Trope Co. Incident Reports.

9/6/22

I have a bit of an issue with the new photos on the company website. They look great and all, but they were obviously photoshopped to make it look like I'm tangled in a ball of yarn. I want those taken down ASAP.

~Oopity

Edited by OopityDoop on Sep 6th 2022 at 9:43:29 AM

9/6/2022

Sent extraction team to free Oopity from the large ball of yarn they'd gotten themself tangled in.

9/6/2022

Security investigated a loud crashing noise in the break room; upon investigation, the door of the fridge had been ripped off its hinges and partially dissolved, and most of the contents of the fridge were missing, containers and food alike. Reprimanded Bob for getting into other people's lunches again.

Chloe Jessica

Edited by ChloeJessica on Sep 6th 2022 at 6:54:52 AM

9/6/22

First Mr. C's chicken wings, now this? Where the hell is Noura when we need her?

9/7/22

About an hour ago, an extraction team showed up at my house to free me from a ball of yarn. The only problem: there was no yarn. I had to apologize profusely on Chloe's behalf. Let this be a lesson going forward to CAREFULLY READ THE REPORTS BEFORE YOU TAKE ANY ACTIONS.

~Oopity

Edited by OopityDoop on Sep 6th 2022 at 12:30:10 PM

9/6/2022

Investigated reports that the building was experiencing a different time zone on one side than the other. Turned out Bob had set all the clocks in the west wing three hours forward and somehow spoofed the atomic clock signal so all devices also displayed the erroneous time. Filled out a Form XX1D "Motion to Administer Brand to Bob".

-Chloe Jessica

Edited by ChloeJessica on Sep 6th 2022 at 10:32:39 AM

09/07/22

Motion sustained.

-Dvorak

9/7/22

Dispatched a hazmat team to take care of a chemical spill right outside Bob's cubicle. Turns out it's some sort of acid and is eating through the floor at an alarming rate. The break room is directly under the location of the spill, and I have already closed off the area for safety reasons. Beneath that is the giant spider breeding lab. I highly recommend we get the spiders out of there before it starts raining in the break room.

~Oopity

Edited by OopityDoop on Sep 7th 2022 at 6:32:03 AM

07/09/22: Agreed. Protect the spiders!

07/07/22

Bob is killing coworkers by launching them out of the Pumpkin Chucker. Please dismantle it immediately.

-NAPY

9/7/22

We are not dismantling the Pumpkin Chucker, at least not until we win this year's tournament. I'll just submit a request for improved security on the Pumpkin Chuckin' range, after I launch Bob out of the Chucker so he can taste his own medicine. As for who got launched, my tally was 8 slackers, 3 incompetent interns, and Dave, 5 times. Given those numbers, Bob actually did more good than harm for the company today, if you look past the fact that he literally killed 11 people and wasted 5 more of Dave's infinite lives.

UPDATE:

Bob survived being launched out of the Pumpkin Chucker. Not only that, but he sustained only minor injuries. Worse, he won't stop pestering me to, and I quote, "Do it again!" No. Not if he had that much fun being launched.

~Oopity

Edited by OopityDoop on Sep 7th 2022 at 11:25:09 AM

9/7/2022

Reprimanded several employees who had tied Dave up and were using him for target practice with live rounds. Employees' aim was fortunately lackluster, so Dave didn't get shot, but it's still a really mean thing to do. Bob professed heartily to not have been involved; gave him three lashes on general principles.

Request that the incident log be more circumspect about broadcasting which employees happen to be immortal.

-Chloe Jessica

Oopity, check your P Ms!

9/7/22

I saw someone added Don Ho's "Tiny Bubbles" to the liked songs list on our shared Spotify. Normally this wouldn't be a problem if I hadn't caught Bob with what I assume is the Thomas Dolby speaker from the other day and a receipt for about 10 automatic bubble machines and a shit ton of bubble solution. I'm worried he's planning to re-create that one challenge from The Mole. If you've watched season 2, you know which one. If not, let me sum it up in two words: pure torture. Someone please make sure those bubble machines never appear on the premises.

On an unrelated note, why do we even have a shared Spotify in the first place?

~Oopity

I saw the message. The yarn photoshop thing was meant to be another office prank.

Edited by OopityDoop on Sep 7th 2022 at 9:22:45 AM

09/07/22

Please relocate Dave to a safe place where no employees can harm him. He may have infinite lives, but he still feels pain like we all do.

-NAPY

09/07/22

What do I do with all this bubble soap?

-Dvorak

PS: Whoever keeps stage-whispering "Fucken BUBBLES!" whenever the word "bubbles" comes up, quit it or you're spending the weekend with Bob in the gulag.

07/09/22: Upon investigation, it was found that Bob was not responsible for the chemical spill earlier today. This suggests that someone was trying to frame him, which is extremely concerning. This is the problem with having an employee like Bob - he makes for a very convenient scapegoat when an employee with an agenda attempts to do something unscrupulous. I suggest that our managing director be informed of the results of the investigation as soon as possible.

~ Mr. C.

9/7/22

I have an update on the mail situation. 6 people got lost in there trying to recover the packages. They were all equipped with safety lines and GPS trackers too. It's safe to say everything in the B3313 office building is a lost cause. If you haven't yet re-ordered your stuff, you definitely need to now.

Also, bubble soap? Dvorak, was that you? If so, what was Bob doing with your receipt?

~Oopity

Edited by OopityDoop on Sep 7th 2022 at 8:01:14 AM

09/07/22

I intercepted Bob's delivery. At least he won't have any soap to put in the machines now.

-Dvorak

PS, the hand soap for the bathrooms is to be locked up tight.

9/7/2022

Someone cut Bob's phone line. Yes, I know, it's annoying to deal with his incessant irritations, but we're not letting him die because his office caught on fire and he couldn't call for help. And let's be real here, it's Bob. His office is definitely going to catch on fire. Block his number if you have to, but leave his phone alone.

-Chloe Jessica

9/7/22

When I opened the door to the all gender bathroom on the second floor of the east wing, what greeted me wasn't a bathroom, but a completely different world. It looks like I opened the wardrobe to Narnia or something. I swear it didn't do this yesterday. This is just like what happened with the B3313 office. Please don't tell me Bob's pulling that crap again!

UPDATE:

I found the device Bob uses to tamper with the layout of buildings. I turned it off, removed the power supply, and handed it over to the SCP Foundation. Now to put a "DO NOT ENTER" sign on the bathroom door.

~Oopity

Edited by OopityDoop on Sep 7th 2022 at 1:03:42 PM

9/8/22

Detained a few employees at the gulag who were fucking around with a tattoo gun. Look, I know the gulag is kinda stripped of anything fun to do (I mean, it's a gulag, not really meant to be fun), but you guys do have to realize that Bob has a chance of getting his hands on anything you bring down there.

-Pogakure

9/8/22

I just got an email from Pia that she found out why she hasn't been receiving any tech support tickets. It's not because nothing's going wrong, but because everyone's sending their tickets to the Foundation's Pat Gephart. He already has enough to deal with thanks to Dr. Bright, and doesn't need any more tickets. Plus, Pia will fix your problems without those snarky clapbacks.

~Oopity

9/8/2022

Wait, isn't Gephardt a fugitive now...? Swear I read something about him going nuts and locking his successor out of the system for a while. I hope we didn't attract the wrong kind of attention...

-Chloe Jessica

9/8/22

Entertained Trope-Tan and her team for a few hours. Standard routine phlebotinum application checks. During the tour, Tropey the Wonder Dog got off his leash and escaped beyond the Door to Darkness. A dispatch team was sent in to retrieve him. Thankfully no one was harmed, although Tropey'll have to cope with not having any fur for a couple of weeks.

-Pogakure

9/8/22

About two and a half hours ago, Makoto asked to take some pictures of me. Thinking something was off, I charged him $100 per photo, thinking that would make him change his mind. He took seven. Now, I need to note that I was fully clothed when he took the pictures. Makoto is currently using one of them as his desktop wallpaper, but with one key difference: I'm in my underwear in that one. I can confirm that's exactly what I have on under my clothes, but Makoto would have no way of knowing that, so the picture can't be photoshopped. The only conceivable explanation for this is that he took the lens from a pair of X-ray goggles and taped it to his phone camera...OH MY GODS. MAKOTO YOU SICK FUCK! I'll have Pia remote into his devices and delete the pictures of me but I still want my $700 by Tuesday or he's going in the Gulag. I would also like an investigation into the origin of the X-ray goggles.

~Oopity

Edited by OopityDoop on Sep 8th 2022 at 2:41:00 PM

09/08/22

God damnit, Bob...!

-Dvorak

9/8/22

Somebody is using company funds to buy and scalp PlayStation 5s.

-BackSet

Edited by BackSet1 on Sep 8th 2022 at 11:04:19 AM