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Beeb Since: Jun, 2011
01/26/2012 08:12:57 •••

One of the stupidest films I have seen in my life

What a fucking Insidious film.

Problem 1: What kind of title is "Insidious" for a movie? I get the feeling that Wan went on the random word generator and decided it was a spooky sounding word and would make a cool title. That, or the title was changed in editing from "The Phantom Menace 2."

Much like Dead Silence, Insidious starts off pretty creepy. There are some cool scenes and spooky happenings, but after the film has reached the hour mark it all goes to shit.

Let's see, The plot of Insidious is this: Boy sees demon, boy goes in to mysterious coma, boy's father must go in to the boy's dreams to "find" his son's soul and ward off the demons before it's too late.

Sounds pretty stupid, right? Well aside from the plot being bumfuck retarded, the film relies on NOTHING but jump scares to deliver creepy moments. There's something in the closet! Oh no, jump scare! Yeah, it's that kind of movie.

The effects are just awful and the main antagonist looks EXACTLY like the old woman from Dead Silence. I'm pretty sure it's the same fucking woman. The film also ends in exactly the same way Dead Silence did, with the woman shrieking at the screen and a scare chord from the 60's being blasted. Really quite lame.

The real problem comes from the father's adventure in to his son's dreams. He wanders around a Bill & Ted-esque landscape and comes across some weird slasher-smile family with no plot relevance... and when he finds the demon, it's Darth Maul.

No joke; it's fucking Darth Maul. I'm not saying it looks like Darth Maul - I'm saying it FUCKING IS DARTH MAUL.

So Darth Maul chases Inception Dad around a black backdrop while... ugh... Tiny Tim plays (fucking scary, right) Tiptoe through the Tulips and... yeah. Be glad it's the last 10 minutes of the movie because I was just about to give up at that point. I won't spoil the end for you but let's just say it's totally predictable.

So what do I actually like about this movie? Not a lot. Adam from SAW is in it, I guess. Oh, and before the psychic character appears there are some good scenes, but that's about it, really. Don't bother with this one if you have a modicum of intelligence and enjoy real horror movies. If you're a young girl and planning a sleepover, though, I highly recommend.


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