History Funny / Parksandrecreation

-->'''Andy:''' I don't know who Al Gore is [[labelnote:Answer]] Bill Clinton's Vice President [[/labelnote]], and at this point I'm too afraid to ask. When they say 2% milk, I don't know what the other 98% is.[[labelnote:Answer]] It means 2% milkfat [[/labelnote]] When I was a baby, my head was so big, scientists did experiments on me. I once threw a beer at a swan[[note]] He's just plain stupid for that [[/note]], and then it attacked my niece Rebecca [[note]] Only ever mentioned this once, and never shows up again [[/note]].

-->'''DJ Roomba''': I'm going to haunt you, Jerry, and play the Black Eyed Peas on a non-stop loop!

-->'''Ann''': What's your niece's name?\\
'''Leslie''': Torpel. What? I don't know. That's not a name. I don't have a niece. My niece's name is Stephanie.

* The entirety of Old Gus's retirement speech.

-->'''Tom''': Damn! How come the sewage department gets all the hot interns?

** And when Leslie describes it as "[[NightmareFuel hellish]] and might [[NauseaFuel make someone vomit]]", April says "Thank you".

--> '''Tom''': This is racist!

* When Ron takes too much pain medication and washes it down with scotch, Ann and Leslie have to induce him to vomit, which he refuses to do [[SkewedPriorities because it would waste the whiskey]]. It escalates as all three start screaming and Leslie and Ann are trying to hold Ron down, then SmashCut to:

* Ron acting like a whiny child when he's hungry.

-->'''Leslie''': In the neck!

-->'''Ron''': What's a not-gay way to ask him to go camping with me?

-->'''Andy''': I thought she liked me. I guess I'm super bad at picking up signals. ''(shrugs)'' That Ralph-Machio guy is a total douche.

-->'''Leslie''': I'm sorry, I just heard a lot of really loud circus music, what did you say?

-->'''Andy''': Leslie, I typed your symptoms into the thing up here [browser address bar] and it says you could have network connectivity problems.

-->'''Chris''': ''(looking into a mirror)'' Stop... pooping...\\
'''Chris''': Oh my God. The microchip has been compromised.\\
'''Chris''': This floor is my friend!

-->'''April''': I want another nurse.
-->'''Ann''': Well, there are none. We're stretched pretty thin now.
-->'''April''': Then I want a janitor. They can do what you do, right?
-->'''Ann''': Yep, nurses and janitors are totally interchangeable.
-->'''April''': Except no-one dresses up like a janitor when they want to be slutty.

-->'''Leslie''': Zorp is dead. Long live Zorp.

-->'''Leslie''': Please remember, this is a government project. So, we need to refrain from corporate promotion and religious items. Who'd like to start?\\
'''Man''': I think we should put in the Bible.

-->'''Ben''': Whoa, what's going on?\\
'''Leslie''': Some guy handcuffed himself to a pipe in my office because we wouldn't put a copy of ''Twilight'' in the time capsule.\\
'''Ben''': [[SeenItAll Dammit, again?]]

-->'''Ron''': What happened to the steaks that were in there when they closed? Do you think they got eaten?

-->'''Leslie''': (next to a map of the Pawnee municipal area, all in blue with a few white dots) This is a map of all the atrocities the Pawneeans have inflicted upon the Wamapoke Indians. ...[[FromBadToWorse the atrocities are in blue.]]
* Everyone's reaction to Li'l Sebastian. Especially Ron's glee.
-->'''Ben''': Yeah, I just gotta be honest. [[TheyJustDontGetIt I don't know what the big deal is.]]\\
'''Leslie''': [[GetOut Get]] [[FelonyMisdemeanor out.]]
* Ron says that in order to find the missing Li'l Sebastian the team needs a higher view point. Andy takes a long look at the ferris wheel and then suggests that he climb it.
* Ron demanding everyone apologize. Doubles as a SugarWiki/MomentOfAwesome (for calling out everyone's pettiness) and a SugarWiki/{{Heartwarming Moment|s}} (because he knows that it's mostly not Jerry's fault and showing how much he cares about the April/Andy relationship).

--> '''Leslie''': That's not how it happened!
--> '''Ken''': Perd...that's exactly how it happened!

-->'''Andy''': Dude, shut up! That is awesomesauce!
* Together with April's StepfordSnarker reaction to it later, to the camera:
-->'''April''': (unsmiling as ever) No. There's no problem. (big smile) [[SarcasmMode I awesomesauce Andy!]]
* Leslie has to explain to Ben and the audience how superstitious Pawneeans are. One time a traveling magician came to town and pulled a rabbit out of his hat, he was accused of witchcraft and was burned at the stake. Which happened in the 1970s. [[KickTheDog The rabbit was also burned at the stake]].

* The calm, relaxing scene where Jerry's happily cuddling a cat and listening to the old lady playing the piano at the inn, while Ben tries to escape to no avail. Cue instant cut to this head interview.
-->'''Ben''': Yeah, she died, like, twenty minutes after that.

-->'''Animal control:''' [[CrossesTheLineTwice Okay, so that one is dead. We know that.]]

* Ben sneaking back to check out Jerry's painting with Leslie nude in the chestal region. Twice.

-->'''Ben''': Were you frying marbles?
-->'''Andy''': [[InsaneTrollLogic We were testing to see if the smoke detector worked.]]
-->'''April''': It doesn't.

-->'''Leslie:''' ...really?

-->'''Ben''': Thank you. We will let you know. (job candidate leaves) And then our heads will explode and we will all die.

* Everyone is trying to have a moment of silence for the deceased Li'l Sebastian, but then a janitor walks into the office, his headphones loudly blaring Shania Twain's "Man, I Feel Like a Woman".

-->'''Leslie''': And this is how Eleanor Roosevelt would kiss!\\
'''Ben''': Whoa! Eleanor likes the tongue!
** There was also a part involving Ruth Bader Ginsburg. Ron mentions that he did not hang up before that. [[BrainBleach Unfortunately]].

* Drunk Leslie.

** The way she wrecks her office.

-->'''Tom''': Once a year, Donna and I spend the day treating ourselves. What do we treat ourselves to?\\
'''Donna''': Clothes.\\
'''Tom''': Treat yo self.\\
'''Donna''': Fragrances.\\
'''Tom''': Treat yo self.\\
'''Donna''': Massages.\\
'''Tom''': Treat yo self.\\
'''Donna''': Mimosas.\\
'''Tom''': Treat yo self.\\
'''Donna''': Fine leather goods.\\
'''Tom''': Treat yo self\\
'''Donna''': It's the best day of the year.

'''Andy:''' (in a [[TalkingHeads talking head]]) These kids are idiots! (..) I definitely have ''more'' lions than any other country in the whole world right now! I have no idea what's going on, but if that ends up meaning something in this game... (smirks) I'd say I'm set.

'''Leslie''': (to Ben, angry) The only thing I'll be waving is your decapitated head on a stick in front of your weeping mother!\\

* In one of '''the''' funniest examples of CringeComedy in the history of ever, Leslie and her new campaign team try to ''slowly'' walk across an ice rink from a red carpet to a tiny stage for her first campaign rally. All while the PA system is repeatedly blaring the same five-second extract of "Get on Your Feet" by Gloria Estafan.

-->'''Andy:''' I don't know who Al Gore is [[labelnote:Answer]] Bill Clinton's Vice President [[/labelnote]], and at this point I'm too afraid to ask. When they say 2% milk, I don't know what the other 98% is.[[labelnote:Answer]] It means 2% milkfat [[/labelnote]] When I was a baby, my head was so big, scientists did experiments on me. I once threw a beer at a swan[[note]] he's just an idiot, throwing anything at a wild animal is a good way to make them aggressive [[/note]], and then it attacked my niece [[TheGhost Rebecca]]

-->'''Andy:''' I don't know who Al Gore is [[labelnote:Answer]] Bill Clinton's Vice President [[/labelnote]], and at this point I'm too afraid to ask. When they say 2% milk, I don't know what the other 98% is.[[labelnote:Answer]] It means 2% milkfat [[/labelnote]] When I was a baby, my head was so big, scientists did experiments on me. I once threw a beer at a swan[[note]] he's just an idiot, swans are highly agressive [[/note]], and then it attacked my niece Rebecca.

-->'''Andy:''' I don't know who Al Gore is, and at this point I'm too afraid to ask. When they say 2% milk, I don't know what the other 98% is. When I was a baby, my head was so big, scientists did experiments on me. I once threw a beer at a swan, and then it attacked my niece Rebecca.

'''Leslie''': [[GetOut Get]] [[WhatDoYouMeanItsNotHeinous out.]]

'''Leslie:''' Oh, Ann, [[RunningGag you beautiful tropical fish!]] You're as [[{{Metaphorgotten}} smart as a whip]] and cool under pressure! You've resuscitated a human heart with your ''bare hands!''\\

'''Leslie:''' Oh, Ann, you beautiful tropical fish! You're as smart as a whip and cool under pressure! You've resuscitated a human heart with your bare hands!\\

-->'''Leslie:''' (angry) Dammit, Jerry, you just ''had'' to do your job, didn't you! Can't you do anything wrong?!
* In a great example of CringeComedy, Leslie and her new campaign team try to ''slowly'' walk across an ice rink from a red carpet to a tiny stage for her first campaign rally. All while the PA system is repeatedly playing the same five-second extract of "Get on Your Feet" by Gloria Estafan.
** It's also worth noting that April and Andy's three-legged dog Champion is brought along with them on the ice rink. When Ron is forced to carry Champion so he won't slip, he grimly notes [[TheComicallySerious "I am holding the dog.]] [[VulgarHumor He is peeing. He is now peeing."]]
** The best moment is easily when Leslie, who's winded from trying to cross the ice while she, Jerry, Ron, Ann, and Tom are all trying desperately not to fall while helping her up onto the tiny podium (and mostly ''not'' succeeding), finally gets on the "stage" and just...lays there for a second, trying to recuperate. And right at that moment...
-->'''PA:''' "''Get on your feet!''"

** Oh, and remember Pistol Pete from earlier! [[BrickJoke He comes back,]] [[HopeSpot looking like he might do another slam dunk and save the rally!]] ...Only to instead [[RealityEnsues slip on the ice and break his arm]], with him falling and yelling in pain ''just'' as the PA sings "''Get on your feet!''" yet again with [[FunnyBackgroundEvent Andy in the background]] [[ComedicSociopathy laughing his ass off.]]

'''Ben:''' No, I... (he replays the video, it still stops two seconds in) ...Oh my God, that's the whole thing... (buries face in hands) That was three weeks of work...

* The animal control guy is a bit too enthusiastic about killing birds...

-->'''Ron:''' I have an uncle who does yoga.
* Ron's attempt to eat a banana.

** Bidding 50 dollars on the Red Hot Chili Peppper's guitar... and then trying to wipe the signature off.

* [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ng_-HgRfGBY Citizens of Pawnee]] and their complaints to the city government, current up to mid-season 5.

''Ron snorts with laughter.''\\
'''Woman''': What's so funny?

---> '''Woman''': I made this in one of your pottery classes. [[NeverMyFault It's terrible]]! (''[[RageQuit Smashes it on the floor]]'')

-->'''Chris Pratt''': ''That's not something that props can fix. That's gonna be a little harder to fix. I'm sorry.'', '''I'm out!''' (''runs off'')
** Even better is Rob Lowe's completely deadpan "that is...''fucking hilarious.''"

* The amazingly creepy house owner April and Andy meet. Played by renown filmmaker, documentarian, and [[GermanDepressives Depressive German]] Creator/WernerHerzog for added hilarity.

* The amazingly creepy house owner April and Andy meet. Played by Creator/WernerHerzog for added hilarity.

'''Leslie:''' [[ARareSentence Oh, Ann, you beautiful tropical fish!]] You're [[{{Metaphorgotten}} as smart as a whip]] and cool under pressure! You've resuscitated a human heart with your bare hands!\\

* When Ann is trying to convince [[ButtMonkey "Pistol Pete" Disellio]] to help Leslie with her political rally and he talks about how frustrating it is to be considered a living legend in Pawnee:

* Leslie complains about the time the Pawnee media spent a whole year covering a local child who went to the Olympics. And hv e wasn't even a competitor, he was a ''spectator''.

* Ron's ad for a new assistant is just an otherwise-blank piece of paper that reads "Job: assistant to a man. Low pay. Apply at Parks Department" at the top.

-->'''April''':Then I want a janitor. They can do what you do, right?
-->'''Ann''':Yep, nurses and janitors are totally interchangeable.
-->'''April''':Except no-one dresses up like a janitor when they want to be slutty.

* The very ending, where Leslie hires a man in a silly horse costume to sing an apology song to Ron and give him a balloon. Ron stabs and pops the balloon.

* Leslie complains about the Pawnee media spending a whole year covering a local child who went to the Olympics. He wasn't even a competitor, he was a ''spectator''.

* In what might quite possibly be ''the'' SugarWiki/MostTriumphantExample of CringeComedy in the history of ever, Leslie and her new campaign team try to ''slowly'' walk across an ice rink from a red carpet to a tiny stage for her first campaign rally. All while the PA system is repeatedly playing the same five-second extract of "Get on Your Feet" by Gloria Estafan.

-->'''Leslie:''' How did Disney/{{Cinderella}} finish her dress so fast? ''(pause)'' Squirrels and birds.\\