Asexuals and Aromantics Unite!

For those who find romance and/or sex alien/boring/repulsive/etc., look no further. Post here to discuss ace/aro life, concerns, etc. Romantics and sexuals can post here as well, but please be courteous and keep it mainly to the subjects of aromanticism and asexuality. Heck, feel free to bring anti-sexuality and anti-romanticism into this. Fine by me. Just don't devolve into a flame war.

edited 28th Aug '15 9:48:43 PM by KingFeraligatr

AAAAAAAAAY. I'm all for this.

Asexual biromantic yo.

Yo. Asexual, Aromantic. I don't actually understand romantic love at all. I acknowledge it must exist to others, but I do not understand it.

mate. How does this keep happening??

edited 28th Aug '15 11:37:48 PM by Murataku

no fucking idea

That is me with sex. Like, how is smooshing gibblies together anyway pleasurable?

edited 29th Aug '15 12:11:18 AM by trashconverters

I am in a technically straight partnership, long term with someone who gets me, but that whole sex thing? Nope, haven't had it, feel no need for it and like that "we're both fine with this arrangement" keeps us free of babies we cannot care for. (Gah, being pregnant would be like a nightmare for me. I like kids, but no thanks).

Has anyone ever felt the need / pressure to disclaim themeselves on this front? I tend to use my bipolar disorder and/or meds as a "justification" for why I'm not as into the "worldly pleasures" as most are. I also often feel the need, if it comes up, to let people know that I'm not out to take sex away from them or ruin their fun - I honestly don't care about anyone's sex life unless children are involved or other non-consenting parties.

Ehh, nah, not really. If anybody asks me why I've never dated, I just say "I'm not interested in that kind of thing" and that's usually where the conversation ends. I have had a few people assume I'm gay, but that was also pretty easy to clear up. Maybe I'm just lucky?

Trying to explain to people that asexuality is different from aromanticism is hard. They assume if I don't want sex I don't want relationships. I call myself bisexual so I don't have to do the explain-y thing to everyone, but then that means I have to be very careful to find another partner whose LGBTA like myself and understands everything.

Hmm. Place is quiet. Alright, here's a question: why do some people on the net seem to have such trouble wrapping their heads around the concept of asexuality? Some people even insist there must be something "wrong"

I say on the internet because, like I said earlier, in real life I've had no problems with this

I really don't know. Maybe they consider it "natural" to want to partake such a nasty act. I mean I know we evolved for our biology to want to reproduce as a way of prolonging our species like all other species (against our conscious will of course. It seems to be hardwired for living things to want to reproduce.). As such, a lot of things unconsciously want to mate or at least carry out mating functions which seems to have evolved to be "pleasureful" so as to give a species more incentive to reproduce. Sex is how humans and many other species reproduce, so that is unconsciously seen as "desirable", "pleasureful", "natural", etc. to the species that reproduce via sex because of how we evolved. With that unconscious bias in mind for most people, the though of not wanting to carry out something so hardwired into the general populaces' minds is so alien to them because of that hardwired bias. I imagine some of us asexuals also have a hardwired bias against sex for some reason or another which makes wanting sex alien to us. Basically, I assume a lot of the bias against people who don't want sex comes a lot from hardwired biological biases.

IDK, there are parts of the internet that think real life reflects fanfiction and Babies Ever After is the only way to achieve fulfillment.

Urgh. Not babies. Never babies. No.

How are babies even considered happy endings? Hey, you saved the day and everything returned to normal, now go spend the rest of your life raising smelly, whiny spawn.

Well, most people seem to enjoy it. I can sort of understand it, as it would certainly be something special to watch a life develop, knowing it's a life you made. I like watching my niece grow up, for example.

But actually having and looking after a baby myself is completely out of the question.

edited 31st Aug '15 6:35:43 PM by Murataku

I'd like to name a child. That's something I've always wanted to do, have a spawn that I can brand as my own using a random assortment of letters. But then I'd have to raise it and feed it and clean it. No fucking way.

I don't want kids either. Maybe a pet, but no fucking way on kids. I'm staying single .

edited 31st Aug '15 6:46:58 PM by KingFeraligatr

Ew, pets. No. I hate most animals. Maybe a lizard, or a snake? But then that means I have to feed it dead rodents. No. I'm becoming a recluse instead.

edited 31st Aug '15 6:49:43 PM by trashconverters

A pet of mine would be low maintenance but still able to keep me company if I wish it. I don't like being around people a lot and much prefer being by myself or teaming up with competent friendly AI in video games. I have low tolerance for other humans for many reasons.

I prefer humans on the other side of computer screens to humans in real life.

I actually quite like pets. And I'm pretty happy to be around people in real life. Well, not if I don't know them, but I prefer seeing my friends in real life than talking to them on the net.

I'm Aromantic Heterosexual. I don't really want kids, and I would have to be a single mother besides. But I have pets and really like kids, I just like to be able to give them to someone else at the end of the day, and not be the sole one responsible for them.

I get that feel (I have a niece, two nephews and a much littler sister; they're very convenient)

Oh just a niece and nephew, I'm the youngest (though I was that little sister, and my brother that little brother I guess, to the dad of the niece and nephew, he handed me "Hand Hand Finger Thumb" to read to them, presumably in retaliation for the like 100 times we made him read it, he was really good at reading fast) yes totally.

edited 31st Aug '15 8:18:00 PM by phantom1

I'd like to "infect" a kid with my hobbies... get them into things like anime and sci fi and fantasy and video games... to groom a fine little Geekling...

But I definitely don't think I should breed. Not only does the thought of being pregnant and the pain of childbirth terrify me (fine for those strong enough to do it, not for me), but I'm in my 30s adn still feel like I'm 12 and I have a disorder that known to be genetically transferable. (I don't want to bring something into existence who is going to have thoughts about ending it on a regular basis).

I see my asexuality as Nature protecting me and protecting the species.

I'm becoming almost aromantic as time goes by. It's weird. I feel like I no longer care about having a partner or being in a relationship, which is weird, because I used to be a huge romantic.

I find you're losing nothing. From what I have seen, practically all romantic relationships are inferior to just plain friendship. People in them just seem so insincere and "whatever". And there's the fact that they're far more hormonally and short term emotional based. I get very negative vibes from romantic relationships and I wish people would stop forming them. They seem so short term and it seems to hurt people more than help them in the long run. It could be my extremely pessimistic views on romance, but it feels ways overrated.

Compare this with plain friendships in which you tend hang out with this person because you like them for who they are, not because of some shallow reason like how they look, how they dress, etc. The latter emotions will eventually dry up and unless you're friends with this person, you're eventually going to find yourself in a pickle and very unhappy. Plus familiarity breeds contempt and there's the fact that when you get older, your hormones subside more (speaking that romance seems more hormone based and it seems like people do it because of the subconscious desire to reproduce, which is what the "love" emotion is partly for). Romance seems like a drugged up state, while friendship has the chance of being actually qualitative. I suspect the couples that are still together and actually happy are that way because they're good friends with the other person long after the shallow hormonal driven parts have subsided.

Basically: romance = shallow, drugged up, hormonal, short term emotion based. Friendship = can be qualitative, can be because you actually like the person for them, can be long term emotion based. Romance = bad and shallow. Friendship = can be good and meaningful.

Plus you're an ace. I suspect romance is reproductive based more. We don't want to have sex or reproduce using ourselves. Nothing to simulate shallow reproductive desires = less romantic drive and "love" emotion.

edited 26th Oct '15 9:12:56 PM by KingFeraligatr