Let's Watch: The Little Panda Fighter

Part 6!

Sweet Jesus, are we even anywhere CLOSE to the end? It would probably be better if I didn't keep doing it in extra short portions. So for your enjoyment folks, because after this, get ready for Double Length posts!

....Oh god, shoot me.

The question remains: WHERE IS PANDCATTA? Why, I'm surprised I care. Because I don't. Part of me wants him to be burning in a pit somewhere.

But no, my wish shan't be granted this day. Apparently Pandcatta is at his dance studio/Dojo/Ballet recital thing. I can't even call the jerky movements he's doing as dancing, that's an insult to dancers everywhere.

Well no time for that! BACK TO THE BAR!

Polaris-I mean Pandcatta (The outfit is just too convincing for some) and Freak Teddy are...just standing in their corners and being jackasses. Not one thing is said or accomplished. For 20 seconds.

Meh.

Padding Counter: 8.

So then Bitch Bear is once again stunned that Pandcatta is fighting (weren't you stunned a few minutes ago when you CAME to this revelation? Is your attention span THAT diminutive?).

"He can't possibly think he can beat Freak Teddy, can he?!"

HE'S NOT PANDCATTA YOU IDIOTS! Are you THAT fucking dense?! Are you retarded!? Who do you think he is!

He's the god damn Polaris!

So then we get to the fight!...The horribly animated, badly done fight. God dammit, is there nothing in this god damn movie to look forward to?

Round one ends and BACK TO THE DANCE STUDIO I GUESS.

Pandcatta dances.

MOTHER FUCKER.

BACK TO THE BAR.

Freak Teddy finally speaks with "Get Ready mystery bear, I hope you have your insurance policy paid off, cause I'm about to make mass mincemeat out of you!"

Oscar winning dialogue here, folks!

"I'm afraid your mistaken, thunder-chump, because your time is up!"

This trash talking is the equivelent of "You're a stupid head!" "No you're a stupid head!" "Nuh uh!" "Yuh huh!"

Once more, two issues with this. Why are you calling him Thunder Chump? He's not Teddy Thunders anymore! He's freak teddy! Second, Polaris TALKED! Everyone who even KNOWS Pandcatta should know that isn't his voice! Dammit movie!

Freak Teddy then straight up kicks him right in the jaw, which raises the question: ISN'T THIS BOXING?!

SO then I suppose rules go right out the window and straight into wrestling here, because kicking and body slamming seem to be the favors. We then cut to Bitch Bear and Grizzle Puss. (I can't type the latter without any form of dignity.)

"Ain't that Panda something? I can't believe I never knew how dreamy he was!" Bitch Bear declares. Slut.

Son of a bitch, BACK TO THE DANCE CLUB.

Apparently Pandcatta has discovered the secret of flight, because he flies right past the judges (Who don't seem to take notice of the heavy weight panda fucking FLYING), and right into the other room.

THESE SCENES ARE FUCKING POINTLESS!!!

Now the video ends, so I'll cut it off here. How will the fight go!? Will Polaris win against Freak Teddy/Teddy Thunders/Teddy Ruxpin/Teddy Roosevelt?! Will Pandcatta use his new flying abilities for good, or will he go to the dark side?! Or will this movie continue to suck the thick one?!

I'm betting on the last one.

edited 8th Nov '10 3:14:46 PM by MichaelDj54

This plot is so pointless, it hurts.

Gah! I just wrote a good chunk of my next segment, 5 minutes in, I thought it was good at times, and of course my internet says "Well we can't have YOU get off easily!", freaks it's shit and deletes it somehow. Now I have to go back and watch the same shit again. I swear if I have to watch one more unnecessary minute of this ABOMINATION of a movie, I'm going to punch a child.

While I can't advocate cruelty to children, in a roundabout way they ARE the reason for this movie's existence... you know, if you ever need to justify the violence to yourself...

I always type my liveblogs up in a processor, then copy/paste them into the Wiki Sandbox and add the formatting while I read/edit-through. That way, the interwebs can't crash on me or I can't accidentally click on an ad and lose all my hard work. Been there, done that, bought the t-shirt, threw it in a fire, collected the ashes, and threw them in the ocean of tears I made as I wept because I had to go back and watch more Dingo Pictures.

It was a learning experience. I feel, buddy.

Experience to learn by. Grazi.

I find just using Notepad works, though I have to turn off Word Wrap or it formats strangely for me.