Seeking Help on Snark-to-Snark Combat

Exactly What It Says on the Tin

I'm currently trying to write a scene between two deadpan snarkers – or rather, between a Deadpan Snarker and a Stepford Snarker / First-Person Smartass. Normally, when I wrote snarky dialogue/comments, I've mainly relied on a straight man to serve as Schmuck Bait (i.e. provide the material).

However, with two people snarking off at one another at the same time, it's a little harder to set things up. Normally, I'd just simply change tact and set up a different scene instead. However, the scene I'm trying to do is important as it's supposed to serve as an Establishing Character Moment for one of the characters while the other is the POV character.

As such, I was wondering if anyone has any tips or strategies when dealing with dialogue where two people trying to constantly one-up one another in verbal duel.

P.S.: FYI, neither character knows the other and this is the first time they meet.

edited 4th Sep '12 1:38:01 PM by peasant

The initial start-up would be one of them saying something that the other instantly snarks on - effectively expecting it to be the usual "put this schmuck down" situation - to which the "victim" then responds with a snarky comment and let the duel begin.

Remember, not everything a snark says is loaded and either one could say something innocuous/harmless on their first meeting and draw fire from the other, precipitating the snark-to-snark combat. The way startup differs from normal "schmuck bait" scenario is only in "what happens next" - to whit, the biter being bitten in return.

You could play it that the non-viewpoint character is the one to make the initial comment and then have the viewpoint character respond snarkily only to be surprised by the response (after all, most victims curl up and wander off with their tails between their legs, they don't come out with rapid-fire witty retorts).

Or you could play it that the POV character says something and gets bitten, prompting him/her to go into fight mode.

Thanks. However, my main trouble is in keeping the snark going especially after the first few exchanges since I can't always think of a witty comeback for a witty comeback, if you know what I mean. Would it be cheating if I just have the POV character narrate that the barbs continue after the initial few exchanges? Or would that be too blatant that I didn't have enough material?

If you can't come up with witty responses like that, maybe consider using different characters.

How long does it need to continue for? A few back and forth things should A) establish they are both witty in a snarky kind of way and B) satisfy each that the other is not to be taken lightly.

Also, get inventive with their responses - not just playing on the words that the person used, attacking the subtext of a statement or the person themselves - "My that's a big word, did mummy teach it to you?"