FATAL

Hey now, I've had many a team wipe that could have been avoided if I could just stare at my penis.

Not actually back.

What I want to know is why your BMI is independent of your height, weight, and the stat that determines muscle mass.

I mean, unless this is some massless, volumeless fat we're counting, here.

You know, all this, and so far what offends me most is the effect that BMI has on attractiveness.

The lat time I went to the doctor, I think I had a BMI of 36. I'm fat, but I'm not a blob like my BMI says I should be. So yeah. BMI's inaccurate as hell. How seriously is it taken in the medical community, anyway?

edited 12th Sep '09 11:55:12 PM by JBridge

There's no space in the name.

Huh? It is dependent on height and weight! Only muscle mass is left out...

"And as long as a sack of shit is not a good thing to be, chivalry will never die."

Ah, it is? I was thinking this was another one of those things they roll up randomly with no relation to anything it should be related to in this game.

No, they use the formula that's actually used to calculate your BMI. Realism!

edited 13th Sep '09 3:48:33 AM by JBridge

There's no space in the name.

But what if you have a 3 foot penis? You should be able to see it.

<(-_-<)(>-_-)> "FUSION HA"

If your penis is over 3 feet long, you can probably see it regardless of how fat you are.

Sorry, I couldn't resist.

Your funny quote here! (Maybe)

Doubtful. If you're fat enough that you can't see your feet, then you won't be able to see your third leg, either. And the moment it starts getting erect, you're out cold.

Roll for blood circulation?

Now you reminded me of the classic "roll d20 for natural body functions" game. The one where if you were extremely lucky you could manage to stand up and open your eyes before you rolled a critical failure on your heart beating or on breathing or somesuch and died.

Your funny quote here! (Maybe)

...I've never heard of such a game, Brickman...

Not actually back.

"ROLL THE DICE TO SEE IF I'M GETTING DRUNK!"

"YES, YOU ARE!"

Sakamoto demands an explanation for this shit.

I don't know if there's an official name or an official rulebook, but the rules are simple. The DM makes you roll a D20 for anything he can think of. Putting one foot in front of the other, standing up, opening your eyes, blinking, breathing, whatever. You'll probably have to roll for some things, like breathing and blood circulation, once every few "seconds". If you roll a 2 or above, good for you. If you roll a 1... critical failure! Results are whatever seems appropriate. The game ends when you die. Do note that failing a heartbeat roll isn't instant death, it's a heart attack; you get to writhe around and try to get to a phone or whatever until you fail another roll and a momentary lack of breathing compounds on the heart attack, or you have another heart attack, or whatever. I'm actually not all that clear on if there is a rule saying when enough is enough and you die besides the Rule of Funny.

Your funny quote here! (Maybe)

"ARE THERE ANY GIRLS THERE?"

@Brickman: That sounds ridiculously hilarious. Let's just hope one doesn't get a 1 on bladder control.

edited 13th Sep '09 10:22:23 AM by Miijhal

That sounds like so much fun.

<(-_-<)(>-_-)> "FUSION HA"

"UM, WHY?"

Sakamoto demands an explanation for this shit.

"IF THERE'S ANY GIRLS THERE I WANNA DO THEM!"

Oh, cool, I've never actually seen that ending bit to Summoner before. That was hilarious.

[1] This facsimile operated in part by synAC.

We continue! Now we get to roll up how sexy our guy is. We still need a good name for him, by the way. I'd suggest a vote. Please though, make it something that I can type easily. I'll be using that name a lot.

Anyway, let's roll!

First we need to roll our little guy's most attractive and repulsing features. I got Face and Mannerisms, respectively. We would normally roll for skin color, but that doesn't apply to kobolds since their skin is always silvery white. We do get to roll for hair color, though. I got 62, which means light brown. Next up is hair length. Why, exactly do we have to roll for this? Is it not possible that our character might decide to cut it short? Why should we have to roll for a conscious decision? Oh well. I rolled 67, which means 17"-22". Kinda long for a kobold.

Even better, hair type! Once again, we have a huge-ass table. I think I'll just call them HATs for short. I rolled a 76, but there's a +10 modifier for kobolds. Therefore, our hair is "Thick and wavy".

Eye color now. Brown. Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaay. Oddly, the table (which isn't that huge) includes a row specifically for 100. On humans this is green. I'm pretty sure more than one in a hundred people have green eyes.

Now we have to roll for our vision. This will decide if our guy needs glasses. In the world of FATAL, apparently there only glasses that correct far-sightedness. If you're myopic, you're screwed. Fortunately, we landed in the safe zone. Did I mention that they spend a whole page on describing vision and a HAT?

Anyway, I'm getting sleepy. I think I'll have to go to bed now.

Unfortunately, we only got to page 48 tonight. Lots of tables, text, and rolling.

Here's the character so far, as he's written up in OpenOffice.

• Name: Undermentioned as of this moment
• Race: Kobold
• Sex: Male
• Age: 24.2
• Height: 4' 6''
• Weight: 75 lbs (-1 Strength)
• BMI: 16.8 (-36 Bodily Attractiveness)
• Most attractive feature: Face
• Most repulsive feature: Mannerisms
• Skin color: Silvery white
• Hair color: Light brown
• Hair length: 17-22
• Hair type: Thick and wavy (+4 Facial Charisma)
• Eye color: Brown
• Breadth: 27''
• Vision: Perfect (Note: All dwarves, kobolds and subterranean trolls are colorblind, have reflective eyes, and Low-Light Vision (LLV). Their visual range is 100% in equal to a full moon, 75% in starlight without moonlight or during twilight, 25% in darkness, and is 0% (fully blinded) during daylight.)

edited 15th Sep '09 7:58:32 AM by JBridge

There's no space in the name.

You can't use folders on the forum.

I'm enjoying this so far- even though it hasn't technically got started yet it's still interesting.

edited 15th Sep '09 2:46:08 AM by Pacific

Wait wait wait, their glasses can only correct farsightedness? *checks something*

So apparently they can't form concave lenses in this world, but they can form convex ones. Huh. I guess that's somewhat believable, almost, but I should note that large scale glass production was a pretty late invention.

Generally, I don't consider assorted huge ass tables (AssHATs) to be a good sign in any system. They certainly didn't help early editions of D&D.

Sakamoto demands an explanation for this shit.

Let's call him Pun-Pun.