History Funny / MASH

15th Jan '18 3:39:30 PM MovieNut14
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* Potter gets a little snarky when Hawkeye rubs him the wrong way:

to:

* In "Change Day", Potter gets a little snarky when Hawkeye rubs him the wrong way:
13th Jan '18 6:26:23 PM MovieNut14
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* In one episode, Col. Potter and Hawkeye have to instruct Fr. Mulcahy, over the radio, in how to perform an emergency tracheotomy. The Fr. succeeds and signs off over the radio.

to:

* In one episode, "Mulcahy's War", Col. Potter and Hawkeye have to instruct Fr. Mulcahy, over the radio, in how to perform an emergency tracheotomy. The Fr. succeeds and signs off over the radio.
12th Jan '18 4:31:22 PM MovieNut14
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** And then Potter reveals Winchester's portrait... painted just as angry, irascible, and open-mouthed as his likeness. [[FunnyBackgroundEvent And it hangs in the background for the rest of the series.]]
* Hawkeye gets a letter from a nurse inviting him for a hot weekend in Tokyo. He's trying to get some gear together so he can go and wants to borrow B.J.'s pajamas.

to:

** *** And then Potter reveals Winchester's portrait... painted just as angry, irascible, and open-mouthed as his likeness. [[FunnyBackgroundEvent And it hangs in the background for the rest of the series.]]
* ** Hawkeye gets a letter from a nurse inviting him for a hot weekend in Tokyo. He's trying to get some gear together so he can go and wants to borrow B.J.'s pajamas.
12th Jan '18 4:27:41 PM MovieNut14
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** B.J.'s introduction to Frank Burns. Especially since Frank had just been saying he was going to mold the new surgeon in his own image. Unfortunately Hawkeye got there first.
--->'''B.J.:''' What say you, ferret-face? (falls down laughing in drunken stupor)



* Klinger's (fake) letters from his family. [[spoiler: Especially the scene in which Henry Blake reads from an extensive group of letters requesting that he be given a discharge because various people are dying or pregnant. In the last, half the family was dying, the other half was pregnant.]]

to:

* From "Mail Call", Klinger's (fake) letters from his family. [[spoiler: Especially the scene in which Henry Blake reads from an extensive group of letters requesting that he be given a discharge because various people are dying or pregnant. In the last, half the family was dying, the other half was pregnant.]]



* Throughout the episode "Dear Sigmund", pranks have been played on just about everyone by [[spoiler:B.J. Hunnicutt]]. At one point, Sidney the psychiatrist exits the tent to find Frank digging an air raid shelter to hide in, just in case. Towards the end of the episode, Sidney comes outside to find [[spoiler:Hunnicutt]] whistling as they fills the shelter with water. They ask if Sidney wants to help, and tells him to shout "air raid" as loud as he can. He does so, and HilarityEnsues.

to:

* Throughout the episode "Dear Sigmund", pranks have been played on just about everyone by [[spoiler:B.J. Hunnicutt]]. At one point, Sidney the psychiatrist exits the tent to find Frank digging an air raid shelter to hide in, just in case. Towards the end of the episode, Sidney comes outside to find [[spoiler:Hunnicutt]] whistling as they fills fill the shelter with water. They ask if Sidney wants to help, and tells him to shout "air raid" as loud as he can. He does so, and HilarityEnsues.



* B.J.'s introduction to Frank Burns. Especially since Frank had just been saying he was going to mold the new surgeon in his own image. Unfortunately Hawkeye got there first.
-->'''B.J.:''' What say you, ferret-face? (falls down laughing in drunken stupor)



* Klinger's attempt to desert the camp by hang-gliding out of it... in aviator goggles, a blue housecoat and pink fuzzy slippers. The SpecialEffectsFailure only makes it that much more funny. The reactions of Hawkeye and Trapper add to it.
-->''(Hawkeye is making time with a nurse, when...)''\\

to:

* "The Trial of Henry Blake"
**
Klinger's attempt to desert the camp by hang-gliding out of it... in aviator goggles, a blue housecoat and pink fuzzy slippers. The SpecialEffectsFailure only makes it that much more funny. The reactions of Hawkeye and Trapper add to it.
-->''(Hawkeye --->''(Hawkeye is making time with a nurse, when...)''\\



* Hawkeye and Trapper walk in on Margaret with Frank in her tent, massaging his neck with an electric device:
-->'''Hawkeye:''' I've always said it. {{Behind every great man}} is a woman with a vibrator.

to:

* ** Hawkeye and Trapper walk in on Margaret with Frank in her tent, massaging his neck with an electric device:
-->'''Hawkeye:''' --->'''Hawkeye:''' I've always said it. {{Behind every great man}} is a woman with a vibrator.



** Potter's reaction to Klinger's first try to 'prove' he's deserving of a Section 8, and Potter bluntly saying that [[SeenItAll Klinger's antics are far from new, or that imaginative.]]

to:

** Potter's reaction to Klinger's first try to 'prove' "prove" he's deserving of a Section 8, and Potter bluntly saying that [[SeenItAll Klinger's antics are far from new, or that imaginative.]]



* Klinger gets word from his girlfriend that she wants to marry him.

to:

* In "Springtime", Klinger gets word from his girlfriend that she wants to marry him.



* In the episode in which Margaret has lost her engagement ring, Hawkeye and B.J. get the bright idea to ask a traveling merchant with a lot of dubious gear to craft a replacement, after recognizing one of the rings he has as the exact same model. Not only does the merchant himself try and talk them out of buying the ring, as he regards it with clear shame, his reaction to Penobscot's "romantic" inscription is a heartfelt "Pee-yew!" To cap it all off, he tells them that he'll build them a surgical tool they desperately need for only $10 because "Anybody willing to buy ''this'' crummy ring deserves a break!"
* Father Mulcahy spent a summer growing corn for the camp, and looked forward to eating it off the cob as part of their 4th of July celebration. When he sees the way camp cook Igor has prepared it, it's obvious he's trying not to explode with anger: "You...you CREAMED it! You--you-- NINNY!!"

to:

* In the episode "Patent 4077" -- in which Margaret has lost her engagement ring, ring -- Hawkeye and B.J. get the bright idea to ask a traveling merchant with a lot of dubious gear to craft a replacement, after recognizing one of the rings he has as the exact same model. Not only does the merchant himself try and talk them out of buying the ring, as he regards it with clear shame, his reaction to Penobscot's "romantic" inscription is a heartfelt "Pee-yew!" To cap it all off, he tells them that he'll build them a surgical tool they desperately need for only $10 because "Anybody willing to buy ''this'' crummy ring deserves a break!"
* In "A War For All Seasons", Father Mulcahy spent a summer growing corn for the camp, and looked forward to eating it off the cob as part of their 4th of July celebration. When he sees the way camp cook Igor has prepared it, it's obvious he's trying not to explode with anger: "You...you CREAMED it! You--you-- NINNY!!"



* The conclusion of "Last Laugh." Potter, Hawkeye and B.J. have returned from clearing B.J. of an offense committed by his old friend Bardonaro. They're drunk out of their gourds, and in the Swamp, B.J. awaits Bardonaro because B.J. has his travel orders for home. He tells Bardonaro to take the jeep, "It's all gassed up." After Bardonaro leaves, B.J. receives a bill from the hotel where the offense took place--$580 in damages. He and Hawkeye laugh about it, then:

to:

* The conclusion of "Last Laugh." Laugh". Potter, Hawkeye and B.J. have returned from clearing B.J. of an offense committed by his old friend Bardonaro. They're drunk out of their gourds, and in the Swamp, B.J. awaits Bardonaro because B.J. has his travel orders for home. He tells Bardonaro to take the jeep, "It's all gassed up." After Bardonaro leaves, B.J. receives a bill from the hotel where the offense took place--$580 in damages. He and Hawkeye laugh about it, then:



'''B.J.:''' The only thing gassed up in that jeep was ''us!'' (''He and Hawkeye totally lose it'')
----

to:

'''B.J.:''' The only thing gassed up in that jeep was ''us!'' (''He and Hawkeye totally lose it'')
----
it'')
12th Jan '18 4:15:21 PM MovieNut14
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* Throughout the episode "Dear Sigmund", pranks have been played on just about everyone by [[spoiler:B.J. Hunnicutt]]. At one point, Sidney the psychiatrist exits the tent to find Frank digging an air raid shelter to hide in, just in case. Towards the end of the episode, Sidney comes outside to find [[spoiler:Hunnicutt]] whistling as he fills the shelter with water. They ask if Sidney wants to help, and tells him to shout "air raid" as loud as he can. He does so, and HilarityEnsues.

to:

* Throughout the episode "Dear Sigmund", pranks have been played on just about everyone by [[spoiler:B.J. Hunnicutt]]. At one point, Sidney the psychiatrist exits the tent to find Frank digging an air raid shelter to hide in, just in case. Towards the end of the episode, Sidney comes outside to find [[spoiler:Hunnicutt]] whistling as he they fills the shelter with water. They ask if Sidney wants to help, and tells him to shout "air raid" as loud as he can. He does so, and HilarityEnsues.



* Hawkeye gets a letter from a nurse inviting him for a hot weekend in Tokyo. He's trying to get some gear together so he can go and wants to borrow B.J.'s pajamas.
-->'''Hawkeye''': You had to have had some when you came here!\\
'''B.J.''': I had lots of things when I came here! [[WarIsHell Hope, dreams,]] [[DrowningMySorrows a liver!]]


Added DiffLines:

* Hawkeye gets a letter from a nurse inviting him for a hot weekend in Tokyo. He's trying to get some gear together so he can go and wants to borrow B.J.'s pajamas.
-->'''Hawkeye''': You had to have had some when you came here!\\
'''B.J.''': I had lots of things when I came here! [[WarIsHell Hope, dreams,]] [[DrowningMySorrows a liver!]]
10th Jan '18 4:40:10 PM MovieNut14
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** After Hawkeye, BJ, and Potter learn that Frank Burns has been committed for psychiatric observation and transferred out of the 4077th:

to:

** After Hawkeye, BJ, B.J., and Potter learn that Frank Burns has been committed for psychiatric observation and transferred out of the 4077th:



'''[=BJ=]''': Something tender.\\

to:

'''[=BJ=]''': '''B.J.''': Something tender.\\



** Hawkeye's final conversation with Frank ends with Hawkeye throwing the phone out of the office, leaving poor Radar to chase it down. BJ asks what happened and Hawkeye responds with, "The Army, [[SarcasmMode in its infinite wisdom]], has not only [[KarmaHoudini cleared Frank of all charges]][[note]]Frank, distraught at Margaret's marriage, had a mental breakdown and committed several counts of public disorder while AWOL.[[/note]], [[KickedUpstairs they have assigned him to a veterans' hospital in Indiana, and promoted him to Lieutenant Colonel]]." ''BJ'' immediately grabs for the phone just as Radar has brought it back in, and Radar holds on as tight as he can until BJ gives up and leaves.

to:

** Hawkeye's final conversation with Frank ends with Hawkeye throwing the phone out of the office, leaving poor Radar to chase it down. BJ B.J. asks what happened and Hawkeye responds with, "The Army, [[SarcasmMode in its infinite wisdom]], has not only [[KarmaHoudini cleared Frank of all charges]][[note]]Frank, distraught at Margaret's marriage, had a mental breakdown and committed several counts of public disorder while AWOL.[[/note]], [[KickedUpstairs they have assigned him to a veterans' hospital in Indiana, and promoted him to Lieutenant Colonel]]." ''BJ'' ''B.J.'' immediately grabs for the phone just as Radar has brought it back in, and Radar holds on as tight as he can until BJ B.J. gives up and leaves.



* Pretty much any of the 'two-man routines' between BJ Hunnicutt and Hawkeye Pierce:
-->'''BJ''': [''to Hawkeye''] Your gun, sir.\\

to:

* Pretty much any of the 'two-man routines' between BJ B.J. Hunnicutt and Hawkeye Pierce:
-->'''BJ''': -->'''B.J.''': [''to Hawkeye''] Your gun, sir.\\



'''BJ''': I filled it with water myself.\\

to:

'''BJ''': '''B.J.''': I filled it with water myself.\\



'''BJ:''' [[DeadpanSnarker Peace?]]\\

to:

'''BJ:''' '''B.J.:''' [[DeadpanSnarker Peace?]]\\



'''BJ:''' (to Hawkeye) He has a point.\\

to:

'''BJ:''' '''B.J.:''' (to Hawkeye) He has a point.\\



* In "Bottoms Up", B.J. pulls a prank on Hawkeye and Charles that involves Charles frequently getting pantsed and Hawkeye getting the blame and almost turned into a camp pariah. When Hawkeye and Charles figure out what BJ is up to they fire back in [[SugarWiki/MomentOfAwesome grand style]]: they [[NakedPeopleAreFunny strip B.J. while he's asleep]], stick him and his cot in the nurses' tent and nail his blanket to the cot so that he can't use it to cover up. Then they fake an announcement of incoming wounded to ensure that B.J. comes outside, where Hawkeye and Charles are lying in wait with an audience of nurses and enlisted, and a camera to capture it all for posterity.

to:

* In "Bottoms Up", B.J. pulls a prank on Hawkeye and Charles that involves Charles frequently getting pantsed and Hawkeye getting the blame and almost turned into a camp pariah. When Hawkeye and Charles figure out what BJ B.J. is up to they fire back in [[SugarWiki/MomentOfAwesome grand style]]: they [[NakedPeopleAreFunny strip B.J. while he's asleep]], stick him and his cot in the nurses' tent and nail his blanket to the cot so that he can't use it to cover up. Then they fake an announcement of incoming wounded to ensure that B.J. comes outside, where Hawkeye and Charles are lying in wait with an audience of nurses and enlisted, and a camera to capture it all for posterity.



* [[http://vimeo.com/24710874 Hawkeye and Margaret's kiss]] in "Goodbye, Farewell, and Amen" that goes on...and on...and on, while Potter, BJ and Charles stand awkwardly and try to look anywhere else. Colonel Potter's reaction in particular is hilarious.

to:

* [[http://vimeo.com/24710874 Hawkeye and Margaret's kiss]] in "Goodbye, Farewell, and Amen" that goes on...and on...and on, while Potter, BJ B.J. and Charles stand awkwardly and try to look anywhere else. Colonel Potter's reaction in particular is hilarious.



-->'''BJ''': Can't you do something?\\

to:

-->'''BJ''': -->'''B.J.''': Can't you do something?\\



* "Oh, How We Danced" has Hawkeye blackmailing an infantry commander who assaulted Winchester with an over-the-top impersonation on the phone, complete with an outrageous imitation of Winchester's accent and Sesquipedalian Loquaciousness. Among other things, he uses the word "sidacious", then heads off B.J. and Klinger's questioning looks by covering the receiver with his hand and admitting that he just made it up. To cap it all off, he demands "AN harmonica", leading B.J. and Klinger to look at each other and silently mouth those words. After he hangs up, he leaves with a spot-on imitation of Charles's [[CatchPhrase Gentlemen...]]

to:

* "Oh, How We Danced" has Hawkeye blackmailing an infantry commander who assaulted Winchester with an over-the-top impersonation on the phone, complete with an outrageous imitation of Winchester's accent and Sesquipedalian Loquaciousness. Among other things, he uses the word "sidacious", then heads off B.J. and Klinger's questioning looks by covering the receiver with his hand and admitting that he just made it up. To cap it all off, he demands "AN harmonica", leading B.J. and Klinger to look at each other and silently mouth those words. After he hangs up, he leaves with a spot-on imitation of Charles's [[CatchPhrase "[[CatchPhrase Gentlemen...]]]]"



-->'''Potter''': ''[yanks the whistle out of his hands]'' CONFISCATED!

to:

-->'''Potter''': '''Potter''': ''[yanks the whistle out of his hands]'' CONFISCATED!
10th Jan '18 4:34:40 PM MovieNut14
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* In "Of Moose and Men", Frank goes into a dither because a local buried something, thinking it was a mine or a bomb. When it's dug up, BJ and Hawkeye snark that Frank was excited over a kimchi pot[[note]]pickled cabbage and buried til it's properly fermented[[/note]].

to:

* In "Of Moose and Men", Frank goes into a dither because a local buried something, thinking it was a mine or a bomb. When it's dug up, BJ B.J. and Hawkeye snark that Frank was excited over a kimchi pot[[note]]pickled cabbage and buried til it's properly fermented[[/note]].



'''Hawkeye:''' Don't you understand, man? You've struck ''cole slaw''!

to:

'''Hawkeye:''' Don't you understand, man? You've struck ''cole slaw''! ''coleslaw''!



-->'''Sidney''': Sex.
-->'''Hawkeye''': Why?
-->'''Sidney''': I don't know, they told me to say it. Sex is why we gamble, sex is why we drink, [[CaptainObvious sex is why we give birth.]]
-->'''Hawkeye''': Thank you, doctor.
-->'''Sidney''': I'm taking a five dollar chip. That was a house call.

to:

-->'''Sidney''': Sex.
-->'''Hawkeye''': Why?
-->'''Sidney''':
--->'''Sidney''': Sex.\\
'''Hawkeye''': Why?\\
'''Sidney''':
I don't know, they told me to say it. Sex is why we gamble, sex is why we drink, [[CaptainObvious sex is why we give birth.]]
-->'''Hawkeye''':
]]\\
'''Hawkeye''':
Thank you, doctor.
-->'''Sidney''':
doctor.\\
'''Sidney''':
I'm taking a five dollar chip. That was a house call.



-->'''Hawkeye''': Hold it! Everybody freeze!
-->'''Sidney''': What's the matter?
-->'''Hawkeye''': One of the sandwiches just moved.

to:

-->'''Hawkeye''': --->'''Hawkeye''': Hold it! Everybody freeze!
-->'''Sidney''':
freeze!\\
'''Sidney''':
What's the matter?
-->'''Hawkeye''':
matter?\\
'''Hawkeye''':
One of the sandwiches just moved.



--> '''Sidney''': [[BlatantLies He's a good man, one of the best in the profession, a terrific doctor and a great human being.]]
--> '''Henry''': Maybe we should call Father Mulcahy.
--> '''Hawkeye''': Yeah. He could give the truth last rites.

to:

--> '''Sidney''': --->'''Sidney''': [[BlatantLies He's a good man, one of the best in the profession, a terrific doctor and a great human being.]]
-->
]]\\
'''Henry''': Maybe we should call Father Mulcahy.
-->
Mulcahy.\\
'''Hawkeye''': Yeah. He could give the truth last rites.



-->'''Radar:''' (to Henry) I have this peculiar metabolism. If I don't eat regularly, everything solid in my body turns to liquid. My shoes are full of water.

to:

-->'''Radar:''' --->'''Radar:''' (to Henry) I have this peculiar metabolism. If I don't eat regularly, everything solid in my body turns to liquid. My shoes are full of water.



--> '''Hawkeye:''' Can you identify yourself?
--> '''Kim Luck:''' This is me!
--> '''Hawkeye:''' Well, I guess you wouldn't kid me about a thing like that.

to:

--> '''Hawkeye:''' -->'''Hawkeye:''' Can you identify yourself?
-->
yourself?\\
'''Kim Luck:''' This is me!
-->
me!\\
'''Hawkeye:''' Well, I guess you wouldn't kid me about a thing like that.



-->'''Hawkeye''': Boy, this card is getting a workout today.

to:

-->'''Hawkeye''': --->'''Hawkeye''': Boy, this card is getting a workout today.



-->'''Narrator''': Their jeep stolen, they naturally stole one belonging to a general!

to:

-->'''Narrator''': --->'''Narrator''': Their jeep stolen, they naturally stole one belonging to a general!



-->'''Radar''': This is a general's jack!
-->'''Hawkeye''': Salute it and get in!

to:

-->'''Radar''': --->'''Radar''': This is a general's jack!
-->'''Hawkeye''':
jack!\\
'''Hawkeye''':
Salute it and get in!



---> '''Hawkeye''': I'll carry your books, I'll carry a torch, I'll care a tune, I'll carry on, carry over, carry forward, Cary Grant, cash and carry, Carry Me Home to Old Virginia! I'll even hari-kari if you show me how! But I will not carry a gun!

to:

---> '''Hawkeye''': I'll carry your books, I'll carry a torch, I'll care a tune, I'll carry on, carry over, carry forward, Cary Grant, Creator/CaryGrant, cash and carry, Carry Me Home to Old Virginia! I'll even hari-kari if you show me how! But I will not carry a gun!



---> '''Hawkeye''': I'll ''clean'' their wounds, ''heal'' their wounds, ''bind'' their wounds, but I will '''not''' ''inflict'' their wounds!
** Even later in the episode, where Potter and Hawkeye seek refuge from enemy fire in a foxhole and Potter hands Hawkeye a gun:
-->'''Potter:''' Fire that weapon!\\

to:

---> '''Hawkeye''': --->'''Hawkeye''': I'll ''clean'' their wounds, ''heal'' their wounds, ''bind'' their wounds, but I will '''not''' ''inflict'' their wounds!
** *** Even later in the episode, where Potter and Hawkeye seek refuge from enemy fire in a foxhole and Potter hands Hawkeye a gun:
-->'''Potter:''' ---->'''Potter:''' Fire that weapon!\\



---> '''Hawkeye''': I can take umbrage, I can take the cake, I can take the "A" train, I can take two and call me in the morning, but I cannot take this sitting down. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna take five.

to:

---> '''Hawkeye''': --->'''Hawkeye''': I can take umbrage, I can take the cake, I can take the "A" train, I can take two and call me in the morning, but I cannot take this sitting down. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna take five.



** Everyone passing Mulcahey's hat around for the "Father Mulcahy sound-alike contest".
--->'''Hawkeye:''' [''high voice''] My word, Hawkeye, this jocularity is most unseemly.\\
'''Klinger:''' [''high voice''] How can you make jokes at a time like this?\\
'''Frank:''' [''high voice''] The post-op is collapsing and the O.R. is on fire.\\
'''Margaret:''' [''high voice''] And somebody has broken into the sacramental wine.\\
'''Radar:''' Sorry, Father. [''high voice''] It seems that Private Simpson has come down with a case of hepatitis. He's the most remarkable shade of yellow.\\
'''Potter:''' [''high voice''] Jocularity! Jocularity!
*** Bonus: all the impressions of Mulcahy sound like a drunk MickeyMouse.



--> '''Col. Flagg''': You think you're smart. But you're not. You're dumb. Very dumb. And you've met your match in me.

-->'''Potter:''' Flagg, let's not cause any more casualties.\\

to:

--> '''Col.-->'''Col. Flagg''': You think you're smart. But you're not. You're dumb. Very dumb. And you've met your match in me.

-->'''Potter:'''
me.\\
--\\
'''Potter:'''
Flagg, let's not cause any more casualties.\\



'''Hawkeye:''' Yeah, it's under his hat.

-->'''Trapper:''' You coulda killed yourself!\\

to:

'''Hawkeye:''' Yeah, it's under his hat.

-->'''Trapper:'''
hat.\\
--\\
'''Trapper:'''
You coulda killed yourself!\\



-->'''Hawkeye''': ''[looking into the box]'' Chocolate jockey shorts?
-->'''BJ''': ''[laughing]'' The Hershey bars melted on them!

to:

-->'''Hawkeye''': ''[looking into the box]'' Chocolate jockey shorts?
-->'''BJ''':
shorts?\\
'''B.J.''':
''[laughing]'' The Hershey bars melted on them!



** Impatient with waiting for Klinger to fix a problem with the film camera on a very wet Movie Night, Trapper turns around to demand the return of the absent sound. Mother Nature responds instead via rainwater leaking in through the tent roof and spilling on his head.
---> '''Trapper''': You ask for sound and you get water.
---> '''Hawkeye''': That's show business.

to:

** Impatient with waiting for Klinger to fix a problem with the film camera on a very wet Movie Night, movie night, Trapper turns around to demand the return of the absent sound. Mother Nature responds instead via rainwater leaking in through the tent roof and spilling on his head.
---> '''Trapper''': --->'''Trapper''': You ask for sound and you get water.
--->
water.\\
'''Hawkeye''': That's show business.



-->'''Potter''': At ease, Margaret!\\

to:

-->'''Potter''': --->'''Potter''': At ease, Margaret!\\



--> '''Trapper''': What happens in the event that figure 'A' is attracted to figure 'B' and wants to get married, but figure 'A' is already married to figure 'C' and figure 'B' is engaged to figure 'D' but figure 'A' can't keep his hands off figure 'B' because she's got such a great figure?
--> '''Radar''': Sir, do you suppose that sometime you could give us a talk about VD?
* Hawkeye delivering a eulogy for the title character at the end of [[Recap/MashS1E15Tuttle "Tuttle"]]. The look of horror on his face when Henry suddenly asks him to deliver the eulogy is hilarious, but then ''Hawkeye manages to pull it off.''

to:

--> '''Trapper''': -->'''Trapper''': What happens in the event that figure 'A' is attracted to figure 'B' and wants to get married, but figure 'A' is already married to figure 'C' and figure 'B' is engaged to figure 'D' but figure 'A' can't keep his hands off figure 'B' because she's got such a great figure?
-->
figure?\\
'''Radar''': Sir, do you suppose that sometime you could give us a talk about VD?
* Hawkeye delivering a eulogy for the title character at the end of [[Recap/MashS1E15Tuttle "Tuttle"]]. [[YouHaveGotToBeKiddingMe The look of horror on his face face]] when Henry suddenly asks him to deliver the eulogy is hilarious, but then ''Hawkeye manages to pull it off.''



* In "Bottoms Up", BJ pulls a prank on Hawkeye and Charles that involves Charles frequently getting pantsed and Hawkeye getting the blame and almost turned into a camp pariah. When Hawkeye and Charles figure out what BJ is up to they fire back in [[SugarWiki/MomentOfAwesome grand style]]: they [[NakedPeopleAreFunny strip BJ while he's asleep]], stick him and his cot in the nurses' tent and nail his blanket to the cot so that he can't use it to cover up. Then they fake an announcement of incoming wounded to ensure that BJ comes outside, where Hawkeye and Charles are lying in wait with an audience of nurses and enlisted, and a camera to capture it all for posterity.

to:

* In "Bottoms Up", BJ B.J. pulls a prank on Hawkeye and Charles that involves Charles frequently getting pantsed and Hawkeye getting the blame and almost turned into a camp pariah. When Hawkeye and Charles figure out what BJ is up to they fire back in [[SugarWiki/MomentOfAwesome grand style]]: they [[NakedPeopleAreFunny strip BJ B.J. while he's asleep]], stick him and his cot in the nurses' tent and nail his blanket to the cot so that he can't use it to cover up. Then they fake an announcement of incoming wounded to ensure that BJ B.J. comes outside, where Hawkeye and Charles are lying in wait with an audience of nurses and enlisted, and a camera to capture it all for posterity.



--> '''Margaret''': There I was, alone in my tent! Suddenly, a sniper leaped out at me, and fired two shots! Bang! Bang! Without hesitation, my valiant foot locker threw itself into the direct line of fire, giving its life that I might live!

to:

--> '''Margaret''': -->'''Margaret''': There I was, alone in my tent! Suddenly, a sniper leaped out at me, and fired two shots! Bang! Bang! Without hesitation, my valiant foot locker threw itself into the direct line of fire, giving its life that I might live!



--> '''Henry''' (''upon finding out''): [[spoiler: Private Charles '''''Lamb'''''?]]

to:

--> '''Henry''' -->'''Henry''' (''upon finding out''): [[spoiler: Private Charles '''''Lamb'''''?]]



--> '''Henry:''' Everything in this country disappears except me. Boy, what I wouldn't give to wake up one morning, look down, and find myself gone.
* [[Recap/MashS3E1TheGeneralFlippedAtDawn "The General Flipped at Dawn"]]. [[CloudCuckooLander Eccentric, racist]] General Steele, played by Harry Morgan, the same actor who later plays Col. Potter.
** Already chafing from Steele's orders that the 4077th will participate in daily calisthenics and only wear uniforms conforming to military regulations, the staff are alarmed when Steele decides to pay a weeklong visit to the camp. Henry decrees that Klinger, in particular, is not allowed to wear dresses or skirts while Steele is visiting; Klinger being Klinger, he defies the order in the hopes of getting a Section 8. As Steele carries out his initial inspection of the troops, Henry and Radar watch in horror as Klinger, dressed in full drag complete with stockings and garters, walks toward the general... and gets the last reaction any of them expected:

to:

--> '''Henry:''' --->'''Henry:''' Everything in this country disappears except me. Boy, what I wouldn't give to wake up one morning, look down, and find myself gone.
* [[Recap/MashS3E1TheGeneralFlippedAtDawn "The General Flipped at Dawn"]]. [[CloudCuckooLander Eccentric, racist]] General Steele, played by Harry Morgan, [[RecastAsARegular the same actor who would later plays play Col. Potter.
Potter]].
** Already chafing from Steele's orders that the 4077th will participate in daily calisthenics and only wear uniforms conforming to military regulations, the staff are alarmed when Steele decides to pay a weeklong week-long visit to the camp. Henry decrees that Klinger, in particular, is not allowed to wear dresses or skirts while Steele is visiting; Klinger being Klinger, he defies the order in the hopes of getting a Section 8. As Steele carries out his initial inspection of the troops, Henry and Radar watch in horror as Klinger, dressed in full drag complete with stockings and garters, walks toward the general... and gets the last reaction any of them expected:



* Throughout the episode "Dear Sigmund", pranks have been played on just about everyone by [[spoiler:BJ Hunnicutt]]. At one point, Sidney the psychiatrist exits the tent to find Frank digging an air raid shelter to hide in, just in case. Towards the end of the episode, Sidney comes outside to find [[spoiler:BJ]] whistling as he fills the shelter with water. He asks if Sidney wants to help, and tells him to shout 'air raid' as loud as he can. He does so, and Frank runs out of the tent in his long underwear and dives for the hole. HilarityEnsues.

to:

* Throughout the episode "Dear Sigmund", pranks have been played on just about everyone by [[spoiler:BJ [[spoiler:B.J. Hunnicutt]]. At one point, Sidney the psychiatrist exits the tent to find Frank digging an air raid shelter to hide in, just in case. Towards the end of the episode, Sidney comes outside to find [[spoiler:BJ]] [[spoiler:Hunnicutt]] whistling as he fills the shelter with water. He asks They ask if Sidney wants to help, and tells him to shout 'air raid' "air raid" as loud as he can. He does so, and Frank runs out of the tent in his long underwear and dives for the hole. HilarityEnsues.



** Hawkeye and BJ have ordered a collapsible bathtub to beat the summer heat, initially planning to keep its existence a secret between themselves (although Charles walks in as they are opening the tub and threatens to tell the whole camp unless he is allowed to use it as well). Hawkeye takes the first bath in pre-op, giggling like a fool, singing, and squeezing a rubber ducky. Meanwhile, BJ is outside, trying to dissuade Father Mulcahy from coming in. BJ is talking calmly to the Father as if nothing's wrong. You can clearly hear Hawkeye laughing hysterically in the background, along with the quacking of the duck. When the Father finds out, he chides them but acknowledges that they need to hide the tub. Then Margaret bursts in (having learned of the bath from Charles in exchange for letting him use her bubble bath). Bear in mind that all Hawkeye has on right now is a small towel.

to:

** Hawkeye and BJ B.J. have ordered a collapsible bathtub to beat the summer heat, initially planning to keep its existence a secret between themselves (although Charles walks in as they are opening the tub and threatens to tell the whole camp unless he is allowed to use it as well). Hawkeye takes the first bath in pre-op, giggling like a fool, singing, and squeezing a rubber ducky. Meanwhile, BJ B.J. is outside, trying to dissuade Father Mulcahy from coming in. BJ B.J. is talking calmly to the Father as if nothing's wrong. You can clearly hear Hawkeye laughing hysterically in the background, along with the quacking of the duck. When the Father finds out, he chides them but acknowledges that they need to hide the tub. Then Margaret bursts in (having learned of the bath from Charles in exchange for letting him use her bubble bath). Bear in mind that all Hawkeye has on right now is a small towel.



-->'''BJ''': ''(gently pushes the screwdriver down)'' Careful, that could be loaded.
* The entire episode of "Joker is Wild". After accepting a dare from Hawkeye, who had been unfavorably comparing BJ's pranking ability to his old friend Trapper's earlier, BJ proceeds to play an elaborate prank on him. It at first seems BJ is pranking everyone else in a rampant gag spree with a snake in Charles' bed, shaving cream in Potter's toothpaste, cutting the seat out of Margaret's bathrobe, liberally spicing Father Mulcahy's food, and rigging Klinger's desk to explode. [[spoiler:However, the others are actually in on it the entire time. Hawkeye was the ONLY target.]] By the end of the day, Hawkeye is so paranoid he ends up surrounding his cot with barbed wire fencing and keeping a golf club at the ready, refusing to sleep. His expression when the TheReveal happens is priceless. Doubles as a SugarWiki/MomentOfAwesome.

to:

-->'''BJ''': -->'''B.J.''': ''(gently pushes the screwdriver down)'' Careful, that could be loaded.
* The entire episode of "Joker is Wild". After accepting a dare from Hawkeye, who had been unfavorably comparing BJ's B.J.'s pranking ability to his old friend Trapper's earlier, BJ B.J. proceeds to play an elaborate prank on him. It at first seems BJ B.J. is pranking everyone else in a rampant gag spree with a snake in Charles' bed, shaving cream in Potter's toothpaste, cutting the seat out of Margaret's bathrobe, liberally spicing Father Mulcahy's food, and rigging Klinger's desk to explode. [[spoiler:However, the others are actually in on it the entire time. Hawkeye was the ONLY target.]] By the end of the day, Hawkeye is so paranoid he ends up surrounding his cot with barbed wire fencing and keeping a golf club at the ready, refusing to sleep. His expression when the TheReveal happens is priceless. Doubles as a SugarWiki/MomentOfAwesome.



--> '''Hawkeye:''' General Clayton, this is Benjamin Franklin Pierce, look I realize you're a general and I'm just a captain but I want to have your baby.

to:

--> '''Hawkeye:''' -->'''Hawkeye:''' General Clayton, this is Benjamin Franklin Pierce, look I realize you're a general and I'm just a captain but I want to have your baby.



--> [laughing incredulously] What the hell is that!?

to:

--> [laughing -->[laughing incredulously] What the hell is that!?



* "Hey Doc": Potter gets a tank sent to the 4077th to scare away a sniper. Frank brags to Maj. Houlihan how well he can drive said tank and decides to take it for a spin. He does not do well. ''At all''. The tank goes bonkers and drives through half the camp (literally), including flattening the Swamp (sending BJ combat-rolling out the back through the mosquito netting and running for it), the rampage finally culminating in Potter parking a jeep in front of the tank and ordering Burns (who has no idea how) to stop. He gets out of the way, but the jeep does not. As the flattened jeep's horn continues blaring, Potter draws his pistol and ''shoots'' it to [[MercyKill put it out of its "misery"]] like you would a horse.

to:

* "Hey Doc": Potter gets a tank sent to the 4077th to scare away a sniper. Frank brags to Maj. Houlihan how well he can drive said tank and decides to take it for a spin. He does not do well. ''At all''. The tank goes bonkers and drives through half the camp (literally), including flattening the Swamp (sending BJ B.J. combat-rolling out the back through the mosquito netting and running for it), the rampage finally culminating in Potter parking a jeep in front of the tank and ordering Burns (who has no idea how) to stop. He gets out of the way, but the jeep does not. As the flattened jeep's horn continues blaring, Potter draws his pistol and ''shoots'' it to [[MercyKill put it out of its "misery"]] like you would a horse.



* Hawkeye and Margaret's [[http://vimeo.com/24710874 kiss]] in "Goodbye, Farewell, and Amen" that goes on...and on...and on, while Potter, BJ and Charles stand awkwardly and try to look anywhere else. Colonel Potter's reaction in particular is hilarious.

to:

* [[http://vimeo.com/24710874 Hawkeye and Margaret's [[http://vimeo.com/24710874 kiss]] in "Goodbye, Farewell, and Amen" that goes on...and on...and on, while Potter, BJ and Charles stand awkwardly and try to look anywhere else. Colonel Potter's reaction in particular is hilarious.



--> '''Klinger''': This is what happens to you when you don't eat your vegetables.

to:

--> '''Klinger''': -->'''Klinger''': This is what happens to you when you don't eat your vegetables.



--> '''Henry''': ''[on the phone]'' I'm sitting here talking to you from inside a real big empty!
* BJ's introduction to Frank Burns. Especially since Frank had just been saying he was going to mold the new surgeon in his own image. Unfortunately Hawkeye got there first.
--> '''BJ:''' What say you, ferret-face? (falls down laughing in drunken stupor)
* The [[EscalatingWar escalating prank war]] between Margaret and BJ and Hawkeye in "An Eye for a Tooth", [[spoiler: orchestrated behind the scenes by Charles who is playing both sides]].
* In "Potter's Retirement", [[spoiler: a mole is sending reports to the Inspector General about Col. Potter and he's debating retiring as a result.]] Hawkeye and BJ confront [[spoiler: Charles, assuming that with his grudge against Potter he'd be a logical informant. Charles's]] response is as always, erudite and hilarious.

to:

--> ---> '''Henry''': ''[on the phone]'' I'm sitting here talking to you from inside a real big empty!
* BJ's B.J.'s introduction to Frank Burns. Especially since Frank had just been saying he was going to mold the new surgeon in his own image. Unfortunately Hawkeye got there first.
--> '''BJ:''' -->'''B.J.:''' What say you, ferret-face? (falls down laughing in drunken stupor)
* The [[EscalatingWar escalating prank war]] between Margaret and BJ B.J. and Hawkeye in "An Eye for a Tooth", [[spoiler: orchestrated behind the scenes by Charles who is playing both sides]].
* In "Potter's Retirement", [[spoiler: a mole is sending reports to the Inspector General about Col. Potter and he's debating retiring as a result.]] Hawkeye and BJ B.J. confront [[spoiler: Charles, assuming that with his grudge against Potter he'd be a logical informant. Charles's]] response is as always, erudite and hilarious.



** At the end of that scene Charles takes a drink out of a bottle of hair tonic that was in his foot locker. When Hawkeye points out to him what he's drinking Charles retorts that it's actually Scotch; with Hawkeye and BJ around he didn't dare keep it in the original bottle. Hawkeye immediately reacts in disgust.

to:

** At the end of that scene Charles takes a drink out of a bottle of hair tonic that was in his foot locker. When Hawkeye points out to him what he's drinking Charles retorts that it's actually Scotch; with Hawkeye and BJ B.J. around he didn't dare keep it in the original bottle. Hawkeye immediately reacts in disgust.



'''BJ:''' What's the matter?\\

to:

'''BJ:''' '''B.J.:''' What's the matter?\\



* The staff's reaction to Klinger's redecorated room. Klinger brings Hawkeye and Margaret into the office where Potter, Charles, and BJ are waiting, and the two react with StunnedSilence...until BJ, obviously trying to avoid laughing, lifts up a massive conch shell that he found in the room. Then everyone loses it.
* "Bottle Fatigue". Hawkeye tries to quit drinking temporarily after seeing just how much alcohol he's been consuming. The first morning, he comes in singing loudly while BJ and Charles are hung over and trying to sleep. Charles's reaction is priceless.
--> '''Charles''': Pierce, you remind me of a dog I once had. He too was cheerful in the mornings, so I gave him to a family of immigrant Japanese and they ''ate him''.

to:

* The staff's reaction to Klinger's redecorated room. Klinger brings Hawkeye and Margaret into the office where Potter, Charles, and BJ B.J. are waiting, and the two react with StunnedSilence...until BJ, B.J., obviously trying to avoid laughing, lifts up a massive conch shell that he found in the room. Then everyone loses it.
* "Bottle Fatigue". Hawkeye tries to quit drinking temporarily after seeing just how much alcohol he's been consuming. The first morning, he comes in singing loudly while BJ B.J. and Charles are hung over and trying to sleep. Charles's reaction is priceless.
--> '''Charles''': -->'''Charles''': Pierce, you remind me of a dog I once had. He too was cheerful in the mornings, so I gave him to a family of immigrant Japanese and they ''ate him''.



-->'''Hawkeye''': [[RefugeInAudacity Hello, Adams Ribs? I'd like to place a takeout order, please.]]

to:

-->'''Hawkeye''': [[RefugeInAudacity Hello, Adams Adam's Ribs? I'd like to place a takeout order, please.]]



** And the payoff - at no point did the jeep get un-tied. So when Klinger exits the tent - leaving only Winchester inside - he sees the jeep, makes a comment about people parking anywhere they please, and drives off in it - [[HoistByHisOwnPetard collapsing the tent on Winchester.]]

to:

** And the payoff - at no point did the jeep get un-tied.untied. So when Klinger exits the tent - leaving only Winchester inside - he sees the jeep, makes a comment about people parking anywhere they please, and drives off in it - [[HoistByHisOwnPetard collapsing the tent on Winchester.]]



* Another one-liner from "The Yalu Brick Road" when Hawkeye and BJ return to camp with a North Korean soldier who surrenders to every person he comes across.
-->'''BJ''': Don't you understand the international symbol for touchdown?!

to:

* Another one-liner from "The Yalu Brick Road" when Hawkeye and BJ B.J. return to camp with a North Korean soldier who surrenders to every person he comes across.
-->'''BJ''': -->'''B.J.''': Don't you understand the international symbol for touchdown?!



* After Charles has enough of cleaning up after Hawkeye and BJ, he goes full slob. Eventually, they get sick of the mess and start cleaning. Hawkeye is holding a magazine/dustpan while BJ sweeps dirt onto it when Charles comes in and throws a piece of trash on the floor. Hawkeye then deposits the contents in Charles' bunk. This begins a long sequence of each side destroying or dirtying the other's stuff. They do this so calmly, not saying a word or trying to stop each other, or even reacting much at all other than to take turns performing more and more outlandish acts of destruction as an audience gathers to watch. The best moment is when Charles takes Hawkeye's mattress and launches it through the wall of the tent.

to:

* After Charles has enough of cleaning up after Hawkeye and BJ, B.J., he goes full slob. Eventually, they get sick of the mess and start cleaning. Hawkeye is holding a magazine/dustpan while BJ B.J. sweeps dirt onto it when Charles comes in and throws a piece of trash on the floor. Hawkeye then deposits the contents in Charles' bunk. This begins a long sequence of each side destroying or dirtying the other's stuff. They do this so calmly, not saying a word or trying to stop each other, or even reacting much at all other than to take turns performing more and more outlandish acts of destruction as an audience gathers to watch. The best moment is when Charles takes Hawkeye's mattress and launches it through the wall of the tent.



'''Potter''': No, one more thing. ''[eyes the feathers lying around the room from when Hawkeye and BJ ripped open Charles' pillow]'' Order a new pillow.

to:

'''Potter''': No, one more thing. ''[eyes the feathers lying around the room from when Hawkeye and BJ B.J. ripped open Charles' pillow]'' Order a new pillow.



-->'''Klinger:''' Remember when I told you that I used to wear dresses to try and get out of the Army?
-->'''Soon-Lee:''' Yes.
-->'''Klinger:''' Well, I saved a couple of 'em, I brought one over.
-->'''Soon-Lee:''' Oh, good, I always wanted to see you in one!
* The episode [[Recap/MashS2E25OClockCharlie "Five O'clock Charlie"]] in its entirety. Just the fact that only Burns and Houlihan actually take Charlie seriously, to the point one of the ''generals'' they want to complain about is overheard placing bets on Charlie's ineptitude.

to:

-->'''Klinger:''' Remember when I told you that I used to wear dresses to try and get out of the Army?
-->'''Soon-Lee:''' Yes.
-->'''Klinger:'''
Army?\\
'''Soon-Lee:''' Yes.\\
'''Klinger:'''
Well, I saved a couple of 'em, I brought one over.
-->'''Soon-Lee:'''
over.\\
'''Soon-Lee:'''
Oh, good, I always wanted to see you in one!
* The episode [[Recap/MashS2E25OClockCharlie "Five O'clock O'Clock Charlie"]] in its entirety. Just the fact that only Burns and Houlihan actually take Charlie seriously, to the point one of the ''generals'' they want to complain about is overheard placing bets on Charlie's ineptitude.



-->'''Hawkeye''': All he's got is drums and cannons! I want her to melt, not keel over!
-->'''BJ''': Try the Ariosa, by Bach. Peg and I like to put it on at bedtime.
-->'''Hawkeye''': Does that really work?
-->'''BJ''': Have you seen my baby pictures?
* This little exchange from season 5's "The Colonel's Horse", in response to Hawkeye and BJ complaining about having to put up with Frank Burns as acting Commanding Officer whilst Colonel Potter is in Tokyo:

to:

-->'''Hawkeye''': All he's got is drums and cannons! I want her to melt, not keel over!
-->'''BJ''':
over!\\
'''B.J.''':
Try the Ariosa, by Bach. Peg and I like to put it on at bedtime.
-->'''Hawkeye''':
bedtime.\\
'''Hawkeye''':
Does that really work?
-->'''BJ''':
work?\\
'''B.J.''':
Have you seen my baby pictures?
* This little exchange from season 5's "The Colonel's Horse", in response to Hawkeye and BJ B.J. complaining about having to put up with Frank Burns as acting Commanding Officer whilst Colonel Potter is in Tokyo:



** BJ distributes goodies sent by Peg from home: brownies for Hawkeye, fruit cocktail for Potter, and pralines for Charles - or so he is led to believe, as he finds only a spring-loaded boa inside the can. Potter is angry at the two captains for pulling such an immature stunt, but Charles takes it in stride:

to:

** BJ B.J. distributes goodies sent by Peg from home: brownies for Hawkeye, fruit cocktail for Potter, and pralines for Charles - or so he is led to believe, as he finds only a spring-loaded boa inside the can. Potter is angry at the two captains for pulling such an immature stunt, but Charles takes it in stride:



** Margaret squawks offscreen, and Hawkeye and BJ [[NotMeThisTime look at each other questioningly]], until Margaret barges into their section of the scrub room.

to:

** Margaret squawks offscreen, and Hawkeye and BJ B.J. [[NotMeThisTime look at each other questioningly]], until Margaret barges into their section of the scrub room.



'''Mulcahy:''' Colonel, there's no humour in this! While I was showering, somebody stole my robe and left me this, this house frock!\\

to:

'''Mulcahy:''' Colonel, there's no humour humor in this! While I was showering, somebody stole my robe and left me this, this house frock!\\



** The prank wars escalate over the first act of the episode: Margaret gets all three Swampmen, putting oatmeal in Hawkeye's boot, spiking BJ's mouthwash with Tabasco, and writing "KILROY" on Charles' bald head as he sleeps (though only the first is shown on screen). They decide to get revenge by stealing the canvas of her tent, leaving only the frame, and hiding a skeleton in Hawkeye's bed when she storms over to the Swamp to confront them.

to:

** The prank wars escalate over the first act of the episode: Margaret gets all three Swampmen, putting oatmeal in Hawkeye's boot, spiking BJ's B.J.'s mouthwash with Tabasco, and writing "KILROY" on Charles' bald head as he sleeps (though only the first is shown on screen). They decide to get revenge by stealing the canvas of her tent, leaving only the frame, and hiding a skeleton in Hawkeye's bed when she storms over to the Swamp to confront them.



'''BJ:''' We gave it to a dog, now it's a pup tent!

to:

'''BJ:''' '''B.J.:''' We gave it to a dog, now it's a pup tent!



-->'''Hawkeye:''' I've invited you all here today because I'm ready to name the murderer.
-->'''Henry:''' It must be [his wedding], I don't see a casket.
-->'''Trapper:''' Boy, they sure did invite a lot of empty chairs.

to:

-->'''Hawkeye:''' I've invited you all here today because I'm ready to name the murderer.
-->'''Henry:'''
murderer.\\
'''Henry:'''
It must be [his wedding], I don't see a casket.
-->'''Trapper:'''
casket.\\
'''Trapper:'''
Boy, they sure did invite a lot of empty chairs.



-->'''Hawkeye:''' Does he like you? Would he do you a favor?
-->'''Klinger:''' You kidding? He'd kill for me! He'd kill for you! For $100 he'd kill for ''anybody''!
-->'''Hawkeye:''' Would your uncle pick up a package for me?
-->'''Klinger:''' Sure, for a price!
-->'''Hawkeye:''' He doesn't have to ''kill'' the package!
* Everyone passing Mulcahey's hat around for the "Father Mulcahy sound-alike contest" in "Movie Tonight".
-->'''Hawkeye:''' [''high voice''] My word, Hawkeye, this jocularity is most unseemly.
-->'''Klinger:''' [''high voice''] How can you make jokes at a time like this?
-->'''Frank:''' [''high voice''] The post-op is collapsing and the O.R. is on fire.
-->'''Margaret:''' [''high voice''] And somebody has broken into the sacramental wine.
-->'''Radar:''' Sorry, Father. [''high voice''] It seems that Private Simpson has come down with a case of hepatitis. He's the most remarkable shade of yellow.
-->'''Potter:''' [''high voice''] Jocularity! Jocularity!
** Bonus: all the impressions of Mulcahy sound like a drunk MickeyMouse.

to:

-->'''Hawkeye:''' Does he like you? Would he do you a favor?
-->'''Klinger:'''
favor?\\
'''Klinger:'''
You kidding? He'd kill for me! He'd kill for you! For $100 he'd kill for ''anybody''!
-->'''Hawkeye:'''
''anybody''!\\
'''Hawkeye:'''
Would your uncle pick up a package for me?
-->'''Klinger:'''
me?\\
'''Klinger:'''
Sure, for a price!
-->'''Hawkeye:'''
price!\\
'''Hawkeye:'''
He doesn't have to ''kill'' the package!
* Everyone passing Mulcahey's hat around for the "Father Mulcahy sound-alike contest" in "Movie Tonight".
-->'''Hawkeye:''' [''high voice''] My word, Hawkeye, this jocularity is most unseemly.
-->'''Klinger:''' [''high voice''] How can you make jokes at a time like this?
-->'''Frank:''' [''high voice''] The post-op is collapsing and the O.R. is on fire.
-->'''Margaret:''' [''high voice''] And somebody has broken into the sacramental wine.
-->'''Radar:''' Sorry, Father. [''high voice''] It seems that Private Simpson has come down with a case of hepatitis. He's the most remarkable shade of yellow.
-->'''Potter:''' [''high voice''] Jocularity! Jocularity!
** Bonus: all the impressions of Mulcahy sound like a drunk MickeyMouse.
package!



-->'''Hawkeye''': Waiter, there's a clerk in these eggs!
-->'''Charles''': I knew one day this food would claim a life!

to:

-->'''Hawkeye''': Waiter, there's a clerk in these eggs!
-->'''Charles''':
eggs!\\
'''Charles''':
I knew one day this food would claim a life!



* "Snappier Judgement" as Winchester prepares a legal defense for Klinger who is being court martialled for theft. They speak to Father Mulcahy who praises Klinger for getting a supplies of Bibles seemingly out of nowhere. It turns out the Bibles in question are from the Gideons, which are typical placed in hotels, which means Klinger likely stole the Bibles from several hotels. At this, Mulcahy can only roar in indignation:
-->'''Mulcahy''': Klinger, '''''Hot Bibles?!'''''
* "Bug Out" has the unit trying to find a new site for the camp. Potter has Mulcahy bless the new site (apparently a customary measure) and then Burns tries to pass what he's saying along the line of jeeps and trucks. The DeathGlare Potter gives him could melt steel. ''Then'' they find out what else is in the site. A bunch of women using the schoolhouse as a brothel. Frank doesn't get it.
-->'''Potter''': The oldest profession.
-->'''Burns''': ''[surprised]'' A bakery?
-->'''Potter''': Tarts!
-->'''Burns''': ''[excited]'' Tarts? Peach? Raspberry?
-->'''Hunnicutt:''' ''[clearly trying to not fall over laughing]'' Frank, it's a ''brothel''.
-->'''Burns''': A den of iniquity? Here? Permission to get a squad and evict them by force, Sir! ''[blows the whistle he's been using all episode]''

to:

* "Snappier Judgement" as Winchester prepares a legal defense for Klinger who is being court martialled court-martialed for theft. They speak to Father Mulcahy who praises Klinger for getting a supplies of Bibles seemingly out of nowhere. It turns out the Bibles in question are from the Gideons, which are typical placed in hotels, which means Klinger likely stole the Bibles from several hotels. At this, Mulcahy can only roar in indignation:
-->'''Mulcahy''': Klinger, '''''Hot '''''hot Bibles?!'''''
* "Bug Out" has the unit trying to find a new site for the camp. Potter has Mulcahy bless the new site (apparently a customary measure) and then Burns tries to pass what he's saying along the line of jeeps and trucks. The DeathGlare Potter gives him could melt steel. ''Then'' they find out what else is in the site. A site: a bunch of women using the schoolhouse as a brothel. Frank doesn't get it.
-->'''Potter''': The oldest profession.
-->'''Burns''':
profession.\\
'''Burns''':
''[surprised]'' A bakery?
-->'''Potter''': Tarts!
-->'''Burns''':
bakery?\\
'''Potter''': Tarts!\\
'''Burns''':
''[excited]'' Tarts? Peach? Raspberry?
-->'''Hunnicutt:'''
Raspberry?\\
'''Hunnicutt:'''
''[clearly trying to not fall over laughing]'' Frank, it's a ''brothel''.
-->'''Burns''':
''brothel''.\\
'''Burns''':
A den of iniquity? Here? Permission to get a squad and evict them by force, Sir! ''[blows the whistle he's been using all episode]''episode]''\\



** As tense as the moment is, Hawkeye, Margaret and Radar running around like headless chickens is prime comedy. The Chinese are coming, so they rush to hide in one of the tents, all three trying to pass through the door at once... only to make it inside and notice the whole thing is an empty frame. With a door in it.

to:

** As tense as the moment is, Hawkeye, Margaret and Radar running around like headless chickens is prime comedy. The Chinese are coming, so they rush to hide in one of the tents, all three trying to pass through the door at once... only to make it inside and notice the whole thing is an empty frame. With a door in it.



* "No Laughing Matter" involves a frustrated Hawkeye being told by BJ that he's insecure about life and needs to constantly make jokes. Stewing over it for a night, Hawkeye makes a bet that he can go one full day without riffing. Though we don't get to see the majority of Hawkeye's day during the bet, the finale where a visiting VIP is accused of trying to make advances of Maj. Houlihan has Hawkeye trying desperately to hold every joke he's wanted to make all day in.
* Hawkeye gets a letter from a nurse inviting him for a hot weekend in Tokyo. He's trying to get some gear together so he can go and wants to borrow BJ's pajamas.
-->'''Hawkeye''': You had to have had some when you came here!
-->'''BJ''': I had lots of things when I came here! [[WarIsHell Hope, dreams,]] [[DrowningMySorrows a liver!]]
* In the episode in which Margaret has lost her engagement ring, Hawkeye and BJ get the bright idea to ask a traveling merchant with a lot of dubious gear to craft a replacement, after recognizing one of the rings he has as the exact same model. Not only does the merchant himself try and talk them out of buying the ring, as he regards it with clear shame, his reaction to Penobscot's "romantic" inscription is a heartfelt "Pee-yew!" To cap it all off, he tells them that he'll build them a surgical tool they desperately need for only $10 because "Anybody willing to buy ''this'' crummy ring deserves a break!"

to:

* "No Laughing Matter" involves a frustrated Hawkeye being told by BJ B.J. that he's insecure about life and needs to constantly make jokes. Stewing over it for a night, Hawkeye makes a bet that he can go one full day without riffing. Though we don't get to see the majority of Hawkeye's day during the bet, the finale where a visiting VIP is accused of trying to make advances of Maj. Houlihan has Hawkeye trying desperately to hold every joke he's wanted to make all day in.
* Hawkeye gets a letter from a nurse inviting him for a hot weekend in Tokyo. He's trying to get some gear together so he can go and wants to borrow BJ's B.J.'s pajamas.
-->'''Hawkeye''': You had to have had some when you came here!
-->'''BJ''':
here!\\
'''B.J.''':
I had lots of things when I came here! [[WarIsHell Hope, dreams,]] [[DrowningMySorrows a liver!]]
* In the episode in which Margaret has lost her engagement ring, Hawkeye and BJ B.J. get the bright idea to ask a traveling merchant with a lot of dubious gear to craft a replacement, after recognizing one of the rings he has as the exact same model. Not only does the merchant himself try and talk them out of buying the ring, as he regards it with clear shame, his reaction to Penobscot's "romantic" inscription is a heartfelt "Pee-yew!" To cap it all off, he tells them that he'll build them a surgical tool they desperately need for only $10 because "Anybody willing to buy ''this'' crummy ring deserves a break!"



--> '''Potter''': ''(to Margaret)'' It's that ''skylark'' attitude of yours that got you thrown out at home plate!
--> '''BJ''': ''(tiredly)'' Colonel, we lost [[CurbStompBattle 24-to-4]].

to:

--> '''Potter''': -->'''Potter''': ''(to Margaret)'' It's that ''skylark'' attitude of yours that got you thrown out at home plate!
--> '''BJ''':
plate!\\
'''B.J.''':
''(tiredly)'' Colonel, we lost [[CurbStompBattle 24-to-4]].



'''Klinger:''' ''[over PA]'' Attention, Major Houlihan! You have a telephone call from a Dr. Steven Chesler in Seoul! ''[Margaret's eyes bulge and she quickly spits out the mouthwash]'' Please hurry, I can't tie up the phone long! ''[Margaret quickly puts a coat on over her bathrobe; cut to the Swamp, where Charles is sleeping and BJ is grooming himself]''\\
'''BJ:''' ''[Margaret bursts through the door carrying a pad and pencil and hurries over to Charles' cot]'' What a pleasant surprise, it's Harpo! Love your outfit. ''[Margaret hisses at Charles, trying to rouse him, but he is fast asleep]'' Sometimes a grenade in his jammies does the trick! ''[Margaret writes on the pad and shakes Charles, holding the pad in front of his face]''\\

to:

'''Klinger:''' ''[over PA]'' Attention, Major Houlihan! You have a telephone call from a Dr. Steven Chesler in Seoul! ''[Margaret's eyes bulge and she quickly spits out the mouthwash]'' Please hurry, I can't tie up the phone long! ''[Margaret quickly puts a coat on over her bathrobe; cut to the Swamp, where Charles is sleeping and BJ B.J. is grooming himself]''\\
'''BJ:''' '''B.J.:''' ''[Margaret bursts through the door carrying a pad and pencil and hurries over to Charles' cot]'' What a pleasant surprise, it's Harpo! Love your outfit. ''[Margaret hisses at Charles, trying to rouse him, but he is fast asleep]'' Sometimes a grenade in his jammies does the trick! ''[Margaret writes on the pad and shakes Charles, holding the pad in front of his face]''\\



'''Charles:''' ''However''... if you can be in Seoul by 11 tomorrow morning, he will be honoured to have a meeting with you at the hospital. ''[Margaret gets an excited look and nods; Charles speaks into the phone again]'' She said that'll be fine. ... Right, she'll see you then. Ah! ... Oh, thank ''you! [grimaces as he hangs up the phone]''

to:

'''Charles:''' ''However''... if you can be in Seoul by 11 tomorrow morning, he will be honoured honored to have a meeting with you at the hospital. ''[Margaret gets an excited look and nods; Charles speaks into the phone again]'' She said that'll be fine. ... Right, she'll see you then. Ah! ... Oh, thank ''you! [grimaces as he hangs up the phone]''



-->'''Hawkeye:''' ''[singing in deep, goofy fashion]'' Peas peas peas....eating goober's peas....oooOOOOOHhhhhh HOW DELICIOUS....
-->'''Margaret:''' WILL YOU STOP THAT!?

to:

-->'''Hawkeye:''' ''[singing in deep, goofy fashion]'' Peas peas peas....eating goober's peas....oooOOOOOHhhhhh HOW DELICIOUS....
-->'''Margaret:'''
DELICIOUS....\\
'''Margaret:'''
WILL YOU STOP THAT!?



-->'''MP''': ''(relenting)'' I'm not even Catholic.
-->'''Mulcahy''': ''(genuinely)'' Would you like to be?

to:

-->'''MP''': ''(relenting)'' I'm not even Catholic.
-->'''Mulcahy''':
Catholic.\\
'''Mulcahy''':
''(genuinely)'' Would you like to be?



-->'''Potter''': I've got to get him that discharge.
-->'''Margaret''': ''[nods]''

to:

-->'''Potter''': I've got to get him that discharge.
-->'''Margaret''':
discharge.\\
'''Margaret''':
''[nods]''



-->'''Mulcahy''': Klinger, I thought you were an atheist.
-->'''Klinger''': I gave it up for Lent.

to:

-->'''Mulcahy''': --->'''Mulcahy''': Klinger, I thought you were an atheist.
-->'''Klinger''':
atheist.\\
'''Klinger''':
I gave it up for Lent.



-->'''Trapper:''' I hear you're in need of a medical man.
-->'''Hawkeye:''' I see you couldn't find one.

to:

-->'''Trapper:''' --->'''Trapper:''' I hear you're in need of a medical man.
-->'''Hawkeye:'''
man.\\
'''Hawkeye:'''
I see you couldn't find one.



-->'''Winchester:''' This meatball surgery of yours is causing my skills to deteriorate. ''They're wasting [[SuddenlyShouting AWAY!]]''
-->'''Potter:''' ''(infuriated)'' [[SeriousBusiness DON'T CHANGE THE COLOR OF YOUR FACE!! I'M OUT OF UMBER!!]]

to:

-->'''Winchester:''' --->'''Winchester:''' This meatball surgery of yours is causing my skills to deteriorate. ''They're wasting [[SuddenlyShouting AWAY!]]''
-->'''Potter:'''
AWAY!]]''\\
'''Potter:'''
''(infuriated)'' [[SeriousBusiness DON'T CHANGE THE COLOR OF YOUR FACE!! I'M OUT OF UMBER!!]]



-->'''Winchester:''' ''[Sighs]'' Finally, a peaceful moment to conclude this tape. The would-be Lothario Pierce is sound asleep and the 38-hour day is done. Now, Mother and Dad... I will put this as eloquently and succinctly as possible.
-->''({{Beat}} as he tries to pour a cup of tea, fails, then pulls a rubber chicken out of his teapot)''
-->'''Winchester:''' '''''[[MoodWhiplash Get me the HELL out of here!!]]'''''
* In "The Price", a young Korean was trying to hide in the showers to avoid being press-ganged into the military. He runs afoul of Margaret. Hawk and BJ carry the young man off, and Margaret suggests that he may have had a camera and taken pictures of her.
--> '''Hawkeye''': Then we'll make sure everyone gets copies.
--> '''Mulcahy''': None for me, thanks.

to:

-->'''Winchester:''' --->'''Winchester:''' ''[Sighs]'' Finally, a peaceful moment to conclude this tape. The would-be Lothario Pierce is sound asleep and the 38-hour day is done. Now, Mother and Dad... I will put this as eloquently and succinctly as possible.
-->''({{Beat}}
possible.\\
''({{Beat}}
as he tries to pour a cup of tea, fails, then pulls a rubber chicken out of his teapot)''
-->'''Winchester:'''
teapot)''\\
'''Winchester:'''
'''''[[MoodWhiplash Get me the HELL out of here!!]]'''''
* In "The Price", a young Korean was trying to hide in the showers to avoid being press-ganged into the military. He runs afoul of Margaret. Hawk and BJ B.J. carry the young man off, and Margaret suggests that he may have had a camera and taken pictures of her.
--> '''Hawkeye''': -->'''Hawkeye''': Then we'll make sure everyone gets copies.
-->
copies.\\
'''Mulcahy''': None for me, thanks.



23rd Dec '17 6:16:37 PM MovieNut14
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* This conversation from [[Recap/MashS2E18OperationNoselift "Operation Noselift"]], after Radar has seemingly had his nose broken and needs a visiting plastic surgeon to operate on it (a cover for said surgeon performing a purely cosmetic nosejob on a self-conscious private):

to:

* This conversation from [[Recap/MashS2E18OperationNoselift "Operation Noselift"]], after Radar has seemingly had his nose broken and needs a visiting plastic surgeon to operate on it (a cover for said surgeon performing a purely cosmetic nosejob nose job on a self-conscious private):
14th Nov '17 8:21:58 AM bkitu
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-->''({{Beat}})''

to:

-->''({{Beat}})''-->''({{Beat}} as he tries to pour a cup of tea, fails, then pulls a rubber chicken out of his teapot)''
14th Nov '17 8:11:56 AM bkitu
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* In the episode in which Margaret has lost her engagement ring, Hawkeye and BJ get the bright idea to ask a traveling merchant with a lot of dubious gear to craft a replacement, after recognizing one of the rings he has as the exact same model. Not only does the merchant himself try and talk them out of buying the ring, as he regards it with clear shame, his reaction to Penobscot's "romantic" inscription is a heartfelt "Pee-yew!" and, to cap it all off, he tells them that he'll give it to them cheap because "Anybody willing to buy ''this'' crummy ring deserves a break!"

to:

* In the episode in which Margaret has lost her engagement ring, Hawkeye and BJ get the bright idea to ask a traveling merchant with a lot of dubious gear to craft a replacement, after recognizing one of the rings he has as the exact same model. Not only does the merchant himself try and talk them out of buying the ring, as he regards it with clear shame, his reaction to Penobscot's "romantic" inscription is a heartfelt "Pee-yew!" and, to To cap it all off, he tells them that he'll give it to build them cheap a surgical tool they desperately need for only $10 because "Anybody willing to buy ''this'' crummy ring deserves a break!"
This list shows the last 10 events of 232. Show all.
http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/article_history.php?article=Funny.MASH