Seriously, what’s the deal with love at first sight?

I mean isn’t it absolutely foolish to make a decision as important as who to marry based on something as superficial and simple as how they look? There are all these romantic novels, movies and TV shows where a boy and a girl fall in love 5 seconds after meeting each other, fight the many obstacles in the way of their elopement (mostly evil parents), and finally marry and live happily ever after, yet nobody ever points out that how can two people who have not taken into consideration any aspect of compatibility other than initial attraction (which will last 4 years at most) end up living happily ever after? Isn’t it a little obvious that a relationship between a person used to a rich lifestyle and poorer person who does not know anything of that lifestyle will encounter serious problems, and that is the best case when it comes to love at first sight situations, sometimes the love is between different species! With completely different lifestyles, expectations and responsibilities, upbringings and views of life. Yet somehow in movieland these do not create any problems because “love overcomes all differences”. But the real problem is that young people grow up with these media products, which effectively shape their view on life. So they actually come to believe that getting together with someone just because of a surge of attraction in their first meeting, will ensure them a lifetime of happiness. The result: 50+% divorce rate in most modern societies.

This forum isn't really for general noodling about the realism of tropes. Love at First Sight is a staple of romantic tales practically since storytelling began. It represents an ideal, not reality.

It's also a shortcut to avoid all of that gradually-falling-in-love stuff that's the basis for many great stories.

I'm going by Tropes Are Tools here.

Maybe the story wants to recreate the warm fuzzy feelings its readers (or author) had felt when their met their crushes. Emotion in stories is strong and important.

Perhaps the story just wants to go straight to the romantic lovely-dovey parts where the partners want to help and protect each other, without having to think too hard about their romantic relationship beforehand.

Perhaps, without a pre-existing relationship, misunderstand between the partners are more plausible. Misunderstandings can drive conflict to make for a more engaging story.

edited 17th Feb '16 11:12:39 PM by hellomoto

There's also people who genuinely believe in soul mates, that some people are literally destined to be together, and that they share a spiritual connection that can't be explained by physical attraction or compatible personalities or anything like that.

Hey, science says you will recognize a sociopath within the first three seconds of meeting him. After that, he will charm you into believing he's a great guy. But at first, there will be this uneasy feeling ...

So maybe love at first sight is really better ... at least for avoiding sociopathic spouses. In fact, many people report having fallen in love at first sight and they claim it worked out perfectly. Though of course they could have convinced themselves that it was love at first sight while it in fact happened gradually.

As for fiction, it is obvious that love at first sight is a tool that saves a lot of time. I am okay with it as long as it doesn't matter whether it is True Love or just a crush. Immediately marrying because of love at first sight seems to go out of fashion in fiction, anyway. Frozen and Maleficent had messages that were rather against it.

I think people are starting to realize, as the divorce rate skyrocketed, that teaching kids that "marrying the first person who makes your heart skip a beat is not a key to lifelong happiness." Or it may just be part of the general trend of post-modern deconstruction, exploring why tropes in general don't often work in reality.

That said, yes, love at first sight is a great time-saving storytelling tool, but like any trope, has to be used well. Love at first sight doesn't really work as a trope if the couple in question have nothing else in common, and come off more as a designated couple than people the audience can really believe have a reason to be so madly in love, or if one of them is constantly placing the other in life-threatening situations through bad decision making or simple nature (i.e., a person who leads a stupid dangerous life that places their lover in mortal jeopardy every two minutes.) If they have a reason to stay together despite (or perhaps even because of), these obstacle, sure it can work. If they don't. . . why would this man/woman ever in their right mind think it's a good idea to stay with this other man/woman? Love at first sight won't mean much if you've got a sucking chest wound.

Doesn't mean much if both of them die either. It's been deconstructed as long as it's been used straight.