Reviews: Transformers The Last Knight

Predictable

You'd think the Transformers would be fighting Nazis and knights like the promotional material said, but you were wrong. They're fighting the same fight in the modern day. It is sad that the modern day plot is the same plot about humans hating Transformers, restore Cybertron, and lots of explosion. It is sad. I wanted to like this movie, but I got a pile of garbage.

It was so cliche and predictable that a child would fall asleep. No amount of explosions will keep you awake.

A new low in the series (SPOILERS AHEAD)

The Transformers series continues to surprise me: every time I think it couldn't possibly get any worse, Michael Bay one-ups himself again and proves me wrong. While I never expected much in terms of story, character writing and general sophistication from movies like these, the first two still had enough of it to keep me invested.

The Last Knight most certainly doesn't. There's no coherency to the story, no real thread to follow - the movie feels like a random sequence of action scenes barely held together by god-awful humor, even worse dialogue and, worst of all, ridiculously blunt abuse of stereotypes. Chaste Americans vs. stuffy, sexually overcharged Europeans, evil government vs. heroic underdogs, arrogant yet of course useless scientists, incompetent politicians, rambling old men, amazingly skilled teenagers... the list goes on and on, and every single entry is delivered with the subtlety of a sledgehammer to the face.

Next, the cast itself. Almost all of them hit the Eight Deadly Words from the moment of their introduction. Even sympathetic characters from previous movies are suddenly assholes. Lennox for instance apparently had a well-oiled Face Heel Revolving Door installed in the meantime and thus can't seem to decide whether he wants to be one of the bad or the good guys. And what the hell was Bay thinking when he decided to introduce a 14(!!)-year old girl with a Gainaxing scene? The Hero complains about a beautiful adult woman because she's wearing a sexy dress with some nice cleavage, but this is totally okay? WTF?

Then there're the story inconsistencies. The Gizeh Pyramids get destroyed - again. Cybertron makes it to Earth - again - despite its apparent destruction in the third movie. The planet also regularly changes in size from a few kilometers to roughly earthlike and back, often from one scene to the next. It's like Bay never watched his own movies before shooting this one.

All of these points might be bearable if at least the action was top-rate, but Bay apparently shot his wad during the first trilogy - all of the franchise's best battle sequences can be found there while TLK fields nothing that hasn't been seen better before.

Long story short: TLK finally convinced me to ditch the Transformers franchise for good. I won't waste money on any upcoming entry in the series ever again.
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