History Funny / GrandTheftAuto

* Creator/AchievementHunter has [[Funny/AchievementHunterGrandTheftAutoSeries a whole series of funny Let's Plays]].

!GTA, London, [=GTA2=]

!Grand Theft Auto III

!Vice City
* ''Grand Theft Auto: Vice City'', during the "Publicity Tour" mission, the dialogue between the members of Love Fist throughout the mission is priceless.
* ''Grand Theft Auto: Vice City''. Vercetti comments that the stolen cop uniform is snug in the crotch. Vance pathetically says his stolen uniform is the same. And then five minutes later, undercover at a crime scene, Vance tries to blend in by commenting upon a cop's shiny badge.

!San Andreas

!Liberty City Stories

!Vice City Stories

!Grand Theft Auto IV
[[Funny/GrandTheftAutoIV Got its own page, too.]] Just go there for [=GTA IV=] laughs.

!Episodes from Liberty City ([[Funny/GrandTheftAutoIVTheLostAndDamned TLaD]]/[[Funny/GrandTheftAutoIVTheBalladOfGayTony TBoGT]])

!Grand Theft Auto V

[[Funny/GrandTheftAutoV It was not even out, and it already had its own page.]] We expected an ArchivePanic to happen ''after'' the game released/

[[Funny/GrandTheftAutoV It was not even out, and it's already got its own page.]] Expect an ArchivePanic ''after'' the game gets released.

[[Funny/GrandTheftAutoV It was not even out, and it's already got it's own page.]] Expect an ArchivePanic ''after'' the game gets released.

!Episodes from Liberty City (L&tD/[=BoGT=])

[[Funny/GrandTheftAutoV It's not even out, and it's already got it's own page.]] Expect an ArchivePanic ''after'' the game gets released.

* The radio stations also contain some gems. One from ''Grand Theft Auto: Vice City'':
-->"They kidnapped your wife!"
-->"But I'm not married!"
-->"You are now! '''TO AMERICA!'''"
* The talk radio stations can be absolutely hilarious. This quote is from an interview segment with a cop in ''San Andreas:'' "Yeah I work undercover in a crackhouse. It's great, I get to smoke crack everyday! I even brought my wife undercover and made her a crackwhore! Say hi to the newsman, bitch!"
* In GTA 3, the [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K0mH0YomgAY Citizens Raging Against Phones]] group on Chatterbox is hilarious.
-->'''Protestor:''' Liberty City was great, before phones ruined everything.
-->'''Lazlo:''' Liberty City was a church, a cow pasture, and three houses when the phone was invented.
-->'''Protestor:''' LIAR!
-->'''Lazlo:''' You're the liar!
-->'''Protestor:''' Liar, liar, pants on fire!
-->'''Lazlo:''' What are you? Are you three years old?
-->'''Protestor:''' Lazlo's a liar, Lazlo's a liar! I bet that isn't even your real name!\\
'''Lazlo:''' Shut up!\\
'''Protestor:''' You shut up!\\
'''Lazlo:''' Stupid!\\
'''Protestor:''' Nanny-nanny-boo-boo, stick your head in doo-doo!\\
'''Lazlo:''' Ugh, we're going to commercial.

* Pretty much ''any'' time you turn on the TV in ''VideoGame/GrandTheftAuto 4''.
** [[RefugeInAudacity The Republican Space Rangers,]] [[CrossesTheLineTwice just dear god, the Republican Space Rangers.]] The following quote pretty much sums the whole [[ShowWithinAShow show]] up:
--> Alien: "Oh my god... [[PunctuatedForEmphasis You're. A.]] [[PrecisionFStrike FUCKING.]] [[PunctuatedForEmphasis Moron.]]"

* Maurice Chavez's "Pressing Issues" radio show in ''Vice City'' is probably the best thing in the game. Particularly when Pastor Richards shoots a nudist:
-->'''Maurice:''' ''Dios mio'', he shot him! T-There's blood and pubic hair all over the studio! I am sorry, this is "Pressing Issues" with your award-winning and soon-to-be-executed host Maurice Chavez...
* This snippet from Just or Unjust on GTAIV's WKTT
--> '''Announcer:''' Welcome back to Just or Unjust with the Case of the Stolen Truck and the Underage Fuck!

* Pretty much ''any'' time you turn on the TV in ''GrandTheftAuto 4''.

--> Alien: "Oh my god... You're. A. [[PrecisionFStrike FUCKING.]] Moron."

* ''GrandTheftAuto's'' talk radio stations can be absolutely hilarious. This quote is from an interview segment with a cop in ''San Andreas:'' "Yeah I work undercover in a crackhouse. It's great, I get to smoke crack everyday! I even brought my wife undercover and made her a crackwhore! Say hi to the newsman, bitch!"

!Episodes from Liberty City (L&tD/BoGT)

!GTA, London, GTA2

* In [[GrandTheftAuto GTA IV]], drug dealer Playboy X needs the main character Niko to kill someone who has been talking trash behind his back. His description is... unhelpful
-->'''Playboy X:''' Son ain't too diesel or nuthin', but he a regular lookin dude, knowwhatimean? And he don't flash his guac too much, but you can see it in his eye, he a hustler.
-->'''Niko:''' Eh?
-->'''PBX:''' Homie ain't too brollic, but he ain't scrawny neither, and he beats down on him a little you dig? I mean, he ain't too bummy, but he grimy, too.
-->'''Niko:''' ...so he"s the average one?
-->'''PBX:''' Look, he brown skinned B, motherfucker be rockin' baggy clothes, all that, jewels and he stay fresh with the clean sneakers, knowwhatimean? But sometimes a bandanna.
-->'''Niko:''': Look. I need more than that to go on.
-->'''PBX:''': Jesus. Here, take this [camera phone], head down there, take a photo, send it to me, and I'll point out which one of them motherfuckers it is.

* And, for in-game laughs, anytime the Grove Street OG get in a car in ''Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas.'' For example, in Drive-Thru, Big Smoke managing to eat the entire gang's takeaway meal while the others are having a shootout with another gang's car.
-->'''Ryder:''' Smoke, when are you gonna stop eatin' and start blastin'!?
-->'''Big Smoke:''' I'll shoot 'em when I'm done eatin', I'm tryin' to enjoy my meal!
-->'''Sweet:''' And those Balla fools are tryin' to enjoy our death!
-->''[Sweet's car slams deftly into the Balla gangcar]''
-->'''Big Smoke:''' My special!
-->'''Ryder:''' Oh shit, you got ketchup all over the seat!
-->'''Big Smoke:''' The business at hand, motherfucker, the business at hand!
-->'''Ryder:''' But these was clean pants!
** OG Loc has got to be the funniest character in the game. Not only does he break out into really lame raps all the time, but what really makes him funny is that we all know someone like him!
** Later on in the game, in a cut-scene - Carl has just been asked to call 555-WETIP and give a tip-off.
--->'''CJ:''' Hey, motherfucker, the code of the street is that I don't snitch. I don't give a fuck if it kills you, me, my brother - street cats don't call no cops.
--->'''Officer Tenpenny:''' Carl, he's a D.A.!
--->'''CJ:''' ...oh yeah? Well, where I go find him?
* Do cheats count? One cheat for the ''San Andreas'' has cars float away straight up when hit. Or at an angle if hit an angle. Playing handball with a station wagon on the streets of San Fierro and then waving bye-bye as the screaming passengers ascend towards the moon? Utterly magnificent. And here Hillary Clinton was complaining about a hacked mod sex when an easily entered code sends cars full of people asphixiate miles above the earth.
* Any time CJ and Woozie are interacting is bound to be hilarious.
--> '''CJ''' ''[shortly after discovering that Woozie is blind]'': Uh... Woozie... You do know I'm ''black'', right?
--> '''Woozie:''' I'm blind, Carl, not stupid.
* Or this one:
-->'''Truth:''' Hey, you want a hit on this? A little Temple Charas in a cocktail with some Nepalese munga munga!
-->'''CJ:''' Put that thing out, man! I can't see.
-->'''Truth:''' Hey.... mellow out, brother, it's good shit.
-->'''CJ:''' Put it out, motherfucker, I'm warning you!
-->'''Truth:''' Woah! Chill the fuck out! Firstly, you are a real buzz killer, amigo.... and secondly, I never made love to my mother. She wouldn't.

* In San Andreas, wait for a traffic jam on the highway (or just make one), then blow up a car toward the middle. All the cars around it will explode... and all the ones near those... and all the ones near those... And so on.
* The low flying two-people planes sometimes glitch and crash. This was kept in on purpose by the programmers because it was awesome.
* James Woods as Toreno, the manical government agent in ''San Andreas''.

* The earlier installments seem to have a CrossesTheLineTwice feel overall, but what's especially amusing in them is [[PoliceAreUseless how much you can get away with]] and [[WhatAnIdiot the sheer stupidity of many]] {{NPC}}s.

** [[RefugeInAudacity The Republican Space Rangers,]] [[CrossesTheLineTwice just dear god, the Republican Space Rangers.]]

** [[RefugeInAudacity The republican space rangers,]] [[CrossesTheLineTwice just dear god, the republican space rangers.]]

* Pretty much ''any'' time you turn on the TV in ''GrandTheftAuto 4''.
* The radio stations also contain some gems. One from ''Grand Theft Auto: Vice City'':
-->"They kidnapped your wife!"
-->"But I'm not married!"
-->"You are now! '''TO AMERICA!'''"
* ''GrandTheftAuto's'' talk radio stations can be absolutely hilarious. This quote is from an interview segment with a cop in ''San Andreas:'' "Yeah I work undercover in a crackhouse. It's great, I get to smoke crack everyday! I even brought my wife undercover and made her a crackwhore! Say hi to the newsman, bitch!"
* In GTA 3, the [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K0mH0YomgAY Citizens Raging Against Phones]] group on Chatterbox is hilarious.
-->'''Protestor:''' Liberty City was great, before phones ruined everything.
-->'''Lazlo:''' Liberty City was a church, a cow pasture, and three houses when the phone was invented.
-->'''Protestor:''' LIAR!
-->'''Lazlo:''' You're the liar!
-->'''Protestor:''' Liar, liar, pants on fire!
-->'''Lazlo:''' What are you? Are you three years old?
-->'''Protestor:''' Lazlo's a liar, Lazlo's a liar! I bet that isn't even your real name!\\
'''Lazlo:''' Shut up!\\
'''Protestor:''' You shut up!\\
'''Lazlo:''' Stupid!\\
'''Protestor:''' Nanny-nanny-boo-boo, stick your head in doo-doo!\\
'''Lazlo:''' Ugh, we're going to commercial.

* Maurice Chavez's "Pressing Issues" radio show in ''Vice City'' is probably the best thing in the game. Particularly when Pastor Richards shoots a nudist:
-->'''Maurice:''' ''Dios mio'', he shot him! T-There's blood and pubic hair all over the studio! I am sorry, this is "Pressing Issues" with your award-winning and soon-to-be-executed host Maurice Chavez...
* One word: Yusuf Amir. That is all.

* ''Grand Theft Auto: Vice City''. Vercetti comments that the stolen cop uniform is snug in the crotch. Vance pathetically says his stolen uniform is the same. And then five minutes later, undercover at a crime scene, Vance tries to blend in by commenting upon a cop's shiny badge.
* In San Andreas, wait for a traffic jam on the highway (or just make one), then blow up a car toward the middle. All the cars around it will explode... and all the ones near those... and all the ones near those... And so on.
* The low flying two-people planes sometimes glitch and crash. This was kept in on purpose by the programmers because it was awesome.
* James Woods as Toreno, the manical government agent in ''San Andreas''.
* ''Grand Theft Auto: Vice City'', during the "Publicity Tour" mission, the dialogue between the members of Love Fist throughout the mission is priceless.

* ''Grand Theft Auto: Vice City'', "Publicity Tour," the dialogue between the members of Love Fist throughout the mission is priceless.

-->Protestor: Liberty City was great, before phones ruined everything.
-->Lazlo: Liberty City was a church, a cow pasture, and three houses when the phone was invented.
-->Protestor: LIAR!
-->Lazlo: You're the liar!
-->Protestor: Liar, liar, pants on fire!
-->Lazlo: What are you? Are you three years old?
-->Protestor: Lazlo's a liar, Lazlo's a liar! I bet that isn't even your real name!\\
Lazlo: Shut up!\\
Protestor: You shut up!\\
Lazlo: Stupid!\\
Protestor: Nanny-nanny-boo-boo, stick your head in doo-doo!\\
Lazlo: Ugh, we're going to commercial.

-->Ryder: Smoke, when are you gonna stop eatin' and start blastin'!?
-->Big Smoke: I'll shoot 'em when I'm done eatin', I'm tryin' to enjoy my meal!
-->Sweet: And those Balla fools are tryin' to enjoy our death!
-->(Sweet's car slams deftly into the Balla gangcar.)
-->Big Smoke: My special!
-->Ryder: Oh shit, you got ketchup all over the seat!
-->Big Smoke: The business at hand, motherfucker, the business at hand!
-->Ryder: But these was clean pants!

--->CJ: Hey, motherfucker, the code of the street is that I don't snitch. I don't give a fuck if it kills you, me, my brother - street cats don't call no cops.
--->Officer Tenpenny: Carl, he's a D.A.!
--->CJ: ...oh yeah? Well, where I go find him?

--> CJ (shortly after discovering that Woozie is blind): Uh... Woozie... You do know I'm ''black'', right?
--> Woozie: I'm blind, Carl, not stupid.
** Or this one:
--->Truth: Hey, you want a hit on this? A little Temple Charas in a cocktail with some Nepalese munga munga!
--->CJ: Put that thing out, man! I can't see.
--->Truth: Hey.... mellow out, brother, it's good shit.
--->CJ: Put it out, motherfucker, I'm warning you!
--->Truth: Woah! Chill the fuck out! Firstly, you are a real buzz killer, amigo.... and secondly, I never made love to my mother. She wouldn't.

--> Announcer: Welcome back to Just or Unjust with the Case of the Stolen Truck and the Underage Fuck!