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'''Clark:''' DON'T TOUCH!

to:

'''Clark:''' ''(still grinning)'' DON'T TOUCH!
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-->'''Dale:''' You ever [[ADateWithRosiePalms bop]] [[UnusualEuphemism your bologna]]?

to:

-->'''Dale:''' You ever [[ADateWithRosiePalms bop]] [[UnusualEuphemism bop your bologna]]?
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--->'''Ellen''': ''(pinching her nose) I think I broke my nose!\\

to:

--->'''Ellen''': ''(pinching her nose) nose)'' I think I broke my nose!\\

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** They then spend the rest of the trip with the words "HONKY LIPS" spray-painted on the side of the Roadster.

to:

** * Eventually, Clark finds a man who appears to be able to direct them back to the expressway, but he's just distracting them for long enough for several other men to spray graffiti on their car and steal all four of their hubcaps. They then spend the rest of the trip with the words "HONKY LIPS" spray-painted on the side of the Roadster.



* "Hey underpants!" ''(bartender "shoots" Clark with a shotgun)'' And then Audrey can't hear when Clark addresses her.

to:

* Clark annoys a bartender in Dodge City so much that he yells, "Hey underpants!" ''(bartender and "shoots" Clark with a shotgun)'' shotgun. And then Audrey can't hear when Clark addresses her.



* "Eeew, Clark, this tent smells." "Edna, this is your tent."
* The scene where Clark is pulled over by a patrolman for not untying Edna's dog, Dinky, from the car before driving off is a brilliant piece of BlackComedy.[[note]]In reality, Chevy Chase took such a liking to Popeye, the dog playing Dinky, that he adopted him after filming wrapped.[[/note]]

to:

* "Eeew, The Griswolds stop off at a terrible campground in Colorado.
-->'''Ellen:''' Eeew,
Clark, this tent smells." "Edna, \\
'''Clark:''' Edna,
this is your tent."
tent.
* The scene where Clark is pulled over by a Colorado state patrolman for not untying Edna's dog, Dinky, from the car before driving off is a brilliant piece of BlackComedy.[[note]]In reality, Chevy Chase took such a liking to Popeye, the dog playing Dinky, that he adopted him after filming wrapped.[[/note]]



* Clark gets the family lost in the desert and crashes the car after running it off a ramp. A parade of hilarity follows.

to:

* Clark gets the family lost in the desert "somewhere in Arizona" (to quote the intertitle) and crashes the car after running it off a ramp. A parade of hilarity follows.

Added: 2531

Changed: 1965

Removed: 207

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* When Clark is explaining to Ellen why he has decided to drive from Chicago to Los Angeles instead of flying, watch carefully and you'll notice Ellen is scraping the contents of dirty plates into the bin and handing them to Clark, who wipes them with a dish towel and puts them in a cupboard. Neither is paying enough attention to notice that at no point are they ''washing'' the plates.



-->'''Clark:''' ''[as a graphic of the car moves away from Chicago on the map...]'' Okay, now there's the, uh, Family Truckster as we leave Chicago. ''[... followed by VideoGame/PacMan, controlled by Rusty]'' Rusty, please, do not eat the Truckster. ''[the car zigzags in all directions, with Pac-Man hot on the trail]'' Russ, d'you mind? I'm trying to, uh, work this out on the old computer. Please, Russ. ''[a spaceship, controlled by Audrey, spins into one corner and opens fire]'' Okay, Audrey. Thank you, Audrey, that's just great.\\

to:

-->'''Clark:''' ''[as ''[the "Charge!" fanfare plays as a graphic of the car moves away from Chicago on the map...]'' Okay, now there's the, uh, Family Truckster as we leave Chicago. ''[... followed by a lawyer-friendly version of VideoGame/PacMan, controlled by Rusty]'' Rusty, please, do not eat the Truckster. ''[the car zigzags in all directions, with Pac-Man hot on the trail]'' Russ, d'you mind? I'm trying to, uh, work this out on the old computer. Please, Russ. ''[a spaceship, controlled by Audrey, spins into one corner and opens fire]'' Okay, Audrey. Thank you, Audrey, that's just great.\\



* Rusty comments that Clark's ramp jump must've been at least 50 yards.
--> '''Clark''': That's nothing to be proud of, Rusty. ''(to himself, smirking proudly)'' Fifty yards...
* When the car crashes, Ellen, Rusty and Audrey chime in with the injuries they (think) they sustained. Adding to the hilarity, Rusty and Audrey go from the back seat just before the crash to jammed in the front with their parents after the crash.
-->'''Ellen''': ''(pinching her nose) I think I broke my nose!
-->'''Rusty''': ''(with his finger up his nose)'' I stabbed my brain!
-->'''Audrey''': ''(pulling herself up from the floor)'' I just got my period!
* After Clark crashes the car in the desert, Edna wants to get out.
--> '''Ellen:''' Stay in the car! It's hot and dangerous out here!\\

to:

* Rusty comments The scene where Clark is pulled over by a patrolman for not untying Edna's dog, Dinky, from the car before driving off is a brilliant piece of BlackComedy.[[note]]In reality, Chevy Chase took such a liking to Popeye, the dog playing Dinky, that Clark's ramp jump must've he adopted him after filming wrapped.[[/note]]
** As furious as the patrolman is with Clark, he seems a bit hazy on the legal specifics:
--->'''Patrolman:''' ''[removing the (now empty) leash from the back of the car]'' Do you know what the penalty for animal cruelty is in this state?\\
'''Clark:''' No, sir, I don't.\\
'''Patrolman:''' Well... ''[{{Beat}}]'' It's probably pretty stiff.
** The patrolman lets Clark off with a warning, but his attempts to keep Edna from finding out fail miserably:
--->'''Edna:''' ''[in an "I told you so" tone of voice]'' I was afraid you'd get pulled over, Clark. ''[Clark exchanges a chagrined look with Ellen, who already knows the truth]'' You've
been at least 50 yards.
--> '''Clark''': That's nothing
exceeding the speed limit for ''thousands'' of miles!\\
'''Rusty:''' Dad wasn't speeding! The cop stopped us because Dad forgot to-\\
'''Ellen:''' ''[quickly]'' He was ''speeding'', Rusty!\\
'''Rusty:''' No he wasn't, Mom...\\
'''Clark:''' Russ! Listen
to your mother, I ''was'' speeding. I was driving like a maniac. We can all be proud of, Rusty. ''(to himself, smirking proudly)'' Fifty yards...
grateful to this man for stopping us. ''[as the patrolman walks up to the driver's side window]'' You see kids, a car-\\
'''Patrolman:''' Here's the leash, sir. I'm going back to get the rest of the carcass off the road.\\
'''Clark:''' ''[forcing a polite smile]'' Thank you, officer.\\
'''Patrolman:''' See you. ''[leaves]''\\
'''Clark:''' Have a nice day. ''[grimaces; Ellen closes her eyes and sighs in defeat, while Edna begins sobbing]''
* Clark gets the family lost in the desert and crashes the car after running it off a ramp. A parade of hilarity follows.
** Ellen foreshadows the impending disaster as they obliviously drive past a "ROAD CLOSED" sign.
--->'''Ellen:''' I honestly don't think you're gonna find the Grand Canyon on ''this'' road.\\
'''Clark:''' Jesus, it's only the biggest goddamn hole in the world!\\
'''Edna:''' ''Clark!'' Watch your language!\\
'''Clark:''' ''[under his breath]'' Make that the second biggest.
**
When the car crashes, Ellen, Rusty and Audrey chime in with the injuries they (think) they sustained. Adding to the hilarity, Rusty and Audrey go from the back seat just before the crash to jammed in the front with their parents after the crash.
-->'''Ellen''': --->'''Ellen''': ''(pinching her nose) I think I broke my nose!
-->'''Rusty''':
nose!\\
'''Rusty''':
''(with his finger up his nose)'' I stabbed my brain!
-->'''Audrey''':
brain!\\
'''Audrey''':
''(pulling herself up from the floor)'' I just got my period!
* ** This gem:
--->'''Audrey:''' Mom, where can I go to the bathroom?\\
'''Ellen:''' Find a bush, Audrey!
** Rusty comments that Clark's ramp jump must've been at least 50 yards.
---> '''Clark''': That's nothing to be proud of, Rusty. ''(to himself, smirking proudly)'' Fifty yards...
**
After Clark crashes the car in the desert, Edna wants to get out.
--> ---> '''Ellen:''' Stay in the car! It's hot and dangerous out here!\\



** Also this gem:
-->'''Audrey:''' Mom, where can I go to the bathroom?
-->'''Ellen:''' Find a bush, Audrey!
* Clark shares a beer with Rusty, who proceeds to drink the ''entire can''. When Clark takes the can back from him, he tries to take a sip but is surprised to find it's empty.
-->'''Clark:''' At first, I didn't want to take this vacation, and now I'm glad I did. It's given me a chance to spend a lot more time with you, and, uh...
-->'''Rusty:''' Audrey.
-->'''Clark:''' Audrey, yeah.

to:

** Also this gem:
-->'''Audrey:''' Mom, where can I go to the bathroom?
-->'''Ellen:''' Find a bush, Audrey!
*
Clark shares a beer with Rusty, who proceeds to drink the ''entire can''. When Clark takes the can back from him, he tries to take a sip but is surprised to find it's empty.
-->'''Clark:''' --->'''Clark:''' At first, I didn't want to take this vacation, and now I'm glad I did. It's given me a chance to spend a lot more time with you, and, uh...
-->'''Rusty:''' Audrey.
-->'''Clark:'''
uh...\\
'''Rusty:''' Audrey.\\
'''Clark:'''
Audrey, yeah.


Added DiffLines:

-->'''Clark:''' What does your sheriff think of your business practices? ''[one of the crooked mechanics cackles and pulls out a sheriff's badge]''
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-->'''Clark:''' ''[as a graphic of the car moves away from Chicago on the map...]'' Okay, now there's the Family Truckster as we leave Chicago. ''[... followed by VideoGame/PacMan, controlled by Rusty]'' Rusty, please, do not eat the Truckster. ''[the car zigzags in all directions, with Pac-Man hot on the trail]'' Russ, d'you mind? I'm trying to work this out on the old computer. Please, Russ. ''[a spaceship, controlled by Audrey, spins into one corner and opens fire]'' Okay, Audrey. Thank you, Audrey, that's just great.\\

to:

-->'''Clark:''' ''[as a graphic of the car moves away from Chicago on the map...]'' Okay, now there's the the, uh, Family Truckster as we leave Chicago. ''[... followed by VideoGame/PacMan, controlled by Rusty]'' Rusty, please, do not eat the Truckster. ''[the car zigzags in all directions, with Pac-Man hot on the trail]'' Russ, d'you mind? I'm trying to to, uh, work this out on the old computer. Please, Russ. ''[a spaceship, controlled by Audrey, spins into one corner and opens fire]'' Okay, Audrey. Thank you, Audrey, that's just great.\\



'''Clark:''' All right, that's enough, Russ. ''[the car drives off the top of the screen and re-appears at the bottom]'' Okay, now, I think we're moving towards- ''[Audrey's spaceship spins onto the screen again and fires at Pac-Man, who explodes]'' Thank you, good shot, Audrey.

to:

'''Clark:''' All right, that's enough, Russ. ''[the car drives off the top of the screen and re-appears at the bottom]'' Okay, now, I think we're moving towards- toward the Grand Canyon- ''[Audrey's spaceship spins onto the screen again and fires at Pac-Man, who explodes]'' Thank you, good shot, Audrey.

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Removed: 632

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Fixing indentation.


* Clark can't find the gas cap on the new station wagon. He sees another family pull into the station, and one of the kids lifts up the rear license plate to reveal the gas cap. So Clark tries that on the Truckster... and rips the license plate off.

to:

* Clark can't find the gas cap on the new station wagon. He sees another family pull into the station, and one of the kids lifts up the rear license plate to reveal the gas cap. So Clark tries that on the Truckster... and rips the license plate off.off, almost hitting a woman standing behind him.[[note]]An unscripted moment; Chevy Chase's look of shock at the near miss is genuine.[[/note]]



(gun shot heard outside the car)\\

to:

(gun ''(gun shot heard outside the car)\\car)''\\



(moments later)\\

to:

(moments later)\\''(moments later)''\\



* "Hey underpants!" (bartender "shoots" Clark with a shotgun)
** And then Audrey can't hear when Clark addresses her.

to:

* "Hey underpants!" (bartender ''(bartender "shoots" Clark with a shotgun)
**
shotgun)'' And then Audrey can't hear when Clark addresses her.



* When the car crashes, Ellen, Rusty and Audrey chime in with the injuries they (think) they sustained.
--> '''Ellen''': (pinching her nose) "I think I broke my nose!"
-->'''Rusty''': (with his finger up his nose) "I stabbed my brain!"
-->'''Audrey''': (pulling herself up from the floor) "I just got my period!"
** Adding to the hilarity is the fact that Rusty and Audrey were in the back seat just before and after the car crashes, they're jammed in the front with their parents.

to:

* When the car crashes, Ellen, Rusty and Audrey chime in with the injuries they (think) they sustained.
--> '''Ellen''': (pinching
sustained. Adding to the hilarity, Rusty and Audrey go from the back seat just before the crash to jammed in the front with their parents after the crash.
-->'''Ellen''': ''(pinching
her nose) "I I think I broke my nose!"
nose!
-->'''Rusty''': (with ''(with his finger up his nose) "I nose)'' I stabbed my brain!"
brain!
-->'''Audrey''': (pulling ''(pulling herself up from the floor) "I floor)'' I just got my period!"
** Adding to the hilarity is the fact that Rusty and Audrey were in the back seat just before and after the car crashes, they're jammed in the front with their parents.
period!



* At the hotel which won't take his credit card or take a check, Clark bangs his hand on the desk when the hotel clerk walks away. The bang causes the cash register to open; on an impulse, Clark grabs the cash from the register and sticks the filled-out check for $1,000 in the register to call it even.
** In the very next scene, the family is at the Grand Canyon and Clark's in a hurry to leave. Ellen asks him, "Don't you want to see the Grand Canyon?" Clark looks at it for a total of two seconds and is satisfied.

to:

* At the hotel which won't take his credit card or take a check, Clark bangs his hand on the desk when the hotel clerk walks away. The bang causes the cash register to open; on an impulse, Clark grabs the cash from the register and sticks the filled-out check for $1,000 in the register to call it even.
**
even. In the very next scene, the family is at the Grand Canyon and Clark's in a hurry to leave. Ellen asks him, "Don't you want to see the Grand Canyon?" Clark looks at it for a total of two seconds and is satisfied.



--> '''Helen''': I hope you kids learned something about life and death from all of this.\\

to:

--> '''Helen''': '''Ellen''': I hope you kids learned something about life and death from all of this.\\



* After Clark is busted for being nearly naked in the pool with the Girl in the Ferrari, he has a father-son talk with Rusty. Clark creates the worst lie possible by saying that the woman was a "pool waitress". Even funnier, Rusty humors him and pretends to buy it.
** When Clark returns to his room, Ellen (who is downbeat that he was in the pool with the woman) asks, "Do you like that girl?" Clark replies, "How could I like her? She's [[BlatantLies ugly]]."

to:

* After Clark is busted for being nearly naked in the pool with the Girl in the Ferrari, he has a father-son talk with Rusty. Clark creates the worst lie possible by saying that the woman was a "pool waitress". Even funnier, Rusty humors him and pretends to buy it.
**
it. When Clark returns to his room, Ellen (who is downbeat that he was in the pool with the woman) asks, "Do you like that girl?" Clark replies, "How could I like her? She's [[BlatantLies ugly]]."



** Also this bit later:
--->'''Lasky''': Has your father ever killed anyone before?
--->'''Rusty''': Just a dog...and my Aunt Edna.
--->'''Clark''': You can't prove that Russ!

to:

** Also this bit later:
--->'''Lasky''':
* Later:
-->'''Lasky''':
Has your father ever killed anyone before?
--->'''Rusty''': -->'''Rusty''': Just a dog...and my Aunt Edna.
--->'''Clark''': -->'''Clark''': You can't prove that Russ!
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Added DiffLines:

* Clark interrupts Rusty and Audrey's video game session to show them the itinerary on the computer. Rusty and Audrey decide to continue their game anyway:
-->'''Clark:''' ''[as a graphic of the car moves away from Chicago on the map...]'' Okay, now there's the Family Truckster as we leave Chicago. ''[... followed by VideoGame/PacMan, controlled by Rusty]'' Rusty, please, do not eat the Truckster. ''[the car zigzags in all directions, with Pac-Man hot on the trail]'' Russ, d'you mind? I'm trying to work this out on the old computer. Please, Russ. ''[a spaceship, controlled by Audrey, spins into one corner and opens fire]'' Okay, Audrey. Thank you, Audrey, that's just great.\\
'''Rusty:''' ''[as the car drives off one side of the screen and re-appears on the other side, Pac-Man still in pursuit]'' Look out, Dad, here I come!\\
'''Clark:''' All right, that's enough, Russ. ''[the car drives off the top of the screen and re-appears at the bottom]'' Okay, now, I think we're moving towards- ''[Audrey's spaceship spins onto the screen again and fires at Pac-Man, who explodes]'' Thank you, good shot, Audrey.

Added: 1221

Changed: 657

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None


* The franchise's RunningGag of the Griswolds getting stuck with a [[TheAllegedCar hideously ugly, impractical car]] starts with the Wagon Queen Family Truckster, a baby vomit green station wagon with faux wood panelling on all surfaces, trash bags as air bags (with a hair trigger), and four headlights on each side.
-->'''[[Creator/EugeneLevy Ed]]:''' You think you hate it now... [[ExactWords but wait 'til you drive it!]]



* Clark can't find the gas cap on the new station wagon. Eventually he accidentally rips the license plate off.

to:

* Clark can't find the gas cap on the new station wagon. Eventually he accidentally He sees another family pull into the station, and one of the kids lifts up the rear license plate to reveal the gas cap. So Clark tries that on the Truckster... and rips the license plate off.



* "You're driving me to Phoenix!" (all the contents of Clark's sandwich squirt onto the plate)
* "You ever [[ADateWithRosiePalms bop]] [[UnusualEuphemism your bologna]]?"

to:

* "You're driving me to Phoenix!" (all the contents of Clark's sandwich squirt onto the plate)
* "You
Catherine and Eddie's son Dale shows Rusty his nudie magazine collection, but won't let Rusty borrow them, as he "uses" them regularly. Rusty is confused, so Dale explains:
-->'''Dale:''' You
ever [[ADateWithRosiePalms bop]] [[UnusualEuphemism your bologna]]?"bologna]]?
* Meanwhile, Dale's sister Vicki reveals a bit too much about their family to Audrey:
-->'''Vicki:''' I'm going steady, and I French kiss.\\
'''Audrey:''' So? Everybody does that.\\
'''Vicki:''' Yeah, but my daddy says I'm the best at it.



* As cranky Aunt Edna joins the family for dinner, she asks if Catherine and Eddie have told Clark and Ellen "the good news". They haven't, so she tells them herself:
-->'''Edna:''' You're driving me to Phoenix! ''(all the contents of Clark's sandwich squirt onto the plate)''



'''Clark''': Sure, Eddie! (gets out his wallet and starts to pull out a bill) How much money do you need?\\

to:

'''Clark''': Sure, Eddie! (gets ''(gets out his wallet and starts to pull out a bill) bill)'' How much money do you need?\\



(Clark stuffs the bill back in his wallet)

to:

(Clark ''(Clark stuffs the bill back in his wallet)wallet)''



* Clark's awkward sandwich dance, then spitting it out after learning that the dog peed on the picnic basket. Aunt Edna just keeps on eating.



* When Clark holds up Lasky the security guard with a BB gun: Ellen: "We're not violent people. This is our first gun!" (Lasky is relieved) Clark: "No it isn't." (Lasky is terrified again)

to:

* When Clark holds up Lasky the security guard with a BB gun: Ellen: "We're gun:
-->'''Ellen:''' We're
not violent people. This is our first gun!" (Lasky gun! ''(Lasky is relieved) Clark: "No relieved)''\\
'''Clark:''' No
it isn't." (Lasky isn't. ''(Lasky is terrified again)again)''



(moments later, when discussing Walley's kids)\\

to:

(moments ''(moments later, when discussing Walley's kids)\\kids)''\\



* Clark's awkward sandwich dance, then spitting it out after learning that the dog peed on the picnic basket. Aunt Edna just keeps on eating.

to:

* Clark's awkward sandwich dance, then spitting it out after learning that the dog peed on the picnic basket. Aunt Edna just keeps on eating.----

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