History Funny / BetterOffTed

-->'''Veronica:''' Carl.

-->'''Bamba:''' I am a drug addict. Oh, how I love the drugs. I will take them in my house, I will take them with a mouse...

-->"The offices were still empty due to the goo coming out of Dr. Bamba's Johnny."

* Dr. Bamba naming his bio-computer "Johnny" just to set up a joke later where Ted mentions that:

* There is also Veronica's constant comments about buisness:

** Also from that episode, Dr. Bamba's Seuss-ish rhyming during the scapegoat conference.

-->'''Lawyer''': Can you describe your job?
-->'''Veronica''': Yes.
-->'''Lawyer''': * pause* ''How'' would you describe your job?
-->'''Veronica''': Cleverly.

* The entire episode of: "It's my party and I'll lie if I want to" but especially the presentation of the lie-machine.
--> Phil: It analyzes speech sound waves and can identify the distortion in our voices created by the stress of lying. And it doesn't work at all!
--> Machine: Buzz
--> Phil: See? It does work. I never had any doubts.
--> Machine: Buzz
--> Phil: Okay, I had a small doubt.
--> Machine: Buzz
--> Phil: Okay, every day I am incapacitated by fear. I don't know where the magic comes from, and I'm terrified that one day I'll wake and it will all be gone, and I'll end up alone, living in my brother's basement with his trains. (to the machine) Buzz, damn you!
--> Ted: Meanwhile, in a place of business...

--> Veronica: Every spring, on a remote island, Sean Connery and I hunt the most dangerous game: Man. (Phil, Ted, and Lem glance at the machine.) I've also poisoned one of you. (Machine glance.) And before this day is done, I'm going to force two of you to make love.
--> Lem: Oh my god! I'm dying! I can't breathe! Good luck you two. Don't let the intimacy hurt the friendship.
--> Veronica: Relax, I'm lying.

--> Chet: Look! It's my favorite people.
--> Machine: Buzz
--> Veronica: Chet, what can I do for you, sir?
--> Chet: I'm actually here to see Ted. Are you and your daughter still up for miniature golf today with me and Olivia?
--> Ted: Looking forward to it, sir. (Veronica glances at the machine.)
--> Chet: Excellent. I've got my clubs and I am going to BEAT you. Oh my, that didn't come out right. Don't worry. I've never hit anybody with a golf club.
--> Machine: Buzz
Chet: At least not on purpose.
--> Machine: Buzz
--> Chet: Hey, what's this fun machine?
--> Phil: It's just a random buzzer.
--> Machine: Buzz
--> Phil: It's WORKING!
--> Chet: Well, I have to go upstairs and put some more evil into the world.
--> (Room glances at the machine, which does not buzz.)

Phil: It analyzes speech sound waves and can identify the distortion in our voices created by the stress of lying. And it doesn't work at all!
Machine: Buzz
Phil: See? It does work. I never had any doubts.
Machine: Buzz
Phil: Okay, I had a small doubt.
Machine: Buzz
Phil: Okay, every day I am incapacitated by fear. I don't know where the magic comes from, and I'm terrified that one day I'll wake and it will all be gone, and I'll end up alone, living in my brother's basement with his trains. (to the machine) Buzz, damn you!
Ted: Meanwhile, in a place of business...
** Then, Veronica tests it with this mangiflourious lie: Every spring, on a remote island, Sean Connery and I hunt the most dangerous game: Man. (Phil, Ted, and Lem glance at the machine.) I've also poisoned one of you. (Machine glance.) And before this day is done, I'm going to force two of you to make love.
Lem: Oh my god! I'm dying! I can't breathe! Good luck you two. Don't let the intimacy hurt the friendship.
Veronica: Relax, I'm lying.

Chet: Look! It's my favorite people.
Machine: Buzz
Veronica: Chet, what can I do for you, sir?
Chet: I'm actually here to see Ted. Are you and your daughter still up for miniature golf today with me and Olivia?
Ted: Looking forward to it, sir. (Veronica glances at the machine.)
Chet: Excellent. I've got my clubs and I am going to BEAT you. Oh my, that didn't come out right. Don't worry. I've never hit anybody with a golf club.
Machine: Buzz
Chet: AT least not on purpose.
Machine: Buzz
Chet: Hey, what's this fun machine?
Phil: It's just a random buzzer.
Machine: Buzz
Phil: It's WORKING!
Chet: Well, I have to go upstairs and put some more evil into the world.
(Room glances at the machine, which does not buzz.)

And then later in the scene.
-->'''Stew:''' (having not heard anything, still loudly) You guys! I think that this might be salt!

----

* From the episode where the censors don't work on people with dark skin (i.e., all the black employees), there's a couple of great moments.

-->'''Steve:''' (loudly) This tastes salty! What is it?

-->'''Steve:''' (having not heard anything, still loudly) You guys! I think that this might be salt!
** The solution to sway the higher-ups to replace the censors. Eventually Veridian would wind up employing EVERYONE.

* Dr. Bamber naming his bio-computer "Johnny" just to set up a joke later where Ted mentions that:
-->"The offices were still empty due to the goo coming out of Dr. Bamer's Johnny."

* In the episode "Jenkins", this exchange at the funeral:

** Also from that episode, Dr. Bamber's Seuss-ish rhyming during the scapegoat conference.
-->'''Bamber:''' I am a drug addict. Oh, how I love the drugs. I will take them in my house, I will take them with a mouse...

-->'''Veronica:''' We would like to extend our most heartfelt condolences about Carl.

-->'''Veronica:''' Carl Gordon Jenkins Gordon Jenkins.
-->'''Ted:''' (About to correct her; decides against it)

** Which somehow got past the censors.

* While high, Linda decided to confront her neighbour's baby about its constant crying. Then she stole it, named it Ted, tried to make it hers by writing her name on it.

-->'''Veronica''': Faster than a cheetah! More powerful than... another cheetah!
**

-->'''Veronica:''' Carl Gordon Jenkins 'Gordon Jenkins'.