History Fanfic / WelcomeToSandHands

* OOCIsSeriousBusiness: If you accidently [[MurderInTheFamily kill your cousin Zoe]] and then [[MyGodWhatHaveIDone reflect on what you've done]], the LemonyNarrator - the one that constantly [[ThisLoserIsYou mocks you]] and make [[DeadpanSnarker snarky jokes at your expence]] - will suddenly become very supportive of you, consoling you and convincing you to move on... [[SubvertedTrope Only to return to his old persona]], [[BlackComedy ironically remarking]] how you're lucky that [[ForgottenFallenFriend nobody mentions Zoe]] because you killed her.

** The {{Adorkable}} magician who gives you the sword look pretty harmless... But if you dare to bite him, he WILL kill you without remorse.
** Likewise, the polite and gentle [[MadScientist Dr. Backpack]] punishes you for threating him by [[KilledOffscreen killing Zoe offscreen]] and then having you turned into a broom. Don't mess with that guy...

* HateSink: Your [[AntagonisticOffspring evil vampire kids]] are the [[ArcVillain Arc Villains]] of the BadFuture scenario and simply the most hateful characters in the book. Their EstablishingCharacterMoment has them [[TroublingUnchildlikeBehavior playing with a bottle of garlic]] and [[ExtremeDoormat mocking you for your passiveness.]] If you choose to stand up to them, [[{{Patricide}} they'll kill you.]] If you go to Dr. Backpack's mansion with Zoe to teleport back in time and fix the disaster, they will hunt you down to the Mansion to terroise you further. Among the things they can do are:

* WhatTheHellHero: Biting the Magician causes him to respond with a bewildered "Why would you choose that?" before killing you.

* SadistTeacher: In one of the endings, Curly Coach ''beheads'' Zoe, using her head as the ball and later [[YouHaveFailedMe beheads you as well for losing a game]]... [[DisproportionateRetribution all because you lost "the lucky ball" in the forest.]]

** 3. Kill Backpack and Zoe and drain their blood (and do the same to you if let them find you).

* HateSink: Your [[AntagonisticOffspring evil vampire kids]] are the Arc Villains of the BadFuture scenario and simply the most hateful characters in the book. Their EstablishingCharacterMoment has them [[TroublingUnchildlikeBehavior playing with a bottle of garlic]] and [[ExtremeDoormat mocking you for your passiveness.]] If you choose to stand up to them, [[{{Patricide}} they'll kill you.]] If you go to Dr. Backpack's mansion with Zoe to teleport back in time and fix the disaster, they will hunt you down to the Mansion to terroise you further. Among the things they can do are:
1. Turn Zoe and Backpack into vampires and have them [[EvilGloating gloating about your worthlessness]].
2. Send Vampire Tigers that maul Dr. Backpack and do the same to you, unless you surrender.
3. Kill Backpack and Zoe and drain their blood (and do the same to you if let find you).

* UnusuallyUninterestingSight: You describe a zombie-filled elevator in the middle of a forest as "normal".

* KarmaHoudini: Your bratty vampire kids are this for most of the story, attacking you and everyone you come into contact with and getting away with it. Unless you manage to get the [[spoiler:Rush concert]] ending.

* CoolOldGuy: Dr. Backpack. Despite being an old man with an [[ExactlyWhatItSaysOnTheTin “old man voice”]]. He is also a scientist who invented a time machine and lives in a house with vampire tigers, a room full of disembodied screams, and a secret floor panel into a tube that turns would-be assaulters into brooms.

* CoolOldGuy: Dr. Backpack. He is described as an old man with an “old man voice”. He is also a scientist who invented a time machine and lives in a house with vampire tigers, a room full of disembodied screams, and a secret floor panel into a tube that turns would-be assaulters into brooms.

* AbusiveParents: Possibly the your mom, if her threats about "the hook" are anything to go by.

''[[https://botnik.org/goosebumps/ Welcome to Sand Hands]]'' is a Main/ChooseYourOwnAdventure book “written” by the folks at [[https://www.botnik.org/studios.html Botnik Studios]] using predictive text keyboards trained on books in the ''Literature/GiveYourselfGoosebumps'' series, similarly to their other production, ''Fanfic/HarryPotterAndThePortraitOfWhatLookedLikeALargePileOfAsh''. Like that work, this results in a hilarious mix of WordSaladHumor, unintentional sarcastic {{parody}} and mind-melting insanity.

* YouNeedABreathMint: One one route you sink into the ground and die. As you do so, a worm tells you that your breath stinks.

** Zoe does not like yoghurt, though you do.

* TheUndead: Both {{OurZombiesAreDifferent Zombies}} and {{OurVampiresAreDifferent Vampires}} are prevalent.

* AbusiveParents: Possibly your mum, if her threats about "the hook" are anything to go by.
* AccidentalMisnaming: A ghost horse calls you “Denny”. Granted, the protagonist’s name is [[NoNameGiven never specified]], but if you tell the horse your name is Denny, the LemonyNarrator will point out that you are lying.
* ActuallyPrettyFunny: Twice the protagonist can't help laughing at a joke Sal makes at his expense.

* AmbiguouslyGay: The protagonist makes some suggestive comments after Brad saves his life.

* [[AmicableExes Amicably Divorced]]: Pancakes Rocky used to be the protagonist’s stepdad, and is apparently on good enough terms with the family that they consider calling him to ask for pancake batter. Y’know, to fill the batter crate.

* BadlyBatteredBabysitter: The protagonist becomes one when he has to watch his vampire stepchildren while their mother is “knocking golf balls toward targets.”

** Zoe blames the skateboard for the three of them getting lost in the forest, so it strangles her and the protagonist for ''five hours''.

* ButtMonkey: The protagonist gets repeatedly insulted in the Zombie Forest route, by everyone from the LemonyNarrator to Zoe to a talking skateboard. He has it even worse in the BadFuture route, where he also has the vampire kids to contend with. He even insults himself at one point.

* ComicallyMissingThePoint: Coach Curly announces that [[spoiler:Zoe's severed head]] is now the ball. The protagonist is very upset about this because it's is hard to dribble and won't fit in the goal properly.
* CoolBigSis: Zoe is actually your cousin, but she plays this role. The protagonist goes out of his way to talk about how cool she is.

* DarkAndTroubledPast: Hinted at with Zoe. The start of the story mentions your aunt getting stabbed, though it's never made clear if this is referring to Zoe's mom or not. Zoe also mentions a couple of times that her mom is in prison, but this is ignored in favour of the protagonist's problems.

* DisappearedDad: The protagonist’s father, evidently a famous baseball player, is nowhere to be found. The closest thing he has to a father is Pancakes Rocky, and even he only [[AmbiguousSituation used to be]] his stepdad.

** The protagonist hates eating owl.
** Zoe does not like yoghurt, though the protagonist does.

* FatherIWantToMarryMyBrother: The protagonist is a bit ''too'' fond of his cousin Zoe, and at one point outright contemplates having a baby with her.

* HollywoodScience: The protagonist seems a bit confused about what science is. He assumes that some shovels in Dr Backpack's lab are "science shovels" and enthusiastically asks him "Are ghosts science?"

* ImmediateSelfContradiction: The protagonist is "terrified but not scared" at the prospect of going into Zombie Forest.

** At one point the protagonist will start thinking about having a baby with Zoe, his cousin. She asks him to wait until they're not in a zombie-filled forest.
** When Zoe punches the protagonist in the face he thinks it's "kind of hot".

* MadeOfIron: The protagonist survives getting strangled for five hours, but Zoe doesn't.

* NoodleIncident: Oh, so many. One highlight is Tombo the Man-Piano eating the protagonist’s feet.

* OhMyGods: At one point the protagonist exclaims "What in heaven's hands!".

* SuperBreath: At one point the protagonist blows a door shut, seemingly with his own breath.

** If you do not retrieve the ball from the forest the protagonist tries to justify this to himself by saying "It's not like it was a ''medicine'' ball". However, when he gets to school Brad is ill and can apparently only be cured by playing basketball.

* TrademarkFavouriteFood: The protagonist loves pears, but eating them gets you a bad ending.

* UnusuallyUninterestingSight: The protagonist describes a zombie-filled elevator in the middle of a forest as "normal".

** You can come across your vampire children throwing around a glass bottle of garlic. It's implied that if the bottle breaks the garlic could hurt them- not that the protagonist cares, but if they get into trouble, he gets into trouble.

%% * FamilyUnfriendlyAesop: If you don't lie to the centaur about being Denny you don't get the hint to eat the orange rather than the pear. You eat the pear and die, and the narrator outright mocks you for valuing honesty too much [[BrokenAesop (even though when you first meet the centaur, there's nothing that suggests lying would be more beneficial than telling the truth)]].

* DisappearedDad: The closest thing the protagonist has to a father is Pancakes Rocky, and even he only used to be his stepdad.