An Epic Quest

You awaken in a dark pit, roused from unconsciousness by a sudden, sharp strike to your chest.

You raise your head slightly, deciding not to stand up just yet. As you noticed before, the pit is fairly dark, so sight is also out of the question at the moment. Feeling around the area within the immediate range of your hands and feet bears no fruit, and would also make you look like some idiot making a snow angel in the dirt if it weren't for the fact that you were completely alone. The pit is dead silent, and the air tastes stale. Really, the only one of your senses that actually come upon anything useful is your sense of smell.

And boy, does it smell awful in here.

Like week old carcasses in a landfill. A landfill that was, for whatever reason, built inside of a sewer. Disheartened by a lack of information for your mind to process, and the horrible smell, you simply lay your head back down and resign yourself to your fate. As you do so, you look back fondly on the high times of your life. Times spent with your friends, your family, your lover...

...except, you can't remember having any times like that. In fact, you don't remember much of anything at all. Hell, you don't even know who you are!

You lay your head back anyway, imagining up some hypothetical funtimes with your dream friends to comfort you as you inevitably starve to death. What a peaceful end...

Only, it might not be the end. Many, many feet above you, you see light. A hint of blue sky. The bright light of day, and... is that the Sun? No, the Sun isn't blue... and it wouldn't be speeding down the shaft above you at an alarming rate! You close your eyes, partially to block out the bright light speeding directly towards your face, but also because you have a sneaking suspicion that this thing might kill you. It gets closer, and closer, and closer... close enough that in the split second before it impacts, you can see it's light, blinding you through your eyelids. And then... it stops. It hovers above you for a moment. And speaks.

...Hello? Are you... alive? Your eyes are closed and you are not moving. My studies of your kind indicate that this is often a telling sign of death. ...Look, I have some things I need to ask you, so if you're still alive, just, uh... just answer them.

Okay, first question...

>What is your name?

Updates whenever I have time during the day, barring sleeping time. I guess that wouldn't be during the day... Only post once per update pls.

edited 21st Jun '15 7:02:11 PM by Redisokay2803

Yolo

[You find it odd that the first thing you remember is the acronymn for "you only live once", but having no better answer...] "Yolo. Yolo von Swagger."

edited 21st Jun '15 7:54:04 PM by dvorak

How about no.

John Smith.

How about we try something unisex, like Sam, Sam Gamgee

Your mind buzzes with many ideas of what your name could be... not everyone gets this chance you know. Usually, once your parents slap on the indestructibly adhesive label that is your name, it sticks for life. Isn't amnesia awesome?

You have a lot of... varying ideas about your name, a few of them even strange. You feel like combining them all.

>Sam John von Yoloswagger

...or just Samjohn for short, you guess. Maybe Von?

Ooookay then... next question. Let's see here... ah! Gender.

I know it sounds dumb, but I do get you humans and your various... physical traits mixed up some times. It is not that you all look the same, it is just... well, you know.

Come to think of it, you don't really know whether you're a boy or girl either. Or what you look like. Perhaps you can take advantage of this strange fellow's luminescence to get a good look at yourself.

You look down and find yourself... naked. No wonder it's so chilly down here.

You also seem to be average in terms of build and muscle, and you think you just saw your stomach physically rumble with hunger.

Then again, that might be the hunger getting to you...

>What is your gender?

Thank you all for showing up. Tell your friends, if you like. Sleep is for chumps...

edited 21st Jun '15 8:32:07 PM by Redisokay2803

we have tentaclebeast genitalia

we use it pronouns

No we are clearly a person with no genatila

edited 21st Jun '15 8:27:41 PM by YOLOisfox

Assigned male at birth

Androgynous ("They" pronouns preferred)

edited 21st Jun '15 8:32:08 PM by GhostElm

>we have tentaclebeast genetalia

Yes, you glance down at your marvelous tentacle appendage sprouting from between your legs, wriggling majestically, and...

Oh god, the hunger hallucinations really are getting to you.

>We are clearly a person with no genitalia. >Androgynous ("They" pronouns preferred)

As you inspect yourself, you find your body lacking, as well as possessing, different defining sexual characteristics that could identify you as one gender or the other.

It seems the blue light thing wasn't being racist after all.

Alright then, sir- I mean ma'am- I mean... you. Last question.

Um... do you need something? I mean, those men didn't really tell me why they sent me down here. Just that I was supposed to find... wait! What's this...

The blue ball of light floats over to your right side, hovering above a strange looking object on the ground. You'd wager that's the thing that woke you up.

Oh no... Why me? There were so many other guides... This is so bad... So very, very, very... um!

The blue light darts back over to you, hanging a foot over your head.

Nothing! Nothing's wrong at all! Anyway, scratch that last question. I have a good idea of what I'm here for now...

Would you mind picking up that thing right there? Yeah, just like that... now, tell me what you think it looks like. Don't say anything stupid! This is an important question. Like, the difference between carrying around a useless paperweight or a deadly weapon kind of important.

You heed the light's advice, looking over the object carefully. For some reason, it's kind of hard to focus on, and almost seems to be changing shape somehow. Like a cloud, or one of those floaty things in your eyes.

Is that a... fist? Maybe this thing will make you stronger... or give you an extra arm! For some reason, you really feel like punching something right about now...

Or is it a blade? A sword, a knife, something like that... you'd probably think swords were pretty cool, if you could recall ever seeing one in person.

Or is it... a stick? Is that a stick? It's got a little orb on top of it... maybe it's one of those wizardy things? Staves, you think they're called.

Or is it something else... something so creative and interesting that some far off, author-like entity might approve of you having the idea?

You wonder...

>What the hell is this thing?

Okay, bed time for real. I hope you come back, cus the last one of these things I made got abandoned.

edited 21st Jun '15 9:06:24 PM by Redisokay2803

I think it is a house

Perhaps it's a key...

or a blade...

Or an amalgamation of the two...

KEYBLADE KEYBLADE KEYBLADE

KEYBLADE KEYBLADE KEYBLADE KEYBLADE

KEYBLADE KEYBLADE KEYBLADE KEYBLADE KEYBLADE KEYBLADE KEYBLADE

KEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEYBLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAADE

Key blade with a house on hits chain

yes, the chain looks like this◊

So is it a sword that you can use to unlock things with, or a key that unlocks someone's death when you stick it in their chests?

... yeah, pretty much both...

>KEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEYBLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAADE

Your previously muddled mind unanimously decides that whatever this thing might be, it definitely looks like some kind of... key, with a little house key chain.

Suddenly, the object floats upward out of your hand and shoots into your chest. You don't really feel this happen, but you're sure that's where it went. The blue light floats toward you at a similarly quick pace.

Alright, whatever...

The light enters your chest as well, and you float up off the ground. You hover in the air a moment, and you feel a strange turning in your stomach. A feeling of power... of meaning... of...

You sink back to the ground, falling to your knees and vomiting...

Well, gagging violently. Your stomach is completely empty, and you can only manage to cough up bile.

Don't worry, that's probably supposed to happen.

Once you finish your little fit, you stand up and feel weight on your back. You give yourself a once over, and unexpectedly find... some kind of handle. Apparently, something has appeared on your back, and it's just sort of... stuck there. Or magnetized. Whatever enigmatic force is fastening this thing to you, you decide you'd rather not walk around with some unknown thing stuck to you.

You give the object a firm tug, and over your shoulder comes a sword. Or... is it a key? It's got a cute little keychain type thing in the shape of a house hanging off of it. It's too big to be a normal key though, but it does look kind of like a blade of some sort... You can't remember if there are any words for a thing like this, so you decide to make one up. You shall dub this object...

A Lock Opening Sword! LOS for short.

Yes, that sounds good. Has a nice ring to it. While you're in the middle of admiring your handiwork, the blue light's voice interrupts you. And this time, it sounds like it's coming from... inside your head.

I hate to rain on your parade, but we have more important things to do than sit around and give dumb names to things. Anyway, it should probably be something shorter... like uh... Keyblade. Anyway let's focus on getting out of here.

Well excuse me, you think to yourself.

I can read your thoughts now, monkey. Don't sass your guide.

Pffft, whatever... anyway, you suppose you should get around to getting out of here anyway. A decently bright blue light emanates from the LOS-

Keyblade.

-and illuminates your surroundings. You are surrounded by corpses and skeletons, some naked like yourself, others clad in identical sets of rusting metal armor and wielding equally aged weapons. As a formerly nameless amnesiac in a strange place, you probably wouldn't be above a little corpse looting... although, that might be a little grody.

Directly in front of you, you see a large stone door. At the top of it's frame is an inscription in a strange language.

Oh, the Old Script. I knew there was a reason they taught us guides this stuff. That says... well, roughly, it translates to 'Great Labyrinth'.

Sounds foreboding... well, you suppose you could do pretty much anything now. Anything within the context of a cold, corpse filled room, you guess.

>What will you do?

Must sleep... and yet... afraid they'll all leave and never return... This is probably maybe the definitively last update of tonight. Possibly.

edited 21st Jun '15 9:46:40 PM by Redisokay2803

>Think: "Sleeeeeeeeeep. We can handle this. We won't leave you. Just sleeeeeep. Also, some corpse-looting might be nice. Might give me a chance to try out this LOS."

>See if the corpses have any clothes on them.

[You consider some of the armor. It doesn't seem to have done these guys any good, but it's better than going naked...]

Take the corpse as a companion named Corpsey

>''Think "Sleeeeeeep..."

HEY! Now is not the time for sleeping! We've got important things to do.

>See if the corpses have any clothes on them.

You peruse the selection of fine corpses strewn about the place. Unfortunately, the pickings appear to be slim. You try and remove the shirt from one carcass, only for it to fall to pieces in in your hands as you tug. Any cloth that remains is entirely ruined and tattered.

>You consider some of the armor. It doesn't seem to have done these guys any good, but it's better than going naked...

Indeed, it seems that you'd have far better luck with stripping the armored corpses. You'd be pretty sure that you wouldn't get tetanus, if you even remembered what it is.

You take the armor which looks the least rusty. It feels moderately uncomfortable without another layer of clothing between your skin and the armor, but at least you're now decent.

Dignity restored!

>Take the corpse as a companion named Corpsey.

You've been having the most strange urges as of late. Still, the idea does sound appealing... This little blue ball... person (you aren't entirely sure of it's gender, although it's voice is rather high pitched) seems a little bossy.

Hey!

Yes, you feel like acquiring a more amiable companion. You search the room for the corpse which appears to be most fresh. After a minute or two wandering about the room, you find the corpse of an old man. A moment's deliberation later, you decide that he is the least desiccated of the bunch. You lean down and embrace Corpsey warmly.

I love you, Corpsey, you say.

...

"..."

"That isn't my name, you fool... now get off!"

Corpsey begins to wriggle around in your grasp, but you continue to hold your grasp for another moment or two, desperate to keep his company. Eventually, you realize that it just won't last. You release your hold on the man, and back away. You then realize he might be dangerous, and draw your keyblade.

The man dusts himself off a bit and speaks.

"Oh, I wouldn't do that, if I were you. For a multitude of reasons... Why don't we just speak instead? After all, it would appear that you have begun the Quest. This means that I am obligated to help you."

The man steps forward, offering a dirty, withered old hand in greeting.

"I am Knarlybuff, member of the Janitorial Guard. I am required to answer any questions you might have and grant you a boon. Additionally... well, don't tell the others this if you see them, but I can offer you a second boon if you answer one of my riddles... I'm not really meant to, but it really is boring cleaning up the corpses of every one of you fools that gets dropped in here. Word of warning, though. If you fail the riddle, there will be... consequences, hee hee hee."

...yeah, this guy's a creep. Talks a lot too. You are slightly interested in what he has to offer, though...

>What will you do?

edited 22nd Jun '15 2:28:58 PM by Redisokay2803

"Janitorial Guard? Do you like, guard janitors?"

"What kind of boons?"

"I wanna hear a riddle! :D"

Give me boon