History Funny / FireAndBlood

* After noting that both Prince Joffrey and the Clubfoot's feet were stolen from their resting places, Gyldayn wonders if there's some magical component to feet that makes people keep stealing them.

* The problems the regents have with Baela Targaryen. Deciding she's too wilful, they try to marry her off to Thaddeus Rowan, but she immediately refuses on the grounds that he's overweight, bald, forty years her senior ''and'' she's already slept with two of his sons. "Not both at once, that would have been improper." They lock her up in her room. The next morning, she's already missing. It later turns out that she'd snuck out, disguised herself as an ordinary washerwoman and just [[RefugeInAudacity strolled out the Red Keep's front door]]. Then she hurried off to the Velaryons and married her cousin, Alyn. At this point the regents collectively throw their hands up and agree to [[IMeantToDoThat pretend this was the plan all along]].

* Septon Eustace sounds somewhat perplexed by a "strange euphoria" that took hold of King's Landing after Aegon's death. Mushroom, in a rare example of his account sounding objective, explains that everyone was drunk celebrating.
* The problems the regents have with Baela Targaryen. Deciding she's too willful, they try to marry her off to Thaddeus Rowan, but she immediately refuses on the grounds that she's already slept with his sons. They lock her up in her room. The next morning, she's already missing. It later turns out that she'd snuck out, disguised herself as an ordinary washerwoman and just [[RefugeInAudacity strolled out the Red Keep's front door]]. Then she hurried off to the Velaryons and married her cousin, Alyn. At this point the regents collectively throw their hands up and agree to [[IMeantToDoThat pretend this was the plan all along]].

* King Viserys response when he learns of Daemon's antics in the Stepstones: "Let Daemon play at war, it keeps him out of trouble."

* The problems the regents have with Baela Targaryen. Deciding she's too willful, they try to marry her off to Thaddeus Rowan, but she immediately refuses. They lock her up in her room. The next morning, she's already missing. It later turns out that she'd snuck out, disguised herself as an ordinary washwoman and just [[RefugeInAudacity strolled out the Red Keep's front door]]. Then she hurried off to the Velaryons and married her cousin, Alyn. At this point the regents collectively throw their hands up and agree to [[IMeantToDoThat pretend this was the plan all along]].
* After getting sick of trying to get his young daughter Daella wed due to her nerotic behavior and fear of basically everything Jaehaerys states that he can order 100 naked men to line up and let his daughter choose from them. Queen Alysanne is not pleased at the joke.

* Once construction is completed on the Red Keep, Maegor invites all the builders, stone carvers, architects etc. to a three day feast -- and then has them all killed, to prevent them revealing the secrets of the building. Before the dust has even had time to settle, he starts planning the construction of the Dragonpit. Anyone hired to work on the new building project ''immediately'' flees King's Landing.

--->'''Jaehaerys''': One hundred naked ducks would frighten her.

** Elysar trying to get Vaegon interested in women by giving him the medieval equivalent of a ''Playboy'' magazine (in this case, an erotic book filled with drawings of naked women having sex with men, [[BestialityIsDepraved beasts,]] and [[GirlOnGirlIsHot each other]]). Apparently, Vaegon didn't even look at it.