History Funny / FatherTed

15th Aug '16 2:48:23 AM 06tele
Is there an issue? Send a Message


-->'''Mrs Doyle''': And what do you say to a nice cup of tea?\\
-->'''Jack''': FECK OFF, CUP!-

to:

-->'''Mrs Doyle''': And what do you say to a nice cup of tea?\\
tea?
-->'''Jack''': FECK OFF, CUP!-CUP!
15th Aug '16 2:48:00 AM 06tele
Is there an issue? Send a Message


* An EstablishingCharacterMoment for both Mrs. Doyle and Father Jack:

to:

* An EstablishingCharacterMoment for both Mrs. Doyle and Father Jack:Jack, in her line, his reaction, and her counter-reaction:



'''Jack''': FECK OFF, CUP!

to:

'''Jack''': -->'''Jack''': FECK OFF, CUP!CUP!-
-->'''Mrs Doyle''': ['fondly'] Ah, he loves his cup of tea.
15th Aug '16 2:43:45 AM 06tele
Is there an issue? Send a Message

Added DiffLines:

* For someone who doesn't like thinking about sex, Mrs Doyle does seem to think about it a lot:
-->'''Mrs Doyle''': Oh, I don't want it to be any fun at all, Father. I want a good miserable time. Keep me on the straight and narrow. I met a couple there last year, it did them the world of good. They were a bit obsessed with the old s-e-x. God, I'm glad I never think of that type of thing, that whole sexual world. God, when you think of it, it's a dirty, filthy thing, isn't it? Can you imagine, Father? Looking up at your husband and him standing over you with his [[UnusualEuphemism lad]] in his hand, wanting you to ''degrade'' yourself. God Almighty, can you imagine that, Father? Can you picture it, Father? Get a good mental picture. Can you see him there, ready to do the business?
13th Aug '16 4:11:48 AM CynicalBastardo
Is there an issue? Send a Message


* When Father Stone reveals he is planning to stay on Craggy Island for a few weeks, Ted sends him outside with Dougal so that he can tell Father Jack the bad news - by telling Father Stone that there is a fire in the house. As Dougal and Father Stone wait outside, with Dougal trying and failing to get some sort of conversation out of Father Stone, Ted puts on a helmet and chest pad, and wakes Jack... cut to outside as Ted [[MegatonPunch flies through the sitting room window]] to Jack's bellow of "FECK OFF!"

to:

* When Father Stone reveals he is planning to stay on Craggy Island for a few weeks, Ted sends him outside with Dougal so that he can tell Father Jack the bad news - by telling Father Stone that there is a fire in the house. As Dougal and Father Stone wait outside, with Dougal trying and failing to get some sort of conversation out of Father Stone, Ted puts on a helmet and chest pad, and wakes Jack... cut to outside as Ted [[MegatonPunch flies through the sitting room window]] to Jack's bellow of "FECK OFF!"
OFF!" And Ted tries to pass if off as backdraft.
11th Aug '16 4:24:27 AM Ciara25
Is there an issue? Send a Message


* After [[CardCarryingVillain Pat Mustard]] reveals over the phone to Ted that he's put a speed-activated bomb on the milk van Dougal is driving, he begins to [[EvilLaugh laugh evilly]]. Ted rushes off to find Dougal, while Pat is left laughing on the other end of the line. We cut back to the phone later, and Pat is ''[[OverlyLongGag still]]'' [[OverlyLongGag laughing]]. Jack even picks up the phone at one point, with an expression of utter confusion, only to put it down as Ted did. [[spoiler: Pat spends so much time in the phone booth, [[EvilGloating gloating]], that by the time he finishes laughing, Dougal has escaped from the wired van, [[LaserGuidedKarma which is now driving towards the phone booth.]]]]

to:

* After [[CardCarryingVillain Pat Mustard]] reveals over the phone to Ted that he's put a speed-activated bomb on the milk van Dougal is driving, he begins to [[EvilLaugh laugh evilly]]. Ted rushes off to find Dougal, while Pat is left laughing on the other end of the line. We cut back to the phone later, and Pat is ''[[OverlyLongGag still]]'' [[OverlyLongGag laughing]]. Jack even picks up the phone at one point, with an expression of utter confusion, only to put it down as Ted did. [[spoiler: Pat spends so much time in the phone booth, [[EvilGloating gloating]], that by the time he finishes laughing, Dougal has escaped from the wired van, [[LaserGuidedKarma which is now driving towards the phone booth.]]]]
]] Cue a massive explosion that can be heard from the ''Artic,'' to the confusion of a man ice-fishing.]]
** At the end of the episode, Ted is putting out the rubbish in the middle of the night, and then hears a noise and looks up. [[spoiler: He is promptly hit on the head by the brick, which had been launched into orbit by the explosion and now returned to earth.]]
3rd Aug '16 5:47:04 PM mlsmithca
Is there an issue? Send a Message


* When Dougal invites a feminist singer into the house, they sit in the front room in awkward silence until Dougal asks "How's your bra?"

to:

* When Dougal invites a feminist StrawFeminist singer Niamh Connolly into the house, they sit in the front room in awkward silence until Dougal asks "How's your bra?"
3rd Aug '16 5:40:31 PM mlsmithca
Is there an issue? Send a Message


[[AC:General]]

to:

[[AC:General]][[foldercontrol]]

[[folder:General]]




[[AC:Series 1]]
* From the first episode, "Good Luck, Father Ted":
** In an EstablishingCharacterMoment for [[TheDitz Dougal]], he is convinced that Funland includes a spider baby as part of its freak show, which turns out to be just a spider in a pram. Ted asks [[CannotTellFictionFromReality if Dougal is sure it wasn't just a dream]]. He then produces a cartoon drawing of a man's head with the word "DREAMS" written inside the head and "REALITY" outside it and asks, "Have you been studying this like I told you?"
** Following the above, Dougal tells Ted how he rode an old man like a horse for a whole hour, whipping him like a jockey. Ted's reaction is what sells the joke.
--->'''Ted''': [[BrainBleach You realize that image will stay with me for the rest of my life?]]
** An EstablishingCharacterMoment for both Mrs. Doyle and Father Jack:
--->'''Mrs Doyle''': And what do you say to a nice cup of tea?\\

to:

\n[[AC:Series [[/folder]]

[[folder:Series
1]]
* From the first episode, "Good [[AC:"Good Luck, Father Ted":
**
Ted"]]
*
In an EstablishingCharacterMoment for [[TheDitz Dougal]], he is convinced that Funland includes a spider baby as part of its freak show, which turns out to be just a spider in a pram. Ted asks [[CannotTellFictionFromReality if Dougal is sure it wasn't just a dream]]. He then produces a cartoon drawing of a man's head with the word "DREAMS" written inside the head and "REALITY" outside it and asks, "Have you been studying this like I told you?"
** * Following the above, Dougal tells Ted how he rode an old man like a horse for a whole hour, whipping him like a jockey. Ted's reaction is what sells the joke.
--->'''Ted''': -->'''Ted''': [[BrainBleach You realize that image will stay with me for the rest of my life?]]
** * An EstablishingCharacterMoment for both Mrs. Doyle and Father Jack:
--->'''Mrs -->'''Mrs Doyle''': And what do you say to a nice cup of tea?\\



** After Ted rubbishes the idea of going to Funland, Dougal decides to switch on the television. Jack wakes up, roars, and throws a bottle at the screen, smashing it. Later, as Ted removes the front of the set in an attempt to repair it before the ''Faith of Our Fathers'' broadcast for which he is to be interviewed, Dougal holds it up in front of his head and pretends to be presenting ''Series/TopOfThePops''. Jack wakes up and sees him, then bellows, "HOW DID THAT GOBSHITE GET ON THE TELEVISION!?"[[note]] Frank Kelly actually appeared on ''Top of the Pops'' in 1984 performing his novelty single "[[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AbA1iSjVSdo Christmas Countdown]]", in which the recipient of the gifts in "The Twelve Days of Christmas" sends the giver a series of SanitySlippage-affected letters begging her to stop.[[/note]]
** The diagram returns near the end of the episode when the ''Faith of Our Fathers'' crew planning to interview Ted arrive at Funland and mistake Dougal for Ted. As the presenter outlines the plan for the interview to Dougal, an animated version of the diagram appears; question marks appear after the words "DREAMS" and "REALITY", then disappear again as they exchange places and a herd of cartoon rabbits bounce up next to the cartoon head, accompanied by jaunty fiddle music.
** The broadcast of the interview itself is another classic. Dougal, identified by a caption as "Father Ted Crilly", tells the camera [[{{Cloudcuckoolander}} he's not sure if God really exists and doesn't go much for the whole organised religion thing, and then begins relating the wonders of the spider baby]], all while the real Ted is taken away in an ambulance in the background (and is half-mummified by plaster casts and bandages next to Dougal and Mrs. Doyle as he watches the programme). Then Jack wakes up and sees Dougal's face on the television...
--->'''Jack:''' [[BrickJoke THAT GOBSHITE AGAIN!? IS IT NEVER OFF THE AIR?!]] ''(throws a bottle at the screen again to the horror of the other three)''
* In "Entertaining Father Stone", when Father Stone reveals he is planning to stay on Craggy Island for a few weeks, Ted sends him outside with Dougal so that he can tell Father Jack the bad news - by telling Father Stone that there is a fire in the house. As Dougal and Father Stone wait outside, with Dougal trying and failing to get some sort of conversation out of Father Stone, Ted puts on a helmet and chest pad, and wakes Jack... cut to outside as Ted [[MegatonPunch flies through the sitting room window]] to Jack's bellow of "FECK OFF!"
* In "The Passion of Saint Tibulus", the priests are ordered by Bishop Brennan to protest the title film as blasphemous. This goes about as well as you'd expect.
** In the opening scene, the Craggy Island priests are entertaining the Cuban Father Hernandez, and tell him the west side of the island used to be lovely... until it broke off in a storm and drifted away.
** The game of Cluedo is bookended by two funny moments. First, as Dougal picks up his cards, Ted, without missing a beat in his conversation with Father Hernandez, pulls the cards out of Dougal's hand and turns them around so that they are facing Dougal rather than the other players. Then, at the end of the scene, as Ted observes that the game has been going for five hours, Dougal picks up the "murder envelope" and asks Ted if there shouldn't be some cards in it.
** At Bishop Brennan's command, Ted and Dougal reluctantly go down to Craggy Island's only cinema, where the house for the screening of ''The Passion of Saint Tibulus'' is nearly empty, and stage one of the most good-natured protests ever:
--->''(Ted and Dougal begin booing and heckling the film, which hasn't even started, in monotone voices)''\\

to:

** * After Ted rubbishes the idea of going to Funland, Dougal decides to switch on the television. Jack wakes up, roars, and throws a bottle at the screen, smashing it. Later, as Ted removes the front of the set in an attempt to repair it before the ''Faith of Our Fathers'' broadcast for which he is to be interviewed, Dougal holds it up in front of his head and pretends to be presenting ''Series/TopOfThePops''. Jack wakes up and sees him, then bellows, "HOW DID THAT GOBSHITE GET ON THE TELEVISION!?"[[note]] Frank Kelly actually appeared on ''Top of the Pops'' in 1984 performing his novelty single "[[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AbA1iSjVSdo Christmas Countdown]]", in which the recipient of the gifts in "The Twelve Days of Christmas" sends the giver a series of SanitySlippage-affected letters begging her to stop.[[/note]]
** * The diagram returns near the end of the episode when the ''Faith of Our Fathers'' crew planning to interview Ted arrive at Funland and mistake Dougal for Ted. As the presenter outlines the plan for the interview to Dougal, an animated version of the diagram appears; question marks appear after the words "DREAMS" and "REALITY", then disappear again as they exchange places and a herd of cartoon rabbits bounce up next to the cartoon head, accompanied by jaunty fiddle music.
** * The broadcast of the interview itself is another classic. Dougal, identified by a caption as "Father Ted Crilly", tells the camera [[{{Cloudcuckoolander}} he's not sure if God really exists and doesn't go much for the whole organised religion thing, and then begins relating the wonders of the spider baby]], all while the real Ted is taken away in an ambulance in the background (and is half-mummified by plaster casts and bandages next to Dougal and Mrs. Doyle as he watches the programme). Then Jack wakes up and sees Dougal's face on the television...
--->'''Jack:''' -->'''Jack:''' [[BrickJoke THAT GOBSHITE AGAIN!? IS IT NEVER OFF THE AIR?!]] ''(throws a bottle at the screen again to the horror of the other three)''
* In "Entertaining
three)''

[[AC:"Entertaining
Father Stone", when Stone"]]
* When
Father Stone reveals he is planning to stay on Craggy Island for a few weeks, Ted sends him outside with Dougal so that he can tell Father Jack the bad news - by telling Father Stone that there is a fire in the house. As Dougal and Father Stone wait outside, with Dougal trying and failing to get some sort of conversation out of Father Stone, Ted puts on a helmet and chest pad, and wakes Jack... cut to outside as Ted [[MegatonPunch flies through the sitting room window]] to Jack's bellow of "FECK OFF!"
* In "The
OFF!"

[[AC:"The
Passion of Saint Tibulus", the priests are ordered by Bishop Brennan to protest the title film as blasphemous. This goes about as well as you'd expect.
**
Tibulus"]]
*
In the opening scene, the Craggy Island priests are entertaining the Cuban Father Hernandez, and tell him the west side of the island used to be lovely... until it broke off in a storm and drifted away.
** * The game of Cluedo is bookended by two funny moments. First, as Dougal picks up his cards, Ted, without missing a beat in his conversation with Father Hernandez, pulls the cards out of Dougal's hand and turns them around so that they are facing Dougal rather than the other players. Then, at the end of the scene, as Ted observes that the game has been going for five hours, Dougal picks up the "murder envelope" and asks Ted if there shouldn't be some cards in it.
** At Bishop Brennan's command, * Ted and Dougal are ordered by Bishop Brennan to protest the title film as blasphemous. This goes about as well as you'd expect; the duo reluctantly go down to Craggy Island's only cinema, where the house for the screening of ''The Passion of Saint Tibulus'' is nearly empty, and stage one of the most good-natured protests ever:
--->''(Ted -->''(Ted and Dougal begin booing and heckling the film, which hasn't even started, in monotone voices)''\\



** The next day, Bishop Brennan returns and orders the priests to step up their protest. However, [[LeFilmArtistique Ted and Dougal were so confused by the film itself]] that they are not sure what to protest against. So as slogans to chant while chaining themselves to the railing outside the cinema, they come up with the ever-quotable...
--->'''Ted:''' Down with this sort of thing!\\

to:

** * The next day, Bishop Brennan returns and orders the priests to step up their protest. However, [[LeFilmArtistique Ted and Dougal were so confused by the film itself]] that they are not sure what to protest against. So as slogans to chant while chaining themselves to the railing outside the cinema, they come up with the ever-quotable...
--->'''Ted:''' -->'''Ted:''' Down with this sort of thing!\\



** The protest is a dismal failure; each time Ted and Dougal try to talk someone out of going in to see the film, [[StreisandEffect they just stoke their interest in it]]. The most hilarious exchange comes from local housewives Mrs. Sheridan and Mrs. Glynn, especially when Mrs. Sheridan doesn't bat an eyelid at Mrs. Glynn comparing Jaye Davidson's genitals in ''Film/TheCryingGame'' to those of Mr. Sheridan:
--->'''Mrs. Glynn:''' ''The Passion of Saint Tibulus'', what's that? Is it a western or a musical or something?\\

to:

** * The protest is a dismal failure; each time Ted and Dougal try to talk someone out of going in to see the film, [[StreisandEffect they just stoke their interest in it]]. The most hilarious exchange comes from local housewives Mrs. Sheridan and Mrs. Glynn, especially when Mrs. Sheridan doesn't bat an eyelid at Mrs. Glynn comparing Jaye Davidson's genitals in ''Film/TheCryingGame'' to those of Mr. Sheridan:
--->'''Mrs.-->'''Mrs. Glynn:''' ''The Passion of Saint Tibulus'', what's that? Is it a western or a musical or something?\\



* "Grant Unto Him Eternal Rest", the first episode to be written and filmed, may show Linehan and Mathews still trying to find the right tone for the characters, but it has no shortage of funny moments.
** A perfect example of how timing is everything in comedy: after the opening credits, Dougal is sitting on the parochial house sofa next to an uncomfortable-looking Sister Monica. After a very long, awkward pause, he finally comes up with a priceless conversation starter (note that Sister Monica has already been staying at the parochial house for a while at this point):
--->'''Dougal:''' [[CaptainObvious So, then, you're a nun?]]
** Ted and Dougal discover that Father Jack has drunk a bottle of floor polish, and we learn that Dougal is a bit lacking in self-preservation instincts:
--->'''Ted:''' Oh, ''God'', hold this. ''(hands Dougal a teapot; Dougal holds it with both hands by the body, not the handle)'' Father? This is very bad, d'you not remember what the Windolene did to you? ''(shakes Jack by the shoulder)'' Father Jack? Father Jack, are you there?\\

to:

* "Grant
[[AC:"Grant
Unto Him Eternal Rest", the Rest"]]

The
first episode to be written and filmed, filmed may show Linehan and Mathews still trying to find the right tone for the characters, but it has no shortage of funny moments.
** * A perfect example of how timing is everything in comedy: after the opening credits, Dougal is sitting on the parochial house sofa next to an uncomfortable-looking Sister Monica. After a very long, awkward pause, he finally comes up with a priceless conversation starter (note that Sister Monica has already been staying at the parochial house for a while at this point):
--->'''Dougal:''' -->'''Dougal:''' [[CaptainObvious So, then, you're a nun?]]
** * Ted and Dougal discover that Father Jack has drunk a bottle of floor polish, and we learn that Dougal is a bit lacking in self-preservation instincts:
--->'''Ted:''' -->'''Ted:''' Oh, ''God'', hold this. ''(hands Dougal a teapot; Dougal holds it with both hands by the body, not the handle)'' Father? This is very bad, d'you not remember what the Windolene did to you? ''(shakes Jack by the shoulder)'' Father Jack? Father Jack, are you there?\\



** Sister Monica goads Dougal into giving the seemingly dead Jack the last rites. Dougal counts a famous atheist and a famous Rastafarian among the residents of Catholic Heaven, and his idea of Latin dissolves into reciting the names of Italian footballers:
--->'''Dougal:''' ''(waves his hands in a very rough approximation of the sign of the cross)'' Well, we are gathered here today to join two people to... oh, sorry, that's not it, of course, yeah. ''({{Beat}})'' Well Father, best o' luck. ''(claps Jack on the back; Jack's head slumps forward and Sister Monica glares at Dougal)'' Oh, of course, yeah, there's more. Eh, sorry I didn't get a chance to see you off. I don't know if I should be talking to you down here or up there... I'll look up there. ''(looks skyward)'' So anyway, you're up there now with Our Lord, and [[JosefStalin Stalin]], and Music/BobMarley, and the rest of them, and, eh, of course my own parents... eh, actually, I'd like to take this opportunity to say hello to them. Ah, hello Mammy, and Daddy, er, hope they're looking after you up there...\\

to:

** * Sister Monica goads Dougal into giving the seemingly dead Jack the last rites. Dougal counts a famous atheist and a famous Rastafarian among the residents of Catholic Heaven, and his idea of Latin dissolves into reciting the names of Italian footballers:
--->'''Dougal:''' -->'''Dougal:''' ''(waves his hands in a very rough approximation of the sign of the cross)'' Well, we are gathered here today to join two people to... oh, sorry, that's not it, of course, yeah. ''({{Beat}})'' Well Father, best o' luck. ''(claps Jack on the back; Jack's head slumps forward and Sister Monica glares at Dougal)'' Oh, of course, yeah, there's more. Eh, sorry I didn't get a chance to see you off. I don't know if I should be talking to you down here or up there... I'll look up there. ''(looks skyward)'' So anyway, you're up there now with Our Lord, and [[JosefStalin Stalin]], and Music/BobMarley, and the rest of them, and, eh, of course my own parents... eh, actually, I'd like to take this opportunity to say hello to them. Ah, hello Mammy, and Daddy, er, hope they're looking after you up there...\\



** Ted returns after having phoned Dr. Sinnott:
--->'''Ted:''' Right, well, it looks bad, all right. I called Dr. Sinnott, I gave him the symptoms over the phone, and he said he's probably dead, all right. The pulse not being there is, er, bad enough, but the heart stopping is the real danger sign.\\

to:

** * Ted returns after having phoned Dr. Sinnott:
--->'''Ted:''' -->'''Ted:''' Right, well, it looks bad, all right. I called Dr. Sinnott, I gave him the symptoms over the phone, and he said he's probably dead, all right. The pulse not being there is, er, bad enough, but the heart stopping is the real danger sign.\\



** Solicitor Laura Sweeney drops by to discuss Jack's will with the other two priests. Ted and Dougal inevitably do not believe a woman can be a solicitor, leading to a great GilliganCut:
--->'''Dougal:''' If you're a solicitor, then I'm [[Music/CultureClub Boy George]]!\\

to:

** * Solicitor Laura Sweeney drops by to discuss Jack's will with the other two priests. Ted and Dougal inevitably do not believe a woman can be a solicitor, leading to a great GilliganCut:
--->'''Dougal:''' -->'''Dougal:''' If you're a solicitor, then I'm [[Music/CultureClub Boy George]]!\\



** We get to see a flashback of Father Jack's time as a teacher. He sets a bin on fire and tells a class of schoolboys "Ye'll all burn in hell!" According to Ted, Father Jack preferred the traditional methods.
** And to cap it all off, it seems Jack is NotQuiteDead...
--->''[Dougal is asleep on the floor beside Jack's coffin, while Ted looks out a window]''\\

to:

** * We get to see a flashback of Father Jack's time as a teacher. He sets a bin on fire and tells a class of schoolboys "Ye'll all burn in hell!" According to Ted, Father Jack preferred the traditional methods.
** * And to cap it all off, it seems Jack is NotQuiteDead...
--->''[Dougal -->''[Dougal is asleep on the floor beside Jack's coffin, while Ted looks out a window]''\\




[[AC:Series 2]]
* "Hell", the entire episode.
** Ted and Dougal's first scene features a series of hilarious {{Cloudcuckoolander}} moments from Dougal:
--->'''Ted:''' ''(tears page off calendar)'' July 19... why does that strike me as important?\\

to:

\n[[AC:Series [[/folder]]

[[folder:Series
2]]
[[AC:"Hell"]]
* "Hell", the entire episode.
**
Ted and Dougal's first scene features a series of hilarious {{Cloudcuckoolander}} moments from Dougal:
--->'''Ted:''' -->'''Ted:''' ''(tears page off calendar)'' July 19... why does that strike me as important?\\



** Later in the scene, we get a great {{Cloudcuckoolander}} moment from Mrs. Doyle:
--->'''Mrs. Doyle:''' And speaking of cake... ''(picks up tin labelled "CAKES" and opens it)'' I have cake!\\

to:

** * Later in the scene, we get a great {{Cloudcuckoolander}} moment from Mrs. Doyle:
--->'''Mrs.-->'''Mrs. Doyle:''' And speaking of cake... ''(picks up tin labelled "CAKES" and opens it)'' I have cake!\\



** The episode has one of the funniest Father Jack scenes in the whole show.
--->''(having arrived in their tiny caravan, the priests are deciding what to do next)''\\

to:

** * The episode has one of the funniest Father Jack scenes in the whole show.
--->''(having -->''(having arrived in their tiny caravan, the priests are deciding what to do next)''\\



** The most frequently referenced scene in the whole of ''Father Ted'': [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vh5kZ4uIUC0 Perspective for Dummies]].
--->'''Ted:''' One last time. ''(picks up two toy cows)'' These are ''small'', but the ones out there are ''far away.'' ''(Dougal looks confused; Ted holds up the toy cows again)'' SMALL... ''(looks out of window)'' FAR AWAY. ''(Dougal still doesn't get it; he shakes his head)'' Ah, forget it! ''(throws the cows down in anger)''
* The laughs come thick and fast in "Think Fast, Father Ted":
** With Jack napping beneath the leaking roof, Ted and Dougal move him out of the way and Jack suddenly wakes up and [[NoIndoorVoice screams "I'M A HAPPY CAMPER!!"]] and then instantly goes back to sleep. The leak stops and a new leak forms over where Jack has been moved to in a sudden downpour: the very sight of the sleeping Jack being drenched by the downward gush of rainwater is pure comedic gold.
** Ted's perfectionism in getting a dent out of a car they were sent to raffle off ends up destroying it. He's unusually calm surveying the damage and concluding that they can't use it in the raffle, then cut to an exterior shot that night...
--->'''''[[DelayedReaction OH, JESUS, WE'RE DEAD!!! OH, GOD ALMIGHTY!!!! AAH! AAAH! AAH! AAH! AAH!]]'''''
** Father Billy O'Dwyer, the priest Ted hires to DJ at the fundraising event, has brought only one record with him.
--->'''Ted:''' So let me just thank you all now for coming along, and ask you to stand for our national anthem.\\

to:

** * The most frequently referenced scene in the whole of ''Father Ted'': [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vh5kZ4uIUC0 Perspective for Dummies]].
--->'''Ted:''' -->'''Ted:''' One last time. ''(picks up two toy cows)'' These are ''small'', but the ones out there are ''far away.'' ''(Dougal looks confused; Ted holds up the toy cows again)'' SMALL... ''(looks out of window)'' FAR AWAY. ''(Dougal still doesn't get it; he shakes his head)'' Ah, forget it! ''(throws the cows down in anger)''
* The laughs come thick and fast in "Think
anger)''

[[AC:"Think
Fast, Father Ted":
**
Ted"]]
*
With Jack napping beneath the leaking roof, Ted and Dougal move him out of the way and Jack suddenly wakes up and [[NoIndoorVoice screams "I'M A HAPPY CAMPER!!"]] and then instantly goes back to sleep. The leak stops and a new leak forms over where Jack has been moved to in a sudden downpour: the very sight of the sleeping Jack being drenched by the downward gush of rainwater is pure comedic gold.
** * Ted's perfectionism in getting a dent out of a car they were sent to raffle off ends up destroying it. He's unusually calm surveying the damage and concluding that they can't use it in the raffle, then cut to an exterior shot that night...
--->'''''[[DelayedReaction -->'''''[[DelayedReaction OH, JESUS, WE'RE DEAD!!! OH, GOD ALMIGHTY!!!! AAH! AAAH! AAH! AAH! AAH!]]'''''
** * Father Billy O'Dwyer, the priest Ted hires to DJ at the fundraising event, has brought only one record with him.
--->'''Ted:''' -->'''Ted:''' So let me just thank you all now for coming along, and ask you to stand for our national anthem.\\



** Jack trashing the prize car (Ted surveys the front while Dougal surveys the back, and both agree the damage isn't too bad... until Ted sees that Dougal's idea of "not too bad" involves the boot being compressed to half its length), especially Ted asking him if he has been drinking (when is Jack ''not'' thoroughly trashed?) and Jack having to look at the liquor bottle in his hand before answering "YES!!"
* From "Tentacles of Doom", Ted tries to teach Father Jack to say "Yes" and "That would be an ecumenical matter" using an easel with the phrases written on placards. Jack actually manages to say "That" and is attempting to say "would" but gives up and screams "DRINK!"; Ted, who has become steadily more angry with Jack's inability to say anything other than [[CatchPhrase "DRINK"]], knocks over the easel in a rage.
* In "Old Grey Whistle Theft", we learn that Jack can identify alcohol from the sound of bottles clinking together alone.

to:

** * Jack trashing the prize car (Ted surveys the front while Dougal surveys the back, and both agree the damage isn't too bad... until Ted sees that Dougal's idea of "not too bad" involves the boot being compressed to half its length), especially Ted asking him if he has been drinking (when is Jack ''not'' thoroughly trashed?) and Jack having to look at the liquor bottle in his hand before answering "YES!!"
* From "Tentacles
"YES!!"

[[AC:"Tentacles
of Doom", Doom"]]
*
Ted tries to teach Father Jack to say "Yes" and "That would be an ecumenical matter" using an easel with the phrases written on placards. Jack actually manages to say "That" and is attempting to say "would" but gives up and screams "DRINK!"; Ted, who has become steadily more angry with Jack's inability to say anything other than [[CatchPhrase "DRINK"]], knocks over the easel in a rage.
* In "Old
rage.

[[AC:"Old
Grey Whistle Theft", we Theft"]]
* We
learn that Jack can identify alcohol from the sound of bottles clinking together alone.



* When it comes to mining the EurovisionSongContest for humour, "A Song for Europe" outdoes even Terry Wogan's sardonic commentary.
** Ted and Dougal's creative process gets off to a shaky start:
--->'''Ted:''' What'll we write it about?\\

to:

*
[[AC:"A Song for Europe"]]

When it comes to mining the EurovisionSongContest for humour, "A Song for Europe" outdoes even Terry Wogan's sardonic commentary.
** * Ted and Dougal's creative process gets off to a shaky start:
--->'''Ted:''' -->'''Ted:''' What'll we write it about?\\



** Eventually, the songwriting session deteriorates, leading to an epic ClusterFBomb from Ted.
--->''(the priests' bedroom is littered with empty beer cans; a cloud of cigarette smoke hangs in the air)''\\

to:

** * Eventually, the songwriting session deteriorates, leading to an epic ClusterFBomb from Ted.
--->''(the -->''(the priests' bedroom is littered with empty beer cans; a cloud of cigarette smoke hangs in the air)''\\



** Finally, the song is ready for its first performance in front of an audience of Jack and Mrs. Doyle. Not only are Ted and Dougal not in tune with each other, but the melody consists of a single repeated note except for the last note of each line - which requires an awkward pause while Ted moves his fingers for the chord change.
--->''(Dougal switches on a tinny rhythm track on a cheap keyboard)''\\

to:

** * Finally, the song is ready for its first performance in front of an audience of Jack and Mrs. Doyle. Not only are Ted and Dougal not in tune with each other, but the melody consists of a single repeated note except for the last note of each line - which requires an awkward pause while Ted moves his fingers for the chord change.
--->''(Dougal -->''(Dougal switches on a tinny rhythm track on a cheap keyboard)''\\



** [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jzYzVMcgWhg "We have to lose that sax solo!"]]
** When they realise the "obscure B-side" by Nin Huguen and the Huguenotes from which they have plagiarised the replacement music for "My Lovely Horse" is actually well known (to the point that it is playing in the lift at the television studio), Ted and Dougal are forced to perform the song with the original "melody" in the "Song for Ireland" contest. [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-_Jo0K4Q4eM The results are as hilarious as you'd expect,]] with the pauses for the chord changes now over a second long, and Ted and Dougal more out of tune and out of time with each other than ever.
** In the retrospective documentary, the songwriter performs the song and can't help but roll his eyes at the lyrics as he sings.
* From "The Plague":
** In the pre-credits teaser, Ted and Dougal settle down to watch their favourite sitcom: ''Father Ben'', an exaggerated [[ShowWithinAShow in-universe equivalent]] of ''Father Ted''. Dougal chuckles over what an idiot Father Brendan is as he watches him walk into the room with his shorts on his head, and Ted says he knows someone just like that thicko Father Ben[[note]] who is played by [[CreatorCameo Arthur Mathews]][[/note]]... [[TakeThatMe neither noticing how much those characters are just like the two of them.]]
** Dougal is naming his new rabbit, but Ted has told him it cannot be "Ted" or "Mrs. Doyle". He eventually settles on naming it "Father Jack" - which inevitably causes the (human) Father Jack to keep responding to the use of his name.
--->'''Dougal:''' I think Father Jack wants a drink.\\

to:

** * [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jzYzVMcgWhg "We have to lose that sax solo!"]]
** * When they realise the "obscure B-side" by Nin Huguen and the Huguenotes from which they have plagiarised the replacement music for "My Lovely Horse" is actually well known (to the point that it is playing in the lift at the television studio), Ted and Dougal are forced to perform the song with the original "melody" in the "Song for Ireland" contest. [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-_Jo0K4Q4eM The results are as hilarious as you'd expect,]] with the pauses for the chord changes now over a second long, and Ted and Dougal more out of tune and out of time with each other than ever.
** * In the retrospective documentary, the songwriter performs the song and can't help but roll his eyes at the lyrics as he sings.
sings.

[[AC:"The Plague"]]
* From "The Plague":
**
In the pre-credits teaser, Ted and Dougal settle down to watch their favourite sitcom: ''Father Ben'', an exaggerated [[ShowWithinAShow in-universe equivalent]] of ''Father Ted''. Dougal chuckles over what an idiot Father Brendan is as he watches him walk into the room with his shorts on his head, and Ted says he knows someone just like that thicko Father Ben[[note]] who is played by [[CreatorCameo Arthur Mathews]][[/note]]... [[TakeThatMe neither noticing how much those characters are just like the two of them.]]
** * Dougal is naming his new rabbit, but Ted has told him it cannot be "Ted" or "Mrs. Doyle". He eventually settles on naming it "Father Jack" - which inevitably causes the (human) Father Jack to keep responding to the use of his name.
--->'''Dougal:''' -->'''Dougal:''' I think Father Jack wants a drink.\\



** Father Jack sees the rabbits that have infested the parochial house.
--->'''Jack:''' ''(to Ted)'' HEY, HEY, HEY YOU!\\

to:

** * Father Jack sees the rabbits that have infested the parochial house.
--->'''Jack:''' -->'''Jack:''' ''(to Ted)'' HEY, HEY, HEY YOU!\\



** Dougal's choice of hiding place for the rabbits is, of course, the spare bedroom in which Bishop Brennan (who is terrified of rabbits) will be sleeping during his latest visit. Ted desperately tries to keep the bishop out of the room with an inane speech congratulating him on becoming a bishop, and when that doesn't work, he runs to the top of the stairs and ''throws himself down them''.
** Ted's final scheme to keep the bishop out of the room involves claiming to need to use the only working toilet in the house. He rushes into the room, closes the door, and sees that the rabbits have vanished. He then re-emerges, pretending to have just relieved himself, and the bishop pushes him aside and enters the room - and realises there is no toilet in there.
* "Rock a Hula Ted":
** Ted's advice to Dougal for how to behave around women includes the classic "Never be yourself! That's just a thing people say!
** During the Lovely Girls contest, Jack (with his hair grown extremely long and a bizarre beard) [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YCcCWbZi8aI is mistaken for Bob Geldof.]]
--->'''Jack:''' FECK OFF!\\

to:

** * Dougal's choice of hiding place for the rabbits is, of course, the spare bedroom in which Bishop Brennan (who is terrified of rabbits) will be sleeping during his latest visit. Ted desperately tries to keep the bishop out of the room with an inane speech congratulating him on becoming a bishop, and when that doesn't work, he runs to the top of the stairs and ''throws himself down them''.
** * Ted's final scheme to keep the bishop out of the room involves claiming to need to use the only working toilet in the house. He rushes into the room, closes the door, and sees that the rabbits have vanished. He then re-emerges, pretending to have just relieved himself, and the bishop pushes him aside and enters the room - and realises there is no toilet in there.
* "Rock
there.

[[AC:"Rock
a Hula Ted":
**
Ted"]]
*
Ted's advice to Dougal for how to behave around women includes the classic "Never be yourself! That's just a thing people say!
** * During the Lovely Girls contest, Jack (with his hair grown extremely long and a bizarre beard) [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YCcCWbZi8aI is mistaken for Bob Geldof.]]
--->'''Jack:''' -->'''Jack:''' FECK OFF!\\



** Later:
--->'''Female Admirer''': Did you really knock [[Music/{{INXS}} Michael Hutchence]] unconscious?\\

to:

** * Later:
--->'''Female -->'''Female Admirer''': Did you really knock [[Music/{{INXS}} Michael Hutchence]] unconscious?\\



** When Dougal invites a feminist singer into the house, they sit in the front room in awkward silence until Dougal asks "How's your bra?"
** Ted, while judging the Lovely Girls contest, notes that one of the contestants [[MaleGaze has a lovely bottom]]. His fellow judge tells him to be careful in case he offends some of the girls. Ted's response? "Of course, they all have lovely bottoms!"
* "Cigarettes, Alcohol, and Rollerblading" starts with the CompressedVice of Dougal's rollerblading addiction in the interest of the RuleOfFunny, and just gets better from there:
** Ted decides that Jack should give up drinking for Lent. Jack is not sold on the idea:
--->'''Mrs. Doyle:''' Who wants their afternoon drink? ''(holds out a bottle of whiskey)''\\

to:

** * When Dougal invites a feminist singer into the house, they sit in the front room in awkward silence until Dougal asks "How's your bra?"
** * Ted, while judging the Lovely Girls contest, notes that one of the contestants [[MaleGaze has a lovely bottom]]. His fellow judge tells him to be careful in case he offends some of the girls. Ted's response? "Of course, they all have lovely bottoms!"
* "Cigarettes,
bottoms!"

[[AC:"Cigarettes,
Alcohol, and Rollerblading" Rollerblading"]]

The episode
starts with the CompressedVice of Dougal's rollerblading addiction in the interest of the RuleOfFunny, and just gets better from there:
** * Ted decides that Jack should give up drinking for Lent. Jack is not sold on the idea:
--->'''Mrs.-->'''Mrs. Doyle:''' Who wants their afternoon drink? ''(holds out a bottle of whiskey)''\\



** Needless to say, it takes mere minutes of abstension before the three priests begin suffering massive withdrawal symptoms. Ted [[MeatOVision hallucinating Dougal as a giant cigarette]] and Jack hallucinating Ted as a giant pint of Guinness? Funny. Dougal hallucinating Ted as a giant rollerblade? Hysterical.
** Later, Jack sobers up for the first time in twelve years:
--->''(Jack convulses while making gurgling noises)''\\

to:

** * Needless to say, it takes mere minutes of abstension before the three priests begin suffering massive withdrawal symptoms. Ted [[MeatOVision hallucinating Dougal as a giant cigarette]] and Jack hallucinating Ted as a giant pint of Guinness? Funny. Dougal hallucinating Ted as a giant rollerblade? Hysterical.
** * Later, Jack sobers up for the first time in twelve years:
--->''(Jack -->''(Jack convulses while making gurgling noises)''\\



** When Ted decides he, Dougal, and Jack need help keeping their Lenten vows, he phones for help from an order of nuns. The "hold music" is a nun who simply sings Music/FranzSchubert's "Ave Maria" repeatedly as an oil painting of Matty Hislop (whom Ted holds up as an exemplar of self-restraint after giving up alcohol) sticking his hand into a toaster hangs over her desk.
* "New Jack City":
** Jack's shell-shocked look when Ted informs him his case of hairy hands means he will have to stay "up in Jurassic Park." Followed by an attempt to escape on a riding lawnmower.
** Father Jack's replacement is Father Fintan Stack, whose behavior is as un-priest-like as possible. This includes drilling holes into the walls of the house for no reason, blaring jungle music at 3 am among other things.
** Mrs Doyle saying "Go on, go on, go on, go on, go on, go on, go on..." every time she offers someone a cup of tea? Funny. Mrs. Doyle holding up several dozen cue cards all reading "Go on" when offering a cup of tea to Father Fintan Stack while he has cranked his stereo full volume? Hilarious.
** Ted and Dougal searching for Jack at St. Clobbert's home for retired priests. Dougal switches on the light in the sitting room - and he and Ted learn the hard way that every single priest there has Jack's NoIndoorVoice catchphrases, as they all begin bellowing, "DRINK! FECK! ARSE! GIRLS!" When one of the nuns on the staff runs over to see what the noise is, Ted and Dougal "disguise" themselves by finding some empty space on a sofa and joining in the chorus of "DRINK! FECK! ARSE! GIRLS!" - Dougal, naturally, continues shouting even after the lights are switched off again.
** Ted and Dougal return to St. Clobbert's with a torch to shine in the faces of the residents so they can identify Jack. Each one screams one of Jack's four signature catchphrases - with one exception...
--->'''Posh Priest''': [[FishOutOfWater I really shouldn't be here!]]
* "Flight into Terror":
** As the passengers discuss who should be given the two parachutes to escape the possibly doomed aircraft, Father Jack sneaks away with both of them. One for himself... and one for the drinks trolley. In TheStinger, we see both of the parachutes are caught in a tree, with the drinks trolley just out of a despairing Jack's reach.
** Just before Ted journeys onto the wheel of the plane to attempt to fix the fuel line, Ted and the captain engage in some dramatic dialogue, ending in a badass FacingTheBulletsOneLiner from the priest...until Dougal ruins the mood entirely.
--->'''Pilot''': Father Crilly?\\

to:

** * When Ted decides he, Dougal, and Jack need help keeping their Lenten vows, he phones for help from an order of nuns. The "hold music" is a nun who simply sings Music/FranzSchubert's "Ave Maria" repeatedly as an oil painting of Matty Hislop (whom Ted holds up as an exemplar of self-restraint after giving up alcohol) sticking his hand into a toaster hangs over her desk.
* "New
desk.

[[AC:"New
Jack City":
**
City"]]
*
Jack's shell-shocked look when Ted informs him his case of hairy hands means he will have to stay "up in Jurassic Park." Followed by an attempt to escape on a riding lawnmower.
** * Father Jack's replacement is Father Fintan Stack, whose behavior is as un-priest-like as possible. This includes drilling holes into the walls of the house for no reason, blaring jungle music at 3 am among other things.
** * Mrs Doyle saying "Go on, go on, go on, go on, go on, go on, go on..." every time she offers someone a cup of tea? Funny. Mrs. Doyle holding up several dozen cue cards all reading "Go on" when offering a cup of tea to Father Fintan Stack while he has cranked his stereo full volume? Hilarious.
** * Ted and Dougal searching for Jack at St. Clobbert's home for retired priests. Dougal switches on the light in the sitting room - and he and Ted learn the hard way that every single priest there has Jack's NoIndoorVoice catchphrases, as they all begin bellowing, "DRINK! FECK! ARSE! GIRLS!" When one of the nuns on the staff runs over to see what the noise is, Ted and Dougal "disguise" themselves by finding some empty space on a sofa and joining in the chorus of "DRINK! FECK! ARSE! GIRLS!" - Dougal, naturally, continues shouting even after the lights are switched off again.
** * Ted and Dougal return to St. Clobbert's with a torch to shine in the faces of the residents so they can identify Jack. Each one screams one of Jack's four signature catchphrases - with one exception...
--->'''Posh -->'''Posh Priest''': [[FishOutOfWater I really shouldn't be here!]]
* "Flight
here!]]

[[AC:"Flight
into Terror":
**
Terror"]]
*
As the passengers discuss who should be given the two parachutes to escape the possibly doomed aircraft, Father Jack sneaks away with both of them. One for himself... and one for the drinks trolley. In TheStinger, we see both of the parachutes are caught in a tree, with the drinks trolley just out of a despairing Jack's reach.
** * Just before Ted journeys onto the wheel of the plane to attempt to fix the fuel line, Ted and the captain engage in some dramatic dialogue, ending in a badass FacingTheBulletsOneLiner from the priest...until Dougal ruins the mood entirely.
--->'''Pilot''': -->'''Pilot''': Father Crilly?\\



** Ted, who is usually terrified of flying, has been calmed down enough by the gravity of the plane's mechanical problems to climb onto the wheel and use the souvenir tape dispenser to repair the fuel line. Once the emergency is over, he suddenly realises where he is and screams "[[DelayedReaction AAAAAAARGH! WHAT AM I DOING ON THE FECKING WHEEL!]]" At the end of the episode, he is back at the parochial house... still clinging to the wheel in abject terror.
* The Christmas episode, "A Christmassy Ted", is an extra-long episode of hilarity.
** The best moment has to be the three guessing as to what is behind the next window on the advent calendar:
--->'''Dougal''': God, I can't wait to see what's behind tomorrow's window. I bet it's, it's, a donkey or something.\\

to:

** * Ted, who is usually terrified of flying, has been calmed down enough by the gravity of the plane's mechanical problems to climb onto the wheel and use the souvenir tape dispenser to repair the fuel line. Once the emergency is over, he suddenly realises where he is and screams "[[DelayedReaction AAAAAAARGH! WHAT AM I DOING ON THE FECKING WHEEL!]]" At the end of the episode, he is back at the parochial house... still clinging to the wheel in abject terror.
* The Christmas episode,
terror.

[[AC:[[ChristmasEpisode
"A Christmassy Ted", is an extra-long episode of hilarity.
**
Ted"]]]]
*
The best moment has to be the three guessing as to what is behind the next window on the advent calendar:
--->'''Dougal''': -->'''Dougal''': God, I can't wait to see what's behind tomorrow's window. I bet it's, it's, a donkey or something.\\



** The treatment of the escape from the lingerie department as soldiers escaping from behind enemy lines (including the inevitable "Go on without me, I'll only slow you down!"[=/=]"No! No-one gets left behind!" moment). SeriousBusiness at its absolute finest.
** When Father Ted leaves the parochial house for a few minutes to contemplate his future, he returns to find Mrs. Doyle has sent Dougal in his place to officiate at a funeral. Ted screams, "YOU LET DOUGAL DO A FUNERAL?!" [[TheFunInFuneral Cut to the funeral, where the hearse is in the grave. And on fire.]]
** When Ted goes for his walk, he fantasizes the rest of the cast mocking him in his head. Except for Dougal, who just looks confused and turns away.

[[AC:Series 3]]
* "Are You Right There, Father Ted?" is MistakenForRacist at its funniest.
** At the beginning of the episode, Ted is somehow reinstated to active church work in Dublin and Paris... yet buggers it up again. As before, "The money was just resting in my account!" is not accepted as a defence.
** Far from condemning Ted's apparent racism, some of the Craggy Islanders are congratulating him on it.
--->'''Colm:''' Hello there, Father!\\

to:

** * The treatment of the escape from the lingerie department as soldiers escaping from behind enemy lines (including the inevitable "Go on without me, I'll only slow you down!"[=/=]"No! No-one gets left behind!" moment). SeriousBusiness at its absolute finest.
** * When Father Ted leaves the parochial house for a few minutes to contemplate his future, he returns to find Mrs. Doyle has sent Dougal in his place to officiate at a funeral. Ted screams, "YOU LET DOUGAL DO A FUNERAL?!" [[TheFunInFuneral Cut to the funeral, where the hearse is in the grave. And on fire.]]
** * When Ted goes for his walk, he fantasizes the rest of the cast mocking him in his head. Except for Dougal, who just looks confused and turns away.

[[AC:Series
away.
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Series
3]]
* "Are [[AC:"Are You Right There, Father Ted?" is Ted?"]]

Series 3 opens with
MistakenForRacist at its funniest.
** * At the beginning of the episode, Ted is somehow reinstated to active church work in Dublin and Paris... yet buggers it up again. As before, "The money was just resting in my account!" is not accepted as a defence.
** * Far from condemning Ted's apparent racism, some of the Craggy Islanders are congratulating him on it.
--->'''Colm:''' -->'''Colm:''' Hello there, Father!\\



** Ted's attempt to make peace with the Chinese community at Vaughan's pub hits a few bumps:
--->'''Ted:''' I'm not a Fascist. I'm a priest. Fascists dress in black and go around telling people what to do, [[AnalogyBackfire whereas priests...]] more drink! ''(everyone cheers)''
* "Chirpy Burpy Cheap Sheep":
** Dougal's description of the sheep-eating beast ends with the hilarious (and completely improvised) "...and instead of a mouth, it's got four arses!"
** Fargo Boyle's VillainousBreakdown at the end stands out, begging Chris ([[SeriousBusiness a sheep]]) not to look at him.
* "Speed 3" is packed with hilarious moments.
** ''Pat Mustard''. Everything about him. Especially the sign on his van that says 'Shit Happens'. [[spoiler: Especially when his van blows up at the end and the only thing left is the sign.]]
** A great example of InnocentInnuendo from Mrs. Doyle:
--->'''Mrs. Doyle:''' Pat was wondering if he could put his massive tool in my box!\\

to:

** * Ted's attempt to make peace with the Chinese community at Vaughan's pub hits a few bumps:
--->'''Ted:''' -->'''Ted:''' I'm not a Fascist. I'm a priest. Fascists dress in black and go around telling people what to do, [[AnalogyBackfire whereas priests...]] more drink! ''(everyone cheers)''
* "Chirpy
cheers)''

[[AC:"Chirpy
Burpy Cheap Sheep":
**
Sheep"]]
*
Dougal's description of the sheep-eating beast ends with the hilarious (and completely improvised) "...and instead of a mouth, it's got four arses!"
** * Fargo Boyle's VillainousBreakdown at the end stands out, begging Chris ([[SeriousBusiness a sheep]]) not to look at him.
him.

[[AC:"Speed 3"]]
* "Speed 3" is packed with hilarious moments.
**
''Pat Mustard''. Everything about him. Especially the sign on his van that says 'Shit Happens'. [[spoiler: Especially when his van blows up at the end and the only thing left is the sign.]]
** * A great example of InnocentInnuendo from Mrs. Doyle:
--->'''Mrs.-->'''Mrs. Doyle:''' Pat was wondering if he could put his massive tool in my box!\\



** During the scene with Ted and Dougal spying on Pat, Dougal turns up the volume on the sound amplifier in order to be able hear what Pat and one of the ladies are saying. A truck goes zooming past him two seconds later, and the resulting noise knocks him unconscious.
** When Ted shows Pat Mustard's boss, Mr. Fox, the photos he took of Pat's dalliances with the local housewives, Mr. Fox assumes he is trying to sell him dirty pictures and makes him an offer. After Ted sets him straight and Mr. Fox discusses the difficult situation Pat's sacking puts him in, Mrs. Doyle sneaks over to the table and steals one of the photos.
** The scene of Dougal setting out on his first day as a milkman is played as though he is a child on his way to his first day at school, with Ted fussing over him, wrapping a scarf around his neck, reminding him to drive on the left, and spit-wiping dirt off his face, then weeping as he watches the milk float leave the parochial house while Mr. Fox assures Ted that Dougal will be just fine.
** Dougal is sent on his way the warning, "Better get going - milk gets sour, you know. Unless it's UHT milk, but there's no demand for that because it's shite."
** Father Jack takes a (very short-lived) shine to the brick Mrs. Doyle has put in the middle of the floor.
--->'''Ted:''' ''(getting up after tripping over the brick yet again)'' What's going on?\\

to:

** * During the scene with Ted and Dougal spying on Pat, Dougal turns up the volume on the sound amplifier in order to be able hear what Pat and one of the ladies are saying. A truck goes zooming past him two seconds later, and the resulting noise knocks him unconscious.
** * When Ted shows Pat Mustard's boss, Mr. Fox, the photos he took of Pat's dalliances with the local housewives, Mr. Fox assumes he is trying to sell him dirty pictures and makes him an offer. After Ted sets him straight and Mr. Fox discusses the difficult situation Pat's sacking puts him in, Mrs. Doyle sneaks over to the table and steals one of the photos.
** * The scene of Dougal setting out on his first day as a milkman is played as though he is a child on his way to his first day at school, with Ted fussing over him, wrapping a scarf around his neck, reminding him to drive on the left, and spit-wiping dirt off his face, then weeping as he watches the milk float leave the parochial house while Mr. Fox assures Ted that Dougal will be just fine.
** * Dougal is sent on his way the warning, "Better get going - milk gets sour, you know. Unless it's UHT milk, but there's no demand for that because it's shite."
** * Father Jack takes a (very short-lived) shine to the brick Mrs. Doyle has put in the middle of the floor.
--->'''Ted:''' -->'''Ted:''' ''(getting up after tripping over the brick yet again)'' What's going on?\\



** The various housewives to whom Dougal delivers milk strip off in anticipation of an encounter with Pat Mustard, and are horrified to discover that their new milkman is one of the village priests. Dougal, of course, does not notice their nudity. [[spoiler:At least, not until it finally sinks in at the end of the episode and he sits up in bed shouting "''Those women were in the nip!''"]]
** The big pile of boxes in the middle of the road. Everything about that scene. The [[RuleOfFunny sheer absurdity]] of having the pile of boxes there to begin with, Ted not just moving the boxes out of the way, but putting them in the very same pyramid configuration on the other side of the road - and still having enough time to get them out of the way before Dougal hits them, Dougal's expression of utter delight when he realises he isn't going to hit the boxes, Ted getting in his car and ploughing straight through the boxes... all backed by ridiculously tense music.
** Ted's brainstorming session with Barren Island priests Father Beeching and Father Clarke[[note]] played by [[CreatorCameo Arthur Mathews]][[/note]]. Their first plan is to conduct Mass for Dougal alongside the "speeding" milkfloat, and during the brainstorming session the best they can produce is another Mass. They try watching ''Film/ThePoseidonAdventure'' since Gene Hackman's character in the film was a priest, but are disappointed to find he doesn't even say Mass.
** Then Ted trips over the brick ''[[RunningGag again]]'' - and draws what looks like a complicated diagram on the chalkboard before a shift in camera angle reveals that [[http://file004.bebo.com/large/2006/02/23/18/19963716a330333458b524719537l.jpg he has simply written "WE PUT THE BRICK ON THE ACCELERATOR"]]. A plan which almost fails when Dougal, before stepping off the milk float, picks up the brick and shouts "Ted, you forgot your brick!"
** After [[CardCarryingVillain Pat Mustard]] reveals over the phone to Ted that he's put a speed-activated bomb on the milk van Dougal is driving, he begins to [[EvilLaugh laugh evilly]]. Ted rushes off to find Dougal, while Pat is left laughing on the other end of the line. We cut back to the phone later, and Pat is ''[[OverlyLongGag still]]'' [[OverlyLongGag laughing]]. Jack even picks up the phone at one point, with an expression of utter confusion, only to put it down as Ted did. [[spoiler: Pat spends so much time in the phone booth, [[EvilGloating gloating]], that by the time he finishes laughing, Dougal has escaped from the wired van, [[LaserGuidedKarma which is now driving towards the phone booth.]]]]
* "The Mainland":
** Father Noel Furlong's solo performance of "Bohemian Rhapsody".
** "Let's have a screeching competition! I'll go first! ''AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!''"
** Father Noel's bizarre fantasy scenario of the group trapped in the cave having to eat each other, as in ''Alive'', culminating in him pretending he is eating Tony, a member of his youth group, while he is still alive.
--->'''Father Noel:''' Look! Here's me eating Tony! Tony's going, "No, get off me, I'm not dead yet!" I'd be going, "But I'm ''hungry'', Tony!"
** Jack gets into a pub after a day of having his specs stolen, wandering into an Alcoholics Anonymous group and deprived of a single drink. An AA member sees him about to have a glass and runs in to toss it away.
--->[[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vExieiQw4bM#t=5m55s "Don't do it Father! I won't let you do it, I know hurts but believe me you're going to thank me fo-"]] ''(cue AmbulanceCut)''
** [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KKhpQCH_dZU The optician scene.]]
* "Kicking Bishop Brennan up the Arse":
** Ted's first attempt at kicking Bishop Brennan up the arse. As he's running up to deliver the kick, [[TheDragon Father Jessop]] sees him and Ted shifts gears and ''jumps out the window''.
** The bizarre geography of Craggy Island knows no bounds:
--->'''Mrs. Doyle:''' Your Grace, Father Crilly, I've just heard they've taken the roads in!\\

to:

** * The various housewives to whom Dougal delivers milk strip off in anticipation of an encounter with Pat Mustard, and are horrified to discover that their new milkman is one of the village priests. Dougal, of course, does not notice their nudity. [[spoiler:At least, not until it finally sinks in at the end of the episode and he sits up in bed shouting "''Those women were in the nip!''"]]
** * The big pile of boxes in the middle of the road. Everything about that scene. The [[RuleOfFunny sheer absurdity]] of having the pile of boxes there to begin with, Ted not just moving the boxes out of the way, but putting them in the very same pyramid configuration on the other side of the road - and still having enough time to get them out of the way before Dougal hits them, Dougal's expression of utter delight when he realises he isn't going to hit the boxes, Ted getting in his car and ploughing straight through the boxes... all backed by ridiculously tense music.
** * Ted's brainstorming session with Barren Island priests Father Beeching and Father Clarke[[note]] played by [[CreatorCameo Arthur Mathews]][[/note]]. Their first plan is to conduct Mass for Dougal alongside the "speeding" milkfloat, and during the brainstorming session the best they can produce is another Mass. They try watching ''Film/ThePoseidonAdventure'' since Gene Hackman's character in the film was a priest, but are disappointed to find he doesn't even say Mass.
** * Then Ted trips over the brick ''[[RunningGag again]]'' - and draws what looks like a complicated diagram on the chalkboard before a shift in camera angle reveals that [[http://file004.bebo.com/large/2006/02/23/18/19963716a330333458b524719537l.jpg he has simply written "WE PUT THE BRICK ON THE ACCELERATOR"]]. A plan which almost fails when Dougal, before stepping off the milk float, picks up the brick and shouts "Ted, you forgot your brick!"
** * After [[CardCarryingVillain Pat Mustard]] reveals over the phone to Ted that he's put a speed-activated bomb on the milk van Dougal is driving, he begins to [[EvilLaugh laugh evilly]]. Ted rushes off to find Dougal, while Pat is left laughing on the other end of the line. We cut back to the phone later, and Pat is ''[[OverlyLongGag still]]'' [[OverlyLongGag laughing]]. Jack even picks up the phone at one point, with an expression of utter confusion, only to put it down as Ted did. [[spoiler: Pat spends so much time in the phone booth, [[EvilGloating gloating]], that by the time he finishes laughing, Dougal has escaped from the wired van, [[LaserGuidedKarma which is now driving towards the phone booth.]]]]
]]]]

[[AC:"The Mainland"]]
* "The Mainland":
**
Father Noel Furlong's solo performance of "Bohemian Rhapsody".
** * "Let's have a screeching competition! I'll go first! ''AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!''"
** * Father Noel's bizarre fantasy scenario of the group trapped in the cave having to eat each other, as in ''Alive'', culminating in him pretending he is eating Tony, a member of his youth group, while he is still alive.
--->'''Father -->'''Father Noel:''' Look! Here's me eating Tony! Tony's going, "No, get off me, I'm not dead yet!" I'd be going, "But I'm ''hungry'', Tony!"
** * Jack gets into a pub after a day of having his specs stolen, wandering into an Alcoholics Anonymous group and deprived of a single drink. An AA member sees him about to have a glass and runs in to toss it away.
--->[[http://www.-->[[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vExieiQw4bM#t=5m55s "Don't do it Father! I won't let you do it, I know hurts but believe me you're going to thank me fo-"]] ''(cue AmbulanceCut)''
** * [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KKhpQCH_dZU The optician scene.]]
* "Kicking
]]

[[AC:"Kicking
Bishop Brennan up the Arse":
**
Arse"]]
*
Ted's first attempt at kicking Bishop Brennan up the arse. As he's running up to deliver the kick, [[TheDragon Father Jessop]] sees him and Ted shifts gears and ''jumps out the window''.
** * The bizarre geography of Craggy Island knows no bounds:
--->'''Mrs.-->'''Mrs. Doyle:''' Your Grace, Father Crilly, I've just heard they've taken the roads in!\\



** The exchange between Father Jessop, Bishop Brennan and Father Jack:
--->'''Brennan''': Aha! The Kraken awakes! Did we disturb you Father Hackett?\\

to:

** * The exchange between Father Jessop, Bishop Brennan and Father Jack:
--->'''Brennan''': -->'''Brennan''': Aha! The Kraken awakes! Did we disturb you Father Hackett?\\



** The very crude watercolor painting of a man in a bishop's hat.
** After Ted kicks Bishop Brennan up the arse and sends him on his way to Rome, he gets absolutely stinking drunk, and tells Dougal he wants two hundred copies of the photograph he took of the act. Father Jack walks into the room during this speech; Ted turns to him and screams, "FECK OFF!" - and for once, it is Jack who flees in terror.
** Bishop Brennan is so shocked by the experience of being kicked up the arse by Ted that it isn't until several days later, during his audience in Rome with the Pope, that he finally processes what has happened and bellows, "HE ''DID'' KICK ME UP THE ARSE!!!" before ''shoving the Pope out of the way'' and jumping on the first flight back to Ireland.
** Bishop Brennan's return to the Craggy Island parochial house just ''[[http://stream1.gifsoup.com/webroot/animatedgifs7/2724092_o.gif screams]]'' IncomingHam.
** The ending [[spoiler: where Bishop Brennan kicks Ted up the arse ''sending him flying several feet through the air'']].
** TheStinger at the end of the episode:
--->'''Jessop''': ''([[FateWorseThanDeath still locked in Jack's dirty underwear hamper]])'' I'm really... enjoying this.
* "Night of the Nearly Dead":
** When all the old ladies are crowding around the house to get a glimpse of crooner Eoin [=McLove=] in a ZombieApocalypse parody, they have punched through the front door and grabbed him while Ted, Dougal, and [=McLove's=] manager are trying to break their grip on him. Jack, meanwhile... [[PassThePopcorn fetches a chair and a drink and sits back to watch.]]
** In the next scene, Father Jack assumes the role of the grizzled, world-weary veteran of zombie encounters and delivers a dramatic speech... all while speaking at his usual NoIndoorVoice volume.
--->'''Father Jack:''' THEY LIE IN WAIT LIKE WOLVES. THE SMELL OF BLOOD IN THEIR NOSTRILS. WAITING. INTERMINABLY WAITING. AND THEN!...\\

to:

** * The very crude watercolor painting of a man in a bishop's hat.
** * After Ted kicks Bishop Brennan up the arse and sends him on his way to Rome, he gets absolutely stinking drunk, and tells Dougal he wants two hundred copies of the photograph he took of the act. Father Jack walks into the room during this speech; Ted turns to him and screams, "FECK OFF!" - and for once, it is Jack who flees in terror.
** * Bishop Brennan is so shocked by the experience of being kicked up the arse by Ted that it isn't until several days later, during his audience in Rome with the Pope, that he finally processes what has happened and bellows, "HE ''DID'' KICK ME UP THE ARSE!!!" before ''shoving the Pope out of the way'' and jumping on the first flight back to Ireland.
** * Bishop Brennan's return to the Craggy Island parochial house just ''[[http://stream1.gifsoup.com/webroot/animatedgifs7/2724092_o.gif screams]]'' IncomingHam.
** * The ending [[spoiler: where Bishop Brennan kicks Ted up the arse ''sending him flying several feet through the air'']].
** * TheStinger at the end of the episode:
--->'''Jessop''': -->'''Jessop''': ''([[FateWorseThanDeath still locked in Jack's dirty underwear hamper]])'' I'm really... enjoying this.
* "Night
this.

[[AC:"Night
of the Nearly Dead":
**
Dead"]]
*
When all the old ladies are crowding around the house to get a glimpse of crooner Eoin [=McLove=] in a ZombieApocalypse parody, they have punched through the front door and grabbed him while Ted, Dougal, and [=McLove's=] manager are trying to break their grip on him. Jack, meanwhile... [[PassThePopcorn fetches a chair and a drink and sits back to watch.]]
** * In the next scene, Father Jack assumes the role of the grizzled, world-weary veteran of zombie encounters and delivers a dramatic speech... all while speaking at his usual NoIndoorVoice volume.
--->'''Father -->'''Father Jack:''' THEY LIE IN WAIT LIKE WOLVES. THE SMELL OF BLOOD IN THEIR NOSTRILS. WAITING. INTERMINABLY WAITING. AND THEN!...\\



** TheReveal as to why Eoin [=McLove=] is such a {{Jerkass}}, in comparison with his on-screen persona?
--->'''Eoin''': [[spoiler: [[FreudianExcuse I've no willy!]]]]
* In the final episode, "Going to America", Ted manages to unknowingly console a suicidal priest by playing Isaac Hayes's theme from ''{{Film/Shaft}}'' on the radio. Unfortunately, the next time we see the priest, he's on a bus, listening to Music/{{Radiohead}}...

to:

** * TheReveal as to why Eoin [=McLove=] is such a {{Jerkass}}, in comparison with his on-screen persona?
--->'''Eoin''': -->'''Eoin''': [[spoiler: [[FreudianExcuse I've no willy!]]]]
* In the final episode, "Going
willy!]]]]

[[AC:"Going
to America", America"]]
*
Ted manages to unknowingly console a suicidal priest by playing Isaac Hayes's theme from ''{{Film/Shaft}}'' on the radio. Unfortunately, the next time we see the priest, he's on a bus, listening to Music/{{Radiohead}}...Music/{{Radiohead}}...
[[/folder]]
3rd Aug '16 8:25:49 AM mlsmithca
Is there an issue? Send a Message


'''Mrs. Carberry:''' FECKIN' GREEKS!
'''Colm''': ''(walks up to her)'' How's Mary?

to:

'''Mrs. Carberry:''' FECKIN' GREEKS!
GREEKS!\\
'''Colm''': ''(walks up to her)'' How's Mary?Mary?\\
3rd Aug '16 8:24:47 AM mlsmithca
Is there an issue? Send a Message


** For me, this sequence is a Crowning Moment of Funny not only for the Episode, but the Series as a whole...
---> [Dougal is asleep on the floor beside Jack's coffin, while Ted looks out a window... ]
--->'''Father Ted:''' It's beginning to snow again. The flakes, silver and dark, are falling obliquely against the lamplight.
--->[Scene fades to stock footage of snow on trees]
--->'''Father Ted:''' It's probably snowing all over the island, on the central plain, on the treeless hills, falling softly upon the graveyards, upon the crosses and the headstones, upon all the living and the dead...
--->[Snow footage fades out to show Jack standing beside his coffin!]
--->'''Father Jack''': SHUT THE FECK UP!
--->[Ted turns, sees Jack and faints, waking Dougal... ]
--->'''Father Dougal:''' [Looks down at Ted lying on the floor] Ted! What's wrong?
--->[Turns to Jack]
--->'''Father Dougal:''' Father Jack, did you see what happened?
--->[Looks back at Ted]
--->'''Father Dougal:''' Ted?
--->[Turns back to Jack]
--->'''Father Dougal:''' What happened, Father Jack? Wha...
--->[Finally realises what's happening and faints as well!]
--->'''Father Dougal:''' Ooooo!

to:

** For me, this sequence And to cap it all off, it seems Jack is a Crowning Moment of Funny not only for the Episode, but the Series as a whole...
---> [Dougal
NotQuiteDead...
--->''[Dougal
is asleep on the floor beside Jack's coffin, while Ted looks out a window... ]
--->'''Father Ted:'''
window]''\\
'''Ted:'''
It's beginning to snow again. The flakes, silver and dark, are falling obliquely against the lamplight.
--->[Scene
lamplight.\\
''[scene
fades to stock footage of snow on trees]
--->'''Father Ted:'''
trees]''\\
'''Ted:'''
It's probably snowing all over the island, on the central plain, on the treeless hills, falling softly upon the graveyards, upon the crosses and the headstones, upon all the living and the dead...
--->[Snow
dead...\\
''[snow
footage fades out to show Jack standing beside his coffin!]
--->'''Father Jack''':
coffin!]''\\
'''Jack''':
SHUT THE FECK UP!
--->[Ted
UP!\\
''[Ted
turns, sees Jack and faints, waking Dougal... ]
--->'''Father Dougal:''' [Looks
Dougal]''\\
'''Dougal:''' ''[looks
down at Ted lying on the floor] floor]'' Ted! What's wrong?
--->[Turns
wrong? ''[turns to Jack]
--->'''Father Dougal:'''
Jack]'' Father Jack, did you see what happened?
--->[Looks back at Ted]
--->'''Father Dougal:''' Ted?
--->[Turns
happened? ''[turns back to Jack]
--->'''Father Dougal:'''
Ted]'' Ted? ''[turns back to Jack]'' What happened, Father Jack? Wha...
--->[Finally realises what's happening
Wha... ''[the penny finally drops, and he faints as well!]
--->'''Father Dougal:'''
well]'' Ooooo!



** Father Jack's replacement is Father Fintan Stack. Whose behavior is as un-priest-like as possible. This includes drilling holes into the walls of the house for no reason, blaring jungle music at 3 am among other things.

to:

** Father Jack's replacement is Father Fintan Stack. Whose Stack, whose behavior is as un-priest-like as possible. This includes drilling holes into the walls of the house for no reason, blaring jungle music at 3 am among other things.



-->'''Pilot''': Father Crilly?
-->'''Ted''': Yes, captain?
-->'''Pilot''': I'm ''not'' a captain.
-->'''Ted''': Well I'm not a fellow who goes climbing around the outside of planes...but I think considering the circumstances, we can be whatever we want right now.
-->'''BEAT'''
-->'''Dougal''': Can I still be a priest?

to:

-->'''Pilot''': --->'''Pilot''': Father Crilly?
-->'''Ted''':
Crilly?\\
'''Ted''':
Yes, captain?
-->'''Pilot''':
captain?\\
'''Pilot''':
I'm ''not'' a captain.
-->'''Ted''':
captain.\\
'''Ted''':
Well I'm not a fellow who goes climbing around the outside of planes...but I think considering the circumstances, we can be whatever we want right now.
-->'''BEAT'''
-->'''Dougal''':
now.\\
''[{{Beat}}]''\\
'''Dougal''':
Can I still be a priest?
5th May '16 2:36:24 AM Vanguard1505
Is there an issue? Send a Message

Added DiffLines:

** Following the above, Dougal tells Ted how he rode an old man like a horse for a whole hour, whipping him like a jockey. Ted's reaction is what sells the joke.
--->'''Ted''': [[BrainBleach You realize that image will stay with me for the rest of my life?]]
This list shows the last 10 events of 156. Show all.
http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/article_history.php?article=Funny.FatherTed