History Funny / JingleAllTheWay

* Myron remarking to Booster that "[[TakeThatScrappy Nobody like you, Booster!]]" before hitting him.

''[Ted is shocked]''\\

'''Howard:''' Wha-- Who told you you could eat MY cookies?!\\

'''Howard:''' POOT DAT COOKIE DAUN! ''NAO!''

--> '''Howard''': ''(giving a "you've gotta be kidding" look)'' A. B. C.\\
'''Cop''': Backwards.\\
''(Howard looks thrown for a loop)''

* Howard tries to make amends to Jamie after he misses his karate session. First, he asks his son "Are those hands registered weapons yet?" [[DeathGlare Jamie just scowls]] and resumes reading a comic book. Howard then spots Jamie's karate belt and ties it around his head, then starts doing karate moves, all the while letting out yells in a high-pitched voice that is altogether different from Creator/ArnoldSchwarzenegger's normal voice. [[NoSell Jamie still isn't impressed]].

** He makes the look again after Liz remarks the toy will probably be sold out.
** He does it yet again [[spoiler:in TheStinger after Liz asks him if he got ''her'' a present]].

--> '''Myron''': I'm late because it's the busiest time of the year for me. Christmas letters people send to folks they don't even talk to but once a year! And relatives sending gifts they'll send back anyway. How many toiletry kits does a man need? Then what? Stupid letters from kids to Santa! "Dear Santa, can you send me a bike and a Slinky?" No! Your father's laid off! As if I didn't have enough pressure in my life, my son sends me out for some goofy-butt toy, some fruity robot named "Turtle Man."\\
'''Howard''': [=TurboMan=]. My son wants one too.\\
'''Myron''': You know it's all a ploy, don't ya?\\
'''Howard''': Huh?\\
'''Myron''': Man, where have you been? Don't you watch TV?! We are being set up by rich and powerful toy cartels! These fat cats use the working class, like me and you! They spend billions of dollars on TV advertisements and use subliminal messages to suck your children's minds out! And I know what I'm talkin' about, because I went to junior college, and I studied psychology for a semester, so I know what's going on! I'm right in there! And then, they make a kid feel like garbage if you, the father, who's workin' 24/7 delivering mail to make alimony payments to a woman who slept with everyone at the office but ''me''! And then when you get the toy and it breaks and you can't fix it because it's pieces of little cheap plastic! You know what I'd like to do? I'd like to walk up in that office, grab one of those guys ''[grabs a random woman]'' and choke him until his eyes pop out! ''[Myron comes to his senses after crowd protests]'' ...Shouldn't wear fur.

* When the store employee opening the doors to the store only to be trampled by the crowds of parents anxious to buy the Turbo Man doll, complete with a shoe-print implanted on his face.
--> '''Store Clerk''': Whoa! (gets trampled by the crowds)

* When Howard asks a toy store employee if they have any more [=TurboMan=] action figures, the employee dissolves into laughter, then repeats Howard's question to a co-worker, who bursts into hysterical laughter, much to Howard's annoyance. Everyone else in the store then starts laughing at Howard and Myron, with the two employees mockingly remarking on the men's lack of foresight.

--->'''Howard''': [[TranquilFury Where's your Christmas spirit?]]\\

'''Howard''': ''[smiles]'' That's better. ''[lets them go]''

* After Myron shoves him out of the way in pursuit of a customer who has the last [=TurboMan=] toy, Howard grabs the controls of a remote-controlled truck ("[[ThisMeansWar This is war!]]") and drives it at Myron's feet, causing him to fall on his back. Howard then goes up to him, looks down at him, and delivers this gem:
-->'''Howard''': ''[with mock sympathy]'' Aw, poor baby! Heh! ''[heads off]''

-->'''Ted''': "Merry Christmas. Langston residence!"\\
'''Howard''': "Hi, I--Ted?"\\
'''Ted''': "Howard! Hey, buddy. How's it going out there? Everything OK?"\\
'''Howard''': "Yeah, fine. Uh, I need to speak to Liz. Could you get..."\\
'''Ted''': "Mmm. Ohhh. Howard, excuse me. But your wife's cookies are out of this world."\\
'''Howard''': "Wha-- Who told you you could eat MY cookies?!"\\
'''Ted''': "I'm just helping Liz out a little in the kitchen. She's baking up a storm here."\\
'''Howard''': "Ted, I need to speak to my wife. So could you get her on the phone, please?"\\
'''Ted''': "I think she's in the shower, Howard, want me to go check?"\\
'''Howard''': ''"[[BigNO NO!]]"''\\
''(Ted is shocked)''\\
'''Howard''': "I mean, no. It's fine. On your way '''out''', just tell her I will be a few minutes late. But she shouldn't worry."\\
'''Ted''': "Oh, she won't worry. I mean, I'm here and--''(eats cookies)'' Mmm. Ohhh, these COOKIES! I gotta get the recipe from Liz."\\
'''Howard''': "POOT DAT COOKIE DAUN! ''NAO!''"
* Even funnier is the remix featuring that line that can be found on Website/YouTube.

* The password for the black market Santa factory: [[spoiler:"Jingle bells, ComicBook/{{Batman}} smells."]]

-->'''Mall Santa''': Five hundred.\\
'''Howard''': Dollars?\\
'''Mall Santa''': No, Hershey's kisses. Yes, dollars!

* During the warehouse riot, [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jWyeugspkUA&t=0m42s one Santa]] approaches wielding [[FightingWithChucks nunchakus]] and making all sorts of "Hwaaa" noises as he shows off his moves. After a few seconds of this, an annoyed Howard says "Shut up!" and smacks him in the face with a giant candy cane.

-->'''Howard''': You guys come BARGING in here like a bunch of terrorists at a tea party! Get your acts together! And go arrest someone!

* Howard's daydream of Jamie being a loser like Myron, complete with postal get-up.
--> '''Jamie''': Here's to you, Dad. ''[drinks from a flask, and grimaces]'' Ugh.

* How quickly Howard goes from giddy triumph to horrified shock when Myron holds up the radio station with a package that he purports to be a bomb.

-->'''Myron''': ''[after the explosion]'' [[AccidentalTruth That was really a bomb]]? This is a ''sick'' world we live in! Sick people!

* When Howard hits rock bottom, the angry reindeer makes his return. Howard is not pleased.
-->'''Howard''': [[PreMortemOneLiner You picked the wrong day.]] ''[punches the reindeer]''
** After the reindeer groans, Howard tells him "[[BondOneLiner You started it.]]"

* An impressive moment of BlackComedy when Howard briefly overhears what happened to the parade performer who was ''supposed'' to play Turbo-man, but, well...
-->'''Guy''': Let me just take a moment and speak for everyone when I thank you for filling in for Pete. It was a total freak accident what happened at rehearsal. We got the kinks worked out of it. The doctor said Pete showed brain activity this morning. That's a really good sign!

-->'''Howard''': I know you. You're Booster!\\
'''Guy''': Yeah, and who the hell do you think you are, Mary Poppins?!

* Jamie executing a GroinAttack on Myron.

* Ted (who had been hit with a canister of eggnog by Liz a few scene earlier) finds his son Johnny after the climax, and Johnny announces that Howard is Turbo Man.
--> '''Ted''': Let's get outta here!!\\
'''Johnny''': Dad, you smell like barf!

--->'''Howard''': [[TranquilFury Where's your Christmas spirit?]]
--->''[The store employees smile apologetically]''
--->'''Howard''': ''[smiles]'' That's better. ''[lets them go]''

-->'''Ted''': "Merry Christmas. Langston residence!"
-->'''Howard''': "Hi, I--Ted?"
-->'''Ted''': "Howard! Hey, buddy. How's it going out there? Everything OK?"
-->'''Howard''': "Yeah, fine. Uh, I need to speak to Liz. Could you get..."
-->'''Ted''': "Mmm. Ohhh. Howard, excuse me. But your wife's cookies are out of this world."
-->'''Howard''': "Wha-- Who told you you could eat MY cookies?!"
-->'''Ted''': "I'm just helping Liz out a little in the kitchen. She's baking up a storm here."
-->'''Howard''': "Ted, I need to speak to my wife. So could you get her on the phone, please?"
-->'''Ted''': "I think she's in the shower, Howard, want me to go check?"
-->'''Howard''': ''"[[BigNO NO!]]"''
-->''(Ted is shocked)''
-->'''Howard''': "I mean, no. It's fine. On your way '''out''', just tell her I will be a few minutes late. But she shouldn't worry."
-->'''Ted''': "Oh, she won't worry. I mean, I'm here and--''(eats cookies)'' Mmm. Ohhh, these COOKIES! I gotta get the recipe from Liz."
-->'''Howard''': "POOT DAT COOKIE DAUN! ''NAO!''"

-->'''Mall Santa''': Five hundred.
-->'''Howard''': Dollars?
-->'''Mall Santa''': No, Hershey's kisses. Yes, dollars!

-->'''Howard''': "I mean, no. It's fine. On your way out, just tell her I will be a few minutes late. But she shouldn't worry."

** And after that: "HE'S GOT TWOOOOOOOOOO!!! HE'S GOT TWOOOOOOOOOO!!! GET HIM!!!"

:* Even funnier is the remix featuring that line that can be found on Website/YouTube.

->''(Ted is shocked)''

** Even funnier is the remix featuring that line that can be found on Website/YouTube.

-->'''Howard''': '''''"[[BigNO NO!]]"'''''
-->''(Ted is shocked)''

-->'''Ted''': "Oh, she won't worry. I mean, I'm here and--Mmm. Ohhh, these COOKIES! I gotta get the recipe from Liz."

-->'''Howard''': "NO!"

-->'''Howard''': "I mean, no. It's fine. On your way out, just tell her I will be a few minutes late. But she shouldn't worry.
-->'''Ted''': Oh, she won't worry. I mean, I'm here and--Mmm. Ohhh, these COOKIES! I gotta get the recipe from Liz."

* This exchange:
-->'''Ted''': Oh. Oh, excuse me. But your wife's cookies are out of this world.
-->'''Howard''': "Wha-- Who told you you could eat MY cookies?!",
-->'''Ted''' "Mmm. Ohhh, these COOKIES! I gotta get the recipe from Liz."

* "Wha-- Who told you you could eat MY cookies?!", followed by Ted's nearly orgasmic uttering of "Ohhh, these COOKIES!"
** "POOT DAT COOKIE DAUN! ''NAO!''"
*** Even funnier is the remix featuring that line that can be found on Website/YouTube.

** And after that: "HE'S GOT TWOOOOOOOOOO!!! GET HIM!!!"

'''Myron''': Man, where have you been? Don't you watch TV?! We are being set up by rich and powerful toy cartels! These fat cats use the working class, like me and you! They spend billions of dollars on TV advertisements and use subliminal messages to suck your children's minds out! And I know what I'm talkin' about, because I went to junior college, and I studied psychology for a semester, so I know what's going on! I'm right in there! And then, they make a kid feel like garbage if you, the father, who's workin' 24/7 delivering mail to make alimony payments to a woman who slept with everyone at the office but ''me''! And then the toy breaks and you can't fix it because it's little cheap plastic! You know what I'd like to do? I'd like to walk up in that office, grab one of those guys ''[grabs a random woman]'' and choke him until his eyes pop out! ''[Myron comes to his senses after crowd protests]'' ...Shouldn't wear fur.

-->'''Howard''': You picked the wrong day. ''[punches the reindeer]''
** After the reindeer groans, Howard tells him "You started it."

*** Even funnier is the remix featuring that line that can be found on YouTube.

-->'''Myron''': ''[after the explosion]'' [[AccidentalTruth That was actually a real bomb]]? This is a ''sick'' world we live in! Sick people!

'''Howard''': I know you. You're Booster!\\

--> '''Guy''': Finally! Where the hell have you been? I've been sweating like a dog in a Chinese restaurant waiting for your sorry ass to show up!\\

-->''A kid gets the last numbered ball, Howard chases him through one of those [=McDonald's=]-style jungle gyms and eventually gets mauled by mothers who pound him with their purses while he protests, unforgettably, ''"I'm not a pervert! I yust vas looking vor a [=TurboMan=] toy!"

-->'''Myron''': ''[after the explosion]'' That was actually a real bomb? This is a ''sick'' world we live in! Sick people!

* After Myron shoves him out of the way in pursuit of a customer who has the last [=TurboMan=] toy, Howard grabs the controls of a remote-controlled truck ("[[ThisIsWar This is war!]]") and drives it at Myron's feet, causing him to fall on his back. Howard then goes up to him, looks down at him, and delivers this gem:

-->'''Myron:''' Ah-ah-ah, that's "action figure"!

** And does it again [[spoiler:in TheStinger after Liz asks him if he got ''her'' a present]].

'''Howard''': Turbo Man. My son wants one too.\\

'''Myron''': Man, where have you been? Don't you watch TV?! We are being set up by rich and powerful toy cartels! These fat cats use the working class, like me and you! They spend billions of dollars on TV advertisements and use subliminal messages to suck your children's minds out! And I know what I'm talkin' about, because I went to junior college, and I studied psychology for a semester, so I know what's going on! I'm right in there! And then, they make a kid feel like garbage if you, the father, who's workin' 24/7 delivering mail to make alimony payments to a woman who slept with everyone at the office but ''me''! And then the toy breaks and you can't fix it because it's little cheap plastic! You know what I'd like to do? I'd like to walk up in that office, grab one of those guys ''(grabs a random woman)'' and choke him until his eyes pop out! ''(Myron comes to his senses after crowd protests)'' ...Shouldn't wear fur.
* When Howard asks a toy store employee if they have any more [=TurboMan=] action figures, the employee dissolves into laughter, then repeats Howard's question to a co-worker, who bursts into hysterical laughter, much to Howard's annoyance. Everyone else in the store then starts laughing at Howard and Myron.

* After Myron shoves him out of the way in pursuit of a customer who has the last [=TurboMan=] toy, Howard grabs the controls of a remote-controlled truck ("This is war!") and drives it at Myron's feet, causing him to fall on his back. Howard then goes up to him, looks down at him, and delivers this gem:
-->'''Howard''': (''with mock sympathy'') Aw, poor baby! Heh! (''heads off'')

* Howard going ape-shit on a [=TurboMan=] standee, and everyone quickly averting their eyes from the display.

* "POOT DAT COOKIE DAUN! ''NAO!''"
** Even funnier is the remix featuring that line that can be found on YouTube.

* Howard telling the mall Santa he isn't the real SantaClaus, and the mall Santa standing up to reveal he's taller than Howard.

--> '''Jamie''': Here's to you, Dad. ''(drinks from a flask, and grimaces)'' Ugh.

* The YouHaveGotToBeKiddingMe" look on Howard and Myron's faces when the radio station DJ says that the prize is a ''gift certificate'' for a [=TurboMan=] doll, not the doll itself. The sour music cue only makes it funnier.

-->'''Myron''': (''after the explosion'') That was actually a real bomb? This is a ''sick'' world we live in! Sick people!

-->'''Howard''': You picked the wrong day. (''punches the reindeer'')

* "PUT DAT COOKIE DAUN! NAO!"

* Howard tries to make amends to Jamie after he misses his karate session. First, he asks his son "Are those hands registered weapons yet?" [[DeathGlare Jamie just scowls]]. Howard then spots Jamie's karate belt and ties it around his head, then starts doing karate moves, all the while letting out yells in a high-pitched voice that is altogether different from Creator/ArnoldSchwarzenegger's normal voice. [[NoSell Jamie still isn't impressed]].
* Howard's [[OhCrap reaction]] after Liz asks him if he bought the [=TurboMan=] doll for Jamie earlier. ("The ''doll''?") He makes the look again after Liz remarks the toy will probably be sold out.
** And he does it again [[spoiler:in TheStinger after Liz asks him if he got ''her'' a present]].

* From Creator/RogerEbert's review:

** The giant Santa accidentally punching a midget Santa that's attacking Howard.

--> '''Jamie''': Here's to you, dad. ''(drinks from a flask, and grimaces)'' Ugh.
* Howard's glee when he gets inside the radio station, hoping to win the [=TurboMan=] doll for giving the correct names of Santa's reindeer. He's so excited and certain of his victory that he bangs on the window of the recording studio, then ''actually breaks through the door'' and hugs the radio show host!
* The "you've gotta be kidding me" look on Howard's and Myron's faces when the radio station DJ says that the prize is a ''gift certificate'' for a Turbo Man doll, not the doll itself. The sour music cue only makes it funnier.
* Myron holds up the radio station with a package that he purports to be a bomb...only for the police to find out that it is a ''real'' bomb.
-->'''Myron''': That was actually a real bomb? This is a sick world we live in! Sick people!
** The first time Myron tries the trick, it turns out to just be a music box that plays "Jingle Bells."

** After the reindeer groans, Howard tells him, "You started it."

* Howard, as Turbo Man, attacking Myron, who's dressed up as Turbo Man's ArchEnemy Dementor, with Turbo Discs and doing a victory dance afterward.

** Howard shutting off the rocket thrusters, only to start falling to the ground far below.