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* From "Beat the Carrott", his story of being booked at the Scunthorpe Baths after being mistaken for a rock group (since at the time, he had recorded a hit single called "Funky Moped"). And having to entertain the audience of 1,700 teenagers for 45 minutes with just his guitar. The funniest part is the end where his agent has gotten the last pound note of Carrott's £300 fee, running down the stairs, and yelling from the back of the hall "CARROTT! CARROTT!!! I'VE GOT THE BLEEDIN' MONEY!!!!!!!!!"
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Due to excessive misuse, Getting Crap Past the Radar is on-page examples only until 01 June 2021
Changed line(s) 8 (click to see context) from:
* His talking about his native [[UsefulNotes/TheMidlands Birmingham]]'s "Spaghetti Junction" (a complicated multidecker motorway) being called that because "they made a right ''[[GettingCrapPasttheRadar bolognese]]'' of it".
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* His talking about his native [[UsefulNotes/TheMidlands Birmingham]]'s "Spaghetti Junction" (a complicated multidecker motorway) being called that because "they made a right ''[[GettingCrapPasttheRadar bolognese]]'' ''bolognese'' of it".
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* After taking the stage in ''The Unrecorded Jasper Carrott'', Jasper proves that the special is airing live by producing a television tuned to Creator/{{ITV}} - which, sure enough, is [[DrosteImage showing a picture of him holding a television showing a picture of him holding a television showing etc.]] And just to show that he doesn't simply have the television tuned to a camera feed in the theatre, he switches to [[Creator/TheBBC the other side]] and deliberately "spoils" the programmes (which were indeed airing opposite him on 18 February 1979):
-->"''(switches to [=BBC1=])'' That's, er, that's [=BBC1=]. ''(laughs)'' It's a really boring film![[note]] Seemingly the 1978 MadeForTVMovie ''Perfect Gentlemen''.[[/note]] It's got Creator/LaurenBacall in it, and, er, actually, she- she isn't a housewife, she is in fact a Russian spy and she's the murderer! So if you're thinking of switching over, forget it! ''(switches to [=BBC2=])'' There's [[Creator/WilliamShakespeare Shakespeare]] on Side 2![[note]] Namely, the ''Complete Dramatic Works of William Shakespeare'' adaptation of ''Theatre/MeasureForMeasure'' starring Kenneth Colley as Duke Vincentio.[[/note]] He's dead, you know, Shakespeare! I didn't even know he'd been ill! On ITV, we've got- ''(switches over to... static; laughs)'' Interference! Oh, you didn't like the Katie Boyle joke- hang on a moment- ''(picture comes back)'' There we go!"
-->"''(switches to [=BBC1=])'' That's, er, that's [=BBC1=]. ''(laughs)'' It's a really boring film![[note]] Seemingly the 1978 MadeForTVMovie ''Perfect Gentlemen''.[[/note]] It's got Creator/LaurenBacall in it, and, er, actually, she- she isn't a housewife, she is in fact a Russian spy and she's the murderer! So if you're thinking of switching over, forget it! ''(switches to [=BBC2=])'' There's [[Creator/WilliamShakespeare Shakespeare]] on Side 2![[note]] Namely, the ''Complete Dramatic Works of William Shakespeare'' adaptation of ''Theatre/MeasureForMeasure'' starring Kenneth Colley as Duke Vincentio.[[/note]] He's dead, you know, Shakespeare! I didn't even know he'd been ill! On ITV, we've got- ''(switches over to... static; laughs)'' Interference! Oh, you didn't like the Katie Boyle joke- hang on a moment- ''(picture comes back)'' There we go!"
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* In ''Beat the Carrott'', Jasper describes his job as a lorry driver for George Mason's, a supermarket in the posh Birmingham suburb of Solihull. After setting the stage with stories about invariably having his right leg shagged by every male dog on his grocery delivery route, then picking up posh girls in dance clubs just to see their faces when they saw they'd be going home in a giant lorry, he joins the two together with a story of a girl who was actually ''delighted'' to ride in his lorry and invited him to meet her family - including her Afghan hound, Sebastian.
-->"I had no chance! 'WAAAAAAGGGHHH!' ''(shakes his right leg furiously and begins kicking)'' 'GET HIM OFF MEEEE!!' They were beating him with bricks and sticks! ''(mimes doing so, then goes back to shaking his leg)'' 'HELP MEEEEE!' ''(posh voice)'' 'Kick his balls!' ''(looks confused, then mimes trying to deliver a GroinAttack to the dog shagging his leg) (posh voice)'' 'The ones on the LAWN!' ''(looks embarrassed)'' Anyone can make a mistake! There were tears in my eyes, let alone his!"
-->"I had no chance! 'WAAAAAAGGGHHH!' ''(shakes his right leg furiously and begins kicking)'' 'GET HIM OFF MEEEE!!' They were beating him with bricks and sticks! ''(mimes doing so, then goes back to shaking his leg)'' 'HELP MEEEEE!' ''(posh voice)'' 'Kick his balls!' ''(looks confused, then mimes trying to deliver a GroinAttack to the dog shagging his leg) (posh voice)'' 'The ones on the LAWN!' ''(looks embarrassed)'' Anyone can make a mistake! There were tears in my eyes, let alone his!"
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* This line from ''Commercial Breakdown 2'':
--> "I was talking earlier about the subtle but essentially destablizing effects of advertising on our culture and on the deleterious effect it has on the fabric on comtemptious society. You know, [[ItMakesSenseInContext just before the farting elephant.]]"
--> "I was talking earlier about the subtle but essentially destablizing effects of advertising on our culture and on the deleterious effect it has on the fabric on comtemptious society. You know, [[ItMakesSenseInContext just before the farting elephant.]]"
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* While talking about the content of different women's magazines:
-->"Articles in ''Women's Own'' are always about either royals, needlework or cooking. The ideal ''Women's Own'' article would be "''How To Macrame Prince Charles Out Of Pot Noodles''"!
-->"Articles in ''Women's Own'' are always about either royals, needlework or cooking. The ideal ''Women's Own'' article would be "''How To Macrame Prince Charles Out Of Pot Noodles''"!
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* The ''entirety'' of the ''Back to the Front'' show about his 25th wedding anniversary trip to UsefulNotes/{{Thailand}} and UsefulNotes/{{Bali}}.
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* The ''entirety'' of the ''Back to the Front'' show about his 25th wedding anniversary trip to UsefulNotes/{{Thailand}} and UsefulNotes/{{Bali}}.Bali.
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* The ''entirety'' of the ''WesternAnimation/TheMagicRoundabout'' sketch.
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* The ''entirety'' of the ''WesternAnimation/TheMagicRoundabout'' sketch.
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* The ''entirety'' of the ''Back to the Front'' show about his 25th wedding anniversary trip to Thailand and Bali.
* The ''entirety'' of the ''MagicRoundabout'' sketch.
* The ''entirety'' of the ''MagicRoundabout'' sketch.
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* The ''entirety'' of the ''Back to the Front'' show about his 25th wedding anniversary trip to Thailand UsefulNotes/{{Thailand}} and Bali.
UsefulNotes/{{Bali}}.
* The ''entirety'' of the''MagicRoundabout'' ''WesternAnimation/TheMagicRoundabout'' sketch.
* The ''entirety'' of the
Changed line(s) 8 (click to see context) from:
* His talking about his native [[TheMidlands Birmingham]]'s "Spaghetti Junction" (a complicated multidecker motorway) being called that because "they made a right ''[[GettingCrapPasttheRadar bolognese]]'' of it".
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* His talking about his native [[TheMidlands [[UsefulNotes/TheMidlands Birmingham]]'s "Spaghetti Junction" (a complicated multidecker motorway) being called that because "they made a right ''[[GettingCrapPasttheRadar bolognese]]'' of it".
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* His whole routine about the British government turning the Sellafield Nuclear Power Station into a tourist attraction.
* His talking about his native [[TheMidlands Birmingham]]'s "Spaghetti Junction" (a complicated multidecker motorway) being called that because "they made a right ''[[GettingCrapPasttheRadar bolognese]]'' of it".
* His talking about his native [[TheMidlands Birmingham]]'s "Spaghetti Junction" (a complicated multidecker motorway) being called that because "they made a right ''[[GettingCrapPasttheRadar bolognese]]'' of it".
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--> "The block was all over the road! I had to serve a number of times before I hit him."
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--> "The block bloke was all over the road! I had to serve swerve a number of times before I hit him."
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--> "The block was all over the road! I had to serve a number of times before I hit him."
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* The ''entirety'' of the ''Back to the Front'' show about his 25th wedding anniversary trip to Thailand and Bali.
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* The ''entirety'' of the ''Back to the Front'' show about his 25th wedding anniversary trip to Thailand and Bali.Bali.
* The ''entirety'' of the ''MagicRoundabout'' sketch.
* His mother-in-law's driving.
--> "She's never been in an accident... seen loads though."
* [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ppQJcj6iUKc Insurance]] [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fJtnXMyfmzI Claims]].
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* The ''entirety'' of the ''MagicRoundabout'' sketch.
* His mother-in-law's driving.
--> "She's never been in an accident... seen loads though."
* [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ppQJcj6iUKc Insurance]] [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fJtnXMyfmzI Claims]].
----
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* The ''entirety'' of the ''Back to the Front'' show about his 25th wedding anniversary trip to Thailand and Bali.
