A fanfic which drew a great deal of praise from the NGE fanfic community when it was first published, this is a classic of its time. Utilizing extensive literary references and allusions, the story crafts a very philosophical and poetic interpretation of Instrumentality from Asuka's pov, as she experiences her own visions, and inexplicably shares a few with Shinji. It even manages to utilize "Thanatos ~ If I Can't Be Yours" as a theme song by subtly using the lyrics in character's dialogue; perhaps the only example of how to do a Song Fic that works. The story begins to tilt towards a romantic pairing by the end when Asuka comes to grips with her relationship with Shinji. However, even though it's a major plot element in the conclusion, it's never to the degree that it becomes a shipping story, remaining focused on Asuka's psychological and emotional journey... until the epilogue. The author originally intended to end with the final scene of EOE, but wanted to give the series a more optimistic conclusion, and so provided a final chapter which is much more overt in its pairing. The story later spawned a sidequel from the author for Rei and Kaworu, The First Child / Before I Sleep. It should be noted that the original Geo Cities account included font formatting, and images culled from screen captures and fan art, to add to the mood, but none of this is carried over to the ff.net account, or archived version on archived.org.
FanFicRecs Cast's review
A fanfic which drew a great deal of praise from the NGE fanfic community when it was first published, this is a classic of its time. Utilizing extensive literary references and allusions, the story crafts a very philosophical and poetic interpretation of Instrumentality from Asuka's pov, as she experiences her own visions, and inexplicably shares a few with Shinji. It even manages to utilize "Thanatos ~ If I Can't Be Yours" as a theme song by subtly using the lyrics in character's dialogue; perhaps the only example of how to do a Song Fic that works. The story begins to tilt towards a romantic pairing by the end when Asuka comes to grips with her relationship with Shinji. However, even though it's a major plot element in the conclusion, it's never to the degree that it becomes a shipping story, remaining focused on Asuka's psychological and emotional journey... until the epilogue. The author originally intended to end with the final scene of EOE, but wanted to give the series a more optimistic conclusion, and so provided a final chapter which is much more overt in its pairing. The story later spawned a sidequel from the author for Rei and Kaworu, The First Child / Before I Sleep
. It should be noted that the original Geo Cities account included font formatting, and images culled from screen captures and fan art, to add to the mood, but none of this is carried over to the ff.net account, or archived version on archived.org.