I don't know whether to be ashamed or very ashamed to admit I watched a less-than-legal copy of the original Fifty Shades of Grey a year ago. It was covered in thick Chinese subtitles and any sex scene shot below the earlobes was edited out, defeating the only purpose people had for watching it. That version was a forgiving 40 minutes long, however the bootlegged sequel I watched last night is the full 2 hour bifta.
Story-wise, Anna has dumped Grey. He comes back to her, apologetic and with peculiarly immaculate 5 o' clock shadow. She takes him back on condition he cuts out with the weird stuff (both the BDSM and the psychopathic abuse). It doesn't take long for him to revert back to his old behaviour though; he gives her tons of money she didn't ask for, buys the company she works at, and growls at any man who enters the same room as her. This goes on for a good half hour without anything particularly sexy happening.
At least Anna calls him out on his wildly inappropriate behaviour. They call this movie Fifty Shades Darker because some dramatic stuff happens this time. Specifically, Anna's boss attempts to rape her at one point. She escapes and he is fired, but that is the last we hear of it. I guess it is kind of realistic that she doesn't report this incident to the authorities, there are a myriad of reasons why women don't, but judging from the movie her reason seems to be that she forgot it happened. Within literally two minutes of the scene occurring, the issue is dropped and never reflected on again. A similar thing happens later, where Grey ends up in a deadly helicopter crash. You think this might change the direction of the story, however within minutes of it occurring, Grey turns up at his home before the news even has had chance to finish reporting the crash. Ultimately, these major plot events are diminished to serve as a catalyst - the sexual assault lands Anna a big promotion, the air crash encourages Grey to turn up to a birthday party for once.
You might have noticed that I've barely mentioned the sex. That's because there is a paucity of it. The BDSM is back but extremely subdued throughout. "Please spank me!" says Anna, and the music swells and the movie sets the scene for what looks to be a cathartic ass blistering. Instead, Grey gently taps her three times, with the force of someone trying to dust some crumbs off of a doily. Then they have boring regular sex. There is this hilarious plot detail that Grey doesn't like people touching his chest. Even though they've had sex dozens of times, Anna only just now notices the prominent cigarette burns all over his pecks. Particularly observant one, that Anna.
Like a lot of pirated movies, you get to see the silhouettes of audience members getting up and momentarily blocking the camera on their way to the bathroom. Tellingly, the audience didn't come back to their chairs afterwards.
Fifty Shades Darker: The Worst Dulex Colour Scheme
I don't know whether to be ashamed or very ashamed to admit I watched a less-than-legal copy of the original Fifty Shades of Grey a year ago. It was covered in thick Chinese subtitles and any sex scene shot below the earlobes was edited out, defeating the only purpose people had for watching it. That version was a forgiving 40 minutes long, however the bootlegged sequel I watched last night is the full 2 hour bifta.
Story-wise, Anna has dumped Grey. He comes back to her, apologetic and with peculiarly immaculate 5 o' clock shadow. She takes him back on condition he cuts out with the weird stuff (both the BDSM and the psychopathic abuse). It doesn't take long for him to revert back to his old behaviour though; he gives her tons of money she didn't ask for, buys the company she works at, and growls at any man who enters the same room as her. This goes on for a good half hour without anything particularly sexy happening.
At least Anna calls him out on his wildly inappropriate behaviour. They call this movie Fifty Shades Darker because some dramatic stuff happens this time. Specifically, Anna's boss attempts to rape her at one point. She escapes and he is fired, but that is the last we hear of it. I guess it is kind of realistic that she doesn't report this incident to the authorities, there are a myriad of reasons why women don't, but judging from the movie her reason seems to be that she forgot it happened. Within literally two minutes of the scene occurring, the issue is dropped and never reflected on again. A similar thing happens later, where Grey ends up in a deadly helicopter crash. You think this might change the direction of the story, however within minutes of it occurring, Grey turns up at his home before the news even has had chance to finish reporting the crash. Ultimately, these major plot events are diminished to serve as a catalyst - the sexual assault lands Anna a big promotion, the air crash encourages Grey to turn up to a birthday party for once.
You might have noticed that I've barely mentioned the sex. That's because there is a paucity of it. The BDSM is back but extremely subdued throughout. "Please spank me!" says Anna, and the music swells and the movie sets the scene for what looks to be a cathartic ass blistering. Instead, Grey gently taps her three times, with the force of someone trying to dust some crumbs off of a doily. Then they have boring regular sex. There is this hilarious plot detail that Grey doesn't like people touching his chest. Even though they've had sex dozens of times, Anna only just now notices the prominent cigarette burns all over his pecks. Particularly observant one, that Anna.
Like a lot of pirated movies, you get to see the silhouettes of audience members getting up and momentarily blocking the camera on their way to the bathroom. Tellingly, the audience didn't come back to their chairs afterwards.