History Funny / RetsupuraeSlowbeefAndDiabetusOther

* ''[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kXejhtoMLiA Love College Football, But Hate Money?]]'': a pitch for a paid app from "Faniacs" that will deliver college football "factoids". Opening with a pitch video that's just ''barely'' too long to fit on a WebOriginal/{{Vine}} and includes the word [[PerfectlyCromulentWord "bigly"]], before moving on to its oddly-specific goal of $55,556 for an app that simply gives college football facts and will cost three dollars.

* ''[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KvdErSyHnIs Nurse Joy]]'', a story which suggests that all Nurse Joys are actually normal trainers who were turned into Nurse Joys through science. The process through which they are made are hilariously Narmy at best, and at worst, [[ArtisticLicenseBiology biologically impossible]]. [[UpToEleven Even by Pokemon standards.]][[note]]It involves removing almost all of their organs, and pouring Nurse Joy DNA directly into their brains.[[/note]]

** ''[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HMRJ6OL9c30 "Alright I am pissed off right now about Retsupurae!"]]'': The ranter begins by saying that he doesn't want to swear... only to blurt out "What the [[PrecisionFStrike fuck]] is wrong with you guys?" at the one-minute mark.

* ''[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mxlXDh84Ww0 Elly20XX's Message for Retsupurae]]'': An unedited rant against Retsupurae from some guy who seems to have a severe head cold, making him sound like cartoon character.

* In February 2008, Retsupurae reuploaded a trio of anti-RP rants, unedited and without commentary. Notably, all three ranters believe that [[CowboyBebopAtHisComputer Retsupurae is one person]].
** ''[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HMRJ6OL9c30 "Alright I am pissed off right now about Retsupurae!"]]'': The ranter begins by saying that he doesn't want to swear... only to blurt out "[[PrecisionFStrike What the fuck is wrong with you guys?]]" at the one-minute mark.

* In February 2008, Retsupurae reuploaded a trio of anti-RP rants, unedited and without commentary:
** ''[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HMRJ6OL9c30 "Alright I am pissed off right now about Retsupurae!"]]'': The ranter begins by saying that he doesn't want to swear... only to blurt out "What the fuck is wrong with you guys?" at the one-minute mark.
** ''[=Elly20XX=]'s Message for Retsupurae'' (removed for violating [=YouTube=]'s hate speech policy), by some guy who seems to have a severe head cold, making him sound like a cartoon character.

* ''[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oWfRzwM6Gws Velos Tells You What He Thinks of Retsupurae]]''
** An unedited video from a visibly overweight InternetJerk in response to the RP team riffing on one of his friend's videos:
--->'''Velos:''' ''[completely unemotionally]'' If [=[Cloud8745]=] ever met you in real life, he'd kick your ass. And if I met you in real life, I'd fucking kill you right now. 'Cause you will go down in hell. I'll haunt you. Yeah. I'll kill you.
** The video is filmed with the [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9FtaBfbFV4A offending retsupurae]] playing in the background. This has the [[{{Narm}} unintentional side effect]] of the video ending with slowbeef saying "calm down" just after Velos has delivered a profanity-laced rant that includes death threats.

** The author claims to own nearly every Pokemon game ever and know a lot about the series, but he makes several mistakes, such as describing Pichu as a [[VideoGame/PokemonRubyAndSapphire Generation 3 Pokemon]], having a Pichu use the Ghost-type version of the move Curse (without any comment or indication that this was intentional like the Pichu showing up in the first place), and the narrator's Pidgeot knowing a Gen 3 move in a Gen 1 game. DJB comments on all of these, claiming that his "inner Pokémon nerd" is screaming out at them.

** When the author gives the cashier a tip:

** The author's plan to save money by buying the retail copy of the game, which costs $1 less than the digital copy, backfires when [[PlotHole he gives a GameStop employee a $3 tip.]]

'''Annotation''': What is that, buttermilk? YOU FAT SHIT!\\

--->'''slowbeef:''' "It all starts when you walk into the Pokémon Center. You walk up to her and see her [[YouGottaHaveBlueHair bright pink hair]]. You greet her, and she has this pretty voice, that wasn't actually pretty to start with..."\\

'''slowbeef:''' ''(snickers)'' Wow, I'm sorry for you, Betus.

*** Including him occasionally pausing talking, to [[ADateWithRosiePalms repeatedly moving his arm underneath his waist]], then act like nothing happened.

** When Slowbeef notices that it looks the guy is standing in front of a ceiling, he feels like the guy snuck into his bedroom and is standing over his bed.

* [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JKNQ5SBehPM Pass2Pros?]]: a sports MMO allegedly featuring star athletes (that apparently ''aren't paid'' for their appearances), as well as lots of butchered sketch comedy and two hosts with the combined charisma of a dead cat. Early on, two of the team attempt a WhosOnFirst routine. Not only is the audio quality so bad you can barely hear them, but the video abruptly jump-cuts away from them in the middle of a sentence.

* [[https://web.archive.org/web/20160905145601/https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cCfxIeC6uSA The Perfect Tribute to... Uh, Which Band?]], a kickstarter for a guy that wants to pay tribute to Music/ThreeEleven by... gaining weight until he weighs 311 lbs, then recording a video that's just himself standing on a scale. He plans on doing this by eating exclusively from a bizarrely specific list of foods (like Almond Joy candy bars, but apparently no other candy, or ''drinking salad dressing'') that were bought from specific places (like ice cream sandwiches bought specifically from the gas station across the street from where he lives, or Bloomin' Onion specifically bought from the county fair). The true gold comes from the $1 pledge goal: He will name each food item after a backer, then eat it while making creepy comments.
* [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cbObRnBTQio Pot Shot]]:

* [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vMRjtzXuG0U FMV (Fetish Made Video) Game]] has slowbeef and DJB dealing with a game that seems to be geared towards... tickle fetishes?

** [[RuleOfThree The trilogy]] concludes with ''[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1WVqs2jYKew You Only Pitch Thrice]]'';

* ''[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3wZhJ2vGj7E Crappy Pasta]]'', a video where slowbeef reads ''VideoGame/SonicExe'', a {{Creepypasta}} ''Franchise/SonicTheHedgehog'' story, where the most scary descriptions that the author could come up with were in reference to other video games, e.g. "Sonic's laugh sounded just like Kefka from ''VideoGame/FinalFantasyVI''." The whole thing is made more surreal by the footage it's accompanying: a livestream of Diabetus playing ''Mario 2'' late at night after a few drinks.
** It also led to [[http://25.media.tumblr.com/3b96d468925a6fcd7d11cef7f49e354e/tumblr_mq1gpmqmWK1qet5hfo1_1280.png this image]].

-->"I beat the level with 2 star coins, 666 coins, and 333 seconds remaining. (By the way, 2 divided into 666 is 333)"

--> "This was the first point I considered giving up on the game, but curiosity killed the cat, didn’t it? Or, in this case, curiosity killed ''everyone.''"

--> "Bowser fought off Igiul, Ihsoy, and Hcaep Ssecnirp until they just left for a while."

-->"The creepiest part about it was that the bridge had a few blood stains on it here and there."

-->'''slowbeef:''' 'At this point, I thought, "Wow. Reswob has striking resemblance to Reznor."'... ''Reznor?''\\

* ''[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hjkquaIoYQU Crappy Pasta VI: My Girlfriend is Mega Man 2]]'' revolves around "Tracy: A Mega Man Ghost Story", wherein the narrator buys a cheap copy of ''VideoGame/MegaMan3'' from Goodwill, only to find that a neglected girl lies within it. The hilarious part of her backstory comes when, after a particularly [[AbusiveParents abusive]] interaction, she snaps and ''beats her parents to death with an [[ImprovisedWeapon NES controller]]'' before [[DrivenToSuicide offing herself]].
--> '''Diabetus:''' No [[RunningGag blood details?]]\\

-->'''slowbeef:''' "It all starts when you walk into the Pokémon Center. You walk up to her and see her [[YouGottaHaveBlueHair bright pink hair]]. You greet her, and she has this pretty voice, that wasn't actually pretty to start with..."\\

* ''[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bWNO9RaD_eU Oblivion (.txt?)]]'' is another ''Oblivion'' creepypasta, which somehow manages to be hilariously incompetent even by video game creepypasta standards.
** "I shut off my computer except I didn't."

* The inevitable result of all of the originally marked crappy pastas: ''[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tO9tSJR1Zvc Slowbeef's House of Horror]]'', where slowbeef reads an ''[[VideoGame/TheElderScrollsIVOblivion Oblivion]]'' creepypasta complete with scarecam and creepy music. "Scary" words highlighted from the story keep popping out, like "lag" and "Download", which soon turn into a DeadpanSnarker with phrases like "Try rebooting your router." and "Part 2: The Haunted End User License Agreement (coming soon!)"
--> '''slowbeef:''' "I mounted the .ISO disc using Daemo-- Demo-- '''DEMON''' Tools..."

* ''[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bIaNHVDC2jk Sonic X Episode 79: Goodnight Sweet Princess]]'', is not so much a "lost episode" creepypasta as much as it is a long TakeThat at ''Anime/SonicX'', in which the narrator (and writer) appears to have an unhealthy fixation on Sally Acorn, to the point where according to the story Amy Rose was literally created as part of a conspiracy to screw her out of getting any more appearances.

* RTX 2016
** The duo's Kickstarter Nonstarter involves a [[StepfordSmiler creepy, cheery man]] aiming to ''debunk 9/11'' by way of ''purchasing a 747 and a derelict building in the Thai countryside'' and ''crashing said jet into said building.''
---> '''slowbeef:''' I really wanna punch him with how [[PrecisionFStrike fuckin']] happy he is over [[DudeNotFunny this]] with [[MoreTeethThanTheOsmondFamily those giant teeth!]]

* Episode 23: LetsPlay/ChipCheezum's reaction to watching normal looking people casually buying hentai in public at [=C2E2=].

* Proton Jon participates in Episode 24 in mid-vacation with LetsPlay/TheRunawayGuys.
-->'''Diabetus:''' Proton Jon and the Runaway Guys are recording this from [[VideoGame/SuperMarioSunshine Delfino Plaza]].

* [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vPop1zkCc_0 Retsutalk Episode 36: Northernlion is Full of Shit]]:
** Their reactions to Northernlion's laugh button.
* In Episode 37, [[Creator/BenCroshaw Yahtzee]] tells about a time when a fan wanted to shake his hand 'just to touch him'. Then it gets even better when the fan [[DiggingYourselfDeeper tries to explain]] that he wanted to touch someone that touched [[Creator/ValveSoftware Gabe Newell]].

* Episodes 45 and then 49 feature Beef and Betus, joined by [=ChipCheezum=], [=GeneralIronicus=] and 100 Hogs Agree for a short campaign of Dungeon World. The entire five hours or so is hilarity from beginning to end.
** Reaches its apex when Diabetus enchants Chip's asshole with Earth magic, so he can buttslam a [[NinjaPirateZombieRobot rock snowman golem]] and impress the mushroom woman he just spontaneously fell in love with.
--->'''Diabetus:''' Now go impregnate her [[IncrediblyLamePun mush-womb]].
* Episode 47, where slowbeef talks about his vacation to Paris with his wife. Highlights include slowbeef's description of and reactions to the Catacombs of Paris, and his frustrations with the airlines.
-->''[slowbeef talks about the Catacombs, including the walls covered in human skulls and femurs]''\\

* Episode 71:
** slowbeef tells a story about how on the train ride up to Boston for PAX, a person that he assumed was WebVideo/JonTron took the seat in front of him, but slowbeef didn't want to approach him on the chance that it was just someone else that happened to look like him. He found out it really was him when everyone on the train knew who he was and greeted him as a celebrity, including ''the train's conductor''.

* ''[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hF9xrfQ7Vag And on the Eighth Day, OUYA Game]]'' has slowbeef and Diabetus dealing with a man who's funding a religion-heavy game series and not doing a good job at it.
-->'''slowbeef:''' He only has five days left, but... to make 35 grand, there's... only ''[[OhCrap eighty-five dollars pledged, Satan begone!]]''\\

-->'''Diabetus:''' What button do I press to turn the game off, forever? And if I do, will the game reset three days later?

* ''[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VnJXSWfT04M Barbarossa: Anime Women of the SS]]'' has the duo watching a video for a project to bring a World War II-themed ecchi-like card game overseas, something that flabbergasts slowbeef when he finds out that it got funded ''ten times over.''
-->'''Diabetus:''' ''Ja, ist kawaii.''

-->'''slowbeef:''' ''[[[InelegantBlubbering blubbering]]]'' What the fuck happened with the world?
* ''[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PM70jgYkCXA Basketball Dribbling Mask]]'', a bondage-looking mask that's supposed to act as blinders to help people dribble basketballs without looking at them. The stretch goals then only offer ludicrous amounts of the actual product as a reward to give away to basketball teams the buyer apparently knows, starting off at three of them for the lowest amount and going up to '''200''' of them for the highest amount.

* ''[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MPEpYdRJeqM Bernie Sanders' More Jobs Fiesta]]''. An obese, neckbearded man in a crooked baseball cap pitches an idea for a fantasy RPG Maker game about Bernie Sanders' presidential run in what the guys assume is his mother's bedroom. In particular, they repeatedly get distracted by the slowly-rotating "HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY" balloon in the background.

* ''[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EUyM-qyAmRg The Best Website! All it Needs is Crowdfunding!!!]]'', a nonsensical pitch for a website that will... solve all the world's problems through a daily voting system, somehow. Diabetus plays his usual role as the pitcher, but this particular Kickstarter is so confusing that he ends up {{Corpsing}} through a lot of it. slowbeef's utter confusion at the massive WallOfText which makes up the pitch just keeps getting better.
-->'''slowbeef:''' It's like one sentence that keeps snowballing words, like a [[VideoGame/KatamariDamacy Katamari]] through a dictionary!

* ''[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xd7DSewwWpQ Cage Hat (Wait for It)]]'' has a man advertise his extremely awkward-looking football helmet by having a friend beat on it with a wiffle bat and push him around for five minutes, followed by two minutes of a blank video. Then slowbeef and Diabetus discover his first project, ''Bubble Hat'', which is a much larger iteration of the exact same, still awkward and impractical design.
-->'''slowbeef:''' ''(in hysterics)'' You know nothing of sport!

* ''[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wno8GvEhydA Chrono Trigger. Yes.]]'' has someone trying to recreate ''VideoGame/ChronoTrigger'' on RPG Maker.
** slowbeef and Diabetus show off a question that asks what would happen if the program got ScrewedByTheLawyers. They get a good laugh over the idea that the person never thought of it.
* ''[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=avdHSn6qCgQ Death Maze]]'' has some bearded guy against a cheesy, [[ChromaKey blacked-out green screen]] pitching an even cheesier game involving [[HuntingTheMostDangerousGame prison inmates being hunted down]] in several labrynths. The crummy animation and character design is bad enough, but then comes the crayon-drawing concept art...
-->'''Blackscreen Guy:''' There are four areas to explore: a dark cave...\\

--> '''slowbeef:''' I could be hit by a bus tomorrow, that's a risk of injury.

* ''[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A01l1VkmC0Y Dictator Sunglasses]]'', a pretentious pitch for a brand of sunglasses based upon the [[ExactlyWhatItSaysOnTheTin sunglasses worn by various dictators.]] The goons pick up some of [[UnfortunateImplications the wrong impressions]] [[EvilIsCool from this one.]]
--> '''slowbeef:''' After, like, the Barbarossa thing, and now this, it's almost like people want to crowd-fund dictator things.\\

--> '''slowbeef:''' And there's an easy catch, like "with Pol Pot, you'll be looking hot this summer!"

* ''[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fz2GFrQOBJM Lick My Cat]]'' is a Kickstarter for the Licki Brush, a cat brush shaped like a giant tongue, to be held in the mouth. They can't figure out who is buying this.
-->'''Diabetus:''' Have these people not heard of petting? Like, cats are pretty cool when you use your hands, without the weird tongue device part.\\

* ''[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2UABSyUHpAQ Memesmemesmemes memes!]]'': A Kickstarter for ''What Do You Meme?'' which is basically ''TabletopGame/CardsAgainstHumanity'' [[ExactlyWhatItSaysOnTheTin but with]] [[MemeticMutation memes]], created by [[SmallNameBigEgo Instagram "celebrity"]] [[MeaningfulName fuckjerry]] (whose account consists entirely of reposting other memes). After a cringe-worthy video with unfunny sketch comedy and [[DigitalPiracyIsEvil unlicensed use of]] [[Music/JustinBieber "What Do You Mean?"]] (not to mention all the stolen meme artwork), they go over the stretch goals, which range from the standard (add more meme cards) to the weird (fuckjerry will clean your room) to the seemingly illegal (fuckjerry will prank call anyone you want) to the creepy (fuckjerry will post a picture of your mom to Instagram, be your prom date, or crash your wedding/Bar Mitzvah). And after all this, much like the ''Barbarossa'' Kickstarter, it was funded several times over, raising almost '''$230,000''' (which they point out is a really small number, considering he has '''9.7 million''' Instagram followers).

* ''[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1xyhG8ch_b0 Monster Girl 3D (Rated F For Families)]]'' has the duo watching a video about a hentai 3D RPG... for families?
-->'''slowbeef:''' [[TemptingFate What's a family-friendly RPG that we can make?]] ''[Textbox pops up that reads...]'' Succubus Village!

* ''[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uU1mK2ig_GU My Original Pokemon Minecraft Idea]]'' has someone expecting to get $10,000 to port a ''Franchise/{{Pokemon}}''-themed ''VideoGame/{{Minecraft}}'' mod onto non-Nintendo systems and not get sued, with the same 20-second song looping over the trailer and the page claiming they "'''[[BlatantLies DID THEIR]] [[CriticalResearchFailure RESEARCH BEFORE HAND]]'''".
-->'''Diabetus:''' So, "some risks are just not be able to reach our deadlines and our goals".\\

* ''[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RVhHNVguMWo The New Era of Modern Computing]]'' features a pitch for something called "Busco Quadnary," an operating system that apparently relies on base 4 rather than binary's base 2, because the fundraiser [[CriticalResearchFailure apparently thinks that a "4-dimensional" system will make programming twice as fast]]. When he continues for 18 minutes [[MilkingTheGiantCow gesturing,]] [[CowboyBebopAtHisComputer blatantly misusing random computing jargon,]] [[DanBrowned and making incredibly false declarations]] [[EpicFail including stating that Bill Gates invented binary,]] slowbeef, an actual programmer, ''[[EnragedByIdiocy goes absolutely ballistic.]]'' It's made especially hilarious when put next to Diabetus, [[ComicallyMissingThePoint who acts completely oblivious to the glaring inaccuracies]] and the fact that slowbeef sounds like he's about to have an aneurysm.
** There's also ''[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zni6P1WNvjo Move Over, Busco Quadnary!]]'', in which John attempts to get funding to go out and explain [[ArtisticLicensePhysics his own take]] on ''unified field theory'', which he evidently [[{{Malaproper}} "came to catharsis"]] about while playing an online video game (Mercenary Wars) and trying to convert his opponents to Christianity. This particular project was a ''successful'' Kickstarter... [[DamnedByFaintPraise because he only asked for $10]].
** Including him occasionally pausing talking, to [[ADateWithRosiePalms repeatedly moving his arm underneath his waist]], then act like nothing happened.
** The equation? 0 = 1, which he seems to base off some sort of bizarre, philosophical "parts vs whole" idea.[[note]]The specific example he tries to use is the many different parts, like infrastructure, utilities, and people adding up to one city, which doesn't prove that something can be made from nothing as he tries to argue, just that many small components can add up to one big whole.[[/note]]
--->'''Diabetus:''' "And therefore, ''I'' am zero," [[PuffOfLogic and then he's gone]].
** [[RuleOfThree The trilogy]] concludes with ''[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1WVqs2jYKew You Only Pitch Thrice]]''; having conquered the realms of physics and computer science, John has set his sights on Hollywood, writing a movie script for "the black Franchise/JamesBond". He goes on at length about his movie (with repeated references to its "unique" villain, among other aspects), but never actually bothers to explain any of it. This was another "ten dollar triumph" with multiple backers, one of them being slowbeef.
** What convinces slowbeef to back his Kickstarter: him mentioning his script probably has some typos in it and it could use proofreading.
--->'''Diabetus:''' Hey, shoot for the Film/{{Moonraker}}, pal.

* [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JKNQ5SBehPM Pass2Pros?]]: a sports MMO allegedly featuring star athletes (that apparently ''aren't paid'' for their appearances), as well as lots of butchered sketch comedy and two hosts with the combined charisma of a dead cat.
** Early on, two of the team attempt a WhosOnFirst routine. Not only is the audio quality so bad you can barely hear them, but the video abruptly jump-cuts away from them in the middle of a sentence.

* [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cbObRnBTQio Pot Shot]]: A pitching video for an automatic soup-stirrer, with the most awkward hosts and least impressive demonstration ever.
-->'''Sean:''' This is my product...with my two friends...the...Pot Shot.\\

-->[[NothingIsScarier You will find a true reward in owning this device when it comes out.]]
* ''[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Asd5coAmBII Random Encounter: Kickstarter Scam]]'' features something made in about five minutes during an RPG Maker free weekend, passed off as an 'artsy' game to get the money to buy the full version.
** Right off the bat, their reaction to the trailer's hideously annoying background noise:
--->'''slowbeef:''' Alright, play the video in three...two...one...play.\\

* ''[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pKHh2hWPExI Sim Mayor/Armor/Teacher/Farmer/Miner]]'' has one of the worst [[ChromaKey green screen effects]], including one of the developers' trousers partially disappearing, along with [=PS1=]-level graphics and possibly the worst framerate ever seen.

* ''[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MCr9bC1zL1Y There's No Pee In Crowdfunding]]'', a bag attached to a funnel with a hose you can wear under your pants for when you can't find a bathroom. Things get worse when the creator demonstrates it by sitting in a hallway for a long time and actually pissing into it on camera.

-->'''Diabetus:''' Who are the wrong hands? [[FelonyMisdemeanor People who are gonna be pooping into it instead of peeing!]]\\

-->'''[=CrazyRiverOtter=] in the comments:''' Rule #1 of viral videos: if you make it known that you're deliberately attempting to create a viral video, it won't become a viral video.
* ''[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q6mbvZL0C6A We Don't Know What This Is]]'', which involves 3D printing physical avatars in a needlessly complicated and expensive version of ''VideoGame/SecondLife'', asking for $850,000.

** And then there's the "backstory" that skips bizarre and dives straight into Franchise/TheTwilightZone, including ludicrous orders from [[{{Trumplica}} President Drumpf]], a rocket containing a girl and Steve Jobs's body launched into an ozone hole/wormhole [[ItMakesJustAsMuchSenseInContext which sends them to an alternate reality, rebellious millenials joining Anonymous to become pirates,]] [[ArsonMurderAndJaywalking and then there's a death laser.]]

* ''[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1oWk9gYSfME The Restaurant]]'' shows a [[RubeGoldbergDevice very overly-complex idea]] of short-order dining, with factory-esque conveyor belts delivering trays of TV-dinner-grade food to patrons via ''overhead pistons at every table.''
--> '''slowbeef:''' Well, how do they do, like, drinks or like special order things?\\

* ''[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FXTSx0RvwEM Earthquake Bed]]'' [[ExactlyWhatItSaysOnTheTin pitches a rescue device]] that's pretty much a large metal box a user gets sucked into when disaster strikes. slowbeef absolutely loses it the first time it's demonstrated.
-->'''[=TieTuesday:=]''' So this is the Safe Bed. This is my nightmares.\\

* ''[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sOcuC-uz3pU Drive Market]]'' demonstrates a revolutionary supermarket where you can buy all your groceries without ever leaving your car. By driving your car through a building and having to find a fully-stocked aisle to park at. The hosts proceed to rip it apart for how hilariously inconvenient it is compared to a normal supermarket.
-->'''slowbeef:''' You've added literal traffic to the supermarket experience!\\

* If you wanted proof that Dahi̇r İnşaat is a prime example of IncompetenceInc, look no further than ''[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F_1MPYda_KI Trauma Center]]'', in which the company proposes a nanotechnology solution to remove cholestrol deposits without (somehow) needing an operation. Just reading the comments is enough to get an idea of how stupidly hazardous this system is.
-->'''[=ThatDudeWithBoobs=]''': My husband is an EMT, and this is, in his own words, "The most dangerous fucking thing he's ever seen".
** To elaborate a little, it works by ''grinding the cholesterol deposit with goddamn rotary steel blades.'' With no concrete explanation as to where any of it actually goes once it's ground up - even if it can be assumed it's vacuumed up through the blades and into the tube itself, not every design shown looks capable of that. And it suddenly blocks your blood flow for a number of minutes in preparation for and during the procedure, which translates to a 100% guaranteed ''stroke'', aka the exact thing this device is presumably ''[[DidntThinkThisThrough supposed to prevent]]''. And these are just the beginning of the many, many problems with this thing.

* ''[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oTwKelFsuzg Green Future City]]'' shows a strange looking city of their design that had [=TieTuesday=] ask slowbeef how many buildings are buildings and how many are greenhouses before he revealed the big twist to slowbeef.
-->'''[=TieTuesday=]''': Here's the thing I was trying to get at.\\

-->'''[=TieTuesday=]:''' Yeah, like, you're building a fucking bonus city around the outside of the city, but instead of for people... rhubarb lives there. ''(both start laughing) That's so much money! You can't '''do''' that!''\\

* ''[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lnbl9CZ9tOI Dahi̇r İnşaat Presents.... OH MY GOD]]'' has to be seen to be believed. The video shows random CGI footage of different military bases alongside the product, which is a truck trailer ''that automatically assembles (rather flimsily) into a giant armed quadcopter.'' Nearly the entire video after that simply turns into various similarly impractically-designed quadcopters blowing shit up, [[ThereIsNoKillLikeOverkill including using multiple missiles to blow up a single house!]]
-->'''[=TieTuesday=]:''' [[WithCatlikeTread THEY'LL NEVER KNOW WHAT HIT 'EM!]]

-->'''[=TieTuesday=]:''' ''"Dahi̇r İnşaat: [[ClusterFBomb Fuck 'em. Fuck 'em. Just... fuck 'em]]."''
* ''[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e_KIRtGJQfE Dahi̇r İnşaat's Message to Vladimir Putin]]'' is a pitch to UsefulNotes/VladimirPutin [[FridgeLogic (with an English translation, for some reason)]] for various methods of city construction, [[CriticalResearchFailure thinking the problem with Russia's housing crisis is simply that there aren't enough houses.]] Slowbeef and [=TieTuesday=] have a field day riffing on the various methods shown, including some previously seen such as the instant-service restaurant and the drive-thru market.
-->'''slowbeef:''' Basically, they're leveraging a few of their technologies here, to make cities that they can build in exactly two years, to solve Russia's housing crisis. And I guess they're doing it in English so if one day he happens to be talking to [[UsefulNotes/BarackObama Obama]] about something, like, Obama could- "by the way, did you hear about this turnkey city thing" and Putin's like "oh, wait a sec, I think I saw that in my recommended videos".\\

* ''[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E7LCf4nsOpI Dahi̇r İnşaat Presents Quadcopter with Conveyor Belts?]]'' features possibly [[SerialEscalation Dahi̇r İnşaat's most blazingly impractical product yet:]] transporting large materials with a combination of both a quadcopter and 2 trucks attached to it. Even though the video itself is only a minute thirty long, the duo need more than eleven minutes to describe all the obvious logistical nightmares this system presents:
-->'''slowbeef:''' I'm gonna ask this question sincerely, because maybe it is something I'm missing here: [[ArmorPiercingQuestion If you can airlift the thing on your quadcopter... what do the trucks do? For you?]]\\

-->'''[=TieTuesday=]:''' ''Dahi̇r İnşaat: What's Bluetooth? Use a flag!''\\

* ''[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4UII0NFypAI Rescue Mission!]]'' showcases a remote controlled mini-tank with a decidedly phallic primary weapon ("there's a bepis on the front of that jeepis") and ''way'' more weaponry and ammo than it should rightfully be able to carry. It's demonstrated with an elaborate cinematic where three drones are sent to rescue a wounded soldier in an urban combat zone... where it quickly becomes clear that the drones' success is entirely dependent on them [[BottomlessMagazines not having any sort of ammo limitation]] while being sent up against enemy soldiers [[ImperialStormtrooperMarksmanshipAcademy who can't hit the broad side of a barn]] and vehicles that are [[MadeOfExplodium made of tissue paper]], missing functionality they should have like thermal imaging, and so unresponsive they may as well be abandoned. When they finally do reach the wounded soldier holed up in a building, they pull him out using a Safe Bed-esque platform on wheels, [[DidntThinkThisThrough which the soldier has to pull himself onto while bleeding out, and which later drives through a cloud of tear gas]] (not to mention that, much like the death quadcopter, the video flat-out ignores that military use of tear gas is also illegal).

** A man making a phone call, reporting [=PewDiePie=] as a crime against humanity.
*** Made even funnier later, when it cuts back to the same goon, he finds out that numerous reports have already been made against Pewdie.

** Due to PDP's overzealous fans flagging the video and limiting it to accounts 18 or older, slowbeef released a "Rated E for Everyone" version that censored the pill bottle, the bong, the machine gun, the drinking, and the wrist-slashing. However, all of PDP's footage was intact, every curse word and instance of the word "rape" still remained. Showing just how broken [=YouTube=]'s system really is.
*** The censorship in said video includes [[{{Bowdlerise}} replacing]] the bottle of pills with Tic-Tacs, the Jack Daniels with Coke Zero, and the weapons with a picture of Bill Gates. Also, a scene was added that wasn't in the original video.

---> ''(slowbeef takes drink from mug)''\\

* ''[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xHnqdFio8RA Don't Watch This]]''. Slowbeef forces Chip Cheezum to watch a ''hentai readalong'' (censored, mind you) as revenge for making Slowbeef watch the garbage life video. Chip's utter disbelief over it is astounding!
-->'''Chip:''' It has 12,000 views and ''one dislike!''\\

* ''[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rv1FLeM8NTY Praying Dumbass]]''

* ''[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oWfRzwM6Gws Velos Tells You What He Thinks of Retsupurae]]'', an unedited video from a visibly overweight InternetJerk in response to the RP team riffing on one of his friend's videos:
-->'''Velos:''' ''[completely unemotionally]'' If [Cloud8745] ever met you in real life, he'd kick your ass. And if I met you in real life, I'd fucking kill you right now. 'Cause you will go down in hell. I'll haunt you. Yeah. I'll kill you.

'''[=TieTuesday=]:''' Yeah, uh, it was a lot of fun. It was like one of my buddies which was just a film grad and he wanted to do one and found a bunch of people from our catering company, no less, that we all worked for. And yeah, it was a lot of fun! We just went into the creepy basements of random buildings on campus, because there's a bunch of weird shit tunnels and all that, put makeup on, and then just did what he asked for: kinda shambled around, fell under some stuff, kinda struggled like an idiot. It was a hoot! And then we all left and drank afterwards. ...I didn't pay shit for that. That was free, man! They can't charge people to try out to do that for your bad movie.

--->'''[=TieTuesday=]:''' [[VideoGame/MetalGearSolidVThePhantomPain A WEAPON TO SURPASS METAL GEAR!]]\\
'''slowbeef:''' It's the [[VideoGame/MetalGearSolid3SnakeEater Shagohod]] v2!