Awesome and hiliarous Amazon reviews

Amazon.com sells a lot of products, and users are allowed to post reviews. The best kind of reviews are ones that are detailed and honest.

What's just as good, however, are ones that that dripping with sarcasm, ones that are usually posted for superfluous objects.

This thread is for such reviews.

I will start:

Bic Crystal Ballpoint Pen, Medium Point, Black

"I bought this in all good faith as someone told me that this pen would be mightier than a sword, well after spending half an hour toying with it I have realised that they obviously have never encountered automatic weapons."

Kyubey plush

Tried to buy my soul

"Keeps trying to make contracts for my soul. Spouts stuff about entropy while I try to sleep. Do not recommend."