History Funny / Blackadder

17th Apr '18 5:41:16 PM mlsmithca
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'''Blackadder:''' ''(reading paper with a large magnifying glass)'' Now, let me see... "Beau Brummel in purple pants probe"... "King talks to tree: phew, what a looney"... God, ''The Times'' has really gone downhill recently!... AHA! ''(beckoning Baldrick)'' Listen to this, listen to this. ''(Baldrick joins Blackadder in looking through the magnifying glass)'' "Mysterious Northern beauty, Miss Amy Hardwood, comes to London and spends flipping great wodges of cash." ''(looks up and smiles, holding the magnifying glass in front of his eye)'' That's our baby!

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'''Blackadder:''' ''(reading paper with a large magnifying glass)'' Now, let me see... "Beau Brummel Brummell in purple pants probe"... "King talks to tree: phew, what a looney"... [[note]] Respectively references to the real life Prince George's friend George Bryan "Beau" Brummell, who dictated high fashion in men's clothes for several decades until a rift with Prince George led to a precipitous fall from grace, and the urban myth that King George III, during an early episode of mania in 1788, made conversation with a tree, believing it to be King Frederick William II of Prussia.[[/note]] God, ''The Times'' has really gone downhill recently!... AHA! ''(beckoning Baldrick)'' Listen to this, listen to this. ''(Baldrick joins Blackadder in looking through the magnifying glass)'' "Mysterious Northern beauty, Miss Amy Hardwood, comes to London and spends flipping great wodges of cash." ''(looks up and smiles, holding the magnifying glass in front of his eye)'' That's our baby!
16th Apr '18 9:15:41 PM mlsmithca
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* And it's not over: After Blackadder realizes his PocketProtector saved him, George says the same... then realizes he must have left it in his other suit, and promptly dies, for good.

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* And just as the real Prince George expires, his royal father enters,[[note]] The RuleOfFunny serves up another helping of AnachronismStew here; Wellington's victory in the Peninsular War appears to put this episode in late 1814, by which time George III was blind from cataracts, almost completely deaf, and suffering from such profound dementia that he didn't even know he had been declared King of Hanover.[[/note]] and Blackadder decides to adopt the charade that ''he'' is the Prince Regent as a lifelong career:
-->'''Herald:''' ''[off-screen, as a trumpet fanfare sounds]'' Kneel for His Majesty, the King of England.\\
'''George III:''' ''[holding a potted rose bush and speaking with a thick German accent]''[[note]] Never mind that, unlike his grandfather and great-grandfather, George III was born in England, spoke English as his first language, and never even visited the family lands in Hanover.[[/note]] Somebody told me my son vas here! I vish him to marry this rose bush! ''[sets the plant pot on the ground]'' And I vant to make the vedding arrangements! ''[Wellington and Baldrick turn to Blackadder]''\\
'''Blackadder:''' ''[stands up slowly]'' Here I am... Daddy. ''[smiles and walks over to the king]'' This is the Iron Duke, Wellington, commander of all your armed forces. ''[Wellington stands]''\\
'''George III:''' Yes, I recognise the enormous conk! ''[chuckles]''\\
'''Wellington:''' ''[putting an arm around Blackadder's shoulder]'' He's a hero! A man of wit and discretion!\\
'''George III:''' ''[claps]'' Bravo! ''[puts his arm around Blackadder]'' You know, my son, for the first time in my life, I've a real fatherly feeling about you! People may say I'm stark raving mad, and say the vord "pengvin" after each sentence, but I believe ve two can make Britain great, you as the Prince Regent, and I as King Pengvin!\\
'''Blackadder:''' ''[smiles thinly]'' Well, let's hope, eh. ''[grimaces, then turns to the Duke]'' Wellington, will you come and dine with us at the Palace? ''[the king nods]'' My family have a lot to thank you for.\\
'''Wellington:''' Yes, it will be a great pleasure! Your father may be as mad as a balloon, but I believe you have the makings of a fine king.\\
'''George III:''' ''Eine wunderbare Hochzeit, ja! [exits with Wellington]''[[note]] Translation: "A wonderful wedding, yes!"[[/note]]\\
'''Blackadder:''' ''[follows his "father" and the Duke, but stops and turns to Baldrick before he leaves]'' Oh, and Baldrick... clear away that dead butler, will you? ''[grins and exits]''
* And it's not over: After after Blackadder realizes his PocketProtector saved him, George says the same... then realizes he must have left it in his other suit, and promptly dies, for good.
30th Mar '18 4:35:46 PM Luxray1000
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--> '''Philip of Burgandy''': Recognize me now?

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--> '''Philip of Burgandy''': Recognize me now?Did he look something like this?
29th Mar '18 10:16:10 AM Scorntex
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Added DiffLines:

* Just after Blackadder loses what money he managed to "acquire" from the Pants, he sits down to think.
-->'''Blackadder:''' I need to think of something, and it is vital nothing interrupt me.\\
''([[TemptingFate a messenger enters]])''\\
'''Messenger:''' My lord, the Queen demands your presence, on pain of death!\\
'''Blackadder:''' My life is strewn with cowpats straight from the Devil's own ''satanic '''herd!'''''
27th Mar '18 9:27:33 PM mlsmithca
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'''Blackadder:''' ''(reading)'' "From the Supreme Commander, Allied Forces Europe. Sir: Prince or pauper, when a man soils a Wellington, he puts his foot in it. (Open bracket, this is not a joke, I do not find my name remotely funny and people who do end up dead, close bracket.) I challenge you to a duel tonight at 1800 hours in which you will die. Yours with sincerest apologies for your impending violent slaughter, Arthur Wellesley, Duke of Wellington."\\

to:

'''Blackadder:''' ''(reading)'' "From the Supreme Commander, Allied Forces Europe. Sir: Prince or pauper, when a man soils a Wellington, he puts his foot in it. (Open bracket, brackets, this is not a joke, I do not find my name remotely funny and people who do end up dead, close bracket.brackets.) I challenge you to a duel tonight at 1800 hours in which you will die. Yours with sincerest sincere apologies for your impending violent slaughter, Arthur Wellesley, Duke of Wellington."\\
27th Mar '18 5:28:08 PM mlsmithca
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* Blackadder and Baldrick are surprised by the Shadow, who orders "the one that looks like a pig" ("He's talking to ''you'', Baldrick!" Blackadder clarifies) to "skedaddle" before demanding a kiss from Blackadder... as it turns out the Shadow is really Amy Hardwood.
-->'''Blackadder:''' Does your father know you're out?\\
'''Amy:''' He had to ''go''.\\
'''Blackadder:''' D'you mean he's dead?\\
'''Amy:''' Yes... dead as that squirrel!\\
'''Blackadder:''' Which squirrel? ''[Amy fires into the trees; there is a loud squeak, followed by a thud]'' Oh, ''that'' squirrel.



* "You'll be as dead as, as... that squirrel!" "What squirrel?" [''BANG!''] "Squeak!" [thud]
* The Shadow claims never to harm any dumb, defenceless creature. Blackadder questions this, given...

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* "You'll be as dead as, as... that squirrel!" "What squirrel?" [''BANG!''] "Squeak!" [thud]
* The
Inevitably, the Shadow claims is planning to simply help herself to the loot Blackadder has brought from the palace and then fill him "so full of lead" she could sharpen his head and use him as a pencil. This does not stop her from claiming never to harm any dumb, defenceless creature.dumb animals. Blackadder questions this, given...



'''The Shadow:''' ''(suddenly maniacally angry)'' Yes! I hate them! With their stupid long bushy tails and their ''stupid twitchy noses!''\\

to:

'''The Shadow:''' ''(suddenly maniacally angry)'' Yes! Bastards! I hate them! With them with their stupid long bushy tails and their ''stupid twitchy noses!''\\



* Blackadder's reaction to being found by Baldrick on the "unrealistic grassy knoll".
-->'''Blackadder:''' Baldrick! Thanks for introducing me to a completely new experience!\\
'''Baldrick:''' What's that?\\
'''Blackadder:''' Being ''genuinely'' pleased to see you.

to:

* Blackadder's reaction The Shadow leaves Blackadder, vowing to being found by Baldrick on return at midnight to collect the "unrealistic grassy knoll".
loot and fill Blackadder so full of holes he can be marketed as a new English cheese. However, a genuinely new experience for Blackadder leads to a change of plans for all involved:
-->'''Blackadder:''' Oh, God. What a way to die. Shot by a transvestite on an unrealistic grassy knoll.\\
'''Baldrick:''' ''[entering]'' Morning, Mr B!\\
'''Blackadder:''' B-Baldrick?...
Baldrick! Thanks Thank you for introducing me to a completely ''genuinely'' new experience!\\
'''Baldrick:''' What's What experience is that?\\
'''Blackadder:''' Being ''genuinely'' pleased to see you.you. Now what are you doing here, you revolting animal?\\
'''Baldrick:''' I've come for the Shadow's autograph. You know, I'm a great fan of the Shadow's.\\
'''Blackadder:''' Yeah, yes, just untie me, Baldrick, come on.\\
'''Baldrick:''' ''[untying Blackadder's hands]'' What, has he gone? Oh, what a pity, I wanted him to autograph my new poster. ''[unrolls a poster and hands it to Blackadder]'' Look, his reward's gone up to £10,000.\\
'''Blackadder:''' ''[reading the poster]'' £10,000...\\
'''Baldrick:''' ''[untying Blackadder's feet]'' Yep!\\
'''Blackadder:''' That gives me an idea. ''[stands up]'' Baldrick! Take this cartload of loot back to the palace, and meet me back here at midnight, with ten soldiers, a restless lynch mob, and a small portable gallows. ''[Baldrick points at Blackadder in confirmation, and they hurry off in different directions]''
24th Mar '18 7:41:40 AM Scorntex
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to:

** As she gets closer to the bed, Henry Tudor (who is the being Edmund's trying to hide) starts making bleating noises.
-->'''Queen:''' Oh, Edmund. It's the ''lying'' I find so hurtful...


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* The queen's nonchalant irritation at the thought of her husband's return:
-->'''Courtesan:''' But when he returns, he'll be overcome with joy, and make mad, passionate love to you.\\
'''Queen:''' (''apathetically'') Yes. I wish he wouldn't ''do'' that. It makes it very hard to sleep.


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* Through the wedding, the priest trying to conduct the ceremony has to contend with Don Speekingleesh, and the Infanta, and Edmund's attempts to get out of it all, getting more and more frustrated:
-->'''Priest:''' ''(now thoroughly irritated)'' I now pronounce you, man and-\\
'''Messenger:''' STOP!\\
'''Priest:''' ''Chrrriiiissssst!''


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* Blackadder goes to see a doctor about his feelings for Bob. Being this is the fifteen hundreds, the man is neither particularly useful or at all sympathetic.
-->'''Blackadder:''' Can't you do something? I'm really concerned.\\
'''Doctor:''' Of course you are. It isn't every day a man wakes up to find he's a screaming bender with no more right to walk God's green earth than a weasel. Still, what do I mind? Just leaves more hot tottie for us ''real'' men.\\
'''Blackadder:''' Am I paying for this abuse, or is it all part of the service?\\
'''Doctor:''' All part of the service.


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* The Wise Woman's advice for Blackadder leaves much to be desired.
** Option One: Kill Bob. Option two: Blackadder kills himself. Option three: Make sure no-one ever learns Blackadder loves Bob... by killing ''EVERYONE IN THE WHOLE WORLD!''
23rd Jan '18 12:44:04 PM TheWildWestPyro
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'''Blackadder:''' Well...\\

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'''Blackadder:''' Well...I'm sorry, sir.\\
22nd Jan '18 4:25:05 PM TheWildWestPyro
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'''Darling:''' (distressed) It's heartbreaking, sir.
'''Blackadder:''' Well...
(Melchett abruptly stops crying and claps his hands together)

to:

'''Darling:''' (distressed) It's heartbreaking, sir.
sir.\\
'''Blackadder:''' Well...
Well...\\
(Melchett abruptly stops crying and claps his hands together)together)\\
22nd Jan '18 4:23:29 PM TheWildWestPyro
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''(Melchett screams in grief and begins sobbing)''\\

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''(Melchett (Melchett screams in grief and begins sobbing)''\\sobbing)\\


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'''Blackadder:''' Well...
(Melchett abruptly stops crying and claps his hands together)
'''Melchett:''' Oh well, can't be helped, can't be helped.
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