"Praise be to Cathari Sarad!" I cry as everything goes perfectly. "Got nothing to grin about now, do you, ghost dwarves?!
"Now if you know what's good for you, you'll tell me what this place is, why you dragged me in here, and how to get out! And you skeletons, you just stand there looking pretty."
Am I able to hear you IC'ly when you talk like that?
@Kilgore Trout: Yes, you can hear that in character. It sort of sounds like it's coming from all around you and stuff, sort of like it's telepathic.
The thing with the red gold crown.
Oy, my head. I'm gonna repay that awful dame for her kindness.
I shapeshift out of my restraints then take the form of a gnoll and sniff for my gear as well as reviving zombies to cause a ruckus away from me and distract the witch.
It comes. The corrupter comes. Don't let it touch the tower lest all reality crumble.
Something something DBZ
I try to slice some midgets with my axe.
What is a man? A miserable pile of secrets, but enough talk have at you!
Jedi of the Old Republic
I go to the left wall and take one of the pokers, and examine what other tools are there.
What is this "signature" of which people speak?
Just listen to me...
I loot the village
Coriander Hasp, Excrucian Deceiver at your service
Wait a minute, how did I summon 4 infested marines with only 2 open summoning slots?
"You have got to be kidding me. RUN!"
I try to hightail it out of there, making sure to stay behind the medic.
@Undying Phoenix: Not sure how to explain it, other than some summons can create multiple creatures with a single slot, like raven/crows for instance. Anyway, hostile summons can take up a greater power level than combined slot total used to summon them. That's how you were able to summon Gandalf with a machine gun. I just sorta chose four arbitrarily, since infested marines was the first thing that came to mind on how to cause your move to backfire. Otherwise you'd be fighting a boss or something. Also, the infested marines are only taking up one of your summon slots. I could've had them occupy all your slots but I didn't feel like it.
Roll To Dodge: Savral Turn 170
First time posts for this session require you to state a race and class of a Dnd/Fantasy RPG variety. This is an RTD with some continuity and I want to make sure you don't show up with space-themed stuff when that doesn't fit with the general theme. I also recommend reading through my previous posts to get a sense of how I run things and some of the things you don't want to do. You'll also get a sense of the stuff that's going on by doing so.
Jondanger 23 (5,5); Aspect of BC the Manslave (3,1): You reach for your wrench, as it seems to have teleported back to you. You immediately rush at Aspect of BC the Manslave and lob your wrench right at him. It hits him squarely in the head. You then charge him again. The manslave immediately conjures a large iron spike right in front of you, and you run right into it. Luckily, it seems to be relatively fragile, so it breaks on impact, and you take relatively little damage. You then kick the manslave, pick up your wrench, and then smash it into his head once again. The naked manslave tries to unleash another spell upon you, but he instantly catches on fire, and then burns to ashes. You have slain Aspect of BC the Manslave. You have gained the trait Slayer of the Manslave. You now do bonus damage to Manslaves, provided that you don’t become one yourself.
Blackie (6,6): You walk over to the glass floor and smash it in order to get at the source of the noise. You then fall into a large, darkly lit chamber with metallic walls. A few feet away from you, you see a cow staring at you. You walk over to it and then cleave into it with your axe. You perform a second strike, and the cow tips over. It then dissolves into a black mist and then reforms into a large, ten-foot high minotaur covered in heavy diamond armor. It is wielding two large axes connected by chains. You have encountered Edgar.
BC The Entity {(6,
Before the witch can swoop in and attack, you quickly prepare a teleportation spell and warp the fuck out of there, trying to teleport as many people as you can.
You now find yourself standing on a large rock, with the night sky and stars glistening around you. The air feels strangely cool and thin here. Nobody else seems to have accompanied you during your teleport. Then you start seeing the others. Interspersed by seconds, each of the other orcs slowly appears besides you, however, many of them have been severely mutilated. Only two of the shamans remain. Shortly after they arrive, the orcs reach for their throats, and their faces start to turn blue.
A large tentacle erupts out of the ground in front of you.
KYAHAHAHAHA!!! You think you can escape me? I’m the most powerful witch there ever was! KYAHAHAHA!!! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
The tentacle begins to lunge toward you. The two orcs collapse on the ground.
Kilgore Trout (1): KYAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! EYAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
You try praying to Cathy, but all you can hear is her wonderful laughter. You suddenly feel sick in your stomach and keel over onto the ground. You start puking, and the dwarves keep laughing at you. You start defecating, and you watch as your crap flows out of your behind. For some reason, your clothes seem to have disappeared, and there is now tape covering your mouth.
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! YES! ROLL AROUND LIKE THE DIRTY PIG YOU ARE!!! KYAHAHAHAHA!!! EYAHAHAHAHAHA!! AHAHAHAHA!!!
By some will other than your own, you lie flat on the ground, and you begin rolling around in your own poop. More ghostly dwarves start appearing. They draw close and then begin spewing ectoplasmic puke all over you.
NOW EAT IT ALL UP!!!
The tape covering your mouth suddenly disappears. You start licking up your own filth. It tastes horrible.
KYAHAHAHAHA!!! EYAHAHAHAHA!!! AHAHAHAHAHA!!!
Philosopher (2): You attempt to shapeshift out of your restraints into the form of a gnoll, but for some reason you find yourself unable to do so. It smells a bit musky in here, but you cannot detect any sign of rotting corpses.
A few minutes later, the MAD SCIENTIST comes in from behind the curtains. She pulls out a large handsaw from a tool belt inside her lab coat. “Ach yes! Nov is zee time to harfest your organs! Any last requests?”
Yoloisfox (3): You approach one of the midgets, raise your axe, and attempt to cleave it in half. Said midget swiftly dodges out of the way. The other midgets begin to surround you, and emerald crystals begin to form around them.
Cybersbe (5): You walk up to the left wall and obtain one of the pokers. You also see a branding iron, a number of worn hammers, chisels, tongs, a large brick-like object, casting molds, and other forging equipment. You also happen to see a finished scimitar lying nearby, which seems to be glowing a whitish hue. You acquire it, though you don’t know what it does yet.
Moocow (5): You wander into the village, looking for anything of value. Most of the huts are filled with a variety of masks, yams, and salted fish. A few of the houses have hunting spears, bows and arrows, but you don’t feel like you’ll need to use them. In what looks to be the elder’s hut, which contains a large number of skulls and masks, you find a small wooden totem-like object, glowing an orangish hue. It seems to be carved with a variety of faces, and it has a sword-like handle with a jaguar’s head on the pommel. You take it.
Undying Phoenix (1): You try running, but you immediately trip over and fall. The medic runs over and tries to lift you back up, but it is immediately gunned down by the infested marines. Shortly after, you feel your body become riddled with bullets. You will probably die if you don’t get out right away.
Stats
| Name | Race | Class | Location | Muniez | Items |
| Philosopher | Doppelganger | Necromancer | Chapel | 1 | |
| Jondanger 23 | Dust Elemental | Artificer | jungle shore | 1 | wrench |
| BC The Entity | Bipolarity Elemental | Wizerd | Isolated rock | 1 | map orb, staff, 2 orc shamans |
| Undying Phoenix | half-elf | summoner | volcanic island | 1 | summoning book |
| Blackie | human | Manslave /barbarian | house | 1 | crystal orb, flowers |
| Cybersbe | Revenant/Zombie | Ranger | Cavern | 1 | crystal orb, poker, enchanted scimitar |
| Yoloisfox | dwarf | blacksmith | cupcake village | 1 | crystal ball, blacksmith’s tools, hammer, axe |
| Black Mage Anolis | Kobold | Artificer | Kadath | 1 | crystal ball, hammer, shortsword |
| MonkBarbarian | Halfling | Monk/Bard | Mountain | 1 | crystal ball, panflute |
| FeatheredDragon | Lizardman | Hydromage | underground temple | 2 | crystal ball, wand |
| Mathleticism | Drow | Man-witch | cave | 1 | crystal orb, |
| Kilgore Trout | half-orc/dwarf | Priestess of Cathari | Mountains | 1 | crystal orb, enchanted golden warhammer |
| Moocow | Thunder Elemental | Thunder mage | Jungle | 1 | crystal orb, enchanted totem |
Extra Abilities/Skills
- Jondanger 23: Aspect of Hercules, Banish Unicorn, Leeroy, Slayer of the Manslave
- Philosopher: Truesight, Quick Draw, Two-handed gun accuracy, Eldritch Curse, Animate Golem, Soulbind, Cure Light Wounds, Simplified Resurrection
- BC The Entity: Anti-octarine shovel, Battlefield Controller, Spell Crafting 1, Warp Proficiency, Octarine Bipolarity, Vineweaver
- Mathleticism: Witch’s Pact, Tinkering
- Cyberse: Hollow Reflexes, Diplomat, Skirmisher I
- Blackie: Unarmed Combatant, Giant Slayer, Witch’s Pact, Skirmisher I
- Undying Phoenix: 0/3 Summoning slots, Augmented Summoning, Witch’s Pact, Eldritch Curse, Divine Retribution
- Black Mage Anolis: Super-Shifty, Diplomat
- Yoloisfox: Animal Lover
- Kilgore Trout: Worships Cathy
My son is a dumbass
Grab his axes, knee him in the face, then choke him with the chain.
Something something DBZ
Try to talk my way out of them hurting me
What is a man? A miserable pile of secrets, but enough talk have at you!
Summon a Protoss Arbiter, summon a Protoss Arbiter, summon one!
I shouldn't be getting turned on at all by reading any of this, should I? 
Seriously though, it's a good thing I knew to expect I'd have to lick a horrible-tasting foot at the very least when I joined this game.
I'm trying like hell to not do what Cathy is telling me to and to run away from the ghost dwarves puking on me, and of course it does me absolutely no good. If I'm still sane after this experience I'm sure to have nightmares about this.
The thought does cross my mind to beg her for mercy, but that's impossible since my mouth is full. Full of...UGH!
edited 1st Oct '15 1:22:21 PM by KilgoreTrout
The thing with the red gold crown.
I try using animate golem on the witch's bones.
If I can't do that I'll try collecting her soul and putting it in my shirt.
It comes. The corrupter comes. Don't let it touch the tower lest all reality crumble.
At the heart of the world...
...
"I...I need to be on my way...sorry."
I will then try to leave.
I walk around, trying to find something to bash over the head with a wrench.
Jedi of the Old Republic
I go look at the scrolls.
What is this "signature" of which people speak?
Just listen to me...
I go and see if I can find a map
Coriander Hasp, Excrucian Deceiver at your service
Meeee
Wooooooow, that's like ten actions she gets per turn. No wonder she's completely unkillable WHEN YOU DELIBERATELY MAKE VICTORY IMPOSSIBLE CATHARIIIII.
Oh, just fuck EVERYTHING! I attempt to dodge the tentacle, at the same time blasting it with a wave of fire, then attempt to form an anti-octarine barrier around myself to help protect from wing-bitch over there, ideally in such a manner that I can also attack out of it without it breaking.
Roll To Dodge: Savral Turn 171
First time posts for this session require you to state a race and class of a Dnd/Fantasy RPG variety. This is an RTD with some continuity and I want to make sure you don't show up with space-themed stuff when that doesn't fit with the general theme. I also recommend reading through my previous posts to get a sense of how I run things and some of the things you don't want to do. You'll also get a sense of the stuff that's going on by doing so.
Blackie (6,1); Edgar (2->3,1->2): You leap up into the air, kneeing him in the face, and then attempt to grab onto his axes. Once you’ve got a hold of them, you kick him flat in the chest, sending you backward. You try to lift your newly acquired weapons up, but they seem to be too heavy for you. Edgar simply stomps forth, lifts up both his arms, and then smashes them into your stomach. The blow causes you to puke. Edgar then kicks you away, sending you flying into one of the walls, and then retrieves his axes.
Yoloisfox (1): You attempt to speak to the midgets, but then you feel their crystals start shredding through your skin. The crystals also pin you down to the ground.
“Wow!” says the midget explorer, “You are such a weakling! I have never seen someone act like such a noob before!”
Undying Phoenix (5, 3 ): You quickly flip through your summoning book to see if you can summon forth a Protoss Arbiter. You perform the necessary incantations, and a portal opens up a few feet up in the air. The vessel you have specified appears up in the air. Furthermore, your skin starts to become transparent. You use this opportunity to bolt away as the infested marines continue shooting at the spot you just occupied. The drone also starts taking potshots at some of the marines, taking off an arm. The marines aim their guns up at the Arbiter.
Kilgore Trout (3): You quickly get back up and run deeper into the cave, seeing as your entrance is cut off. After about a minute, you seem to have eluded your dwarven pursuers. You then enter a small rectangular chamber, lit up by a few octarine torches. A downward spiraling stairway sits in front of you, while two additional tunnels fork off to your left and right.
Philosopher (2): You cannot target Schierke’s bones with animate golem. Animate golem can only target inanimate objects. Furthermore, you cannot absorb Schierke’s soul with that ability, seeing as she’s still at full health and is a boss-level character. There is also nothing in the immediate area that you can target with your soul-binding ability. You might want to try speaking with the witch or targeting something else.
Black Mage Anolis (4): When you speak, you receive no response. You get up and exit the house through the front door. You are now back out in the candy-cane forest, and a chocolate road winds through it. The sky now seems to be glowing a dark purplish color, and a crescent moon hangs above. When you turn around, the house too seems to have disappeared, and the road winds toward a small lake.
Jondanger 23 (5): You begin wandering throughout the region once more. After about a minute, you hear an elephant roaring. Some of the trees around you begin to give way, and you see said elephant charge in. An orangutan wearing some sort of wooden mask is sitting on top of it, wielding some sort o totem staff. A number of other orangutans trail in close behind. You have encountered the Orangutan Chieftain.
Cybersbe (3): You walk over to the scrolls and start unraveling them. Unfortunately, they seem to be written in a language that you cannot understand, or you would need to spend some time de-cyphering them.
Moocow (5): You begin to search around the area for a map, but after a few seconds of looking around, a transparent, hologram-like globe floats into your hands. As you examine it, a landmass similar in appearance to the one on Cathy’s map begins emerging on the wireframe globe. The extensive continental landmass stretches from roughly ten to twenty degrees north of the equator, over the north pole, and then wraps around ten to twenty degrees south of that. The north pole lies in the middle of the sea bordering Stannis, Benestria, and Anzrich. Much of the space that isn’t immediately surrounding the main continent is shaded in a dark gray color. Large chunks of land seem to have labels designating what nations they belong to.
You find a glowing red dot on the southernmost part of the continent, right about where the right up at the edge of the landmass in the domain of “Xe!ktl.” A label extends out from it, saying, “You are here.” You see several dots up north of your position, labeled “Quasik-Kol” and “Ixal.” Between these two points, you see a blip labeled, “Marisa died here.” Large chunks of the map seem to have been grayed out. Somewhere to the far north of the domain, you see a label that says “Kayne died here.” Just a bit northwest of this, right near the edge of the desert, you see a label that says “Portal to Enri’s Pyramid.” There is another blip that seems to be labeled, “Vessel of the Old God.” A bit west of your position, you see another dot with the label “Jondanger 23,” accompanied by a dot labeled “Orangutan Chieftain.” Northwest of Jon’s blip, you see a blip labeled “Surt’s Remains.” Somewhere east of your position, within the blob of “Stannis” territory in Qal-Andu, you see a dot labeled “The Witch Grimhilde.”
BC The Entity (6,1); The Witch Louise (
“Teeheehee! That tickles!”
Shortly after, you try to conjure up an anti-octarine barrier, but for some reason your efforts aren’t working. You see the tentacle begin to lunge toward you.
“Now, time to…”
Suddenly, the tentacle freezes in place, turning to stone. Shortly after, you feel a pair of familiar arms wrap around behind you, the right one covering your mouth. You feel someone press up against you, and out of the corner of your eye, you see Cathy’s face hover just above your left shoulder.
“Oh, sweetie? Do you think she’s being a little bit too rough on you? Why don’t you try me instead? Don’t worry, sweetie-chums, I can be gentle. Kihihihihi…”
Stats
| Name | Race | Class | Location | Muniez | Items |
| Philosopher | Doppelganger | Necromancer | Chapel | 1 | |
| Jondanger 23 | Dust Elemental | Artificer | jungle shore | 1 | wrench |
| BC The Entity | Bipolarity Elemental | Wizerd | Isolated rock | 1 | map orb, staff, 2 orc shamans |
| Undying Phoenix | half-elf | summoner | volcanic island | 1 | summoning book, Protoss Arbiter |
| Blackie | human | Manslave /barbarian | house | 1 | crystal orb, flowers |
| Cybersbe | Revenant/Zombie | Ranger | Cavern | 1 | crystal orb, poker, enchanted scimitar |
| Yoloisfox | dwarf | blacksmith | cupcake village | 1 | crystal ball, blacksmith’s tools, hammer, axe |
| Black Mage Anolis | Kobold | Artificer | Kadath | 1 | crystal ball, hammer, shortsword |
| MonkBarbarian | Halfling | Monk/Bard | Mountain | 1 | crystal ball, panflute |
| FeatheredDragon | Lizardman | Hydromage | underground temple | 2 | crystal ball, wand |
| Mathleticism | Drow | Man-witch | cave | 1 | crystal orb, |
| Kilgore Trout | half-orc/dwarf | Priestess of Cathari | Mountains | 1 | crystal orb, enchanted golden warhammer |
| Moocow | Thunder Elemental | Thunder mage | Jungle | 1 | crystal orb, enchanted totem, map orb |
Extra Abilities/Skills
- Jondanger 23: Aspect of Hercules, Banish Unicorn, Leeroy, Slayer of the Manslave
- Philosopher: Truesight, Quick Draw, Two-handed gun accuracy, Eldritch Curse, Animate Golem, Soulbind, Cure Light Wounds, Simplified Resurrection
- BC The Entity: Anti-octarine shovel, Battlefield Controller, Spell Crafting 1, Warp Proficiency, Octarine Bipolarity, Vineweaver
- Mathleticism: Witch’s Pact, Tinkering
- Cyberse: Hollow Reflexes, Diplomat, Skirmisher I
- Blackie: Unarmed Combatant, Giant Slayer, Witch’s Pact, Skirmisher I
- Undying Phoenix: 1/3 Summoning slots, Augmented Summoning, Witch’s Pact, Eldritch Curse, Divine Retribution
- Black Mage Anolis: Super-Shifty, Diplomat
- Yoloisfox: Animal Lover
- Kilgore Trout: Worships Cathy
My son is a dumbass
"Let us see who gives up first." I try to puke into his eyes, then I try to slit his throat with the pincerhand.
I take one of the torches and try to use it to see further ahead in both tunnels and down the staircase, while trying very hard not to think about what just happened to me and to ignore how my mouth tastes.
Meeee
...this is worse. This is exponentially worse. Not only is goddamn Bitchari Slutad here, but I'm fairly certain she didn't get rid of wingbitch over there either. So, yeah, I'm totally fucked, if I wasn't already totally fucked before.
"Actually, you know what would be great right now?" I say, putting as much sarcastic saccharinity into my voice as possible. "You getting rid of Louise... like, permanently, maybe, because she's trying to eat me and has probably eaten a bunch of other people before me... and then going away yourself. Don'cha think that'd be just swell?" I'm roughly one hundred percent certain that that's not going to be a thing she does, make that a thousand percent if she actually takes my tone into account, but on the off-chance that she actually goes for it, that's pretty much my one shot at surviving this. Otherwise, I may as well have asked her to violently rape Louise without getting me involved beyond watching. They're about as likely to happen as one another, is basically it.
Something something DBZ
There's only one thing to do "Your a weakling."
What is a man? A miserable pile of secrets, but enough talk have at you!
Well. Shit.
Aww, ffffffffffFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK. It's this bitch again, isn't it? The one who ruined my witch-gathering spree by obliterating, uh... Marisa, I believe? The teleporter witch. Almost instantly, if I recall. Ahahahahaha, yeah, uh, funny story, but NOOOOOPE. I'm teleporting myself and the remaining orcs the fuck out of there, ideally to the far side of Sfal if at all possible. I'm sure as hell not sticking around to let psycho birdbrain rape my ass or whatever the fuck she's planning on doing as she eats me. And if that fails, anti-octarine shield around everyone who isn't her and her shitty tentacle friend until I can try again.
edited 28th Sep '15 2:55:32 PM by BCTheEntity