hey i dunno, why don't you tell me
![[up]](https://static.tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pub/smiles/arrow_up.png "[up]"){kind=icon}
Walking and stumbling are two different things; also, I've heard the working one someplace else.
Also, this, is just me, but I think analogies get stale fast. :/ Too many of them and it feels more like a drinking game than a running gag.
i care but i'm restless, i'm here but i'm really gone, i'm wrong and i'm sorry, baby
Ghosts N' Stuff Remix
Yeah, the working one is an old one. You got me.
Also, I'm sure it looks like a lot of analogies when they're all clumped up together, but space them out and it's less tiring.
edited 9th Nov '14 5:54:56 PM by Jinxmenow
"Monsters are tragic beings. They are born too tall, too strong, too heavy. They are not evil by choice. That is their tragedy."
Reproduction is not the meaning of life.
Oh, I'm gonna need this place a lot. I have SOOOOO many good ideas, but with my British sense of humour...
Later, he’d figure out it was the same thing that was in his wand, albeit of a far lower quality. Imperium. Probably. I mean, it’d be pretty stupid if he didn’t figure that out.
Of course, since I said that, it now means he’ll for sure escape, sin-
“It's the same thing in your wand, albeit of a far lower quality. Imperium. Probably.”
Oh son of a…
“Oh son of a…”
SHUT UP!!!
edited 9th Nov '14 7:12:00 PM by Dimentiosome
Also HOLY FaCKING SHeT!!!!!!!
(That Guy You Met Once)
Another random line I have no idea what to do with yet:
"The day I do that is the day I run a tube from my ass to my aorta and fart myself to death."
edited 24th Nov '14 2:25:33 PM by Wheezy
Project progress: The Adroan (102k words), The Pigeon Witch, (40k). Done but in need of reworking: Yume Hime, (50k)
edited 10th Dec '14 10:45:20 AM by TheMuse
Crazy Kiwi
From an actual conversation with my son (and definitely going into my story, somehow)
A: Some people don't appreciate sarcasm.
B: Damned right, they don't! Not even when I'm giving it to them for free.
edited 28th Nov '14 1:42:05 AM by Wolf1066
Razzin-Frazzin Robot
"You're so thin-skinned you might as well be a skeleton. And I don't negotiate with skeletons, because they're spooky."
(That Guy You Met Once)
It's a little rough (as in, I feel like it could be better worded even though I have no idea how), but I like it.
edited 10th Dec '14 4:22:20 AM by Wheezy
Project progress: The Adroan (102k words), The Pigeon Witch, (40k). Done but in need of reworking: Yume Hime, (50k)
Professional Writer & Amateur Scholar
"Dude...you are going to kill a mother of two. Think of the children!"
"Good point. Find and bring them. I got enough bullets."
edited 13th Dec '14 7:38:10 PM by dRoy
I'm a (socialist) professional writer serializing a WWII alternate history webnovel.
Professional Writer & Amateur Scholar
"Let me read you a book, written by my own very hand. It's called: How I Tamed a Mad Dog On My Way.
"Interesting. Before that, I suggest you read a book written by my foot: On My Way Up Your Ass."
Juvenile, I know.
I'm a (socialist) professional writer serializing a WWII alternate history webnovel.
(That Guy You Met Once)
I like both of those.
Project progress: The Adroan (102k words), The Pigeon Witch, (40k). Done but in need of reworking: Yume Hime, (50k)
Professional Writer & Amateur Scholar
Heh, thank you. Just for your reference, the below one is a response to the above.
"Wow. That sure is a lot of blood."
"Yup. It's amazing how much blood one can shed in just thirty minutes."
"I wonder if a person can survive losing that much blood for an hour."
"Ask me in five minutes."
"Wait, really? Why didn't you say something?"
"After asking you first several dozen times, I figured I shouldn't worry."
I'm a (socialist) professional writer serializing a WWII alternate history webnovel.
(That Guy You Met Once)
A bunch of random lines I haven't placed yet.
—
"You look like hell. What's wrong?"
"Ever have one of those nights where you get really drunk and wake up in a novelty indie pop band named 'Kittens with Hats'?"
—
Out of ten murders, five are domestic disputes, three are drug-related, and one of the remaining two is a guy whose last words were 'Bitch, you think you can rob me?'"
—
"I swear to... I'm gonna... Fuck the shit out of your shit!"
"Is that a threat or your fetish?"
—
"If corporations were people, they'd look a lot like Bob."
—
"In the words of Charles Bukowski: *vomits*"
edited 10th Jan '15 4:34:21 PM by Wheezy
Project progress: The Adroan (102k words), The Pigeon Witch, (40k). Done but in need of reworking: Yume Hime, (50k)
They/Them
I loved the second and third one.
Line time!
I don't really like this joke though..
Note to self: Pick less edgy username next time.
hey i dunno, why don't you tell me
I don't even get the last one, but it made me chuckle.
(That Guy You Met Once)
Bukowski was a legendarily heavy drinker.
edited 9th Jan '15 12:50:08 AM by Wheezy
Project progress: The Adroan (102k words), The Pigeon Witch, (40k). Done but in need of reworking: Yume Hime, (50k)
hey i dunno, why don't you tell me
(Put it in quoteblocks even though quoteblocks are borkeded at the moment.)
i care but i'm restless, i'm here but i'm really gone, i'm wrong and i'm sorry, baby
(That Guy You Met Once)
Streamline it. How about "Change is life. But technically, so is cancer"?
edited 9th Jan '15 2:36:46 AM by Wheezy
Project progress: The Adroan (102k words), The Pigeon Witch, (40k). Done but in need of reworking: Yume Hime, (50k)
hey i dunno, why don't you tell me
Might work better without the but, I think. And if I didn't know any better, I'd think you were trying to get me to say that (given your avatar).
i care but i'm restless, i'm here but i'm really gone, i'm wrong and i'm sorry, baby
They/Them
Oh joy, another attempt at a joke.
—-
"I'm not exactly what you'd call an expert in monster hunting."
"I could tell when you pulled down your pants and then tried to shoot the thing with a crossbow."
"At least I killed it."
"You shot me in the arm twice before you tripped while running away and it only died because a rock fell on it."
Note to self: Pick less edgy username next time.
(That Guy You Met Once)
An alternate direction for the first line in my last post.
—
"Where the hell have you been?"
"Ugh... Ever gotten so drunk you wake up with a practical degree, a loyal wife, two star student kids, and a lovely but affordable three-bedroom in Westchester?"
edited 11th Jan '15 2:00:16 AM by Wheezy
Project progress: The Adroan (102k words), The Pigeon Witch, (40k). Done but in need of reworking: Yume Hime, (50k)
Punchline could use a little work. Not sure how I could change it, but the buildup needs something more. Maybe pass the buck back to the 2nd speaker and have him deliver it. Keep the other guy serious and it might play off better.
Resident pretentious dickwad
I like both versions of that joke, but I feel like you could drop the third lines altogether. The generic snarky replies detract from rather than improve the funny lines.
Here's one of mine.
edited 10th Jan '15 12:51:10 PM by ArtisticPlatypus
This implies, quite correctly, that my mind is dark and damp and full of tiny translucent fish.
(That Guy You Met Once)
I like it a lot.
And neither of those lines were supposed to be snark - the character was supposed to deliver them entirely seriously. But I removed them anyway.
Edit: @ Darkblood Carnagefang: I like the concept, but that really seems like the kind of thing you'd want to show, not tell.
edited 11th Jan '15 2:01:43 AM by Wheezy
Project progress: The Adroan (102k words), The Pigeon Witch, (40k). Done but in need of reworking: Yume Hime, (50k)
A selection of quotes from my first-person narrator:
She stumbled into the office like a snowman crawling on its torso.
His eyes were as beautiful as two blue circles with a black dot in the center of each.
...it was obviously too insignificant to think about, like the full stop at the end of Dr. in Dr Pepper.
The plan was simple, like my uncle, although unlike my uncle there was a possibility of the plan working.
He looked as shaken as Michael J. Fox in a mariachi band.
edited 9th Nov '14 3:11:02 PM by Jinxmenow
"Monsters are tragic beings. They are born too tall, too strong, too heavy. They are not evil by choice. That is their tragedy."