History Funny / MrsDoubtfire

** This is all made funnier with the knowledge that Robin Williams was trying his absolute hardest to get Pierce Brosnan to break character.

--> '''Daniel''': ''(makes hacking, spitting sounds)'' I will not do this, I cannot! Oh, what a foul way for a bird to die! I don't want to get beak cancer! No! My lungs are ''blackened!'' ''(coughs, hacks, then holds a finger to his throat, imitating someone with a voice synthesizer)'' Help me, help me!

---> '''Daniel''': They're biased. That's a mistrial.

---> '''Daniel''': Well, in the words of WesternAnimation/PorkyPig, [[TakeThisJobAndShoveIt 'A-p-p-p, p-p-p-p-p, p-piss off, Lou!']]

-->'''Frank''': Enough already, it's a man.\\
'''Jack''': How would you know?\\
'''Frank''': Bitch...\\
'''Mother''': ''(over phone, furious)'' This is your mother!...\\

---> '''Frank''': ''(to Daniel)'' She wants to know if you want to come stay with her.\\
'''Daniel''': ''(whispering)'' No ''way''.\\
'''Frank''': ''(to mom)'' ...He says he'll think about it, ma.

--> '''Mrs. Sellner''': Mr. Hillard, do you consider yourself humorous?\\
'''Daniel''': I used to. There was a time when I found myself funny, but today you have proven me wrong. Thank you.

--> '''Daniel''': Wow, films. Will I be introducing these movies on air?\\
'''Tony''': Not exactly.\\
'''Daniel''': What do I do?\\
'''Tony''': Well you take all these cans, you box 'em, you ship 'em. Then you box those cans over there, ship them, then more will come in. You box those, you ship those. Any questions?\\
'''Daniel''': ...After you box them...?\\
'''Tony''': You ''ship 'em''. Lotsa luck, smartass.\\
'''Daniel''': [[SarcasmMode I think I've made a friend.]]

--> '''Natalie''': ''(to Daniel)'' [[PuppyDogEyes Why would you want mommy to die?]]

--> '''Miranda''' (DisapprovingLook to Daniel)
--> '''Daniel:''' (Sheepishly) ...Kids say the darnedest things.
--> '''Miranda''': Any other choice phrases you'd like to teach our five-year-old, Daniel?

'''Daniel:''' Oh, a boyyy. I don't vurk vith da males, 'cause I used to be one.[[note]] For bonus points, Daniel's voice drops noticeably for the last two words.[[/note]]\\

--->'''Daniel''': ''(in a vague Hispanic accent)'' I... am... job.\\
'''Miranda''': ...Do you speak English?\\
'''Daniel''': ''(more insistently)'' I... am... job!\\
'''Miranda''': I'm sorry, the position has been filled. ''(hangs up)'' Ugh, what a ''nightmare!''

---> '''Daniel''': Oh ''SHIT''! ''(accidentally hits his head on the window)''

---> '''Mrs. Doubtfire''': As you can see, I can't stay with you, dear. I'm melting like a snow cone in Phoenix. ''(another drop in her coffee)'' There we go again! I'll go get Danny. He'll be right with you. ''(leaves the room)'' Hold on. DANNY! ''(in his regular voice)'' Coming, sis!\\
'''Sellner''': It was lovely to have met you!\\
'''Mrs. Doubtfire''': ''(briefly appears in the doorway)'' [[MotorMouth Lovelytomeetyou!]] ''(bolts)''

---> '''Doubtfire''': I'm not a muslim.

--> '''Chris''': ''(stammering)'' She's a he! He's a she! He's a she-she... \\

'''Mrs. Doubtfire''': I'm not who you think I am.\\
'''Chris''': Yeah, no shit!\\
'''Daniel''': '''Watch your mouth, young man!'''

--> '''Chris''': You don't really like wearing that stuff, do ya, Dad?\\
'''Daniel''': [[SarcasmMode Well, some of it's comfortable.]] No! God, it's a pain in the padded ass.

--> '''Mrs. Doubtfire''': Oh, sir! I saw it! Some angry member of the kitchen staff, did you not tip them? Oh, the terrorist! He ran that way, it was a ''run-by fruiting''!

--> '''Daniel''': Please welcome... James Browntosaurus! ''(grabs a dino toy)'' (to the tune of ''I Feel Good'') I eat wood, badadadadada, it tastes good, badadadadada, no meat, big feet, I eat wood, bum-bum-bum-bum! Oh, I got to help myself! Can't go on! Can't go on! I'm goin' extinct!\\
---\\

--> '''Doubtfire''': They're both too brazen, dear. They cry "harlot". Red is the traditional color for streetwalkers, dear. And the black one is far too short. I hope you waxed. They both say to me "I'm easy", and you don't want that, dear. You want to be Kilimanjaro on your first date: Inaccessible. Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free? ''(looks in her closet)'' No, let's find something more your own age. Something a little less tawdry. Let's see. ''(pulls out a modest dress)'' How about this lovely frock? Tasteful, elegant... Don't you think?\\
'''Miranda''': And ''old.'' I wore that to my aunt's funeral in ''1976''.\\
'''Doubtfire''': A classic never dies, dear. I think it's time to revive it.\\
'''Miranda''': I think we should ask the kids. What do you think?\\
'''Lydia''': I'd go with the short, black one.\\
'''Nattie''': Yeah. It's the most fun.\\
'''Miranda''': There. You see? I agree.\\
'''Doubtfire''': ''(passive-aggressively)'' Fine. You ask my opinion, then don't take it. I will not be held responsible for your virtue.

'''Woman''': Thank you.\\
'''Miranda''': I'll show you to the door. ''(makes a "cut" motion to her kids behind the woman's back)''

--->'''Daniel''': ''(in a vague Hispanic accent)'' I... am... Job.\\

'''Daniel''': ''(more insistently)'' I... am... Job!\\

* Daniel covers his face with cake frosting, then shouts "HELLO!" so loud it rattles the inspector, most likely so that she wouldn't be composed enough to see through his flimsy disguise.

--> '''Miranda''': (DisapprovingLook) Any other choice phrases you'd like to teach our five-year-old, Daniel?

** Although, it must be mentioned that, in light of the tragic circumstances of Williams' death, that last line is now decidedly HarsherInHindsight.

--> '''Daniel''': Please welcome... James Browntosaurus! ''(grabs a dino toy)'' ''(to the tune of ''I Feel Good'') I eat wood, badadadadada, it tastes good, badadadadada, no meat, big feet, I eat wood, bum-bum-bum-bum! Oh, I got to help myself! Can't go on! Can't go on! I'm goin' extinct!

**

**

**

** When he finishes, [[{{Corpsing}} you can briefly see Pierce Brosnan trying to suppress a smile.]]

* In an interview for the film's 25th anniversary, the cast discusses how Robin Williams would as usual madly improvise during filming and come up with a different equally funny line on each take. To the five year old Mara Wilson who was doing her first movie, this gave the impression that ''every'' movie was made this way.

** And later, as he's walking out, the director tells Daniel that if he leaves, he's fired. Daniel responds thus:

* When they are at the swimming pool, Stu tells Ms Doubtfire that if she needs anything she should let him know. Ms Doubtfire says thank you and when Stu leaves, mutters under his breath: “ if you ever touch me again I’ll drown you, you bastard”.

* When they are at the swimming pool, Stu tells Ms Doubtfire that if she needs anything, she should let him know. Ms Doubtfire says thank you and when Stu leaves, mutters under his breath: “ if you ever touch me again I’ll drown you, you bastard”.

* When they are at the swimming pool, Stu tells Ms Doubtfire that if she needs anything, she should let him know. Ms Doubtfire says thank you and when Stu leaves, mutters under his breath: “ if you ever touch me again, I’ll drown you, you bastard”.

* When they are at the swimming pool, Stu tells Ms Doubtfire that if she needs anything, she should let him know. Ms Doubtfire says thank you and when Stu leaves, mutters under his breath: “ if you ever touch me again, I’ll drown you, you bastard.

* The film's soundtrack itself is hilarious, as the crew apparently scoured all of popular music for the past several decades to find any that could sound like a DoubleEntendre about crossdressing. The result is Daniel pulling off his scheme to the likes of [[Theatre/GuysAndDolls "Luck Be a Lady Tonight,"]] [[Music/JamesBrown "Papa's Got a Brand New Bag,"]] [[Music/{{Aerosmith}} "Dude Looks Like a Lady,"]] and ''[[Music/FrankieValliAndTheFourSeasons "Walk Like a Man."]]

* The film's soundtrack itself is hilarious, as the crew apparently scoured all of popular music for the past several decades to find any that could sound like a DoubleEntendre about crossdressing. The result is Daniel pulling off his scheme to the likes of [[Theatre/GuysAndDolls "Luck Be a Lady Tonight,"]] [[Music/JamesBrown "Papa's Got a Brand New Bag,"]] [[Music/Aerosmith "Dude Looks Like a Lady,"]] and ''[[Music/FrankieValliAndTheFourSeasons "Walk Like a Man."]]

* In the beginning, when Daniel improvises lines for a cartoon character he is dubbing in protest of the character gladly smoking a cigarette in a cartoon meant for children:

** When Daniel voices his protests against the character smoking, it turns out he is the only person in the place who isn't smoking.

** And later, as he is walking out, the director tells Daniel that if he leaves, he is fired. Daniel responds thusly:

* Daniel asks the kids how Miranda is doing. They state that she is good, and he says "I'd hate to think she got amoebic dysentery or piles." Chris trolls Natalie by describing what dysentery is: "It's an infection in your tummy where you get diarrhea forever. And then your body dries up and you die."

* Daniel covers his face with cake frosting, then shouts "HELLO!" so loud it rattles the inspector, most likely so that she would not be composed enough to see through his flimsy disguise.

* When Daniel (dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire) realizes Miranda's birthday party is being held at the same place that he is having his dinner meeting with Lundy, he comes up with the lamest excuse possible:

* During the restaurant scene, Mrs. Doubtfire (who is now a bit drunk) has to leave the family table again and says, "Be back in a flush."

* Miranda's reaction during TheReveal in the restaurant; Traumatized or not, it is hard not to stifle a laugh at how much she is freaking out that her ex-husband is her housekeeper. Added points for Stu, who is absolutely dumbstruck through the entire thing. "The whole time... the whole time — THE WHOLE TIME?!"

* There was another deleted scene at the restaurant where a woman finds Mrs. Doubtfire's bag in the bathroom and returns it to the front desk. When Daniel awkwardly asks for the bag, which they know contains a bodysuit, he pays the host to keep quiet. When he runs into the bathroom and barges into the stall, there is an old woman inside who screams, forcing Daniel to leave again.

* There was another deleted scene at the restaurant where a woman finds Mrs. Doubtfire's bag in the bathroom and returns it to the front desk. When Daniel awkwardly asks for the bag, which they know contains a bodysuit, he pays the host to keep quiet. When he runs into the bathroom and barges into the stall, there's an old woman inside who screams, forcing Daniel to leave again.

* During the restaurant scene, Mrs. Doubtfire (who's now a bit drunk) has to leave the family table again and says, "Be back in a flush."

* In the beginning, when Daniel improvises lines for a cartoon character he's dubbing in protest of the character gladly smoking a cigarette in a cartoon meant for children:

** When Daniel voices his protests against the character smoking, it turns out he's the only person in the place who isn't smoking.

** And later, as he's walking out, the director tells Daniel that if he leaves, he's fired. Daniel responds thusly:

* Daniel asks the kids how Miranda is doing. They state that she's good, and he says "I'd hate to think she got amoebic dysentery or piles." Chris trolls Natalie by describing what dysentery is: "It's an infection in your tummy where you get diarrhea forever. And then your body dries up and you die."

* Daniel covers his face with cake frosting, then shouts "HELLO!" so loud it rattles the inspector, most likely so that she wouldn't be composed enough to see through his flimsy disguise.

* When Daniel (dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire) realizes Miranda's birthday party is being held at the same place that he's having his dinner meeting with Lundy, he comes up with the lamest excuse possible:

* Miranda's reaction during TheReveal in the restaurant; Traumatized or not, it's hard not to stifle a laugh at how much she's freaking out that her ex-husband is her housekeeper. Added points for Stu, who is absolutely dumbstruck through the entire thing. "The whole time... the whole time — THE WHOLE TIME?!"

-->'''Lou:''' You can't put words in Pudgy's mouth when his mouth isn't moving!\\

--> '''Daniel''': They're biased. That's a mistrial.

--> '''Daniel''': Well, in the words of [[WesternAnimation/{{PorkyPig}} Porky Pig]], [[TakeThisJobAndShoveIt 'A-p-p-p, p-p-p-p-p, p-piss off, Lou!']]

--> '''Frank''': ''(to Daniel)'' She wants to know if you want to come stay with her.\\

-->'''Daniel:''' Yah, my name's Ilsa [[MeaningfulName Immelmann]], and I vant to know, how many children do you have?\\

-->'''Miranda:''' Hello?\\

-->'''Daniel''': ''(in a vague Hispanic accent)'' I... am... Job.\\

--> '''Daniel''': Oh ''SHIT''! ''(accidentally hits his head on the window)''

-->'''Doubtfire:''' One drop or two, would you like another one? ''[drop]'' There you go!

--> '''Mrs. Doubtfire''': As you can see, I can't stay with you, dear. I'm melting like a snow cone in Phoenix. ''(another drop in her coffee)'' There we go again! I'll go get Danny. He'll be right with you. ''(leaves the room)'' Hold on. DANNY! ''(in his regular voice)'' Coming, sis!\\

-->"''Mayday!''"

-->'''Mrs. Doubtfire''': Well, I hope you're up for a little competition. She's got a power tool in the bedroom, dear. It's her own personal jackhammer. She could break sidewalk with that thing. She uses it and the lights dim, it's like a prison movie. Amazed she hasn't chipped her teeth...I do hope you bring cocktail sauce. She's got the crabs, dear, and I don't mean Dungeness. Oh, I'm being blunt as a spoon!

* During the restaurant scene, Mrs. Doubtfire (who is now a bit drunk) has to leave the family table again and says, "Be back in a flush."

* During the restaurant scene, Mrs. Doubtfire (who's now a bit drunk) has to leave the family table again and says, "Be back in a flush."

* In the restaurant scene, Mrs.Doubtire's excuse to avoid sitting in the non smoking section (where his boss is sitting, and the family will notice him during the meeting.)

-->'''Lou:''' You can't put words in Pudgey's mouth when his mouth isn't moving!\\
'''Daniel:''' We'll do it as an interior monologue! Or what about the voice of God? That's even better! ''(booming, echoing voice)'' '''Don't, Pudgey! Don't smoke!'''