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Reviews Film / The Black Hole

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SkullWriter The skull that writes with its teeth. Since: Mar, 2021
The skull that writes with its teeth.
04/22/2024 14:53:16 •••

Sink into the blaaack hoollleee!

Honestly, I kind of sought this one out. I saw this movie once or twice when I was a kid, and I could only remember two specific scenes about it, but it was so buried in my memory I forgot even its title. I also heard about how it was one of the, if not THE biggest live-action flop Disney ever had before The Lone Ranger. Was it so bad? This is the story of a small crew of scientists that, while researching space anomalies, find out a gigantic vessel thought abandoned. Said vessel's entire crew disappeared due mysterious reasons, and the last person within it wants to travel through a black hole in search of- yeah, no, you're not reading about 'Event Horizon'.

It's clear the attempt of seizing Star Wars's thunder by making a competitor, and like Dr John Hammond in Jurassic Park, Disney spared no expenses. Which ironically led to the same result for similar reasons.

This is an absolutely gorgeous movie with superb practical and technical effects. The USS Cygnus (the big 'evil' ship) has really, really good design that contrasts directly against the USS Palomino (the ship of the protagonists). Its a gigantic vessel that has at the same time an eery 'barebones' structure with outside 'scaffolding', grand and bombastic in contrast with the simpler, but functional design of the Palomino. The interior designs are also really good (and expensive) and the practical effects hold up very, very well, mimicking zero gravity, or robots with anti-gravs.

Sadly, the need to capitalize, sell toys and attractions and challenge Star Wars without being sued basically smashed the knees of any chance of success. Vincent, the colorful robot of the Palomino crew and main attraction of the flick is an obvious design to sell toys, which ends up making him stick like a sore thumb over the more 'realistic' designs and tone of the movie, the villain's minions are comedically stilted and stiff, and there is an ungodly heap of filler to make the lavish sets worth every penny in overly long shots that lead nowhere. Which eats a lot of precious time that could be used developing the main characters, or the villain. Everything ends in a weird Bond-esque atmosphere but without real violence or blood (because again, movie for kids)

Which is a shame. The directing is really competent (the first shot of the Cygnus lighting up is really good), there are lots of good sci-fi ideas in the middle (like the juxtaposition of how the crew humanizes Vincent while the bad guy treats everyone else like a robot). The acting is just competent enough, although the main theme written by John Barry (who wrote several 007 themes) is really, really good and catchy.

But in the end, you're left with a film too slow for the Star Wars crowd, too shallow for the for people who enjoy 'brainy' flicks, too merchandise-driven for a space 007 action flick, and too sure of its own success to give it a proper ending (Disney thought they could make a series based on this movie). Yes, the movie ends in a cliffhanger.

Its not as bad as I've heard people talking about it, but its no surprise it failed. Its a good slow flick to watch with friends though, especially if you're the kind of person that loves practical effects and designs.


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