History Funny / DrKatzProfessionalTherapist

13th Dec '16 7:12:46 AM speedyboris
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** At the end of the episode, Ben gets a brainstorm that he could do chiropractic work for a living... except he would only practice on Dr. Katz. Even though he's his father, Ben would still charge him $60 a session, at three times a week. He estimates that he'll make over $100,000 a year, tax free.
13th Oct '16 8:22:25 AM speedyboris
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--> '''Ray''': Yeah, she would overfeed everyone. I used to tell my friends, "Look, when you're done with the meal, my mom's gonna try to give you more. All right, be careful, be very careful. Don't tell her you want a ''little'' more, 'cause she'll give you a ''lot''. Tell her you're not even hungry, poof, you'll get a little bit more." And if you don't want any more... shoot her. Shoot the woman." "No way, none for me." ''(as mom)'' "Oh, you take a little!" ''(as friend)'' "I don't think so, Mrs. Romano. Put it back, put it back in the bowl! Now hand the spoon the Ray, nice and easy into his hands... she's got a cannoli in her apron!" Shoot her, shoot her and land one. Don't braze her, that'll piss her off. She'll take a bullet and keep coming. "Oh! I warmed it up!" And then she won't go down; she'll flip it to your aunt, there's always a fat aunt back there. "Go get 'em! He's a runner!" It's like Planet of the Fat Aunts in my house.

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--> '''Ray''': Yeah, she would overfeed everyone. I used to tell my friends, "Look, when you're done with the meal, my mom's gonna try to give you more. All right, be careful, be very careful. Don't tell her you want a ''little'' more, 'cause she'll give you a ''lot''. Tell her you're not even hungry, poof, you'll get a little bit more." And if you don't want any more... shoot her. Shoot the woman." ''(as friend)'' "No way, none for me." ''(as mom)'' "Oh, you take a little!" ''(as friend)'' "I don't think so, Mrs. Romano. Put it back, put it back in the bowl! Now hand the spoon the Ray, nice and easy into his hands... she's got a cannoli in her apron!" Shoot her, shoot her and land one. Don't braze her, that'll piss her off. She'll take a bullet and keep coming. "Oh! I warmed it up!" And then she won't go down; she'll flip it to your aunt, there's always a fat aunt back there. "Go get 'em! He's a runner!" It's like Planet of the Fat Aunts in my house.
13th Oct '16 8:21:54 AM speedyboris
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** His bit about how he can't refuse second helpings from his mother:
--> '''Ray''': Yeah, she would overfeed everyone. I used to tell my friends, "Look, when you're done with the meal, my mom's gonna try to give you more. All right, be careful, be very careful. Don't tell her you want a ''little'' more, 'cause she'll give you a ''lot''. Tell her you're not even hungry, poof, you'll get a little bit more." And if you don't want any more... shoot her. Shoot the woman." "No way, none for me." ''(as mom)'' "Oh, you take a little!" ''(as friend)'' "I don't think so, Mrs. Romano. Put it back, put it back in the bowl! Now hand the spoon the Ray, nice and easy into his hands... she's got a cannoli in her apron!" Shoot her, shoot her and land one. Don't braze her, that'll piss her off. She'll take a bullet and keep coming. "Oh! I warmed it up!" And then she won't go down; she'll flip it to your aunt, there's always a fat aunt back there. "Go get 'em! He's a runner!" It's like Planet of the Fat Aunts in my house.
6th Oct '16 9:51:39 AM speedyboris
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** And this bit about women:
--> '''Robert''': I feel bad for women; I mean, they're constantly bombarded with these stupid commercials. "Susie, how could you work eight hours a day and look so young and fresh and vibrant?" "Stay Free Maxi Pads." "Yeah. Did you hear the question I just asked you?"
5th Oct '16 1:37:57 PM speedyboris
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* Robert Schimmel was skeptical that punching a shark so they won't attack you actually worked:
--> '''Robert''': What if they weren't even gonna attack you? What if it's just swimming around and you come up and go, BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM! ''(as shark)'' "What was that for?" ''(as diver)'' "I thought you were going to attack me." ''(as shark)'' "Heh, I'm ''going'' to now. The other sharks were watching, it doesn't look good."
15th Sep '16 8:13:06 AM speedyboris
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* Creator/JimGaffigan:
--> '''Jim''': I don't like going on vacation, 'cause then you feel like you have to see everything. You gotta write everyone a postcard. You could be a genius, you try to write a postcard, you look like a moron: "This city's got big buildings, I like food, bye!"
8th Sep '16 5:54:53 AM speedyboris
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* Creator/DaveChappelle: His bit about what the guys who are golden lassoed by Wonder Woman (and thus forced to tell the truth) would ''really'' say:
--> '''Dave''': ''(as criminal)'' Damn, you've got some big breasts. I wasn't gonna say anything earlier, but you have squeezed the truth right out of me!
6th Sep '16 12:57:14 PM speedyboris
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--> '''David''': Yeah, but how can I believe in it? I'm paying you to say that, aren't I? Or am I?\\

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--> '''David''': Yeah, but how can I believe in it? it? Basically, I'm paying you to say that, aren't I? Or am I?\\
6th Sep '16 12:56:56 PM speedyboris
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** Later in the episode, Dr. Katz shares his philosophy about therapy: It's appropriate to give encouragement.
--> '''David''': Yeah, but how can I believe in it? I'm paying you to say that, aren't I? Or am I?\\
'''Dr. Katz''': Not at all; that's not what you're paying me for.\\
'''David''': What ''am'' I paying you for?\\
'''Dr. Katz''': I'm not sure.
6th Sep '16 12:27:44 PM speedyboris
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* A couple bits from Denis Leary: His routine about the Darth Vader piggy bank which spouts sound bytes when you put a coin in it, and this exchange when Denis asks Dr. Katz what he does when he's angry:

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* A couple bits from Denis Leary: Creator/DenisLeary: His routine about the Darth Vader piggy bank which spouts sound bytes when you put a coin in it, and this exchange when Denis asks Dr. Katz what he does when he's angry:
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http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/article_history.php?article=Funny.DrKatzProfessionalTherapist