History Funny / GrandTheftAutoIV

'''Derrick''': Now you said bloody "Ireland", that's gonna narrow the search, ain't it?

"I just ''stole'' this fucking ride!"
** Sometimes players will make taunt when picking weapons.

* Many bugs and glitches found in Story Mode are also ''carried over'' to Multiplayer and players can ''actually use it'' such as the aforementioned "Swing Glitch". Made even better in fact players are no longer prone to involuntary ejection when crashed with exemption of using bikes.

* The cutscene after the very first level. While a lot of it is funny, CMOF has to go to when Niko starts giving an introspective, very serious narration on his time in the Serbian Army, which sounds like it could have come right out of the mouth of [[Franchise/MetalGear Solid Snake]]. Roman's response? He falls asleep.

-->'''Niko:''' ...Roman? (Notices Roman sleeping, and [[JumpScare slams the table to wake him up]]) '''ROMAN!''' Are you sleeping you ''FAT FUCK!?''

---> '''Dimitri''': '''[[TriggerHappy STOP SHOOTING PEOPLE, YOU MANIAC!]]'''\\
'''Mikhail''': MY WIFE DOESN'T LIKE WHEN PEOPLE SHOUT!\\

** During the heist, their plan of robbing the bank goes smoothly, until Derrick and Packie once again got into an argument that, not only exposing the identity of everyone except Niko, but also getting St.Michael killed in the process.

* The cutscene after the very first level. While a lot of it is funny, CMOF has to go to when Niko starts giving an introspective, very serious narration on his time in Serbian Army, which sounds like it could have come right out of the mouth of [[Franchise/MetalGear Solid Snake]]. Roman's response? He falls asleep.
-->'''Niko:''' ...Roman? (Notices Roman sleeping, and [[JumpScare slams the table to wake him up]]) '''ROMAN!''' Are you sleeping you FAT FUCK!?

* You may come across a website for child beauty pageants called "Little Lacy Pageant Surprise." Click on the link and you'll be greeted by the LCPD logo and a message saying that your IP account has been tracked. [[PaedoHunt You now have a five star wanted level.]]
* Morningwood Health Spa has several special forms of massage therapy, including one that involves getting assaulted by a Scottish football hooligan while he screams incomprehensible slurs, and the more traditional heated stone therapy - stones that they'll brain you with if you don't give the masseur a proper tip.

* In the cutscene for the mission "Crime and Punishment", Mikhail's reaction to Andrei's...[[ColdBloodedTorture enhanced interrogation techniques]] is priceless.

* Mikhail learning that about either the Feds or the police caught on to his pot dealing operations. His delusional paranoia leads to this gem of a moment:

'''Dimitri''': That's.. Lenny! He's my cousin's boyfriend. It's not him. Yes, he's a moron, yes, but he's okay.\\

** Dimitri spends the end of the cutscene trying (and failing) to convince Mikhail to call off the assassination while Niko leaves to ''carry out'' the assassination. As he's driving over to the destination, Niko even calls Mikhail to see if he's changed his mind (he hasn't) and they're ''still'' arguing.

* "Three Leaf Clover" had the [=McReary=] family bickering to each other throughout the mission. As they went to the bank, Derrick and Packie got into an argument on whether their bomb should be called [=PE4=] or C4, while making fun of St.Michael at his expense. During the heist, their plan of robbing the bank goes smoothly, until Derrick and Packie once again got into an argument that, not only exposing the identity of everyone except Niko, but also getting St.Michael killed in the process.

'''Packie''': Why're you tellin' them we're brothers, you idiots? That's going to make them hard to find us, isn't it?\\
'''Derrick''': I am trying to be honest with these people. We put them through a lot today.\\
'''Packie''': Fuck these people, fuck your cause, that shit's over. Ireland is not the only thing that's green, dollars are too.\\

* The intro scene, of all things, starts with Niko trying pick up a guy named Dave from his room. Dave happens to be in the middle of a BDSM whipping session with a Thai dominatrix. Behold, the ''very first'' line in the entire game:

* "Three Leaf Clover" had the McReary Family bickering to each other throughout the mission. As they went to the bank, Derrick and Packie got into an argument on whether their bomb should be called PE4 or C4, while making fun of St.Michael at his expense. During the heist, their plan of robbing the bank goes smoothly, until Derrick and Packie once again got into an argument that, not only exposing the identity of everyone except Niko, but also getting St.Michael killed in the process.

* The mission ''Final Interview''. As noted in the Tearjerker section, some players may feel guilty about killing a man who by all accounts seems genuinely decent. With that said, Tom Goldberg's ''staggering'' inability to read a situation until Niko has '''literally''' ''pointed'' a gun at him earns its spot on this page.

** Before that, Niko asks why they can't just [[JackBauerInterrogationTechnique take the mook, and start slicing off his fingers until he tells where]] Pegorino is. Little Jacob says the mook would just pass out from the pain and blood loss, causing Niko to stick to the plan of following him, [[KickTheSonOfABitch and THEN cut his fingers off]]. [[OnlySaneMan Cue Roman freaking out over Niko driving into oncoming traffic and dodging gunfire, all while he and Jacob casually chat about "the finer points of torture"]] (and Niko telling him to stuff it because HE insisted on coming, with Roman agreeing so long as Niko didn't smash them into an oncoming truck, because "[[CaptainObvious Dead men can't get revenge!]]")

* Morningwood Health Spa has several special forms of massage therapy, including one that involves getting assaulted by a Scottish FootballHooligan while he screams incomprehensible slurs, and the more traditional heated stone therapy - stones that they'll brain you with if you don't give the masseur a proper tip.

"My ride! Man I'll snap your back in half!"\\

* This gem from ''Republican Space Rangers.''

-->'''Derrick''': Now listen people, we are your friends. Me and me brother here, we...
'''Packie''': Why're you tellin' them we're brothers, you idiots? That's going to make them hard to find us, isn't it?
'''Derrick''': I am trying to be honest with these people. We put them through a lot today.
'''Packie''': Fuck these people, fuck your cause, that shit's over. Ireland is not the only thing that's green, dollars are too.

* [[RunningGag Any time Niko get a call from one of his friends in the middle of of a mission.]] He's sure to casually respond in either the most vague or matter of fact way about what he's doing at the moment.

** During the mission, if you're near the target while Roman calls you, the target becomes alerted, causing Niko to start swearing for him to call at the wrong time.

* In the mission "Trespass", Niko has to whack [[TheMafia an Ancelotti Capo]], [[FatBastard "Chubby Charlie"]], and eventually chases him to the roof of the [[AbandonedWarehouse Abandoned Factory]], where Charlie hops onto a helicopter bound for [[TheMafia "The Commission"]]. Now, logic dictates you should [[WhyDontYouJustShootHim shoot Charlie]], [[KillEmAll but you have to take the helicopter down]] [[CrazyPrepared since Charlie told the pilot to deliver his message for him on the chance he gets whacked]]. BUT, [[DevelopersForesight if you shoot the helicopter down BEFORE shooting Charlie]], you get treated to [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?t=939&v=JMXoduYdZCc&feature=youtu.be a nice cutscene]] where the helicopter crashes through the skylight of the factory, and hear Charlie's last words; either [[ScreamsLikeALittleGirl screaming for his life as he goes down in flames]], or... [[PrecisionFStrike something more profane]].

* The multiplayer killfeed differs from standard killfeeds from other games, which replaced with exagerrated messages how they were killed: from getting ''battered'', ''2nd ammendment'', ''smged'', ''double barreled'', to ''surprised'', ''barbecued'', ''gouranga'd'', ''fucked up''.

'''Roman:''' ''YOU ALWAYS WERE '''CRAZY!!!'''''\\

'''Brucie:''' ''Youuuuuu... '''EUROPEAN PRICK!!!'''''\\

* In typical Grand Theft Auto fashion, the radio is littered with hilarious spoof advertisements and talk shows.

--> YHHHHEEEELLLLOOOWWWW CHHHHAAAAAAARRRR!
--> [[{{Angrish}} AAAAGGGHHHH!]]

--> '''Hooker''': You want some company, honey?
--> '''Niko''': Sure, I don't hate myself enough.

--> '''Niko''': That was great. You should do that for a living.

--->'''Roman:''' What next, ''[[SarcasmMode genius]]?''\\

--->'''Brucie:''' Nicky, you're a tool, man.\\

--->'''Pegorino:''' We're upside-down, you ''dickhead!''\\

-->'''Roman:''' ''YOU PSYCHOTIC LUNATIC!!!''
-->'''Roman:''' ''YOU ALWAYS WERE '''CRAZY!!!'''''
-->'''Roman:''' ''WHAT THE [[PrecisionFStrike FUCK]] IS WRONG WITH YOU?!?!''
-->'''Roman:''' '''''SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIT!!!!!'''''
-->'''Brucie:''' ''I don't like this!!''
-->'''Brucie:''' ''Youuuuuu... '''EUROPEAN PRICK!!!'''''
-->'''Brucie:''' Man, this is ''freakin' me the FUCK OUT!!''
-->'''Pegorino:''' ''YOU FUCKIN' MANIAC!!!''
-->'''Pegorino:''' '''''CHRIIIIIST!!!'''''

-->'''Roman:''' "...''[[SarcasmMode Oooooh, Mystery Man! Strange and exotic sailor!]]'' What happened, did you Captain make you pregnant?"
-->'''Niko:''' "Screw you!"

--->'''Roman:''' In my homeland we have a saying...\\

--->'''Roman:''' What have you done...?\\

-->'''Roman:''' [[NowYouTellMe Why are you telling me this now?]] Do you always get sentimental after you kill people?!
-->'''Niko:''' [[NoSocialSkills You kept asking...]]

--> '''Niko''': ''(Deadpan and obviously trying not to laugh)'' 'Oh no, I shit my pants.'
--> '''Andrei''': That's not good enough. I'm going to saw off your fucking arm. Speak!
--> '''Niko''': Okay, okay... Your dad likes it up the ass...

--> '''Mikhail''': [[AffablyEvil So... Niko Bellic]]. You think it's okay to kill my employees?
--> '''Niko''': [[AssholeVictim If he is an asshole]], [[IRegretNothing yes.]]
--> '''Mikhail''': ([[BadBoss Suddenly shoots Andrei in the face]].) ''[[ComedicSociopathy I agree.]]''
--> '''Dimitri''': MIKHAIL!
--> '''Mikhail''': Asshole look at me like I am piece of shit!
--> '''Dimitri''': ''[[YouHaveGotToBeKiddingMe Bozhe moy]]'' [[note]] Oh my god[[/note]]

--> '''Dimitri''': '''[[TriggerHappy STOP SHOOTING PEOPLE, YOU MANIAC!]]'''\\

--> '''Dimitri''': I want to buy you a present.
--> '''Niko''': [[DeadpanSnarker Will you wrap it up and put a pretty bow on it?]]
--> '''Dimitri''': Screw you.

-->'''Mikhail:''' who is the rat?\\

-->'''Mikhail:''' Shut up Dimitri! For the last time!

* Even after Dimitiri betrays Niko, Niko's casual response to Ray is pretty funny.
--> '''Ray Bulgarin''': Where is our money?
--> '''Niko''': I don't know. I didn't rob you.

--> '''Elizabeta''': ''I am NOT in the MOOD for this right now!''
--> '''Niko''': ...Well, he did say he was going to bust a dealer.

-->'''Niko:''' Brucie, are your balls OK? You sounded real mad.

-->'''Niko:''' Guess [[BondOneLiner I didn't]] [[BlackComedy get that job]]!

-->'''Niko''': Scratch my [[PrecisionFStrike fuckin']] balls!

-->'''Niko''': "Packie, my man. How are you and Gracie getting on?"
-->'''Packie''': "Like a house on fire, ain't that right, Gracie?"
-->'''Gracie''': (muffled through her gag) "You fucking bastards!"
-->'''Packie''': "See, she was just telling me how much she loved me. What do ya think of Niko, Gracie?"
-->'''Gracie''': "I fucking hate the both of you!"
-->'''Packie''': "Gracie, watch your mouth. Niko is a good friend of mine. Don't say that about him."
-->'''Gracie''': "Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you!"
-->'''Packie''': "Gracie, you're sweet. I know I'm too good for him, but sometimes a guy has got to hang out with lowlifes like Niko here. He's got his uses."
-->'''Gracie''': "I'll give you some fucking uses!"
-->'''Packie''': "That's right, he is ''definitely'' a bad influence on me."
-->'''Gracie''': "Motherfucker!"

-->'''Niko''': "Gracie, it's been too long. We should hang out more often."
-->'''Gracie''': "I'd rather see you hanging from a fucking tree!"
-->'''Packie''': "Hands off my woman, Bellic. [[BlatantLies Gracie and me is in love]]. Gonna get hitched. White picket fence and all that shit."
-->'''Niko''': "Packie, this is great. [[DeadpanSnarker You've finally found a woman who will sit down and listen to your shit]]. Maybe you should bind and gag all the girls you meet?"
-->'''Packie''': "That might be okay where you're from, Niko. But this is an enlightened society we live in. [[EagleLand U S of fucking A]]."
-->'''Niko''': "Real enlightened, real civilized. That's the impression I've got so far. An example to the rest of the world."
-->'''Packie''': "You know you love it, Niko. Doesn't he Gracie?"
-->'''Gracie''': "Motherfuckers!"
-->'''Niko''': "Maybe Gracie ain't so different. You normally just shove so much coke up a girl's nose that she may as well be tied up."
-->'''Packie''': "You're in a mood, ain't ya Niko? Is it finally beginning to sink in that [[MySisterIsOffLimits my sister's chastity belt don't come off]]?"
-->'''Niko''': "Fuck you!"
-->'''Packie''': "Fuck you!"
-->'''Gracie''': "Fuck the both of you!"

-->'''Packie:''' There's got to be a pizza parlor on this island coz I ain't never seen so many Italians!

-->'''Playboy X:''' Son ain't too diesel or nuthin', but he a regular lookin dude, knowwhatimean? And he don't flash his guac too much, but you can see it in his eye, he a hustler.
-->'''Niko:''' Eh?
-->'''PBX:''' Homie ain't too brollic, but he ain't scrawny neither, and he beats down on him a little you dig? I mean, he ain't too bummy, but he grimy, too.
-->'''Niko:''' ...so he's the average one?
-->'''PBX:''' Look, he brown skinned B, motherfucker be rockin' baggy clothes, all that, jewels and he stay fresh with the clean sneakers, knowwhatimean? But sometimes a bandanna.
-->'''Niko:''': Look. I need more than that to go on.
-->'''PBX:''': ''Jesus''. Here, take this [camera phone], head down there, take a photo, send it to me, and I'll point out which one of them motherfuckers it is.

--> '''Niko:''' We shot down that chopper for you.
--> '''U.L. Paper contact:''' You think I don't know that? You think I've been sitting around scratching my balls with head up my ass?
--> '''Niko:''' I'd be impressed if you had been.

-->"My ''fucking'' leg!"
-->"No! No! No!"
-->"Fuck yourself with the machete!"
-->"Easy there officer, I've been a good goy."
-->"Fuck! My wheels are potato chip now!"
-->"Nobody fucks with my bike!"
-->"I did it again!"
-->"Whiplash!"
-->"My cigarette!"
-->"My ride! Man I'll snap your back in half!"
-->"I hope your pocket's deep son!"
-->"That's an automatic beat down!"
-->"I just ''stole'' this fucking ride!"

** Taken UpToEleven in [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cONyVSzZ6aQ "Everybody Loves Mohammed" from GTA Series Videos]], which elevates Mo's [[DrivesLikeCrazy questionable vehicular skills]] to mythical proportions - somehow, he manages to get the car on top of Rotterdam Tower.

** Then, after a {{Beat}}, '''[[UpToEleven three whole floors of the building]] ''[[StuffBlowingUp explode!!]]'''''

'''Roman:''' ''[[SarcasmMode Brilliant]]!''\\

'''Brucie:''' Nicky, we're fucking upside-down! We look like ''gimps!''\\