History Funny / LOST

--> '''Therapist''' Tell me something you like about yourself
--> '''Hurley''' [...] I like... chicken.
--> '''Therapist''' That last one wasn't about youself.
--> '''Hurley''' I like that I like chicken?

* Libby calmy bursting Hurley's bubble about the 'secret beach' he took her too on their date, pointing out Jin, who is just casually cleaning fish. Even better, after Libby leaves to try and get stuff to save the date, even Jin could see how bad a train wreck it was and just gives Hurley a thumbs up. Even Hurley has to admit it's ActuallyPrettyFunny

-->'''Charlie:''' That’s French! The French are coming! I’ve never been so happy to hear the French!

--> '''Miles''' Well, I lived in these houses 30 years before you did, otherwise known as last week.

* While Miles, Lapidus and Richard try to fix the Ajira plane so they can leave with the Island collapsing into the sea around them, Ben calls Frank to see how the plane's coming, Frank curtly disconnects him.

-->''[[DuctTapeForEverything I don't believe in a lot of things but I do believe in duct tape.]]''

** And just before that:
-->'''Ben''': For the ''fourth time'', I was out picking mangoes, and when I found her she was already unconscious. Why are you assuming that I'm lying?
-->'''Ilana''': Because you're speaking.

* Sawyer had some great lines in the episode "The Last Recruit". Like saying Lapidus looks like a guy who walked off a Creator/BurtReynolds set and later calling him “chesty.”

** Ben calls Frank to see how the plane's coming, Frank curtly disconnects him. Ben: "Sounds like they're making progress."
** "There's a lot of things I don't believe in, but I do believe in duct tape."
* In the finale, when Sayid is waiting for Hurley in a van, and hears him suddenly open the trunk and throw something in:
--> '''Sayid:''' What was that?!
--> '''Hurley:''' That was Charlie.
* Or right before that:
--> '''Hurley:''' None of this is bringing back any memories, is it? You, me, tranquilizer gun...?
--> '''Sayid:''' You're insane!
* Later, in this same series of events, Charlie gets a great line.
--> '''Charlie:''' I was shot by a fat man.
* In the [[GrandFinale finale]], Flash-sideways Jin and Sun (who do not speak English) regain their memories of the Island, including their learning of English, in the middle of receiving the ultrasound of Ji-Yeon. Juliet is mildly confused when they suddenly begin speaking fluent English.
--> "And, for the record, y-you two speak English just fine."

-->[into payphone] ''"I don't care! I'm gonna get my son back!"'' [goes to hangup, then pulls the phone back up] ''"And you stink in bed!"''

* The parody "The Final Episode," which aired at the 2007 Consumer Electronics Show in Las Vegas. Kate and Sawyer talk about how Jack is getting them off the island, before showing she's talking about [[Franchise/PiratesOfTheCaribbean Jack Sparrow]]. Elsewhere, Sayid has tied up Ben so that he can't stop them from leaving, but demands answers about the strange things on the island: monsters, polar bears, "[[Creator/MiraFurlan a French woman]] [[FakeNationality with an Eastern European accent]]." Ben promises there's one simple unifying explanation for everything, but as he starts to talk, the film cuts to static. By the time it clears, Sayid is amazed by what's been said, and says "My money was on purgatory."

* In the FlashSideways, schoolteacher Ben goes on a rant about the other teachers not disposing of their coffee filters, which is implied to be a common issue for him.

* When Hurley admits to his concerns about Libby having spent time in Santa Rosa after their date in the Flash-Sideways, Desmond offers this gem of a dating insight. One can only wonder what Penny would think of his words.

* In the [[GrandFinale finale]], flash-sideways Jin and Sun (who do not speak English) regain their memories of the Island, including their learning of English, in the middle of receiving the ultrasound of Ji-Yeon. Juliet is mildly confused when they suddenly begin speaking fluent English.

** Ben tries to bribe Miles to help him escape, but Miles tells him he doesn't need his money because of the two "jabronies", Nikki and Paulo, who are buried right next to them with 8 million dollars' worth of diamonds on top of them. [[BrickJoke At the end of the episode, we see Miles with the diamonds, confirming that he dug up their graves.

%%** Hurley: "Kinda true, dude. He's worse than Yoda."
%%* Sawyer in the episode "Recon": "Take me to your leader."

* When Ben is freed from digging his own grave by the Man in Black and told to meet him to become the new protector of the island. The Man in Black leaves, Ben pauses, looks at Ilana who is eating a Mango. [[{{Beat}} beat]]. Ben throws the make-shift shovel to one side and breaks into a [[Franchise/PiratesOfTheCaribbean Jack Sparrow run]] into the jungle.

--> *irritated look from Jack*

-->'''Sawyer:''' [[ComicallyMissingThePoint Probably Bear Village]]. ''(Annoyed)'' How the hell do I know?

--> ''(So, you totally think they're talking about something really super serious, but REALLY...)''

--> ''(Yep, they're talking about golf clubs. Beedle-ee-bink-dee-bink, BOING.)''

--> '''Libby''' Hurley, this is our beach. There's Jin. ''(Camera pans over, Jin smiles at them)''

-->'''Charlie:''' ''(Playing his guitar)'' No, but if you hum it, I could probably play it.

-->'''Charlie:''' ''(Pointing to a sign at his feet)'' Yeah, name's on the sign.

--->'''Hurley:''' Thanks dude. You have no idea what you volunteered for, do you? ''(Both of them laugh)''

---> '''Ben:''' No, John, unfortunately we don't have a code for "There's a man in my closet with a gun to my daughter's head." ''([[{{Beat}} Thinks about it for a moment]])'' Although we obviously should.

--->'''Aaron:''' ''(Instantly starts crying)''

-->'''Miles''': ''(Mock surprise)'' Oh my God, you guys were on Oceanic Flight 815! Wow! That better?

-->'''Miles:''' ''(Coyly)'' ...What ''do'' I mean?

--> '''Ben''': ''(Looking at her like she's stupid)'' You shouldn't.

-->'''Ben:''' ''(Doesn't even look up)'' [[MathematiciansAnswer My mother taught me.]]

-->'''Ben:''' ''([[EvilCannotComprehendGood Genuinely confused]])'' [[ComedicSociopathy Who cares?]]

-->'''Miles:''' ''(Handing Hurley his gun)'' Shoot me. Please. Please?

--->'''Ben''': ''(Complete monotone)'' It's a door. How bout that.

'''Ben''': ''(Deadpan)'' I'm a Pisces.\\
'''Locke''': ''(Tries not to laugh)''

'''Ben:''' ''(Wearily)'' Not really.

-->'''Kate:''' ''(Chuckling)'' [[PunnyName Christian]] [[WhatDoYouMeanItsNotSymbolic Shephard]]? Seriously?

-->(into payphone)''"I don't care! I'm gonna get my son back!"'' (goes to hangup, then pulls the phone back up) ''"And you stink in bed!"''

* Pierre Chang quizzing Hurley to determine if he belongs in 1977. Made funnier by Hurley's earlier insistence that he didn't know who the president was in 1977 and would never need to know.

* In the FlashSideways, schoolteacher Ben goes on a rant about the other teachers not disposing over their coffee filters, which is implied to be a common issue for him.

%%** From the same episode: "Ben Linus, European history."
%%** Used coffee filters go IN THE TRASH, PEOPLE.

* Another few classic moments of snark from Ben:
-->'''Locke''': See that back there?
-->'''Ben''': ''(Complete monotone)'' It's a door. How bout that.
-->...
-->'''Locke''': Can I ask you something?\\

** Once again, this is a pointless lie. Ben's not a Pisces because he was born in mid December. He just lies because [[ItsWhatIDo it's what he does.]]

'''Locke''': (''[[ActuallyPrettyFunny tries not to laugh]]'')

**
--->'''Locke:''' Well, Ben, I was hoping that you and I could talk about the elephant in the room.\\