History Funny / DieHard

--->'''Powell:''' I'm at Nakatomi Plaza, they're turning my car into Swiss cheese! I need backup assistance now! NOW, GODDAMNIT, NOW!

** The fact that he feels the need to read it aloud in the first place, obviously enamored with the sound of his own voice and much to [[ColdHam the audience's delight]]

-->'''911 Operator:''' Attention, whoever you are, this channel is reserved for emergency calls only.\\

** When they first meet, Argyle asks John what's the deal with him and his wife, "Are you divorced? Separated? Did she beat you up?"

-->'''Powell:''' I'm at Nakatomi Plaza, they're turning my car into Swiss cheese! I need backup assistance now! NOW, GODDAMNIT, NOW!

* When [[spoiler:the FBI shuts down the electricity to the building, the electromagnetic seal on the vault is lost]], and as it opens, Hans and Theo get looks on their faces that say what they're seeing is beauty incarnate. At that moment, ''Ode to Joy'' starts playing.

-->'''Hans:''' Oh! ''Pleaase, God'' Oh, no! You're one of them, aren't you? You're one of them! Please don't kill me!

-->'''Robinson:''' [mildly concerned] We're gonna need some more FBI guys, I guess.

-->'''Robinson''': Oh, I hope that's not a hostage.

* After John delivers his iconic "Yippee-ki-yay, motherfucker" and cuts the communication, Hans's face stays frozen some seconds, trying to process what the hell he has just been told, displaying pure [[ColdHam Alan Rickman's style]].

* An apparent throwaway scene has a beautifully condensed TakeThat against pundits and anchors; The so-called terrorist expert refers to the "StockholmSyndrome" as the Helsinki Syndrome, the anchor trying to add context "as in Helsinki, Sweden", gets the country right in his mistake, only to be corrected by the expert, "Finland"[[note]]Helsinki is the capital of Finland, but Stockholm is in Sweden[[/note]]. Cue baffled reactions and {{facepalm}}s from behind the camera.
** When the anchor and "expert" are noting that, by this stage, the hostages may presumably be entering the first stages of [[StockholmSyndrome identifying with their captors]]... [[BlackComedy the scene switches]] [[GilliganCut to the corpse of Harry Ellis being dragged right by them]]. [[CaptainObvious They are not identifying with their captors at this stage]].

** RealLife example: the corpse was played by a dummy. Some crewmembers took the car to a UsefulNotes/McDonalds drive-thru with the body still sticking out of the windshield. ''And nobody batted an eyelid''.

* If you pay attention after Hans shoots Takagi, [[SideBet you can see Karl hand a bill to Theo.]]

''([[ReactionShot Karl grows silently impacient]])''\\
'''Ellis:''' ''(chuckles)'' Hey, business is business. You use a gun, I use a fountain pen. What's the difference? Let's put it in my terms: you're here on a hostile takeover, you grab us for some greenmail, but you didn't expect some poison pill was gonna be running around in the building. Am I right? Hans, ''bubbe''... I'm your white knight.\\

'''Ellis:''' I watch ''Series/SixtyMinutes'', I say to myself, these guys are professional, they're motivated, they're happening, i.e they want something, huh? Now personally, I couldn't care less about your politics. Maybe you're pissed off at the camel jockeys, maybe it's the Hebes, Northern Ireland, it's none of my business. I figure you're here to negotiate, am I right?\\

''(Ellis doubles down, [[ReactionShot Karl grows silently impacient]])''\\
'''Ellis''' : You're here in a hostile takeover, you grab us for some greenmail, but you didn't expect some poison pill was gonna be running around in the building. Am I right? Hans, bubbie... I'm your white knight\\
'''Hans''' ''([[{{Metaphorgotten}} non-plussed]])'': I must have missed ''Series/SixtyMinutes''. What are you saying?

-->'''Ellis:''' It's obvious you're not some dumb schmuck up here to snatch a few purses. Am I right? \\

''(Ellis doubles down)''\\
'''Ellis''' : You're here in a hostile takeover, you grab us for some greenmail, but you didn't expect some poison pill was gonna be running around in the building. Am I right?\\

-->'''Ellis:'''\\ It's obvious you're not some dumb schmuck up here to snatch a few purses. Am I right?
\\'''Hans:''' You are very perceptive.\\

* [=McClane=] dropping Marco's body onto Powell's cruiser is comedy gold, especially for Powell's reaction and sudden lack of driving skills.
** To elaborate, when [McClane=] realizes that Powell is falling for Hans' "false alarm" ruse just like every ''other'' cop in LA, the [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9OpIbiFmY60 means he chooses]] of breaking said ruse is ''waaay'' funnier than it should be;

** To elaborate, when [doub=McClane=] realizes that Powell is falling for Hans' "false alarm" ruse just like every ''other'' cop in LA, the [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9OpIbiFmY60 means he chooses]] of breaking said ruse is ''waaay'' funnier than it should be;

* The negotiation between Ellis and Hans. Ellis' hilariously smug attitude and Hans' deadpan response to him.

--->'''Ellis:''' I watch ''Series/SixtyMinutes'', I say to myself, these guys are professional, they're motivated, they're happening, i.e they want something, huh? Now personally, I couldn't care less about your politics. Maybe you're pissed off at the camel jockeys, maybe it's the Hebes, Northern Ireland, it's none of my business. I figure you're here to negotiate, am I right?\\

** To elaborate, when [=McClane=] realizes that Powell is falling for Hans' "false alarm" ruse just like every ''other'' cop in LA, the [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9OpIbiFmY60 means he chooses]] of breaking said ruse is ''waaay'' funnier than it should be;

''(Ellis doubles down)''

'''Hans:''' [[SarcasmMode You're amazing. You figured this all out already?]]

* After Jon delivers his iconic "Yippee-ki-yay, motherfucker" and cuts the communication, Hans's face stays frozen for a second, trying to process what the hell he has just been told, displaying pure [[ColdHam Alan Rickman's style]].

''[Karl blasts APC with rocket launcher]'' "[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JxR7RYuF2fU OH MY GOD, the quarterback is TOAST!]]"

-->'''John''': Cute toy.
-->'''Guard''': Yeah, if you ever have to take a leak, it'll even help you find your zipper.

-->''(after John turns the "Holly Gennaro" thing into a heated discussion)'' "That's great, John, Good job. Very mature."
-->''(saying what Holly said to him to have him meet up in L.A.)'' [[DidntWantAnAdventure "Come out to the coast! We'll get together, have a few laughs!"]]\\

-->'''Powell''': ''(singing)'' Let it snow, let it sno...\\
'''Body of Marco''': ''(drops through windshield of Powell's cruiser)''\\
'''Powell''': '''''SHITGODDAMMITJESUS H. CHRIST!'''''\\
'''Hans' surviving henchmen''': ''(open fire)''\\

-->'''Powell''': I'm at Nakatomi Plaza, they're turning my car into Swiss cheese! I need backup assistance now! NOW, GODDAMNIT, NOW!

-->'''Karl''': ''[mouthing]'' Asian Dawn?
-->'''Hans''': ''[shrugs]'' I read about them in ''TIME magazine''.
-->[later...]
-->'''Karl''': Do you think they will even try to do it?
-->'''Hans''': Who cares?

-->'''Robinson:''' You listen to me, you little asshole. I--
-->'''[=McClane=]:''' ''Asshole?!'' I'm not the one who just got ''butt-fucked'' on national TV, ''Dwayne''! Now you listen to me, jerkoff, you're not part of the solution, you're part of the problem. Quit being part of the fucking problem and put the other guy back on!

--->'''[=McClane=]:''' Is the building on fire?
--->'''Powell:''' No, but it's gonna need a paint job and a shitload of screen doors.

--> ''[walking into the building with Karl]'' "So Kareem rebounds, right? Feeds Worthy on the break, over to A.C., to Magic, then back to Worthy! Right?" ''[Karl shoots and kills the guard with a shot to the head that is perfectly timed to Theo's speech pause]'' "Boom! Two points!"\\

* The negotiation between Ellis and Hans. Ellis’ hilariously smug attitude and Hans’ deadpan response to him.

--> '''Dwayne T. Robinson''': We don't know shit, Powell. If there's hostages, how come nobody's come to us with ransom demands, huh? If there's terrorists in there, where's their list of demands? All we know is that somebody shot your car up. It's probably the same silly son of a bitch you've been talking to on that radio.
--> '''Powell''': Excuse me, sir! But what about the body that fell out the window?
--> '''Robinson''': Well, who knows? Probably some stockbroker, got depressed.

--> '''Powell''': [about [=McClane=]] In fact, I think he's a cop. Maybe not LAPD, but he's definitely a badge.
--> '''Robinson''': How do you know that?
--> '''Powell''': A hunch, things he said. Like being able to spot a phony ID.
--> '''Robinson''': Jesus Christ, Powell, he could be a fucking bartender for all we know.

--> '''Hans''': ''("I had a [[EurekaMoment clever idea]]-face")'' Karl, Schieß dem Fenster.
--> '''Karl''': ''(gives Hans a confused look, stays frozen for 5 seconds)''
--> '''Hans''': ''(annoyed he has to repeat it)'' ''[[PunctuatedForEmphasis Shoot! The glass!]]''

--> '''Holly''': After all your posturing... All your little speeches, you're nothing but a common thief.
--> '''Hans''': ''(Slightly agitated)'' I am an ''exceptional'' thief, Mrs. [=McClane=]. And since I'm moving up to kidnapping, you should be more polite.
* The look of sheer joy on Argyle's face after he [[spoiler:punches out Theo.]] He looks like a little kid thinking, "I helped!"

--->'''Tony:''' Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein!

-->'''Hans:''' Oh! ''Pleaae, God'' Oh, no! You're one of them, aren't you? You're one of them! Please don't kill me!

-->''(talking to John on his cell, but the connection was cut off by the criminals)''
-->'''Argyle:''' ''(to the bear)'' You know the number, you call it!
-->''(finding no way out of the parking garage, he parks his limo and sighs. He looks at his rear view mirror and sees the bear)''
-->'''Argyle:''' Shut up.

--->'''Big Johnson:''' YEEEEEEEHAAAAAAAAA!!! Just like fuckin' Saigon! Eh, slick?
--->'''Little Johnson:''' ''(smiles)'' I was in junior high, dickhead.

-->(Hans pulls the trigger, the gun clicks without firing)
-->'''[=McClane=]:''' ''[[SarcasmMode Oops.]]''
-->(Hans pulls the trigger a few more times, the gun still doesn't fire)
-->'''[=McClane=]:''' (mockingly) No bullets. You think I'm fucking stupid, Hans?
-->(Elevator arrives on the floor containing several of Hans's accomplices)
-->'''Hans:''' You were saying?

--->'''Ellis:''' I watch ''Series/SixtyMinutes'', I say to myself, these guys are professional, they're motivated, they're happening, i.e they want something, huh? Now personally, I couldn't care less about your politics. Maybe you're pissed off at the camel jockeys, maybe it's the Hebes, Northern Ireland, it's none of my business. I figure you're here to negotiate, am I right?
--->'''Hans:''' [[SarcasmMode You're amazing. You figured this all out already?]]

-->'''Holly:''' ''Jesus!''
-->'''John:''' ''[deadpan]'' Hi honey.

** Argyle was listening on this conversation, laughing.

* [=McClane=] dropping the body onto Powell's cruiser is comedy gold, especially for Powell's reaction and sudden lack of driving skills.

--->'''Ellis:''' I watch 60 Minutes, I say to myself, these guys are professional, they're motivated, they're happening, i.e they want something, huh? Now personally, I couldn't care less about your politics. Maybe you're pissed off at the camel jockeys, maybe it's the Hebes, Northern Ireland, it's none of my business. I figure you're here to negotiate, am I right?

--> '''Hans''': ''("I had a[[EurekaMoment clever idea]]-face")'' Karl, Schieß dem Fenster.

* During the shootout between [[BigBad Hans]], [[TheDragon Karl]], and [[TheHero [=McClane=]]]:
--> '''Hans''': Karl, Schieß dem Fenster.
--> '''Karl''': (gives Hans a confused look)
--> '''Hans''': ''[[PunctuatedForEmphasis Shoot! The glass!]]''

Works in this franchise with their own pages: