History Funny / Blackadder

17th Jan '17 1:06:44 PM Chabal2
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Added DiffLines:

** And then Blackadder (wearing a bag over his head and one arm inside his shirt) has to impersonate Lord Farrow, who it turns out had only lost his arm up to the elbow.
--> '''Blackadder''': (doing his best to match Farrow's GutturalGrowl|er): Well I got into a scrap here with a fellow who called you ([[OohMeAccentsDropping normal voice]]) a nosy little strumpet who's always going blubbing to the queen (back to growl) and we got into a fight, and he cut off the top half.
** And as the scene goes on, and Lady Farrow shows no sign of wanting to leave...
--> '''Blackadder''': Eh, ah, yes of course, well I think you'd better be going. Lord Blackadder said he was going to be sending in his servant Baldrick to collect me.\\
'''Lady Farrow:''': Perhaps, my lord, he is leaving us for a little longer.\\
'''Blackadder''': Oh no, no, no, I shouldn't think so, '''BALD-RICK!''' is usually very punctual.\\
'''Lady Farrow:''': Perhaps this Baldrick is doing it out of kindness.\\
'''Blackadder''': Oh no, I shouldn't think so, '''BALD-RICK!!''' is a very unkind person.
26th Dec '16 1:45:32 PM nombretomado
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* The hilariously [[LargeHam over the top]] eponymous Witchsmeller Pursuivant, as played by Frank Finlay. When you're out-hamming '''BrianBlessed''', you're doing it right.

to:

* The hilariously [[LargeHam over the top]] eponymous Witchsmeller Pursuivant, as played by Frank Finlay. When you're out-hamming '''BrianBlessed''', '''Creator/BrianBlessed''', you're doing it right.
20th Dec '16 1:52:30 PM SMARTALIENQT
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* Pitt informs Blackadder that his younger brother will be running against Baldrick.
--->'''Blackadder:''' Oh? And which Pitt would this be? Pitt the Toddler? Pitt the Embryo? [[CheatingWithTheMilkman Pitt the Glint in the Milkman's Eye?]]
8th Dec '16 11:19:19 PM jboone93
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-->'''Baldrick:''' I think he looks like a bird who's swallowed a plate, my lord.\\

to:

-->'''Baldrick:''' -->'''Blackadder:''' What do you think of Percy's new ruff Baldrick?\\
'''Baldrick:''' Four.\\
'''Blackadder:''' What?\\
'''Baldrick:''' Some beans and some beans makes four beans.\\
'''Blackadder:''' No no we've moved on from advanced mathematics. We're onto elementry dress making. What do you think of Percy's new ruff?\\
'''Baldrick:'''
I think he looks like a bird who's swallowed a plate, my lord.\\
8th Dec '16 7:31:59 PM mlsmithca
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--> '''Baldrick''': *opens Richards helmet* Oh dear, Richard the Third...

to:

--> '''Baldrick''': *opens Richards helmet* ''[opens Richard's helmet]'' Oh dear, Richard the Third...



* Harry dragging in Richard III's headless corpse and giving a long-winding Shakespearean soliloquy before Richard IV cuts him off.

to:

* Harry dragging in Richard III's headless corpse and giving a long-winding long-winded Shakespearean soliloquy before Richard IV cuts him off.



* When Harry goes to ask Edmund about his tally for the battle, Edmund claims to have killed some of the noblemen who havent been accounted for (including one on his own side). Harry doesnt bother asking Percy because Edmund told him that Percy overslept and showed up late (which Edmund himself had actually done).

to:

* When Harry goes to ask Edmund about his tally for the battle, Edmund claims to have killed some of the noblemen who havent haven't been accounted for (including one on his own side). Harry doesnt bother asking Percy because Edmund told him that Percy overslept and showed up late (which Edmund himself had actually done).



* Edmund killing McAngus at the end by getting him to stick his head in a cannon.

to:

* Edmund killing McAngus [=McAngus=] at the end by getting him to stick his head in a cannon.



* "Don't drink the wine!"
* After the Black Seal all die from drinking the poisoned wine, Sean The Irish Bastard ''gets up for seconds!'' The second glass kills him.
--> '''Sean''': Got a bit of a sting in its tail!



* After the Black Seal all die from drinking the poisoned wine, Sean The Irish Bastard ''gets up for seconds!'' The second glass kills him.
--> '''Sean''': Got a bit of a sting in its tail!
* "Don't drink the wine!"



-->''So now, the wage of sin is paid,''
-->''The blade is still, the black steed grazes.''
-->''The only sound across the glade''
-->''Is Edmund pushing up the daisies.''
-->''Blackadder, Blackadder,''
-->''A shame about the plan.''
-->''Blackadder, Blackadder,''
-->''Farewell, you horrid man.''

to:

-->''So -->So now, the wage of sin is paid,''
-->''The
paid,\\
The
blade is still, the black steed grazes.''
-->''The
\\
The
only sound across the glade''
-->''Is
glade\\
Is
Edmund pushing up the daisies.''
-->''Blackadder, Blackadder,''
-->''A
\\
Blackadder, Blackadder,\\
A
shame about the plan.''
-->''Blackadder, Blackadder,''
-->''Farewell,
\\
Blackadder, Blackadder,\\
Farewell,
you horrid man.''



-->'''Sir Talbot:''' I care not a jot that you are the son of a certain a sauerkraut-sucking loon!\\

to:

-->'''Sir Talbot:''' I care not a jot that you are the son of a certain a certified sauerkraut-sucking loon!\\



'''George:''' Good on you sir! And don't talk to me of infirmity! Why, sir, you are the hardy stock that is the core of Britain's greatness, ''(Blackadder, looking at Sir Talbot, notices something and walks over to him)'', you have the physique of a demi-god, purple of cheek, plump of fetlock, shapely ankle and well-filled trouser that tells of a human body in perfect working order!\\

to:

'''George:''' Good on you sir! And don't talk to me of infirmity! Why, sir, you are the hardy stock that is the core of Britain's greatness, greatness! ''(Blackadder, looking at Sir Talbot, notices something and walks over to him)'', you him)'' You have the physique of a demi-god, purple of cheek, plump of fetlock, shapely ankle and well-filled trouser that tells of a human body in perfect working order!\\



* The absolutely sublime "rotten borough" exchange between Blackadder and George that starts at 1:00 [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gv0Qf8cLhj0 here.]]



* The absolutely sublime "rotten borough" exchange between Blackadder and George that starts at 1:00 [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gv0Qf8cLhj0 here.]]



-->'''Balckrick:''' Mr. Blackadder, time to wake up...\\

to:

-->'''Balckrick:''' -->'''Baldrick:''' Mr. Blackadder, time to wake up...\\



** Lo and behold, Prince George emerges, reading the dictionary. Doctor Johnson is mollified, until he sees what words the Prince Regent's been looking at...
--->'''Doctor John:'''"Bloomers"? "Bottom"? "Burp"? "Fart"? "Fiddle"? "Fornicate"? Sir, I hope you are not using the first English dictionary just to look up rude words.\\

to:

** * Lo and behold, Prince George emerges, reading the dictionary. Doctor Johnson is mollified, until he sees what words the Prince Regent's been looking at...
--->'''Doctor John:'''"Bloomers"? -->'''Doctor John:''' "Bloomers"? "Bottom"? "Burp"? "Fart"? "Fiddle"? "Fornicate"? Sir, I hope you are not using the first English dictionary just to look up rude words.\\



** And it's not over: After Blackadder realizes his PocketProtector saved him, George says the same... then realizes he must have left it in his other suit, and promptly dies, for good.

to:

** * And it's not over: After Blackadder realizes his PocketProtector saved him, George says the same... then realizes he must have left it in his other suit, and promptly dies, for good.



** This comes up again in the ending, Blackadder avoids participating in going over the top by having himself and the others masquarade as wandering italian chefs for Melchett's kitchen, and end up serving Baldricks hideous concoctions to Melchett and Darling.



* Melchett's idiotic strategy: he wants a push against the Germans STRONGEST lines to make them think the British intelligence is in shambles and let their guard down.

to:

* Melchett's idiotic strategy: he wants a push against the Germans Germans' STRONGEST lines to make them think the British intelligence is in shambles and let their guard down.
* Baldrick's horrendous cooking comes up again in the ending, as Blackadder avoids participating in going over the top by having himself and the others masquerade as wandering Italian chefs for Melchett's kitchen, and end up serving Baldrick's hideous concoctions to Melchett and Darling.



** But before they can escape, Flashheart finally [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yP1vSIOmCc4 meets the man]] who considers him to be a WorthyOpponent:
--->'''Red Baron''': Ah, and the Lord Flashheart. This is indeed an honour. Finally, the two greatest gentleman fliers in the world meet. Two men of honour, who have jousted together in the cloud-strewn glory of the skies, face to face at last. How often I have rehearsed this moment of destiny in my dreams. [[WorthyOpponent The panoply to encapsulate the unspoken nobility of our comradeship--]]
--->(''Flashheart [[WhyDontYouJustShootHim promptly shoots the Red Baron dead]]'')
--->'''Flashheart''': WHAT A POOF! COME ON!

to:

** * But before they can escape, Flashheart finally [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yP1vSIOmCc4 meets the man]] who considers him to be a WorthyOpponent:
--->'''Red -->'''Red Baron''': Ah, and the Lord Flashheart. This is indeed an honour. Finally, the two greatest gentleman fliers in the world meet. Two men of honour, who have jousted together in the cloud-strewn glory of the skies, face to face at last. How often I have rehearsed this moment of destiny in my dreams. [[WorthyOpponent The panoply to encapsulate the unspoken nobility of our comradeship--]]
--->(''Flashheart -->(''Flashheart [[WhyDontYouJustShootHim promptly shoots the Red Baron dead]]'')
--->'''Flashheart''': -->'''Flashheart''': WHAT A POOF! COME ON!



* Blackadder reveals that one of the traps he set for Nurse Mary involved a discussion of England's "great" universities - except he named three instead of just two. Melchett, however, has an unusual (not to mention biased) idea of which is the odd one out:

to:

* Blackadder reveals that one of the traps he set for Nurse Mary involved a discussion of England's "great" universities - except he named three instead of just two. Melchett, however, has an unusual (not to mention biased) idea of which is the odd one out:out (even funnier is the fact this was apparently ad-libbed by Stephen Fry, hence Rowan Atkinson's completely non-plussed expression):



** Even funnier is the fact this was apparently ad-libbed by Stephen Fry (hence Rowan Atkinson's completely non-plussed expression).
7th Dec '16 11:02:29 PM Ebrbfureh
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'''Baldrick''': No, sir, I have been supping at the milk of freedom. Already our Russian comrades stand poised on the brink of revolution, and the huddled woss-names such as myself will rise up to throw off our hated oppressers ''[Blackadder begins walking over to him threateningly]'' like you and the lieutenant... present company excepted, sir.\\

to:

'''Baldrick''': No, sir, I have been supping at the milk of freedom. Already our Russian comrades stand poised on the brink of revolution, and the huddled woss-names such as myself will rise up to throw off our hated oppressers oppressors ''[Blackadder begins walking over to him threateningly]'' like you and the lieutenant... present company excepted, sir.\\



'''Blackadder:''' Unfortunately, she was in such a daze, danced straight throught the trench and out into No Man's Land. I tried to stop her, but before I could say, "Don't tread on a mine", she trod on a mine. ''(Melchett begins sobbing)'' When I say "a mine", it was a ''cluster'' of mines...

to:

'''Blackadder:''' Unfortunately, she was in such a daze, danced straight throught through the trench and out into No Man's Land. I tried to stop her, but before I could say, "Don't tread on a mine", she trod on a mine. ''(Melchett begins sobbing)'' When I say "a mine", it was a ''cluster'' of mines...



--> '''Blackadder''': Unfortunately most of the infantry think you're a prat. Ask them who they'd rather meet, Squadron Commander Flasheart or the man who cleans out the public toilets in Aberdeen, and they'd go for Wee Jock Poo-Pong McPlop every time.

to:

--> '''Blackadder''': Unfortunately most of the infantry think you're a prat. Ask them who they'd rather meet, Squadron Commander Flasheart Flashheart or the man who cleans out the public toilets in Aberdeen, and they'd go for Wee Jock Poo-Pong McPlop every time.



'''Flasheart:''' I think I'm beginning to understand.\\

to:

'''Flasheart:''' '''Flashheart:''' I think I'm beginning to understand.\\



'''Flasheart:''' Just because I can give multiple orgasms to the furniture just by sitting on it, doesn't mean that I'm not sick of this damn war: the blood, the noise, the endless ''poetry''.\\
'''Blackadder:''' ''(not buying it)'' Is that really what you think, Flasheart?\\
'''Flasheart:''' ''(draws his gun on Blackadder)'' Course it's not what I think!

to:

'''Flasheart:''' '''Flashheart:''' Just because I can give multiple orgasms to the furniture just by sitting on it, doesn't mean that I'm not sick of this damn war: the blood, the noise, the endless ''poetry''.\\
'''Blackadder:''' ''(not buying it)'' Is that really what you think, Flasheart?\\
'''Flasheart:'''
Flashheart?\\
'''Flashheart:'''
''(draws his gun on Blackadder)'' Course it's not what I think!



-->(clapping while smiling)"Utter crap".

to:

-->(clapping while smiling)"Utter smiling) "Utter crap".
7th Dec '16 10:40:44 PM Ebrbfureh
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-->'''Doctor Johnson:''' ''(as he, and the poets advance)'' My mother died, I hardly noticed. My father cut his head off and fried it in garlic in the hope of attracting my attention, I scarcely looked up from my work. My wife brought armies lovers to the house, who worked in droves so that she might bring up a huge family of ''BASTARDS''. I cared ''not!''\\

to:

-->'''Doctor Johnson:''' ''(as he, and the poets advance)'' My mother died, I hardly noticed. My father cut his head off and fried it in garlic in the hope of attracting my attention, I scarcely looked up from my work. My wife brought armies of lovers to the house, who worked in droves so that she might bring up a huge family of ''BASTARDS''. I cared ''not!''\\
7th Dec '16 10:26:00 PM Ebrbfureh
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'''Pitt the Younger''': Eurgh.

to:

'''Pitt the Younger''': Younger:''' Eurgh.



-->''BRING IT OUT SIR, OR IN MY PASSION I SHALL KILL EVERYONE HERE BY GIVING THEM '''SYPHILLIS!'''''

to:

-->''BRING IT OUT SIR, OR IN MY PASSION I SHALL KILL EVERYONE HERE BY GIVING THEM '''SYPHILLIS!''''''''SYPHILIS!'''''
7th Dec '16 10:16:09 PM Ebrbfureh
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'''Pitt the Younger: Eurgh.

to:

'''Pitt the Younger: Younger''': Eurgh.
7th Dec '16 9:23:56 PM Ebrbfureh
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* When Edmund sends for the Black Seal, he sends out 5 black carrier pigeons, and one black hen. They all reach the target, except Jack Large eats the hen sent for him, and doesnt realize its a message from Edmund until he accidently eats Edmunds ring.

to:

* When Edmund sends for the Black Seal, he sends out 5 black carrier pigeons, and one black hen. They all reach the target, except Jack Large eats the hen sent for him, and doesnt doesn't realize its a message from Edmund until he accidently accidentally eats Edmunds Edmund's ring.
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