History Funny / FamilyGuySeasons1to3

'''Brian:''' [[FlatWhat Can I buy some pot from you]]?

* The action-packed PreviouslyOn sequence of scenes which obviously never happened in the show, let alone the previous episode.

* The Griffins' radiation-induced superpowers: Peter has VoluntaryShapeshifting, Chris has [[PlayingWithFire pyrokinesis]], Stewie has an enlarged brain and telekinesis, Brian has SuperSpeed, Lois has SuperStrength... and [[ButtMonkey Meg]] [[WhatKindOfLamePowerIsHeartAnyway can make her fingernails grow out]].

--> '''German Tour Guide:''' "I vill hear no more insinuations about [[ThoseWackyNazis ze German people]]! [[UsefulNotes/WorldWarII NOTHING BAD HAPPENED!]] Sie werden sich hinsetzen!! Sie werden ruhig sein!! Sie werden nicht beleidigen Deutschland!!!" (Performs the salute)

* After Francis lulls Stewie to sleep by reading him a passage of the Bible, Brian brings up God telling Abraham to kill Isaac. We're treated to UsefulNotes/AbrahamLincoln shooting Music/IsaacHayes to death, causing a woman nearby to gasp in shock.

'''Cameraman:''' Hey guys, we're still on in Boston.

'''Cameraman:''' Actually, we're back on the air in Quahog.\\
(both of them have the OhCrap look on their faces!)

(cue the OhCrap looks on both of their faces!)

'''Horace:''' Sorry, Peter. Someone stole the remotes. And the kegs. [[RuleOfThree And I'm not sure,]] [[EscalatingPunchline but I think I've been shot]]. ''([[FailedASpotCheck sees that he has indeed]] [[MajorInjuryUnderreaction been shot in the chest]])'' Yep. ''(collapses)''

* Mayor West tries to get superpowers by rolling around in toxic waste. Unlike the stuff that gave the Griffins their powers, he just gets lymphoma.

** Just before the sequence begins, Peter is shown [[TooDumbToLive trying to lick a running desk fan]] (a BrickJoke from earlier when he sticks his penis in a pencil sharpener).

* One of Peter's competition ideas is sticking various utensils and other kitchen good on his head and in his nose/ears. Once he wins, he ends up parading around the table, only to trip and fall off screen.

[[quoteright:300:https://static.tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pub/images/KangarooPouchRide_3881.jpg]]
[[caption-width-right:300:Look at me, Lois, [[Franchise/WinnieThePooh I'm Roo!]]]]

'''Chris:''' [[UpToEleven How about if you]] [[EarthShatteringKaboom blow up the Earth?]]\\

''Quagmire:''' Tuesdays in [[TheEighties the '80s]] I was always in bed by 8:00...[[ReallyGetsAround and home by 11:00! Oh!]]

(they all start beating the crap out of each other)\\

* The AdaptionalAlternateEnding to ''[[Film/Titanic1997 Titanic]]:

-->'''Brian:''' It's amazing, Peter. [[SugarWiki/HaertwarmingMoments You've inspired the whole neighborhood to work together]].\\

-->'''Peter:'''

* Peter eats an entire year's worth of dehydrated meals and complains that he's still hungry, then drinks a glass of water and expands. He then tells everyone present to leave because he has to poop, but when they don't comply, he yells "NOW!" and they all run away.

* The part where Stewie manipulates the other children into fighting and then gloats about it:
-->'''Stewie:''' Dance, puppets, ''dance''!

-->'''Brian:''' You wanna go get some ice cream?\\

-->'''Peter:''' Oh, that's quite alright, [[DrvenToSuicide I've grown tired of living]].

\\

-->'''Carter:''' He's violating Seabreeze!\\

'''Pope:''' You make-a the Pope look like a ''fool!'' God will make you pay! ''SMITE THEM!'' ''[[{{Beat}} (pause that lasts for several seconds)]]'' He's-a cookin'-a something up.

** Not to mention the fact that Richard Jeni a a ''guy''.

'''Peter:''' ''(who has his hand tucked in his armpit, the armpit area of his shirt stained red, and is shivering violently)'' It was on eBay. ''(doubles over and vomits)'' OH GOD, CALL AN AMBULANCE!

-->'''Chris:''' Don't worry. We've been studying fulcrums in school. You have to counterbalance the weight at the point where the lever pivots. Like so! ''[[UseYourHead (headbutts the flagpole base]] and knocks himself unconscious)''

* After Death gets with his crush, he can't stand her GranolaGirl tendencies for long and touches her, killing her instantly, before closing out the episode with a CheckPlease.

-->'''Stewie:''' We're playing house.\\

'''Stewie:''' ''[[{{Beat}} (pause)]]'' Creator/RomanPolanski's [[CrossesTheLineTwice house.]]

* [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lu9CJRa7H6g Peter's job working for]] Series/{{The Electric Company| 1971}}.

'''Customer:''' How about we get together later? (''gives Peter a card with his number'')\\

'''Henessey:''' (''laughs out loud'')\\

-->'''Stewie''': (''HeadDesk'') If it wasn't right the ''first'' time you said it, why the ''hell'' would it be right the next ten times? God!

-->'''Peter:''' (Randomly catches fire) Oh dear, I've spontaneously combusted.

-->'''Peter:''' Oh, that's quite alright, I've grown tired of living.

-->'''Peter:''' ''[[SkewedPriorities (pulls into a drive-thru)]]'' Yeah, I'll have three cheeseburgers...\\

-->'''Dr. Hartman:''' Alright, I'm just gonna put on a pair of gloves and we'll deliver this baby. (''reaches in the sharps waste'') These don't feel like gloves at all. They feel like used needles. But this is where I ''always'' keep the gloves. [[TooDumbToLive Well, maybe if I dig deeper.]] Nope, just feels like more needles. Well, that's the craziest thing! (''lifts his arm up and it's covered in needles'') Oh, now I'm sure this isn't the glove drawer. (''passes out'')

-->'''Stewie:''' God, all this work to stop people from having sex. [[TakeThat Now I know how the Catholic Church feels.]]

(''Stewie starts [[BowChickaWowWow imitating porno music]]'')

--> '''Dr. Hartman''': Mr Griffin, that isn't a growth. That's your penis.\\

-->'''Brian''': Are you gonna take that? ...Lois!
-->'''Lois''': [[DistractedByTheSexy What? Oh. Brian. I was, I was seeing if the, uh, driveway.]]
-->'''Brian''': That wasn't a sentence. You were ogling Peter like a horny schoolgirl.
-->'''Lois''': Oh, I can't help it! I know, I know, he's become a superficial, egomaniacal jerk. But I've never been more attracted to him. Does that make me a bad person?
-->'''Brian''': [[BrutalHonesty Yes. Yes, it does make you a bad person!]]