomes a running gag throughout the show.
* The RunningGag of Mark's random remark that he's thinking of moving to a bigger place since he's making a lot of money.
* The fact that afterward they played a commercial advertising ''[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5qHlkx41wPU Tommy Wiseau's underwear line]].'' It's ''almost'' as bizarre as ''The Room''.
* When Johnny, Denny, and Mark make terrible chicken noises at Peter.
--> '''Mike''': The entire [[Series/ArrestedDevelopment Bluth family]] then left the theater, disgusted.

''[[AC: Film/Sharknado2TheSecondOne]]''
* Before the pre-show cards, a test feed (consisting of footage from either a previous live show or a film riffed in a previous show) is broadcasted to give theaters showing the event some time to make sure that everything is properly set up. For ''Sharknado 2'', the test feed was labelled with the following caption:
--> '''[[Music/KatyPerry Left Shark]] Test Material Only'''.
* The pre-show cards return!
** Future Made For TV Movies: ''Ben Stein Reads the Entire iTunes User Terms of Service.'' [[ExactlyWhatItSaysOnTheTin Exactly What it Means]]. Running Time: 6 Hours
*** Another future TV movie is ''Groots'', an epic five-part miniseries about [[GuardiansOfTheGalaxy the struggles of sentient trees]].
*** ''Sharknadonado:'' a tornado made of Sharknados wreaks havoc on [[WritingByTheSeatOfYourPants the writer who came up with this idea 30 minutes before his deadline.]]
** "What You Need to Know: You really don't want a reboot of ''Series/FullHouse.'' You may think you do, but you don't. Trust us."
** ''"Film/FiftyShadesOfGrey'' has grossed $569 Million worldwide, [[DespairEventHorizon proving that our species is destined to die on this planet]]."
** "Did You Know: The trailer for the upcoming ''SpiderMan'' reboot is the only time when shouting 'TooSoon' is legally required".
* Two words from even before the opening credits:
-->'''Bill:''' [[Creator/WilWheaton Wheaton?]] Eaten!
* Mark [=McGrath=]'s character on being remembered as part of the "Dynamic Duo" when he and Fin were young and Mike's response:
-->'''Mark:''' I thought I was Batman!
-->'''Mike:''' You were Aunt Harriet, at best!
* The cameo of Subway spokesman Jared Fogle was appropriately met with booing, and the riffers uncomfortably mentioning that "we had a joke for this on Monday, but..." [[note]]The week that the live show premiered, [[http://www.nbcnews.com/news/us-news/cops-raid-home-subway-spokesman-jared-fogle-n387926 Fogle's house was raided under the suspicion that he possessed child pornography.]][[/note]]
* A garbage truck driving away from the rolling, severed head of the Statue of Liberty, which has long since crashed to the streets.
-->'''Bill''': [[ArtisticLicensePhysics Go to hell, physics]]!
* When April pulls a severed arm out of a dead shark's mouth:
-->'''Bill:''' The sharks got [[Film/MadMaxFuryRoad Furiosa!]]
* The storm is described as "Blowing sharks down Broadway," which the guys decide is the adults-only version of ''Theatre/WestSideStory''.
* The RunningGag of Fin being in love with Skye's father rather than her back in the day.
* This ShoutOut:
-->'''Mayor:''' Fin, we brought you something- (He unveils a chainsaw) And we didn't have to go to Jersey to get it!
-->'''Fin:''' Sweet!
-->'''Mike:''' Or, you might even say, "[[Film/TheEvilDead Groovy]]!"
* The eleventh-hour cameo by, of all people, ''Wrestling/KurtAngle'', who is referred to as an "inflated Creator/VinDiesel."

''[[AC: Film/MiamiConnection]]''
* The usual array of pre-show cards:
** "Spoilers: In ''Film/TheMartian'' Matt Damon survives living on the red planet by building an [[WesternAnimation/LooneyTunes Illudium Q-36 Explosive Space Modulator]]."
** "Spoiler Alert: ''Concussion'' has a happy ending when repeated head trauma causes Will Smith to forget he was ever in ''Film/AfterEarth''."
* The short ''Measuring Man'' is several minutes of uncomfortably hilarious ValuesDissonance, as it features a superhero taking a young boy away to a "secret place" and giving him treats.
-->'''Measuring Man:''' ''[narrating]'' When we got to Measuring Land, I asked Tommy how big he was.
-->''[Mike, Kevin, and Bill scream in horror]''
-->'''Kevin:''' Oh, God! Someone call the police!
** Measuring Man's introduction is one of those moments that doesn't require any additional comments from the guys. Just think Superman with an MM insignia instead of the S, having various [[VisualInnuendo phallic measuring tools]] (and a long, sparkly item) on his belt and [[ClarkKenting not even bothering to take off the glasses when in his superhero persona]].
* Kevin's DistractedByTheSexy moment during the sample clip of ''Jack and the Beanstalk''.
-->'''Bill:''' Kevin! She's young enough to be your great-granddaughter!
* From the movie:
** Getting the audience to participate by clapping off-tempo and doing bad air guitar during "Against the Ninja."
** Kevin making sure to point out the fact that Tom leans in closer to allow a thug to pour beer on him.
** As Tom is getting shoved around by several women on the beach:
---> '''Mike:''' ''[as Tom]'' Yeah, slap me around. Now call me Measuring Man!
** Mike's TheDogWasTheMastermind moment of the restaurant owner plotting to take over America starting with Dragon Sound.
** The entire trio doing a classic, "Lllladies~" as three gang members all remove their sunglasses at once.
** The unusually light requirements of how to be considered a tough guy during the "Tough Guy" song.
** The RunningGag of Jim's BigOMG combined with ScreamsLikeALittleGirl.
** The climax is full of great moments:
*** The many riffs of the horribly SafetyWorst manner in which Mark pulls the wounded Jim to safety.
*** Mark begins his RoaringRampageOfRevenge.
---> '''Kevin:''' [Mark]'s in a berserker state. It won't look good if he runs into that old people's bird-watching society.
*** The three ninjas who argue over whose turn it is to stand in the middle.
*** John attempting to dramatically rip his shirt off only for it to get stuck, as Bill gladly points out.
** Bill correcting Jim's father that addressing a Mark in any of these movies must be done with, "[[CallBack Ohai]] [[Film/TheRoom Mark]]!"

''[[AC: Film/SantaAndTheIceCreamBunny (Jack and the Beanstalk Version)]]''
* From the "Santa's Enchanted Village" short while Puss 'N Boots is arguing with Stinky the Skunk.
-->'''Bill:''' Kids love it when furries have labor disputes!
** From the same short, the wheezy accordion sounds that accompany the Wolf, described variously as "John Cage playing the accordion while having a seizure," "[[Music/WeirdAlYankovic Weird Al]] falling down the stairs," "two accordions doin' it," and "[[WesternAnimation/LooneyTunes Wile E. Coyote]] after being flattened by a boulder."
*** "[[TheLordOfTheRings Wormtongue-in-Boots]]".
* The giant's actor in the ''Jack and the Beanstalk'' segment is a LargeHam with NoIndoorVoice, resulting in being very unintentionally funny, so the riffers have a ''lot'' of fun when he's onscreen and make it even funnier.
* The entire scene of "Sonny and Cher and Cameltoe."
* During one of the scenes where Jack is climbing back up the beanstalk, the guys pretend the scene is padded because Santa is taking a pee break and Mike literally pours a jug of water into the bucket for foley as Kevin catches the sounds with his mic.
* An unintentional BrickJoke as one of the riffs has the giant's wife asking, "Why didn't I marry that [[Film/{{Shrek}} farting green ogre]]?" and one of her later lines has her telling the giant, "I'm going over to visit Mrs. Ogre." [[FridgeBrilliance She was going to visit Fiona]]?
* As the Ice Cream bunny drives the kids towards Santa.
-->'''Mike:''' I've given up trying to steal your Trix. Instead I'm taking you to our [[Film/SoylentGreen Soylent Trix]] factory. Trix are from kids!
* Shortly after the Ice Cream Bunny's introduction, Mike and Kevin both looked over at Bill with intense glee as they knew Bill's hilarious EvilLaugh for the ICB was coming. He did not disappoint.
* Played during the credits, "[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rBH5-sHD_Y0 Here Comes the Ice Cream Bunny]]"
* At the Belcourt Theater, there were ''two'' Ice Cream Bunnies. One male, one female (who came separately). The riffers didn't fail to notice. In fact, outside on line, Kevin screamed on seeing the first (very faithful looking) Ice Cream Bunny.
-->'''Bill:''' ''Let them fight!''

''[[AC: Film/TimeChasers]]''

* The pre-show cards included this time:
** '''Did You Know?''': The most devastating emotional drama next year is a re-telling of ''Film/TheNatural'' [[PerspectiveFlip from the point of view of]] [[AnimateInanimateObject an anthropomorphic family of stadium lights.]]
** '''Did You Know?''': Adjusting for deforestation since the 1967 original, ''Film/TheJungleBook2016'' remake is only 29 minutes long.
** '''Did You Know?''': They canceled the rest of those ''Franchise/StarWars'' movies, even though [[StarWarsTheForceAwakens the new one]] made so much money. Weird, right?
** '''Did You Know?''': Tonight's feature will be shown in first person POV, like ''Film/HardcoreHenry''. Finally, your chance to live the life of a Castleton science professor!
** '''Spoiler Alert!''': If you haven't by now, you're never going to see ''Film/{{Trumbo}}''.
** '''Spoiler Alert!''': In ''Film/TheHuntsmanWintersWar'', we learn The Huntsman got his nickname [[ProductPlacement from his staunch ketchup brand loyalty]].
** '''Unpopular Fan Theories''': The [[Wrestling/RoddyPiper main character]] in ''Film/TheyLive'' had [[ChewBubblegum at least three watermelon Bubblicious left in his pocket]].
** '''Unpopular Fan Theories''': Sheldon, the walking egg from ''ComicStrip/USAcres'', grew up to be the goose that smashed into Fabio's face on that roller coaster.
** '''Unpopular Fan Theories''': The Loons in ''Film/OnGoldenPond'' were mutants who had discovered how to use their calls to cause heart attacks in the elderly.
** '''Unpopular Fan Theories''': Creator/HarrisonFord absolutely nailed that ''Film/BladeRunner'' voiceover.
** '''Movie Mistakes''': The ''Franchise/{{Divergent}}'' film series only continues because of a series of escalating dares among Hollywood elites.
** '''Movie Mistakes''': In ''Film/SuicideSquad'', only TheJoker has a forehead tattoo explaining his condition, leaving the rest of the characters' motivation a total mystery.
** '''Movie Mistakes''': The Vermont based producers of ''Film/TimeChasers'' somehow forgot to cast local legend Asahi T-shirt Guy from ''Radical Jack''.
** '''Movie Quotes'''
--->"I could have done more..."\\
"Yeah, like take acting lessons!"\\
"Oooh, ho ho ha ha ho!"
*** Statler and Walfdorf, ''[[Series/TheMuppetShow Muppet]]'' ''Film/SchindlersList''
** '''Movie Quotes''': "It was me. I let the dogs out." - Creator/BillMurray whispering to Scarlett Johannson, ''Film/LostInTranslation''
** '''Anagrams''': [[Film/TheAngryBirdsMovie AGNRY BRIDS]]
*** (next card): AGNRY BRIDS\\
Anagram Strength: Weak.\\
(Must be at least 13 characters long\\
and contain one\\
of the following: !@#$%&
* When two thugs give up the hunt for Nick and Lisa in the future by simply shrugging and leaving the factory.
-->'''Mike:''' I dunno about this acting thing. I quit.
* Mike's LampshadeHanging of why the [=MST3K=] version of the film cut out the rest of the scenes with the taxi driver.
* The "Mastercard?" "Visa?" exchange when Nick and Lisa exchange side glances at each other and are on exact eye level with the two credit card logos.
* When Nick hijacks a boat.
-->'''Nick:''' ''[brandishing a gun]'' Get out!
-->'''Kevin:''' ''[as the fishermen jump into the water]'' Leave... the... bait...
* After Nick escapes using a stolen boat.
-->'''Matt:''' I don't see him, J.K., he must've made the trees.
-->'''Bill:''' God made the trees, you heathen!

[[/folder]]

[[folder: Total Riff Off]]

[[AC: Killer Shrimp N' Friends]]

* During the segment about Marley, the untrainable, thong-swallowing dog.
-->'''Mom:''' My daughter called to me saying, "Mom! Mom! Something's wrong with Marley!"
-->'''Mike:''' She's behaving!
* The crew react at the horrifying habits of koalas.
-->'''Bill:''' So they're a ball of diarrhea, wrapped in chlamydia? Still no different than David Spade.
* During the first segment about the mantis shrimp:
-->"The mantis shrimp is the little JoePesci of the animal kingdom."
-->'''Mike:''' He carries [[Film/GoodFellas a shine box]].

[[AC: Demon Bat]]

* The whole setup even without the riffing as Richard Terry tries to come off as some kind of action hero on a grandiose adventure gives the riffers plenty of material to work with.
* When announced that a mysterious bat-like creature was terrorizing a Central American village.
-->'''Kevin:''' That's just [[Film/TheDarkKnight Christian Bale]] getting in character.
*
-->'''Richard Terry:''' He described the bat as big as a vulture and having huge black beady eyes.
-->'''Kevin:''' It sounds like he was describing Gary Busey.
*
-->'''Bill:''' The only flying demon was the huge loogy he hocked up!
* The RunningGag of Richard Terry overhyping creatures.
-->'''Bill:''' Birds, or as I call them, ''Mayan Beak Demons''!
-->'''Kevin:''' ''(on a snake)'' A wingless monster bat!
*
-->'''Richard Terry:''' I'm trying to find something frightening with large eyes that would frighten the local populace.
-->'''Kevin:''' You know, something that would cause [[Franchise/{{Batman}} a billionaire orphan to wear tights and fight crime.]]
*
-->'''Mike:''' I was just decapitated by a huge demon bat! Oh, wait, I just hit my head on the bathroom stall door.
* After Richard Terry describes his sweat combining with bat guano to form "a lovely, thick guano soup".
-->'''Mike:''' Okay, ''now'' the program has become ''truly'' scary.
*
-->'''Richard Terry:''' I wanted to learn more about vampire bats.
-->'''Mike:''' So I read a book called ''Literature/{{Twilight}}''.
* On a shock-cut to a close-up of a grinning bat:
-->'''Mike:''' ''(as bat)'' Hi. Now I'm in your dreams forever!
** Earlier there's another shock-cut bit:
-->'''Richard Terry:''' They believe that there are good bats that protect the village and demon bats that attack them.
-->''(shock-cut to a grinning bat)''
-->'''Kevin:''' ''(high-pitched voice)'' I'm the ''good'' bat!
* Near the end of the show, we're introduced to "one of the world's foremost experts on vampire bats."
-->'''Kevin:''' Whom they ''really'' should have hired in the first place instead of Our Host.
* Translating what a local is really telling Terry: "Do... something else... with... your life."
* Noting the oddity of Richard's quest:
-->'''Richard:''' I'm searching the cave's of Mexico for a monster bat...
-->'''Bill:''' ''(deadpan)'' As one does.

[[AC: Guy and a Goose]]

* On an old man's relationship with a goose named Maria:
-->'''Kevin:''' Even Joaquin Phoenix's character in ''Film/{{Her}}'' thinks this relationship is kinda pathetic.
* On finding out Maria is actually ''Mario''.
-->'''Kevin:''' The goose's hatred of [[Franchise/SuperMarioBros Koopas]] should have been a clue.
* The entire RunningGag of the legend that is PAUL!
* On a cocker spaniel named Bullwinkle that specializes in finding cadavers.
-->'''Bill:''' Hey, Rocky, watch me pull a cadaver out of my hat!
*
-->'''Dog Trainer:''' ''(holding human foot)'' I'm gonna bury it. I'm gonna put it in some rubble...
-->'''Mike:''' That's what Fred Flintstone said during his affair with Betty.
* Several riffs on the fact that they have actual human remains on hand to test the dog with:
-->'''Bill:''' "I notice that they're still not addressing the question where these remains are coming from."
** When they first announce that they'll be using human remains, Bill gives a startled ''[[FlatWhat "Huh?"]]''
* Slow-motion close-up of a barking Malinois:
--> '''Kevin:''' I'm from Hell!

[[AC: Man V. Monster]]

*
-->'''Richard Terry:''' It's just... thick brown soup down there.
-->'''Mike:''' Welcome to "Some Guy Says Vaguely Gross Phrases"!
* As Richard talks ominously about his search.
-->'''Kevin:''' AAAH, A MONSTER!!! Oh, wait, that's just a small weed.
*
-->'''Kevin:''' ''Man V. Common Species'' just doesn't have the same ring to it.
* "Richard Terrry summed up in five seconds:"
-->'''Richard:''' "There's something black floating past us!" (horror sting, dramatic zoom) "That's a log."
* While Richard is fishing for catfish:
-->'''Kevin:''' "Only Richard Terry would talk about being in the 'firing line' of a ''catfish.''"

[[AC: Animals Behaving Badly]]

* A snake suddenly lands on a car hood while it's driving down a highway.
-->'''Narrator:''' Sometimes they find themselves starring in an unofficial sequel to ''Film/SnakesOnAPlane.''
-->'''Bill:''' But with much higher production values.
* On raccoons.
-->'''Narrator:''' They don't make good pets.
-->'''Bill:''' But they ''do'' make Film/GuardiansOfTheGalaxy, however.
* As a turtle ''humps'' a workman's boot.
-->'''Mike:''' ''(as turtle)'' Yeah, call me Dr. Scholl, baby!
[[/folder]]
----

-->'''Measuring Man:''' (to boy) Now, let's see how big you are...
-->''(Mike, Kevin, and Bill scream in horror)''

---> '''Mike:''' (As Tom) Yeah, slap me around. Now call me Measuring Man!

'''Mike:''' Gentlemen, please! If we can just reach agreement, we are steps away from giving the world the greatest [[ShockSite Lemon Party]] the world has ever seen!\\

--> '''Mike:''' I guess my prayers to that evil wizard worked!

--> '''Bill:''' Damn, these blueprints call for the blood offering of two innocents! Now where am I going to find those?

'''Bill:''' ''(soft)'' Go ''straight'' to hell, Mike.

'''Kevin:''' (singing along) Drugs are like your toys.

-->'''Kid''': All I could think about was all of the fun I was going to miss out on. And then something funny happened: I stopped thinking about me and I started to think about how disappointed the whole family must be.\\
'''Bill''': "Their depression really picked me up!"

-->'''Job Seeker:''' One of the hardest part of writing a resume was putting down my job objective.
-->'''Kevin:''' Ginger walrus!

-->'''Narrator''': After school, Bill was hungry. He was hungry, and he had some money.
-->'''Mike''': So he ate his money.

-->'''Narrator:''' And that...
-->'''Bill:''' AH! THE BOMB!

--> '''Mike:''' (as the boss) "Let me show you something we call 'the hide cellar.'"
--> '''Bill:''' (shuddering) "The tail..."

--> '''Ed:''' "It wasn't my fault! The company just up and started firing people."
--> '''Mike:''' "And for ''some'' reason they started with ''you''?"

-->'''Bill:''' Why are they dancing around a statue of Aragorn's mom?
-->'''Mike:''' ''(chanting)'' [[Literature/TheLordOfTheRings And here's to the sword that will be reforged!]]

-->'''Narrator''': But Mr Bungle didn't stop to wash his hands or comb his hair. He went right to lunch.
-->'''Bill''': Still, he was the cleanest person in the Taco Bell.
-->'''Narrator''': Then instead of waiting in line at the lunchroom, Mr Bungle pushed everyone aside and went right to the front.
-->'''Mike''': As the biggest, it was his right!

-->'''Narrator''': Phil washed his hands well, with lots of soap.
-->''(Phil squirts far more soap than he needs onto his hand)''
-->'''Bill''': He decided to take some soap home for his entire ten-person family!

-->'''Mike:''' "You know who else picked up their tray?"
-->'''Kevin:''' "HITLER!"
-->'''Mike:''' "No! Mr. Bungle!"
-->'''Kevin:''' "Oh, same thing, really!"

--> '''Mike:''' Please. Whatever you're thinking, don'''''OH! OH GOD! HELL IS HOT!'''''

--> '''Announcer''' But what chance does the housewife have without these safety features?
--> '''Mike''' Well she could not wash her clothes in gasoline that would be a start.

--> '''Kevin''': [[[StuffBlowingUp BOOM]]] My car! [[[StuffBlowingUp BOOM]]] My mountain! [[[StuffBlowingUp BOOM]]] My bridge! [[[StuffBlowingUp BOOM]]] My subdivision! [[[StuffBlowingUp BOOM]]] Britney Spears' birthplace! No!
--> '''Bill''': No!
--> '''Mike''': Would you stop that?

--> '''Kevin:''' [[[StuffBlowingUp BOOM]]] "Take that mountain!" [[[StuffBlowingUp BOOM]]] "Ha, cross this, y'ah stupid bridge!" [[[StuffBlowingUp BOOM]]] "Ha...dirt field?" [[[StuffBlowingUp BOOM]]] "My home! I regret my enthusiasm for the earlier explosions!"

--> '''Bill''': "Hundreds Killed in Chinese Quakes" gets lower billing?

--> '''Mike''': They killed VincentPrice.

-->'''Mike:''' Man, Mr. B's [[HartmanHips one hippy son-of-a-gun]], ain't he?
-->'''Kevin:''' ''(disgusted)'' Ugh, Mr. B, sir, ''please!''
-->'''Mr. B:''' I met him [Buzz] while he was in junior high, 12-and-a-half years old.
-->'''Bill:''' Mr. B, why are you saying that with such ''relish''?!

-->'''Mike:''' ''(high pitched voice)'' I'm a creepy sorceror!

-->'''Fred:''' How do you like the new clarinet, Jim?
-->'''Mike:''' ''(SarcasmMode)'' Wow, that's a real panty-dropper, huh.

-->'''Fred:''' Not me, Jeannie...
-->'''Mike:''' ''(falsetto)'' Chicks really dig his [[Creator/PaulReubens Pee Wee Herman]] impression.

-->'''Mr. B:''' Looks like Buzz might be needing me. Well, that's what I'm here for!
-->'''Mike:''' That, and [[ViewerGenderConfusion to issue confusing boners.]]
-->'''Mr. B:''' Better wait til he calls on me, though, til he reaches for the spirit. ''(points at "himself")''
-->'''Kevin:''' Well, he's a 12-and-a-half year old boy. [[ADateWithRosiePalms He probably reaches for the spirit three times a day.]]

-->'''Mr. B:''' Mr. B Natural, at your service!
-->'''Kevin:''' AKA Peter Pansexual!

-->'''Bill:''' Cerebro!
-->'''Mr. B:''' Vivace!
-->'''Mike:''' Magneto!

-->'''Kevin:''' Yep! That's the dance of a tyrannical king if I ever saw one!
-->'''Bill:''' I've ''kicked'' my usurpers to Hell, and taken their lands! My reign of terror is secure, which gives meeeeeeeeeeeeeee confidence!

-->'''Bill:''' This tune says "I find it hilarious I farted after eating Taco Bell...No wait, I have to go to the hospital!"

-->'''Mike:''' ''(as Mr. B)'' I've taken angel dust, see? SEE!?!
-->'''Kevin:''' ''(as Buzz, looking out his window)'' Oh my god, she's pizza! ''(makes puking sound)''

-->'''Music teacher:''' What's your lip size?
-->'''Mr B.:''' Medium!
-->'''Kevin:''' ''(as Mr. B)'' [[HotForStudent Perfect for kissing!]]
-->'''Mike:''' ''(as Buzz, creeped out.)'' Uh, thanks, mister...

--->'''Kevin:''' ''(as Mona Lisa with an Italian accent)'' Norman, you sick, sick man!

--> "A bicycle safety film ''where apes evolve from men''?!"
--> "We're headed over to Cornelius and Zira's for the game."
--> "To the Forbidden Zone!"
--> "It is/is not Ape Law!"

--> '''Kevin:''' Whole lot poo flinging there.
--> '''Mike:''' Oh, Kevin!
--> '''Kevin:''' Well, it's what they ''do'', Mike! YOU'RE LIVING IN DENIAL!

-->'''Headline''': Student Defends Bicycle Ordinance
-->'''Kevin''': ...on slowest news day in history.

-->'''Barker:''' I've, uh, noticed you out there...
-->'''Mike:''' Things you don't want to hear in the locker room.

--->'''Kevin:''' ''(nervously)'' Mr. Crane, you're awfully quiet right now. You're... not taping anything are you?
--->'''Mike:''' ''(as Bob Crane, creepily)'' Just keep on doing what you're doing.

-->'''Bob Crane:''' Patriotism is being proud of being who you are and whatever you do.
-->'''Kevin:''' So... if I like to make sculptures out of my own feces, I'm a patriot?
-->'''Bill:''' Mm-hmm.
-->'''Kevin:''' Cool!

-->'''Coach''': You can't read, right?
-->'''Desmond''': What are you talking about?
-->'''Coach''': You haven't been leveling with me. You can't read, right? Well, right?
-->'''Desmond''': Yeah, right.
-->'''Bill''': Wait, read or write? Pick one.

-->'''Coach:''' "How did he get through school then?"
-->'''Kevin:''' "That would mean we absolutely su...oh."

--> '''Teacher:''' Desmond is just like a hundred other students who are only getting C's and D's.
--> '''Bill:''' A hundred? Is their school district severely inbred?

--> '''Casting Director:''' I bet this school has a reading class you can take.
--> '''Kevin:''' This school? I wouldn't be so sure.

-->'''Santa Claus''' (''to Rudolph, '''at Rudolph's bedside'''''): [[InnocentInnuendo Rudolph, I need you tonight]].
-->'''Kevin''': [[{{Squick}} WHOA!!!]]

-->'''Kevin''': Years have passed, and a hardened Lupita has crushed all attempts by the children to unionize.
-->'''Kevin''': ''(quietly)'' [[CallBack Lupita, nooooo.]]

-->'''Narrator''': The computer that registers the good and bad deeds of all children on earth.
-->'''Mike''': But mostly Santa's ''bad'' deeds with the Magic Teletalker.
-->'''Kevin''': ''(audibly cringes)'' Noooo...
-->'''Mike''': ''(darkly)'' That's right.

-->'''Mike''': ''(as the Ice Cream bunny is revealed to be piloting Santa's train)'' '''WHOA''' '''''WHAT!?''''' WHAT THE HELL!? HE HAS AN ICE CREAM BUNNY '''''TOO'''''?!
-->'''Kevin''': Did I somehow miss a hugely beloved piece of American folklore?
-->'''Mike''': ''(as the other two chuckle quietly)'' Ice cream bunnies, everywhere.

-->'''Mike''': He lost them in a late night dice game with the Ice Cream Bunny.
-->'''Bill''': ''(in Horrified realisation)'' Oh god... what does the Ice Cream Bunny want with five reindeer?
-->'''Mike''': ''(whispers)'' You do ''not'' want to know.

-->'''Bill''': ''(as Santa)'' [[CallBack I need]] ''[[CallBack both]]'' [[WesternAnimation/RudolphTheRedNosedReindeer of you tonight]]. Ho ho ho!

-->'''Kevin:''' I swear Santa, I will tear out your liver and [[{{Gorn}} EAT IT IN FRONT OF THE UN GENERAL ASSEMBLY!!!]]

-->'''Ogre:''' ''(offscreen)'' Merlin! Don't throw that at me!
-->'''Bill:''' ''(horrified)'' His colostomy bag, oh ''God''!

-->'''Bill:''' ''(sigh)'' Listen and weep as the announcer begs the parents to love their children.

-->'''Mike:''' "WOULD YOU STOP SHOWING A WOMAN PUTTING AWAY BLOCKS!?"

-->'''Bill:''' Shake hands with tedium. Buh, duh dah duh duh - ''yawns''.

-->'''Narrator:''' "You should see our trench!" Pete said, "It's long and wide and deep, too! We're having fun."
-->'''Kevin:''' Pete's favorite TV show was the test pattern.

-->'''Kevin:''' Until later that summer when they had to band together to destroy Literature/{{It}}.

-->'''Narrator:''' "Go away!" said the dog. "Go away! You look funny!"
-->'''Bill:''' Said the practical joke of evolution.

--> '''Mike:''' GAH! Dad, why are you dressed like that?

--> '''Drug Addict:''' The other guy made hamburger out of me.
--> '''Bill:''' Then I got kidnapped by some guy who kept saying, "[[UsefulNotes/McDonalds Robble-robble!]]"

--> '''Bill:''' ''(after an especially confusing and badly edited intro)'' Hey, this thing's hopelessly out of order already, start over!
--> '''The Clown:''' ''(appearing out of nowhere on the pitch black backdrop)'' BOO!!
--> '''Bill:''' ''(now screaming in terror)'' HOLY GOD WHAT IS HAPPENING!?

--> '''The Clown:''' OHHH That was FUN wasnt it!! ''(Kevin audiably cringes in horror)'' But that isn't the game were gonna play, NO SIREEE!
--> '''Kevin''' ''(horrified)'' ARGH I NEED AN ADULT!!

--> '''The Clown:''' And the game is called...
--> '''Bill:''' ''(as the clown)'' A WRONG THAT CAN NEVER BE UNDONE!! GUHOHOY!!

--> '''The Clown:''' Now this is the story about what happens when Jim's bedtime comes! ''(cue the kid on screen starting to strip)''
--> '''Mike:''' (utterly mortified) What!? Oh Mr Clown please I beg of you stop this NOW!!

--> '''Mike:''' (at the very end of the short) Coronet: Even we don't know what the Hell that just was.

-->'''Mike:''' '''''The tail! The tail! THE HORRIBLE TAIL!'''''
-->'''All three:''' [[BigNo NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!]]
-->'''Bill:''' You're still thinking about the tail, aren't you?

-->'''Kevin:''' These guys' nightmares make the ''Franchise/{{Saw}}'' films look like ''WesternAnimation/DoraTheExplorer''.
-->'''Mike:''' You don't get fired at Hormel: you just get reassigned to 'the hide cellar.'

--> '''Narrator:''' Next is the story of how bacon is made.
--> '''Bill:''' [[BaconAddiction The greatest story ever told!]]

--> '''Mike''': Sure, Harv and Marv argue, but the sex? Out of this world!
--> '''Bill''': And so frequent.

-->'''Harv:''' I know everything there is to know!
-->'''Mike:''' My non-specific rage prevents me from sharing though!

-->'''Mike:''' Gentlemen, please! If we can just reach agreement, we are steps away from giving the world the greatest [[ShockSite Lemon Party]] the world has ever seen!
-->''(a few minutes later)''
-->'''Mike:''' Why are they taking off their robes? Guys, I was just KIDDING about the Lemon Party thing. GUYS, GUYS!

-->'''Kevin:''' Hang on. Hey, director, [[Creator/GeorgesMelies Mr. Méliès]]? [[Film/{{Hugo}} That train station urchin kid is hanging out watching us again.]]
-->'''Bill:''' Ecch. Yuka, throw rocks at him til he's dead.

-->'''Kevin:''' Step forward, pleasingly buttocked young sailor boy-girls!
-->''(later)''
-->'''Bill:''' Your breasts are firm and lovely, young man.

-->'''Mr. Bradshaw:''' As per her qualifications, I assigned her to an inspections bench.
-->'''Mike:''' She got ''bra marks'' all over it!

--->'''Servo:''' It's those damned Fallopian tubes, Walt!

-->'''Mr. Bradshaw:''' Maybe you should treat them right?
-->'''Brad:''' What do you mean, ''treat them right''?!
-->'''Kevin:''' ''(as Brad)'' You mean like even ''more'' resentment?!

--> '''Narrator''': Now, are you ready for the next family scene?
--> '''Mike''': No, I'd like a break... ''(narrator continues on)'' Hey! Why even ask?

-->'''Mike (as Batman):''' That's it; I'm selling you to the Penguin.

-->'''Kevin:''' Yeah, but since he's sorta an animal himself, we may be in murky territory.
-->'''Mike:''' In fact, Bill, PETA may denounce you for harassing him.

--> '''Bill:''' Forget playing stickball, Timmy, slap on another coat of FUCHSIA!!!
--> '''Kevin:''' Oh yes!

--> '''Mike:''' '''WHAT AM I?!?!'''

-->'''Kevin:''' '''''WHAT PART''''' was "Robin's Wild Ride"?!
-->'''Bill:''' '''''THE GENTLE TURN?!'''''

[[AC:Batman: Robin's Wild Ride]]
* The outrage at the end of the short for the [[NonindicativeName Non-Indicative Title]]:
-->'''Kevin:''' '''''WHAT PART''''' was "Robin's Wild Ride"?!
-->'''Bill:''' '''''THE GENTLE TURN?!'''''
* After his thugs return with the explosive they stole from the train, the Wizard berates them for not getting the "special detonators," which he had not said a word about:
--> '''Bill:''' "Also you could have mentioned that THERE WERE TWO F***ING BOXES!"
* Kevin as Robin:
--> '''Kevin:''' "You know, I'm really starting to regret dropping out of vocational school to become your fake-o son; you make run around wearing embarrassing underpants and I get beat up a ''lot.''
--> '''Mike:''' (as Batman) "That's it; I'm selling you to the Penguin."

--> '''Mike:''' "The prequel to 'Batman Retires in Shame.'"

--> '''Bill:''' "Doesn't make much sense, but I'm the Wizard."

--> '''Gordon:''' He's just named the next location where his Remote Control Gang will strike.
--> '''Bill:''' It's the Museum of Lame Gang Names.

--> '''Narrator:''' What sinister use does the Wizard plan to make of the remote control machine?
--> '''Kevin:''' Uh, ''stealing''? He's been using it to ''steal''.

-->(the Wizard enters his secret hideout)
-->'''Bill:''' (as the Wizard) Now, time for some sinister, wizardly black magi-''or'' more tinkering with this machine.

-->'''Mike:''' (as Henchman) Once this spring-loaded jewelry box goes off, there's no way Batman will refuse my proposal!

-->'''Kevin:''' "He carries an acetylene torch in his belt?! That is a man's man!"
-->'''Mike:''' "Where does he get his gas? I immediately regret asking."

-->'''Batman:''' "You stay here. I'll go check on Robin."
-->(opens the door, gets shot at)
-->'''Bill:''' "You know, on second thought, '''*Bleep*''' Robin."

-->'''Mike:''' ''(as mook)'' [[AndThisIsFor This is for]] ''Film/BatmanForever''!

--->'''Bill:''' ''(as mook)'' And this is for JimCarrey as TheRiddler!

--> '''Book:''' It was awful... ''awful!''
--> '''Bill:''' Why did you make me talk about this? THIS IS WHY I DRINK!

--> '''Book:''' There's a book in the box that isn't fixed yet!
--> '''Kevin:''' '''GET HIM!!!!'''

--> '''Book:''' But I was worried.
--> '''Kevin:''' (demonic voice) YOU SHOULD BE.

--> '''Bill:''' (incredulous) ''She?''

--> '''Pillow:''' You see, Reggie? We are not happy.
--> '''Bill:''' And when we're not happy, people ''die,'' Reggie, people ''die''!

--> '''Pillow:''' "If you don't change your ways…"
--> '''Kevin:''' "We'll eat your ''heart''!"

-->'''Bed:''' Remember Reggie; don't tell anyone about us.
-->''(roughly ten seconds later)''
-->'''Reggie's Dad:''' (sarcastic/amazed) I think the toys put themselves away and the bed made itself!
-->'''Mike:''' I said to keep your mouth shut, you cross-eyed little toad!

-->'''Book:''' You'd better put me away or I'll snitch on you, you stinker!
-->'''Bill:''' I haven't had a book threaten me since ''Dear Mr. Henshaw'' said it was going to kill my dog.

-->'''Horace:''' ''(angrily throwing the football down)'' I'm going home!
-->'''Kevin:''' Finding a dead cat in the ''TabletopGame/{{Parcheesi}}'' box was the last straw!

-->'''Bill:''' This guy could instantly win a "Make Everyone Hate You" competition.
-->'''Kevin:''' Lord, this is making me actually miss ''High School Musical''.
-->'''Mike:''' You know, because of him, I now hate ''time itself''.

-->'''Bill:''' Gah!!!
-->'''Mike:''' ''[[Film/TheWickerMan Wicker Man: The Musical]]!''
-->'''Kevin:''' ''(to the tune of "Hooray for Hollywood")'' Not the bees! Not, not, not the bee-EEE-eees!"

-->'''Kevin''': Oh, [[ComicStrip/{{Blondie}} Dagwood!]]
-->'''Mike''': Is dad a retired [[Film/TheThreeStooges Stooge?]]
-->'''Bill''': Dear god, did he have his spinal cord removed? What the hell's wrong with him?!

-->'''Kevin:''' No... ''no''.... HARV AND MARV?!
-->'''Bill:''' But we killed you! WE THOUGHT YOU WERE DEAD!

-->'''Marv:''' I wish I were a real human so I could do that.
-->'''Harv:''' A real human? You wouldn't like it!
-->'''Mike:''' You're much better of as a... Oh, God, Marv! What the hell ''are'' we?!

-->'''Girl:''' Maybe that's why my hair itches so much.
-->'''Mike:''' No, that's early on-set schizophrenia. There are bugs in your brain and they want out.

-->''(dark blond kid gets interviewed)''
-->'''Kevin:''' Mike, is that ''you''?
-->''(round-faced goofy girl with glasses and braces gets interviewed)''
-->'''Mike:''' Kevin, is that '''''you'''''?!
-->''(a very familiar looking boy with glasses and receding hairline gets interviewed)''
-->'''Bill:''' Yes, that's me. Just to save time.
-->'''Kevin:''' I wasn't even going to ask.

-->'''Narrator''': Cream the butter? Better get the cream!
-->'''Bill''': This narrator seems deeply invested in her failure.
-->'''Narrator''': That's right. Pour it in! The recipe says cream the butter so put in lots of cream!
-->'''Kevin''': That's right. Ruin the cake! Just like every woman I've ever known has RUINED MY LIFE!
* '''Narrator:''' To cream butter merely means to work it with an instrument until it becomes soft and smooth.
-->'''Bill:''' Now is that clear or would you like to douse it in cream again, you empty-headed bint?!

* '''Narrator:''' "Almost all bread and roll recipes call for 'kneading the dough.'"
--> '''Bill:''' "And ever since I discovered the dog-track, I've been 'needing the dough!'" (beat) "Seriously, I think these guys are gonna kill me."

-->'''Narrator:''' To boil is to heat the water until bubbles form.
-->'''Kevin (as Narrator):''' Water is a transparent odorless tasteless substance . . .

-->'''Mike:''' "Should someone who doesn't know what 'boil' means even be allowed near an open flame?"

--> '''Mike''': I'm getting a sudden urge for an Irish Sweep, I hope that's not anything dirty.
--> '''Kevin''': [[CreepyMonotone IRISH SWEEP! MUST BUY UNKNOWN PRODUCT OF INDETERMINATE PURPOSE NAMED IRISH SWEEP!]]
--> '''Kevin''': EH LOOK AT EM GO!
--> '''Bill''': ALL RIGHT FOR RACING!
--> '''Mike''': [[SoylentGreen IRISH SWEEP IS MADE OUT OF PEOPLE!!]]

--> '''Bill''': ''(singing)'' Welcome the chilly embrace of my Death! Slipping off into the voooooiiid...
--> '''Kevin''': ''(highly disturbed)'' Wow.
--> '''Bill''': ''(still singing)'' Slipping off into the voooooiiid...
--> '''Kevin''': ''(concerned)'' Bill? BILL! COME BACK BILL!!!
--> '''Bill''': ''(still singing)'' Slipping off into the voooooiiid...
--> '''Mike''': ''(tearfully)'' Its too late... we've lost him for good this time!
--> '''Kevin''': NO BILL! OH GOD BILL AAAARRARGGGHH '''BIIIILLLLLL!!!!!'''
--> '''Bill''': ''(still singing)'' Slipping off into the voooooiiid...

--> '''Narrator''': A circle is a shape you know, and a circle is always round
--> '''Bill''': Except sometimes when a conic section is viewed in a two-dimensional orthographic projection... ({{Beat}}) EVERYBODY!!! (music changes key immediately after)

--> '''Kevin''': ''(upon seeing the merry-go-round)'' Is that the thing that goes around and around?
--> '''Mike''': Nope. Straight as an arrow. Name's throwing you off.
--> '''Singer''': The merry-go-round goes around and around...
--> '''Kevin''': But they're saying it in the song. Around and around—
--> '''Mike''': Hey! Who are you gonna believe? Me or your lying eyes and lying ears?

-->'''Bill''' (as producer): I mean, we ordered up a thing for kids about courtesy, and this is just a bunch of crap about eggs!

-->'''Mike''': Oh, come on, they're not even trying!
-->'''Bill''': So you're saying they don't get an A for ''eggfort''?
-->'''Kevin''': Or an ''egg'' for eggfort?
-->'''Bill''': Or an egg egg eggy egg egg egg...
-->'''Kevin''' (joining in): Egg egg egg egg egg...?

-->'''Bill''' (as Benedict): Creator/JeffDunham is very funny!

-->'''Bill''': What IS that? Why does it have an omelet around its neck?
-->'''Kevin''': ''(calmly)'' Guys, just a heads up, I'm gonna start screaming like I'm being murdered now, and probably for several days.
-->'''Mike''': Yeah, I understand.
-->'''Bill''': Oh, sure.
-->'''Kevin''': OK. Here we go. ''(clears throat)'' AAAAGGHH OH MY GOD!! WHAT UNHOLY ABOMINATION WAS THAT?! OH MY LORD IT'S THE MOST HORRIBLE THING I'VE EVER-- AAHH THERE IT IS AGAIN!!! AAAHH MY GOD WHAT IN HELL IS THAT THING?! OOOH THE DEMONS ARE COMING THEY'RE SUCKING MY SOUL OUT OF MY BODY!!! AAAH SWEET GOD MERCIFUL...!!!
-->'''Bill''': K-Kevin? Kevin. Kevin... it's gone now. It stole all the joy from the souls of every man before it left, but it IS gone.
-->'''Kevin''': ''(weakly)'' Thank you...

-->'''Bill''': Ah! Fresh NightmareFuel. I was starting to get low.

-->'''Narrator''': I can take you through some of its doors and windows, and we will see how the Creeps Machine works.
-->'''Mike''': ''(Creepy voice}'' Just don't stick your wiener in there...
-->'''Kevin''': Wasn't going to.
-->'''Mike''': Trust me.
-->'''Kevin''': I do!
-->'''Mike''': It may ''seem'' like a good idea...
-->'''Kevin''': It really didn't.
-->'''Mike''': ...But there could be drastic downsides!
-->'''Kevin''': Eh, you don't have to elaborate.

--> '''Mike:''' "I guess my prayers to that evil wizard worked!"

--> '''Bill:''' "Damn, these blueprints call for the blood offering of two innocents! Now where am I going to find those?"

-->'''Kevin:''' (''after the short shows several newspaper clippings about people who've died out in the bush'') I'm taking a vow of celibacy!

-->'''Host:''' (''picking up a small Swiss Army knife'') ...a knife...
-->'''Mike:''' What...What?! [[Film/CrocodileDundee That's a knife?!]] Make up your mind, Australia!
-->'''Bill:''' So inconsistent!

-->'''Bill:''' Y-y'know, this reminds me, ''' very ''[[BerserkButton VERY]] [[NoIndoorVoice MUCH,]]''''' of my honeymoon.
-->'''Mike:''' Bill...?
-->'''Bill:''' I loved it!
-->'''Kevin:''' And your wife?
-->'''Bill:''' She loved it too!
-->(A moment or two later, a shot of the wife frying hot dogs in a pan, while the husband sits around drinking beer)
-->'''Kevin:''' Still remind you of your honeymoon?
-->'''Bill:''' ''Even'' more so!

-->'''Narrator:''' And be sure to bring plenty of tucker[[note]]"Tucker" is Australian slang for a food bag.[[/note]].
-->'''Kevin:''' We should bring the movie ''[[Film/TuckerTheManAndHisDream Tucker]]''? Why?!
-->'''Bill:''' [[TitleDrop A man and his dream!]]

-->'''Mike:''' Man, these people are ''[[{{Pun}} in tents]]''[[note]]intense, geddit?[[/note]]!
-->''(Kevin groans)''
-->'''Bill:''' ''(soft)'' Go ''straight'' to hell, Mike.

-->'''Mike:''' [[BrainBleach GAH!]]
-->'''Kevin:''' Speaking of "down and out"!
-->'''Mike:''' Maybe he's just a stashing a piece of sidewalk chalk!

--->'''Mike:''' I don't wear a belt.
--->'''Bill:''' ''(darkly)'' You're a dead man.

-->'''Mike:''' "And you can ''burn in Hell'' if you think this problem can't be solved with a rectangle." {{beat}} "In Hell."

-->'''Mike:''' What are you going to teach two kids who keep an entire Lego box ''filled'' with drugs?
-->'''Bill:''' Maybe how to hide them better?

-->'''Narrator:''' (singing) "Drugs are like that too...
-->'''Kevin:''' (singing along) "Drugs are like your toys."

--> '''Principal Mustache:''' You already know what to do about the desk, Jimmy.
--> '''Bill:''' Hope it ''[[AssShove fits]]'' [[AssShove up there]].

-->'''Principal Mustache:''' I hear you have a very unusual pencil.
-->'''Mike:''' [[GettingCrapPastTheRadar It curves quite a bit to the left!]]

--->'''Principal Mustache:''' May I see it?
--->'''Bill:''' If you promise not to take any pictures.

--> '''Candida'''(narration): We usually eat at my grandparents' house. My mother eats later, when my father comes home from work.
--> '''Kevin''': We're totally winging it schedule-wise until someone invents iCalendar.

--> '''Candida''' (narration): Grandmother will eat her dinner later, after everyone else has eaten.
--> '''Mike''': This is getting awfully haphazard.
--> '''Bill''': Grandpa starts eating before everyone, then stops halfway through, and only resumes later that night when we've all gone to bed.

--> '''Hiroyuki''' (narration): My father works late, so he doesn't eat dinner with us.
--> '''Bill''': He eats with the Mexican grandmother.

--> '''Kid''': All I could think about was all of the fun I was going to miss out on. And then something funny happened: I stopped thinking about me and I started to think about how disappointed the whole family must be.
--> '''Bill''': "Their depression really picked me up!"

* "Let's get out of here before a really intimidating hero shows up, like [[ComicBook/{{Aquaman}} Aqualad]] or [[Franchise/SpiderMan Aunt May.]]"

-->'''Mike:''' "And off we go in the Batmob...wait, what?"
-->'''Bill:''' "Yeah, the Batmobile's in the shop, but hey; this loaner four-door Ford gets great mileage. And it's black...actually it's maroon, but-but you can't tell! Loaner away!"

--> '''Henchman:''' The Wizard!
--> '''Bill:''' They call him that because of his wizard ha... magic wa.... his ''ski mask'', because of his ''ski mask.''

-->'''Bill:''' (''as Batman'') Jeez, don't you ''ever'' shut up? ''ComicBook/ADeathInTheFamily'' can't come soon enough!

-->'''Mike:''' Who would have known that furries have labor disputes?

** Movie Mistakes: Optimism for ''[[Film/{{Ghostbusters}} Ghostbusters 3]]''.

** '''Did You Know?''': Tonight's feature will be shown in first person POV, like Film/HardcoreHenry''. Finally, your chance to live the life of a Castleton science professor!

** '''Unpopular Fan Theories''': Creator/HarrisonFord absolutely nailed those ''Film/BladeRunner'' voiceover.

** '''Movie Quotes''': "It was me. I let the dogs out." - Creator/BillMurray whispering to Scarlett Johannson, ''Film/LostInTranslation''

** '''Movie Mistakes''': The ''Franchise/{{Divergent}}'' film series online continues because of a series of escalating dares among Hollywood elites.

* When the devils dance around during their introduction, Kevin starts singing [[AChorusLine "I hope I get it!"]]. This was actually the contest-winning guest riff.