History Funny / IfTheEmperorHadATextToSpeechDeviceMainEpisodes

** [[AssShove "Imperial]] [[IncrediblyLamePun Fisting"]]...

-->'''Emperor:''' [[AC:By combining Webway technology and the power of the Realm of Souls they created a new type of material to combat the living metal of the Necrons called Wraithbone. The Wraith constructs were sent in to battle alongside the Krorks, to fight back the Necrons. Turns out that while the C'tan were immune to psychic powers, it seems as they couldn't handle being [[IncrediblyLamePun Wraithboned]].]] ''*rimshot*''

* When the ear-rape ends, the Star-Child proceeds to state [[IncrediblyLamePun it is quite the]] EarWorm.

'''Rogal:''' Hah. [[ActuallyPrettyFunny That is funny.]] [[StealthPun Magnus has the properties of a cock.]]\\

'''Magnus:''' Hah. (''giggling'') Perturabo digs holes. I can't--! Shit! [[{{Corpsing}} [Genuine Laughter]]]

-->'''Kitten:''' This is slightly uncomfortable.

-->'''Deranged Custodes:''' PLEASE SEND US TO FHACKING MARS ALREADAY!!! I WANT TO CRAWL ON THE DUNES WITH MY FINGERED NAILS!!!!!!!''\\

* The Emperor tries to explain Karamazov's situation to the Fabstodies. The key-word being "tries."

'''The Emperor:''' [[AC:Do you know what? Your lube-addled brain could never grasp my explanation as anything more than a bawdy double entendre. So there is barely a point in trying to describe to you my newfangled bond with Fyodor's body.]] '''Whammudes:''' (Lip smack) [[IResembleThatRemark You are entirely correct in that assessment.]]

'''The Emperor:''' [[AC:I summon PROHIBITION HAMMER.]] (''telekinetically lifts a thunder hammer, which has the words "Restraining Order" engraved on it.'')\\

'''The Emperor:''' [[AC:Son.]] '''Rogal Dorn:''' Brother!\\

'''The Emperor:''' [[AC:Curtailment.]] (''telekinetically smashes Custodisi with the giant hammer again'') [[AC:Proceed.]] '''Magnus:''' (''staring at Custodisi on the floor'') ...okay.

'''Magnus:''' And I bring news of both stellar and substandard nature-- (''notices he's holding a bucket of fried chicken'') [-Wait, what, where the fuck did--??-]

-->'''The Emperor:''' [[AC:Holy shit. Where did this [[BreakThemByTalking word-shivved pile of corpses]] come from? I suspect ''fowl play''.]] (''psychically slapping his knee as a rooster crows'') [[AC:Hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey!]] '''Magnus:''' ''[[LamePunReaction I fucking knew]]'' [[LamePunReaction this would happen...]]\\

'''The Emperor:''' [[AC:Wow. Baby's first metaphor.]] '''Rogal:''' [[LiteralMinded I am not an infant]]. I am ''many'' years old.

-->'''The Emperor:''' [[AC:Did not mean to ruffle your feathers.]] '''Magnus:''' You are inssssssssufferably cocky.\\
'''The Emperor:''' [[AC:So are you.]] (''beat'') [[AC:But literally.]] (''rooster crows, knee slapping resumes'') [[AC:Hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey!]] '''Rogal:''' Hah. [[ActuallyPrettyFunny That is funny.]] [[StealthPun Magnus has the properties of a cock.]]\\

'''The Emperor:''' [[AC:Tell us of the plans you have [[{{Pun}} hatched]].]] '''Magnus:''' '''''[[{{Angrish}} hHUURGH]]'''''-- ''[[SuppressedRage OKAY.]]''

-->'''The Emperor:''' [[AC:Strange name for an Ork. Usually when Orks actually have names, the names are only there to highlight their identity as the utter apex of their rickety garbage fraternity. Like, for instance, "[[BigGood Big Boss]] [[ChromaticSuperiority Goldload]] [[OrcusOnHisThrone Chairsitta."]]]] '''Whammudes:''' Or "Warboss Thighmasta."\\

'''Karstodes:''' [[NotMakingThisUpDisclaimer No, I swear, that one is completely real,]] I was reading a book called ''Deathworld'' about the Catachan Jungle Fighters - check page 19 of that book, it is ''right'' there, I ''promise!''\\
'''The Emperor:''' [[AC:You cannot read. You keep forgetting this.]] '''Karstodes:''' My glorious overlord, I am determined to learn!

-->'''The Emperor:''' [[AC:Preserving a world of charred corpses entirely out of guilt is a very Vulkan thing to do.]]

'''The Emperor:''' [[AC:With chicken wings.]] \\ '''Magnus:''' And I bring news of both stellar and substandard nature-- (''notices he's holding a bucket of fried chicken'') [-Wait, what, where the fuck did--??-]

'''The Emperor:''' [[AC:With chicken wings.]]
'''Magnus:''' And I bring news of both stellar and substandard nature-- (''notices he's holding a bucket of fried chicken'') [-Wait, what, where the fuck did--??-]

'''The Emperor:''' [[AC:With chicken wings.]] '''Magnus:''' And I bring news of both stellar and substandard nature-- (''notices he's holding a bucket of fried chicken'') [-Wait, what, where the fuck did--??-]

* The revelation that the gas entity (a C'tan) eating the Necrontyr homeworld's sun was alive is punctuated by the cloud manifesting a googly-eyed [[CatSmile UwU face]] with an adorable [[WesternAnimation/MyLittlePonyFriendshipIsMagic 'squee']]. It gets even funnier when you realize that the [=UwU=] C'tan is ''[[TheDreaded the Nightbringer.]]''

'''The Emperor:''' [[AC:You must.]] '''Magnus:''' You ''must!''\\