Reviews: Reality Bites

If this is the parable of Generation X...

... then it's really no mystery why Generation X is held in such contempt.

NOBODY IN THIS MOVIE HAS ANY REAL PROBLEMS! They're just a bunch of whiny brats who think their lives suck when in fact they're living a life of such privilege that they are completely unrelatable. Any problems most of the cast have are things they brought on themselves for being stupid (If you're scared of getting pregnant and/or an STD then maybe you should exercise some discretion about your love life) or are trivial beyond measure (Oh no! A soulless TV exec had my shitty home movies edited to try and make them not utterly tedious! How will I ever survive!).

As for Ethan Hawk's character, I have never witnessed a character I wanted to punch so much in my life. YOU'RE NOT AN INTELLECTUAL, YOU'RE A COMPLETE WASTE OF FUCKING SKIN! Pouting around like you're so fucking superior to everybody else when you can't even define irony. I would say that's ironic, but that's just too obvious.

If we went back and looked at his character today, you'd find him living in some trailer park with a wife who once dreamed of escaping the rat race and running off on some romantic adventure with her rebellious beau, but is now morbidly obese, devoid of all hopes and dreams, and working two grocery store jobs to support her skulking middle-aged loser of a husband who never did anything at his life yet acts like some kind of superior being. Oh, and by the way, that moustache makes you look like a twat. Do you know who Troy in adulthood would be? Butterskotch Horseman!

The only character that had any hopes of rising above this tripe was Sammy. As a closeted gay man living with parents who would potentially go ballistic at the revelation there could have been an interesting story built around him, but alas it was not to be. No, instead we get the bitch who thinks the tedious home movies pour out of her camcorder are art and the genius who can't define irony as the focus characters. Oh joy bunnies.

What about Clerks then, you might be saying, that other movie that springs to most people's minds at the mention of Generation X? Weren't the characters in that film pretty awful too? Well yes they were, but they were at least relatably awful, funny, actually insightful in their way (as opposed to Ethan Hawk's alleged character who thinks he's the philosopher of his age because he once read Catcher In The Rye) blue collar slobs, and while you deplored most of what they did, those of you who worked similar jobs almost certainly wished at least once you could get away with pulling the kind of crap they did.

No, there's nothing of any merit here, just a crappy home movie full of product placement. Just take it and toss it out along with your Alanis Morissette bootlegs, your Babysitter Club books, your neon green leggings and your Kurt Cobain posters. You'll feel better without that crap, believe me.