History Funny / MalcolmInTheMiddle

(''The shoppers all suddenly shift gear with an OhCrap look as Lois's smile still lingers'')\\

-->'''Hal''': You think your dad being killed by a TV set is funny?! [[IWillShowYouX I'll tell you what's funny]]! Being grounded for the rest of your lives!
-->'''Malcolm''': ''(to the camera)'' After about an hour, he managed to spit a piece of glass into my lap. [[TheDeterminator You got to admire that kind of perseverance.]]
-->'''Hal''': Your children and your children's children will grow up grounded in this house!
-->'''Malcolm''': I can't understand a word he's saying, but judging by his expression, I probably shouldn't ask to borrow the car this weekend.

'''All Three, In Harmony:''' We would not lie to ''yooooooouuuuu!''

'''Lois:''' Alright.

--->'''Malcolm:''' [[WhatCouldPossiblyGoWrong What's the worst that could happen?]] ''(episode ends)''
* After learning that Reese joined the army, and he's been shipped off to combat, Malcolm tries to assure himself that his brother will be fine. Provided that he "lay low and not do anything stupid". He promptly realizes how screwed [[TooDumbToLive Reese]] is.

** And the cop, who sees Hal gag and bind against his will, sees them all in the car with a rare but honest excuse, just casually let them go, with Hal being extremely angry. What makes it funnier is that [[FridgeBrilliance it's possible the cop knows who Hal is, given how much his kids get in trouble with the law constantly.]] So either he believes them about fixing his tooth, or simply doesn't care enough to help Hal specifically.

'''Cynthia:''' ''(giving Reese a look)''\\
'''Reese:''' ''(grabs her breasts)''\\
'''Cynthia:''' (gasps and punches Reese down) How could you be so ''creepy''!? Don't you have ''any'' sense of decency towards a fellow human being? ''[more punching follows]'' I have feelings! I will be treated with respect! I will not be objectified! I will not be humiliated or demeaned! Now kiss my shoe! ''[[PunctuatedForEmphasis Kiss! My! Shoe!]]''

** For reference, Reese, Malcolm, and Dewey were all replaced by girls and given properly feminine names (Renee, Mallory, and Daisy). Francis, however, is played by Christopher Kennedy Masterson (his usual actor) dressed in drag...and is still named [[GenderBlenderName Francis]].

* When Hal gives his testimony during the episode "Reese Joins the Army (Part 2)". During Hal's trial after getting framed as the mastermind behind his company's massive money laundering operation, Hal uses mementos from his "memory box" to completely destroy the FBI's case against him, including a newspaper clipping that reads "Panic Attack shuts down Haunted House".

* In "Sleepover" Francis is taken to be hazed by some cadets at his military school. When their attempts to scare him don't phase him at all, he tells them some stories about things Lois had done to him over the years to embarrass him, whether intentional or accidentally. The cadets decide to haze future victims by using Lois as inspiration, replacing Hannibal Lector's picture with hers. Also, the psychological abuse and guilt-tripping that Lois had put Francis through, they use as the new torture method... and that didn't count the stuff that Francis blocked out.

* Surreal performance piece by Dewey and babysitter (played by Creator/BeaArthur)--to the tune of ''Music/{{ABBa}}'s "Fernando" (ending with the eccentric grandmotherly woman having a stroke or a heart attack and being carted away by the paramedics). Now a FunnyAneurysmMoment thanks to Bea Arthur's death.

-->'''Lois:''' (''Looking at Malcolm'') You cheated-! (''turns to Reese'') You let him ''cheat for you!?'' (''Turns to the teacher'') '''''You''''' gave something ''he'' wrote an '''''F!?'''''

* On the episode where Lois gets fired from her job at Lucky Aide because the store manager (from whom Lois rips the toupee off, claiming it to be velcro) wouldn't take back the bottle of cognac Dewey accidentally shoplifted, Malcolm's family gets some food donations from the neighbors. Malcolm and Reese don't like it, commenting on how food donations are always bad and how embarrassing it is about the family being made into a charity case. Hal doesn't believe them and asks anyone if they want the last of some olives he's been eating from a can. Lois's response upon seeing them: "Those aren't olives; those are ''peaches!''"
** As a nice little bonus: After Hal is hospitalized, he lets out a huge fart. Malcolm then awkwardly tells his brothers that "The first one to laugh gets their ass kicked".

** Another great moment: Malcolm goes after some boys who took Stevie's wheelchair and leaves his friend rolling downhill in a shopping cart. Stevie crashes and falls out; Malcolm runs over and asks if he's alright.

* Stevie snarking at the carnival fair guard whose holding him prisoner.

--> '''Stevie:''' I’m shaking ''(breath)'' in my chair.

'''Francis:''' Oh geez! Okay, Reese, I want you to tell me, very specifically, what kind of drugs did you take?\\

** Meanwhile, Malcolm cannot afford to wait for Craig to finish the plane assembly with the drunk man catching up to him. Malcolm decides to improvise a last resort escape by jamming the stilts into two shopping carts. He thinks they could work as roller skates, but forgets one fatal flaw: they roll in '''opposite''' directions, resulting in the ''ultimate'' groin pulling split. Then, just to make things worse, Craig shows his RC inexperience and flies the plane into Malcolm's top hat. It jams into the side and ''continues to spin pitifully''.

* In the episode "Pearl Harbour", it takes Jessica a long to time to convince Malcolm that Reese might be gay because he never suspected his actively perverted brother of hanging the other way (ItMakesSenseInContext, and to be fair, he once caught Reese trying to take advantage of one of his female friends who had hit puberty and become buxom). However, when Jessica needs to do the same to Reese...

-->'''Malcolm:''' (nonchalantly) Reese! Aliens landed across the street!\\
''(In less than a second, Reese comes running out the room wearing a football helmet and holding a baseball bat)''\\
'''Reese:''' ''EVERY MAN FOR HIMSELF!'' ''(Runs out the door)''

** And of course, there's the moment, where Malcolm and Reese sneak over to enact the latter's aforementioned plan to frame the son for theft and larceny, and end up catching the family's matriarch and gardener having a naked affair in the Jacuzzi. Upon the latter two noticing the former two, both sides scream loudly, and in the scramble to get out of the Jacuzzi and cover herself up, the mother knocks the gardener out cold. As she struggles to keep him above water and berates the boys, Hal, Lois, and the rest of the neighbors all hearing the commotion come peaking over the fence and find them. Cue the mother feeble attempt to lie her way out of the situation:

(cut to Hal and Lois watching with the latter sporting a smug smile on how screwed her rival is)

--->'''Hal''': (glances at the prices) Oooh, pricey. (pulls out a wallet) [[TheReveal Good thing I stole some cash from your mom's wallet this morning.]]

-->'''Reese:''' (walks out of the closet with a plaid shirt; Malcolm and Stevie are puzzled) Then I took one of Malcolm's shirts... And then I... (stuffs Malcolm's shirt in his pants, feeds it under his ''crotch'', pulls it out from under his butt and begins '''''flossing with it'''''; Malcolm's jaw drops and his face freezes with absolute horror, and Stevie's eyes bug out in repulsion; Reese yanks the defiled shirt out and hangs it back up)\\
'''Malcolm:''' (mortified) ...OH MY GOD!\\
'''Reese:''' (returns holding a hammer with a contemplative look, beating it against his palm) And then I played with Dewey's Game Boy...

* In the season 4 episode "Family Reunion" Francis was forced to spend all day with the kids, so he had enough and told them a story called "The Kids WHO COULDN'T PLAY BY THEMSELVES!".

** Meanwhile, the son, a master of BlatantLies, has been getting Malcolm in trouble for no apparent reason, up to framing him as a peeping tom. When the police come by the house after Malcolm's falsely reported, Malcolm questions as to why he would bother peeping in this neighborhood since everyone's so boring. Hal counters with a disturbingly ''knowledgeable'' speech about how people peep solely for the power of invading the lives of others. The police officers look at Hal with a noticeably disturbed look when he finishes.

* In "the Pilot", Malcolm is pranked by the bully, who pours paint on his chair. That's not the funny bit. When Malcolm is sent to Carolyn Miller to be tested, she has one of those "find everything wrong with this picture" test. Malcolm rattles off everything in an annoyed fashion in less than ten seconds, adding "And I've got paint ON MY ASS!"

--->'''Malcolm & Reese:''' (blindly celebrating their scientific breakthrough and hopping around like idiots) We have asbestos in our ceiling! We have asbestos in our ceiling! ({{beat}}) ([[ExplainExplainOhCrap it finally dawns on the brothers this is NOT a good thing]]; cue cut to the entire house being treated for asbestos removal)

-->'''Malcolm''': (to the camera) After about an hour, he managed to spit a piece of glass into my lap. [[TheDeterminator You got to admire that kind of perseverance.]]

---->'''Malcolm''': (to the camera) After about an hour, he managed to spit a piece of glass into my lap. [[TheDeterminator You got to admire that kind of perseverance.]]

*** And even more, the entire incident ends up fulfilling Malcolm and Reese's goal even better than they thought: the wicked family is embarrassed out of the neighborhood, and the father (the only nice member of the family) leaves his wife upon learning of her infidelity.

* In the episode "Tutoring Reese", Reese is being threatened into remedial class because of his low grades, and figures the teacher is out to get him. Malcolm decides to takes his test for him and he still fails. Later finding out that the teacher really ''is'' out to get Reese and when he shows up at the house and talks with Lois and Hal, Malcolm confronts him and accidentally admits that he took the test for Reese.

** This is enough for Lois to realize he really ''does'' have it out for Reese. The teacher says it doesn't matter--if Lois tells the school, they'll find out Malcolm cheated for his brother, and he'll be expelled. Lois flatly says she doesn't care; Malcolm will be fine no matter what, but Reese needs help. The teacher tries to call her bluff... only for (in a case of excellent timing) Francis to knock on the door, begging to come home and apologize. "And that's the one I ''like''." The episode ends with everyone but Dewey and Lois, on the roof repairing it. ''Including the teacher''.
* On the episode where Lois gets fired from her job at Lucky Aide because the store manager (from whom Lois rips the toupee off, claiming it to be velcro) wouldn't take back the bottle of cognac Dewey accidentally shoplifted, Malcolm's family gets some food donations from the neighbors. Lois doesn't like it, commenting on how food donations are always bad. Hal doesn't believe her and asks anyone if they want some olives he found in a can. Lois's response: "Those aren't olives; those are ''peaches!''"

* In that same episode Malcolm driving the Krelboyne class to the brink in order to break Mr. Herkabe's system, then finally pushing them over the edge with one question: "Did you know I can count to a million in prime numbers?"

* In "New Neighbors", Reese is being stalked by their neighbors' young daughter, who enjoys biting him. It gets to the point that Reese is conspiring ways to get the family in trouble. He quickly mentions that the boy will be labeled a thief, the parents will be taken into jail and then starts an elaborate fantasy about the daughter taken away from her parents, landing in foster care, where she'll bite her foster parents so much they'll abandon her at a gas station bathroom, at which point she'll be found by hillbillies and spend the rest of her life biting them.

* The entire scene with Craig having to deal with an UnsatisfiableCustomer who is upset a hot-dog chew toy has mustard on it.

* Before Lois leaves for Francis' one year "A.A." meeting in... [[exactlyWhatItSaysOnTheTin "A.A."]], she picks up a vase in the kitchen. After explaining to the boys that it's the last thing she cares about in the house and she doesn't want to worry about it all weekend, [[CuttingTheKnot she drops it to the floor, smashing it]].

* The {{cold open}} to "Grandma Sues": Reese stating that he never reads unless it's for school leads Malcolm to the revelation that Reese never read ComicStrip/{{Peanuts}}. Cut to the driveway, [[PopculturalOsmosisFailure with Reese running up to kick a football Malcolm promises to hold in place]].

* Reese gets shown a bunch of war souvenirs by his grandfather. His first reaction to seeing a grenade is to ''pull the pin'', only for the grandfather to scream, "THIS IS LIVE GRENADE!" HilarityEnsues.

* [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aKYpECibw5c Cats]] [[ItMakesSenseInContext ate her face.]] Made even funnier by the casual way Hal hands the phone back to Dewey.

* The ending of "Malcolm's Job". The entire episode, Hal and the other daycare dads had been betting on their babies doing normal baby stuff, except for the last activity -- curling with babies! The reckless child endangerment is made hilarious with how happy Hal is to win. Even funnier, the episode ends on the entire family having witnessed the whole thing while Hal cheers obliviously.

* Before Lois leaves for Francis' one year "A.A." meeting in... [[NamesTheSame "A.A."]], she picks up a vase in the kitchen. After explaining to the boys that it's the last thing she cares about in the house and she doesn't want to worry about it all weekend, [[CuttingTheKnot she drops it to the floor, smashing it]].

[[quoteright:350:https://static.tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pub/images/img_1744.JPG]]
[[caption-width-right:350:''"It's not like it was even our car!"'']]

** For reference, Reese, Malcolm, and Dewey were all replaced by girls and given properly feminine names (Renee, Mallory, and Daisy). Francis, however, is played by Christopher Kennedy Masterson (his usual actor) dressed in drag.

* In "the Pilot", Malcolm is pranked by the bully, who pours paint on his chair. Thats not the funny bit. When Malcolm is sent to Carolyn Miller to be tested, she has one of those "find everything wrong with this picture"test. Malcolm rattles off everything in an annoyed fashion in less than ten seconds, adding "And I've got paint ON MY ASS!"

** In the same episode, when the boys go to the hospital after the shelf falls on Malcolm's head, the head nurse knows who they are and is not pleased to see them again. Malcolm then mentions they have a history there, flashing back to idiotic ways all four brothers ended up there in the past, [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3viV-BtstCU as seen here.]]

** For reference, Reese, Malcolm, and Dewey were all replaced by girls and given properly feminine names (René, Mallory, and Daisy). Francis, however, is played by Christopher Kennedy Masterson (his usual actor) dressed in drag.

* The ending to "Malcolm's Girlfriend," where Malcolm is still grieving over breaking up with his girlfriend while at a cowboy-themed birthday party for Dewey's new friend. After Hal tells Malcolm that stuff like this is part of growing up, Malcolm looks at the moon bouncer and decides he "can go back." He walks over to it as the familiar opening bars of the ''Series/SesameStreet'' theme song plays, and Dewey, enjoying the moon bouncer, tells Malcolm he can't come in as he's too big, but Malcolm says he's not too big, and he's going to play. Then it goes into SlowMotion as Malcolm does a big jump into the moon bouncer, and the ''Sesame Street'' theme begins playing full-on, Malcolm grinning widely while floating through the air. Right after he's shown coming down on Dewey, the ''Sesame Street'' theme suddenly stops as a huge bang is heard as the moon bouncer deflates, and it's chaos and havoc across the party, all the while "How the West Was Won" is playing in the background. Especially funny is Hal grabbing a knife that was meant for cutting the cake to puncture through the destroyed bouncer to save the kids. He pulls up a girl, holding the knife up to her face and shrieking "You're okay! Don't be scared!" Then he finds Dewey and reassures him he's all right, but all Dewey can hear is loud squealing due to the explosion deafening him.

* The cold open to "Grandma Sues": Reese stating that he never reads unless it's for school leads Malcolm to the revelation that Reese never read ComicStrip/{{Peanuts}}. Cut to the driveway, [[PopculturalOsmosisFailure with Reese running up to kick a football Malcolm promises to hold in place]].
* Everything about Bryan Cranston's performance, especially if you've watched Series/BreakingBad.

-->'''Hal:''' Congratulations, guys! Now, when he [Craig] signs that confession, [[NakedPeopleAreFunny give him his clothes back]]!

'''Malcolm:''' You ''[[BigWhat WHAT]]?!''\\