Acceptable Violence in Schools

Well lets make sure that they are not emotionally and physically scarred them?

All I can really say is that on a fundamental level I entirely disagree with you.

Violence is a part of life. Burying your head in the sand is foolish and disgraceful, and it's been shown how counter-productive zero-tolerance policies in school are sometimes. Also, your idea of how things should be done does not, in any way, account for if there are no adults around when the situation occurs, which is when a large portion of bullying takes place. What are they supposed to do then? Just let someone kick the shit out of them or torment them? What are they supposed to do if someone does that out in the street and not on school grounds? What are we supposed to do if we see that happening? Just stand back and watch a person get the shit kicked out of them while waiting for the police to arrive? What about out in the real world where bullying is more verbal than physical, are you going to be the whiny bitch who tattle tails to HR instead of talking to the person in question yourself?

I just see so many holes in that train of thought. So many unaddressed problems, and for many of the problems it does address, it doesn't do so adequately.

Getting involved is the way to go. If we all protect and police each other, this shit will stop, or at least be minimized. We need to be teaching our kids to stand up for what is right, not hide in a corner and hope someone else will fix it. Because someday, these kids will grow up, and the people who've been fixing other folks problems will get old and retire, and what will we have then? A bunch of passive-aggressive limp-wristed cowards, and the wolves will still be there, because wolves will always exist. Then we're jolly well fucked. Many of our children are the "Authorities" of tomorrow. We need to properly prepare our kids to take up that mantle of responsibility. If we fail in this duty, those authorities will be completely ineffectual, and more people will suffer for it, both kids and adults.

Without polticizing it too much, the parental influence seems to stem from both a heavily liberal, passive-aggressive pacifist mindset and a heavily conservative, revenge-fetishizing mindset. In other words, the so-called limp-wristed kids who have been taught to defer to authority and deflect the problem onto someone else are occupying the same space as those who have been taught to beat down anyone who stands in their way. This is happening in a country where billions have been spent fighting Middle Eastern people yet hand sanitizers are in vogue and we have to have little white stick figures telling us when we can cross the street. It's egalitarian toga utopian ideals mixed with spartan-esque medieval thinking. I can't speak for other countries, but both attitudes are endemic to American culture, and those cultural values are finding their way into the locker hallways, classrooms and schoolyards.

edited 25th Aug '13 8:57:59 PM by Aprilla

Most bullying doesn't take the form of truly violent physical assault, though. It's usually either excessive teasing and emotional abuse or stuff like shoving, poking, or pinching, where it's technically assault, but doesn't leave any marks behind. If you see that sort of bullying, and you go in threatening the bully with actual violence, then you're the one escalating the situation, and bear responsibility if punches start being thrown.

Depends on location. Back in my day in Hong Kong very often you hear stories about student claiming to be part of triad gangs (and I knew a couple from primary school who turn out to actually be in one during high school) extorting money from other students and taking part in triad fights. We actually have police coming up to tell us about how uncool this is and I went to a much better school.

That said, that was back when triad gangs were seen as "cool". No idea what is happening now.

And for bullying, my opinion is still the same: response should be according to situation, but violence should be the last resort and kept to a minimum, always. If it is entirely verbal, ignore. If it involves things being stolen or taken forcefully, tell authorities with proof, or outsmart the bully, or both. If it is going to endanger you life, for goodness do anything to get out and stay alive (better be alive in trouble than dead).

edited 26th Aug '13 12:07:26 AM by IraTheSquire

If the bullying is verbal, then verbally bully back. There are two kinds of bullying: boys being boys and malice. Malicious bullying is usually theft or violence. Verbal taunts, insults, and jabs are typically just aggressive male behaviour. If all your bully is doing is calling you names, there's a good chance he's not actually bullying you; this is just how he talks to people. Return fire and you might just make a friend.

This is very different if your bully is a girl, though. Malicious female bullying is often more verbal than physical.

edited 26th Aug '13 8:52:01 AM by TobiasDrake

Or if the person being bullied is a girl. The whole don't hit a girl thing has made it so that a lot of boys tend to be more likely to use verbal violence than physical violence if they're bullying girls.

In my experience, 90% of the people who say or do something insulting or cruel and follow up with the "I was just teasing/joking/kidding" excuse are using it as a shield. Worse in someways because then it puts the blame on the target for being too sensitive or lacking a sense of humor.

I have plenty of relationships that revolve around degrading, mocking and generally abusing one anther. But it didn't start that way. It evolved into that as we got to know each others boundaries and began to understand each other's senses of humor.

Someone who likes insulting and teasing in a friendship shouldn't walk up to someone and insult them and expect to make a friend anymore than someone who likes roughhousing should walk up to someone and tackle them.

If you make it clear that you don't want to be called something, and someone keeps doing it any way with the excuse that they're just joking, they're not. They're just an asshole.

This. All of my close friendships involve degrading and verbally abusing each other about every other sentence, but we didn't start out that way. It isn't something you should do to strangers.

Yeah. I have a hearing loss and I wear hearing aids. I was constantly harassed for it and the people responsible were "just kidding". Admittedly they stopped after "accidentally" destroying one and owing my family several hundred dollars to replace it.

Protip: If someone is looking for a contact lens or a hearing aid or something small, don't stomp around the room. It's really obvious what you're trying to do.

edited 26th Aug '13 10:13:31 AM by Zendervai

I know those feels. In 5th grade gym I had this kid who would get up in the middle of class while the teacher was talking to knock a kid out of his seat. He used to torment me about the old "glasses = Nurdz!" thing until one day he took them off my face and stomped on them. He "thought" he was doing me a favor (like me being blind would help me with sports :P) and told the teacher so.

He's mentlly handicapped (that commoj type of ADHD which is called lazy parenting)so he got away with it.

Cue rage on my part and the part of my class. Even the people I'd never talked to.

I kicked him in the knee after school and he left me alone after. The class shunned him all year.

I hope the teacher/school/your parents made the kid's parents pay for the glasses. They don't generally come cheap.

The "I was kidding, don't take it so personally" excuse always bugged me. What kind of joke reduces someone to tears?

My mom was a teachers aide so she got the mom to pay for them. That poor mom has 2 kids like that.