History FanFic / WhenInDoubtObliviate

* TakeThat: To the ''Literature/{{Twilight}}'' series in chapter 25. We get a description of a book that sounds suspiciously like ''Twilight'' if a few details were swapped. Also, Hermione finds them sexist.

''[[http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6635363/1/When_In_Doubt_Obliviate When In Doubt, Obliviate]]'' is a Franchise/HarryPotter fanfic by [[http://www.fanfiction.net/u/674180/Sarah1281 Sarah1281]] (author of the entertaining ''Fanfic/OhGodNotAgain'') where in [[ForWantOfANail Harry Potter is adopted and raised]] by Gilderoy Lockhart. Harry gets a magical upbringing and Lockhart gets the Boy-Who-Lived; everyone wins!

** The HufflepuffHouse being an in-universe AcceptableTarget, and is generally seen as a holding place for the losers, with a stupid name to boot. Even ''Neville'' didn't want to be sorted in there.

** Blaise can't remember the name of his current stepfather. Taken UpToEleven in the last chapter when this conversation occurs:

* AdultFear: Minerva [=McGonagall=] points out to Dumbledore that putting an infant Harry on a doorstep without sufficient protection and tracking charms is a surefire way for someone (like Lockhart) to kidnap him unawares.

** He is very good at deducing facts and thought of looking up the Dursley's address in the phonebook; something that no other wizard in the series had thought to do.
* PapaWolf: When Dumbledore tries to retrieve Harry and put him with the Dursley's, Lockhart makes the old man back off by presenting a very good legal argument as to why it wasn't a good idea to place Harry with people who hate magic, and why Dumbledore's attempts to put Harry in the Dursley's care will fail.

* AffectionateParody: A lot of the dialogues in the stories take jabs at some of the Canon's premises and of other typical fanfiction settings, and most of it is played for laughs.

** The relationship between Harry and Snape clearly pokes fun at many fanfic premises where 'Snape becomes Harry's mentor and father figure after discovering how badly he's abused by the Dursleys and finding a newfound affection for the child's noble virtues'. To drive this point even further, Snape goes on a long-winded, and {{Suspiciously Specific|Denial}}, rant about how the aforementioned scenarios will ''never'' happen (to Dumbledore's amusement)--almost ignoring the fact that Harry is neither abused nor is as virtuous as he is in Canon due to being raised by [[GuileHero Gilderoy Lockhart]]. Harry, for his part, plays along with this scenario... lying to Dumbledore that Snape is his favourite teacher, then allowing Fred and George to spread the rumour that Snape's friendship with Lily makes him favour Harry, just to infuriate Snape even further.

* SeinfeldianConversation: Happens all the time, especially with the Slytherins. Apparently Draco walking in covered in blood and chicken feathers isn't enough to stop a discussion about whether or not [[Theatre/WaitingForGodot Godot may have shown up after the play ended]], or what it had to do with ''LiveActionTv/QuantumLeap''. (He's actually a bit upset to be ignored like that.)

* ArsonMurderAndJaywalking: Ron has declared that Snape is “Pure Evil”:

* BlackWidow: Blaise’s mother; interestingly we get to see what sort of effect that has on him.

* ChekhovsGag: In chapter 2, Sirius plans to make every member of the Order of the Phoenix a Portkey to St. Mungo’s; Lupin and Dumbledore figures he needs a hobby. In chapter 7, it turns out that he succeeded and that [[spoiler: Neville’s parents are fine in this story because they had their Portkeys when the Lestranges and company attacked]].

* EveryoneHasStandards: Lockhart will memory wipe you and take credit for your achievements but seducing a student (legal or not) is “morally bankrupt”.
* FateWorseThanDeath: For the Slytherins, having “Gryffindor detentions” (which are apparently worse than being forced to scrub cauldrons).

* HypocriticalHumour: When faced with the Devil’s Snare, Neville proceeds to set it alight in revenge for it trying to kill him. Ron points out that it’s a ''plant''. Hermione points out that the fire should be extinguished (being a magical fire) so that they don’t come back to an inferno. Neville agrees figuring that the plant should be dead or at least too afraid to attack them when they come back:

* KillItWithFire: The Devil’s Snare.

* ManChild: Sirius. Despite being in his 30’s (not that he’ll admit it), if forced to go into a book store, he will go to the children’s section and read in order to amuse himself and was up at four on Christmas morning in order to open presents.

** The other students theorize that when Zacharias Smith and Ernie [=MacMillan=] were caught in the Trophy Room at midnight that they wanted “a little alone time” (they were actually waiting for Harry and Draco to show up for a duel).

* MugglesDoItBetter: The first items that Harry buys for Hogwarts are ordinary school supplies (i.e. notebooks, pens, etc.) instead of the Wizarding worlds’ parchment and quills.

** He’s made a successful career despite being a muggleborn and only being very good at one spell (memory modification) and decent at glamour spells.

** He is very good at deducing facts and thought of looking up the Dursley’s address in the phonebook; something that no other wizard in the series had thought to do.

--> “... this is a romance series so the other part is just mushy and angsty drivel."
* ThatManIsDead: ”Far from being seen as the barely competent Muggleborn he had gone to Hogwarts as, people looked at him and saw a heroic and legendary celebrity with a killer smile and a mysterious past.”

* TheTeetotaler: Lockhart usually; he doesn’t like the taste and doesn’t want to give away the secret to his success or act like an idiot.

* TheUnfettered: “… a complete and utter lack of regard for trifles like 'truth' and 'integrity', and memory charms were really the secret to all of Gilderoy's not inconsiderable success.”

** While under the 3rd floor corridor and Ron [[spoiler: kills the (unconscious) troll in the same way Pansy did]], he wonders if he’ll get into the newspaper too. Only Hermione points out that a troll is still a living creature.
* WhenAllYouHaveIsAHammer: Lockhart's magical capabilities are mostly limited to memory charms. And yet, it’s surprisingly effective; [[spoiler: it works on trolls and Dark Lords]].

* WithAllDueRespect: “Professor, by the time that anyone knew that I had been facing the troll it was already dead and so it's perfectly reasonable for my father not to be too worried about something that didn't happen after the fact."

* MoralityPet: It would seem like raising Harry does wonders to Lockhart's own personality. Although he's still a vain man who enjoys attention and flattery, he is not as much as a coward or as flippant about letting his students get into harm's way as he is in canon. He does genuinely see Harry as his own after all, and he doesn't want his son, and his friends, in danger. He's also a lot more subtle (and therefore less obnoxious) in flaunting his fame than his canon counterpart, likely because he's had to stay off the radar for ten years in order to raise Harry in secret.

* ForWantOfANail: Lockhart happens to meet Sirius the night Harry's parents are killed and finds out where Harry is before Obliviating him and taking him to St. Mungo's. Thus, Sirius wasn't able to carry out his plan to murder Pettigrew, and the latter was caught, thus preventing Sirius from wrongfully being sent to Azkaban. Also, because Sirius was acquitted, he provided his allies with emergency portkeys (fearing that they would be targeted by Death Eaters like James and Lily), which the Longbottoms used to escape from Bellatrix Lestrange. With his parents intact and healthy, Neville grows up to be a confident and self-assured man.

* VitriolicBestBuds: ''Neville and Draco'' of all people. They don't bandy about together due to their differing houses, but they know each other well enough to be on first name basis, and their usual banter is far from hostile.