History FanFic / AvatarsIIWhenQwaritchTakesRevenge

* CasualInterstellarTravel: Qwarich had not one, but two spaceships on Earth ready to go to Pandora in the time it takes to listen to ''You Could Be Mine''. Especially JustForFun/{{egregious}} seeing as this was {{averted}} in the movie.

* BarbieDollAnatomy: It turns out that "Navis" (and Avatars, as Qwaritch finds out when he [[ADateWithRosiePalms tries to masturbate]]) don't have penises or vaginas, and instead use their [[FanNickname USB ponytails]] for sex.

* ADateWithRosiePalms: Qwaritch plans on doing one after his "hoes" leave, but he finds out that he doesn't have a penis. In Book IV, he manages to pull this off with the "tentacle thing" on his head while watching Jake and Neytri have sex.

The story used to be split up into 5 parts, but the author has recently deleted the individual entries and put them all together in [[http://hunterjeanmidna.livejournal.com/3301.html a "special edition"]] that includes a new beginning and ending, works in Parker "Selfrige" and Grace Augustine, and adds a list of the characters (with bios, useful if you didn't know that Master Chief is "A robot guy like Franchise/RoboCop") and pictures from the movie.

It should be clear that this is not remotely good fanfiction, [[SoBadItsGood but it is certainly entertaining.]] "hunterjeanmidna" has admitted that this and all his other stories were [[StealthParody spoofs of actual horrible fanfiction]], and [[OldShame isn't too proud of them.]]

->One day on Earth, Kernal Miles Qwaritch ([[HesJustHiding HE'S NOT DEAD OK!]] [[FixFic PRETEND NETYRI DIDN'T KILL HIM OK!]]) was sitting in his house in Nevada, watchin lesbian flicks an drinkin Rollin Rok an eatin popcorn when all of a sudden his phone rung.

* AlienBlood: The "Navis" have dark blue blood, despite them having red blood in the movie.
** Not only do they have blue blood... they also have blue semen!

* AnatomicallyImpossibleSex: Where to start?

--> [[SugarWiki/FunnyMoments "YOU THINK YOU CAN KILL ME NAVI BITCH" shout Qwaritch! "I MAY HAVE HAD SEX WITH YOU BUT YOU WONT WINN! I WILL KILL YOU ALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"]]

** [[http://www.newgrounds.com/portal/view/524391 That last part sounds familiar.]] Possible ShoutOut to Harry Partridge?
** Well, that was stated in a deleted scene that most people are aware of. I forget when this became well-known, though..

* BeigeProse

* CanonDefilement: The story violates the canon of everything brought into it in all kinds of ways... Deliberately, as the author would later admit.

* DemotedToExtra: Jak Scully. In the film, he's the protagonist. Here, he only gets one scene: he appears, attacks the "heroes", yells the line featured in the page image, and gets killed. He shows up more in the rest of the story, but he's far from the main character.

* DramaticEllipsis: "Qwaich an Cheef looked over an it was??Samus Arin!"

* FixFic: The story (clearly written by one of Quaritch's [[MisaimedFandom many fans]]) proposes that "Qwaritch" survived the events of the film and opens with him at home before being called into action.
** By the end of Book II this is reversed again, with the Navis once again victorious and Qwaritch dead.
*** And then Qwaritch comes back for his revenge in Book III.

* ItsPersonal: In Book II, Qwaritch [[SugarWiki/FunnyMoments refuses to return to Pandora]] until he learns that Jak is still alive.

* ShoutOut: To ''Film/{{District 9}}'', by Qwaritch. The Navis also kill him the same way Koobus was killed in the climax. It's supposedly "poetic justice" because Qwatrich quoted the movie.

* DemotedToExtra: Jak Scully. In the film, he's the protagonist. Here, he only gets one scene: he appears, attacks the "heroes", yells the line featured in the page image, and gets killed. He showa up more in the rest of the story, but he's far from the main character.

* MoralMyopia: Qwatrich feels bad about (movie spoilers!) [[spoiler: destroying the Hometree]] because he "killed a buncha hot Navi hoes that he coulda had sex with or something".

* SamusIsAGirl: The "Special Edition" referenced Samus having a "big secret." The author may be figuring it out.

* TrollFic: Though originally saying that it was an OldShame and that he was trying to improve, the author has flat-out admitted that this and his other stories were satires, and that the whole "Hunterjeanmidna" persona was a joke.

* FunetikAksent: The spelling of "Colonel" as "Kernal".
** It's also an obvious shout-out to fellow TrollFic ''Fanfic/DoomRepercussionsOfEvil''.

* LoveRedeems: Or rather, Love-making.

->''PS IVE BEEN WATCHIN YOU ASSHOLES ON TVTROPES...PICKIN ON NOT ONLY MY AVATARS STORIES BUT ALSO [[Fanfic/AlvanAnTheChipmunks3TheSecondSqueakuel ALVAN AN THE CHIPMUNKS 3]]!!!!! Dont' worry homies, You keep complainin an I'll only come out with MORE!! HAHAHAHAHA!"''
-->-- The opening of ''AVATARS IV: THE HIDDEN INVADER, BOOK 1''

However, there's action, action, more action, horses "yelling" as they "explode all over the jungle, appearances by "[[{{Franchise/Halo}} Master Cheef]]" and "[[{{VideoGame/Metroid}} Samus Arin]]" (who is referred to as a male...guess the author never got [[SamusIsAGirl the message]]), and at the end there's a brief foursome with "Neytri".

Needless to say, while ''When Qwaritch Takes Revenge'' isn't nearly as brain-meltingly horrible as something like ''FanFic/MyImmortal'', it still isn't remotely good. [[SoBadItsGood But that's not to say it isn't entertaining.]]

"hunterjeanmidna" has admitted that this and all his other stories were [[StealthParody spoofs of actual horrible fanfiction]] with a bit of CrackFic and TrollFic thrown in for good measure, and [[OldShame isn't too proud of them.]]

* AdaptationDecay: Obviously.

* CrossOver: The protagonists of ''{{Franchise/Halo}}'' and ''{{VideoGame/Metroid}}'' make appearances.
** The new final battle features [[Franchise/StarWars AT-AT walkers]].
* ADateWithRosiePalms: Qwaritch plans on doing one after his "hoes" leave, but he finds out that he doesn't have a penis.
** In Book IV, he manages to pull this off with the "tentacle thing" on his head while watching Jake and Neytri have sex.

* DemotedToExtra: Jak Scully. In the film, he's the protagonist. Here, he only gets one scene: he appears, attacks the "heroes", yells the line featured in the page image, and gets killed. Whoop-de-do.
** He manages to show up more in the rest of the story, but he's far from the main character.

* DontExplainTheJoke: "It was a long flight so he put on You Could Be Mine by Music/GunsNRoses (get it because that song was in [[Film/Terminator2JudgmentDay The Terminator II]] which was also by James Cameron so its an injoke!)"

** Some grammatical errors/bizarre literary devices are also similar to those of ''FanFic/MyImmortal'' (like the usage of long elipses)
* StealthParody: Possibly. It's hard to come up with something this hilariously stupid by accident.
** If not at first, then probably by the time of Parts III-V, which focuse on Qwaritch's dilemma of "vengeful genocide" vs. "Na'vi orgy". Either that's supposed to be silly, or it's downright disturbing.
** [[WordOfGod It is a StealthParody.]]

--> [[CrowningMomentOfFunny "YOU THINK YOU CAN KILL ME NAVI BITCH" shout Qwaritch! "I MAY HAVE HAD SEX WITH YOU BUT YOU WONT WINN! I WILL KILL YOU ALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"]]

* ItsPersonal: In Book II, Qwaritch [[CrowningMomentOfFunny refuses to return to Pandora]] until he learns that Jak is still alive.