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Are you having problems with Lucario using its aura powers to watch you while your are in the shower. Or maybe you are having Reshiram destroy your home with Blue Flare. Or maybe even Steenee is bouncing all over your home. Then call 1-800-AETHERF (1-800-238-4374) and Lusamine and the Aether Foundation will take all troublesome Pokemon off your hands.

Do you want a hit You Tube channel? One with millions of subscribers?

Then post clickbait!

(This message was brought to you by the people who will mess u up if you follow their advice).

New Invisible Ink, only from Madco!

Phat Phantasy. The RPG for morbidly obese people. Buy now at Phatmart.

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(scene cuts to a boy at his computer)

"This computer is lame!"

Do your computers have too many features?

(cuts to an old lady at a desktop)

"Where do I go to get the pornos?"

Do you want an easy to use interface?

(scene cuts to a random guy)

"Yeah, I guess I do, why do you ask?"

Then try out the newest model of computer- madOS 7. Our operating system is bundled with a free internet access and subscription to madOS' very own XXX website.

"Oh, OK, I guess that sounds alri-"

Shut the fuck up I am talking here.

Mad OS 7. We care about our customers. And our pornography.

ARE YOU COMPLETELY LONELY?

"Y-Yes"

DO YOU WANT TO FORCE SOMEONE TO BE YOUR FRIEND?

"Yes"

THEN GET THE BLACKMAILER 2.0!!

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EXAMPLES INCLUDE BUT ARE NOT LIMITED TO,

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"Wow! Thanks Blackmailer 2.0!"

BLACKMAILER 2.0 IS NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR FEELINGS OF DISGUST OF THE USER.

Have you ever been hungry?

(Sad person nods)

Have you ever just wanted to eat?

(Sad person nods again.)

Then come to EAT, twelve miles outside of Manilla, Utah (Population 308), for that authentic crappy fifties roadside diner experience! There's nothing for miles around, and all we serve is coffee and terrible burgers, but do you really have any other options? NO! Of course not, because we blew them all up!

(Cut to footage of a restaurant exploding.)

Do you think you could do better and start your own restaurant? Well, we'll blow it up, with you inside of it! Then your family will be sad, and you will be dead!

(Cut to footage of a grieving family superimposed over a different angle of the same restaurant explosion.)

So come to EAT! (Picture of sign saying EAT) And try our special, Vintage Coffee! It's been brewed the exact same way since 1972, because that's how long it's been in the pot, because no one has come since then! But they'll all come now, now that we've literally destroyed the competition!

(Cut to original angle of restaurant exploding)

Come to EAT, or we'll destroy everything you love!

(Cut to footage of a house exploding.)

(soundtrack: the opening of Star by Machinedrum)

Castaway Island

“Our Castaways are getting used to here, but now, our first challenge will begin.”

12 minutes later.

“And, with a lead of 29 - 19, the winner of today’s challenge is.....”

Commercial Break

"WANNA KNOW THE BEST WAY TO FIND GOLD?"

[cue some people nodding]

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"CALL 555-419-420 NOW!"

I will regret this sooner or later lol

As a follow up to TheWhistleTropes entry:

Gelatin's Steakhouse presents to you... the all new Steak Sandwich! It's just like a tasty burger, but made with steak^*  Made with 36 artificial ingredients and only approximately 23% real meat. instead. Pick one up at your local Gelatin's Steakhouse any time this week and get 40% off!! You'll also receive a scratch-off ticket free of charge with your purchase. Save lots and win BIG! Only at Gelatin's Steakhouse.

Gelatin is not responsible for any illnesses the food may contain. We Failed a Spot Check and by the time we realized, we'd already sold 11 orders of the Steak Sandwich.

(music: "Friends" by Rome in Silver and chæ, 2:35 - 3:05ish)

[cue, like, an episode of The Eric Andre Show or something]

Edited by Tre on Nov 14th 2020 at 10:46:48 AM

Hey you! Yeah, you! Are you hungry? Then come to Eric's Egg-celent Eggs! We based our entire business around this Lame Pun. Pretty funny, right? Come today!

Hello. Do you consider any of your children talented? Do they exhibit any extraordinary abilities or affinities that you would like to cultivate? Or do you just want a place where your children can be in a community of people like them?

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To enroll in Hope's Peak Academy and become the future of humanity, just call 1-800-TAL-ENTS, or go to www.hopespeakacademy.edu. The future is now with Ultimate talent!

(Note: Hope's Peak Academy is not liable for any harm that may come to you or your child.)

This is my first post on this forum, so it might be a bit shaky.

Edited by MOARPYLONZ on Nov 15th 2020 at 5:52:33 AM

HEY THERE

ARE YOU FEELING DIRTY? ARE YOU POSITIVELY FILTHY? DOES NOBODY LIKE BEING AROUND YOU?

THEN TAKE A SHOWER!

Are you tired of the messiness of water in your hands?

Try bottled water!

Bottled water!

Make it neat!

Edited by Playing_with_boy on Nov 15th 2020 at 6:01:49 AM

Are you tired of having going to the toilet and pooping? Then try our colostomy bags today!

Edited by MatthewLMayfield on Nov 15th 2020 at 8:19:57 AM

Have you ever contemplated how terrible that city looks on the skyline? Do you want to see a light show, but don't want to bother with fireworks? Or is there that one person you just want to see eradicated off of this earth? Wait no longer!

Hi, I'm Dr. Beam, and I introduce to you the Kill Sat 9001! With this satellite, you can easily destroy anything on Earth from the comfort of your home! Just select the location on the GPS, adjust the power level of the blast, and press the button, and in a few seconds, that location will be engulfed in a Sphere of Destruction with the power of a million suns!

Now normally, this satellite would be worth easily hundreds of millions of dollars, but we've managed to get a deal that gives you this satellite for just 1 million dollars!

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Edited by MOARPYLONZ on Nov 15th 2020 at 7:12:48 AM

ARE YOU TIRED OF BEING RECOGNIZED IN A ROBBERY?

"Yes"

ARE YOU WISHING TO BE AN GRAY BLUR TO THE PUBLIC AND THE POLICE?

"Hell yeah"

THEN GET OUR BRAND NEW ROBBERY MASK 2000!

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(Camera immediately cuts to the police)

"HEY, FREEZE!!"

"Ah shit"

BUT MAKE SURE NOT TO UNMASK YOURSELF DURING THE ROBBERY.

OR ELSE YOU MIGHT JUST GET ARRESTED.

ROBBERY MASK 2000, COMES IN LIMITED EDITION GLOVES.

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“Why hello there, my name Call Dale Dingle here, and do you need to keep someone or something alive just for a bit longer?”

“AHHHHH”

“Do you want to tell the Grin Reaper to fuck off?”

“AW MAN!”

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“Illegal in the whole of earth!”

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(Insert phone number and concerning side effects here)

Edited by This on Oct 11th 2022 at 6:53:12 AM