So, we are our avatars, and we've all signed up to work for Aperture Science. Some of us volunteered to be test subjects, some of us are scientists, some of us are testers, etc. And we better watch out; we don't want Cave Johnson to get all piss-poor about our antics.
Roles
Test subjects:
Testers:
Me
Scientists:
Supervisors:
Engineers:
Janitor(s):
While we're in Aperture Science, we must remember the rules:
Don't touch the glass.
Do your job properly.
When life gives you lemons, burn life's house down with the lemons.
The Aperture Science Handheld Portal Device is not a toy.
Absolutely. Positively. No witchcraft.
Get results. No results, no money, no job.
Test subjects:
Hoboes and Tramps
Lives spent wandering aimlessly, cowering before authority, and drinking concussive amounts of home-distilled potato alcohol make hoboes the perfect Human Enrichment test subjects. The hobo questions nothing, will follow orders if fed, and, like all hoboes, has a restless, wandering heart. (Note: The wandering heart of the hobo should not be confused with Drifting Heart Syndrome, which several transients contracted during testing.)
Child Orphans and Foundlings
Deep-rooted abandonment issues leave most orphans highly susceptible to shame-based psychology (for a complete list of opportune moments to obliterate the esteem of test subjects, please consult Training Video #89-D, "You'd Perform This Test Better if You Had Parents"). Recent advances in the use of scorn, flattery used in an ironic context and naked contempt as motivational tools have yielded similarly profitable results.
Psychiatric Patients
Past experience shows these fellows are simply not shy at all about carrying on, disrupting tests and defecating just about anywhere that pleases them. Frankly, it is off-putting, and small wonder why Aperture-brand mental institutions are being phased out in favor of more orphanages.
Seniors
Frail, brittle hands make holding science devices difficult. Most were born before the advent of science, and can become confused and disoriented when asked to participate in relatively simple tests (teleportation, invisibility, adjusting esteem levels of orphan children).
Science isn't about why, it's about why not.
If test subjects comply with these rules, they will be rewarded with $60.
Edited by ProfVentie on Feb 28th 2020 at 11:17:30 AM
Every copy of SM 64 is personalized? Nah. Mine's Bern ponified.
So, we are our avatars
, and we've all signed up to work for Aperture Science. Some of us volunteered to be test subjects, some of us are scientists, some of us are testers, etc. And we better watch out; we don't want Cave Johnson to get all piss-poor about our antics.
Roles
Test subjects:
Testers:
Scientists:
Supervisors:
Engineers:
Janitor(s):
While we're in Aperture Science, we must remember the rules:
- Don't touch the glass.
- Do your job properly.
- When life gives you lemons, burn life's house down with the lemons.
- The Aperture Science Handheld Portal Device is not a toy.
- Absolutely. Positively. No witchcraft.
- Get results. No results, no money, no job.
- Test subjects:
- Hoboes and Tramps
Lives spent wandering aimlessly, cowering before authority, and drinking concussive amounts of home-distilled potato alcohol make hoboes the perfect Human Enrichment test subjects. The hobo questions nothing, will follow orders if fed, and, like all hoboes, has a restless, wandering heart. (Note: The wandering heart of the hobo should not be confused with Drifting Heart Syndrome, which several transients contracted during testing.)- Child Orphans and Foundlings
Deep-rooted abandonment issues leave most orphans highly susceptible to shame-based psychology (for a complete list of opportune moments to obliterate the esteem of test subjects, please consult Training Video #89-D, "You'd Perform This Test Better if You Had Parents"). Recent advances in the use of scorn, flattery used in an ironic context and naked contempt as motivational tools have yielded similarly profitable results.- Psychiatric Patients
Past experience shows these fellows are simply not shy at all about carrying on, disrupting tests and defecating just about anywhere that pleases them. Frankly, it is off-putting, and small wonder why Aperture-brand mental institutions are being phased out in favor of more orphanages.- Seniors
Frail, brittle hands make holding science devices difficult. Most were born before the advent of science, and can become confused and disoriented when asked to participate in relatively simple tests (teleportation, invisibility, adjusting esteem levels of orphan children).Edited by ProfVentie on Feb 28th 2020 at 11:17:30 AM
Every copy of SM 64 is personalized? Nah. Mine's Bern ponified.