The bartender says "We don't serve your kind here."
Two time travellers walk into a bar...
Professional Writer & Amateur Scholar
Nice.
I'm a (socialist) professional writer serializing a WWII alternate history webnovel.
my current job
Uh, one.
How many mind readers does it take to change a light bulb?
The possum is a potential perpetrator; he did place possum poo in the plum pot.
Cape Malleum Majorem
How many 800-pound gorillas does it take to change a light bulb?
Only one, but it takes a lot of light bulbs...
This Space Intentionally Left Blank.
Professional Writer & Amateur Scholar
How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?
[spoiler:Only one, but the bulb has to want to change.]]
I'm a (socialist) professional writer serializing a WWII alternate history webnovel.
Bringing Back Asexy
Okay, so this guy is sick and tired. His car has had the radio stolen three times this month, and he can no longer afford to replace it. But, knowing that a thief may not look to see if the radio is there before breaking into the car, he leaves a note that says 'This car does not have a radio.' in the window. The next morning, he finds his car has been stolen. The only thing left is the note he left. On the back, the thief has left him a note. 'Don't worry, I'll put one in.'
Angry queer dude. Ze/zer, they/them, or xe/xyr/xem pronouns.
Bringing Back Asexy
Also, some jokes for Francophones (with translations for Anglophones):
Deux belges regardent un match de foot. L'un est pour Bruxelles. L'autre est pour Psg. Alors celui qui est pour Bruxelles dit à l'autre: "traître tu es pour la France". puis le traître répond: "Peut-être mais moi je défends une équipe qui a des chances de gagner au moins'
(Note: not a literal translation.) Two Texans are watching a football game. One is cheering for the Cowboys, the other for the Patriots. The first says to the other, "You know, you're a traitor to Texas." The second one says, "At least my team has a chance of winning."
3 loups, un Allemand, un Français et un Belge se prennent chacun une patte dans un piège à loups.
Le loup allemand : - Comment on va faire ?
Le loup français : - J'ai une idée : on se mange chacun une patte, comme ça on est libre !
Le loup français et le loup allemand sortent du piège. Ils font quelques pas puis se rendent compte que le belge n'est pas avec eux. Ils retournent alors sur leurs pas et retrouvent le belge encore coincés dans le piège qui leur dit :Â
- Hey les gars, comment vous avez fait ? Je me suis déjà mangé 3 pattes et je suis toujours pas sorti !
An American wolf, a German wolf, and a Russian* wolf are walking together in the woods when all three step into wolf traps.
The American wolf says, "Oh no, what should we do?"
The German wolf says, "I have an idea! We can eat our leg and free ourselves."
The American and German wolves eventually escape the traps, and turn to go when they realize the Russian wolf is still not with them. They turn back to find the Russian wolf, who says, "How did you guys do that? I've eaten three legs and I'm still not free!"
- or stereotypical idiot of choice
Qui a inventé les sous-marins ?
Les belges en essayant de construire un bateau.
Who invented submarines?
A Pole* trying to build a boat
- See above note
edited 25th Jan '16 4:59:10 PM by ClipboardFox22
Angry queer dude. Ze/zer, they/them, or xe/xyr/xem pronouns.
Ah, Belgian jokes.
Worldbuilding is fun, writing is a chore
my current job
People who joke about subatomic particles have a quarky sense of humour.
The possum is a potential perpetrator; he did place possum poo in the plum pot.
Doctor : how old are you ?
Patient : I'm turning 20 next month.
Doctor : now, let's not get ahead of ourselves.
edited 26th Jan '16 4:22:23 PM by Aetol
Worldbuilding is fun, writing is a chore
Bringing Back Asexy
Doctor: What's your sign?
Patient: Cancer.
Doctor: What a coincidence!
Angry queer dude. Ze/zer, they/them, or xe/xyr/xem pronouns.
![[up]](https://static.tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pub/smiles/arrow_up.png "[up]"){kind=icon}
That's horrible. But amazing.
my current job
It's Like Arguing on the Internet
What's purple and conquered the known world?
Alexander the Grape.
Somehow you know that the time is right.
Professional Writer & Amateur Scholar
Did NOT see that coming. ![[lol]](https://static.tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pub/images/lol2v12_4863.png "[lol]"){kind=small}
![[tup]](https://static.tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pub/images/Thumbs_up_emoticon_3268.png "[thumb up]"){kind=small}
What do you call a king that's only 30cm tall?
The ruler of his country.
Cuteness overload.
Why was the musician arrested?
Because he was in treble
Everyone call me elf monster
my current job
A friend of mine told a bad meat joke. He butchered it.
The possum is a potential perpetrator; he did place possum poo in the plum pot.
Professional Writer & Amateur Scholar
A friend of mine told me a hamburger joke. It was quite patty, to be honest.
I'm a (socialist) professional writer serializing a WWII alternate history webnovel.
Cuteness overload.
Another musical joke.
Why couldn't the string quartet find their composer?
He was Haydn
Everyone call me elf monster
my current job
To anyone who wishes to raise chickens the classical way. You know it's done right when they go 'Bach Bach Bach.'
The possum is a potential perpetrator; he did place possum poo in the plum pot.
Cuteness overload.
Nice!
There are so many jokes about that composer. In fact I could make you a Liszt.
Everyone call me elf monster
Time for a classic.
What's Beethoven's favorite fruit?
BANANANAAAAAA.
Cape Malleum Majorem
Sign posted on a music teacher's door:
"Gone Chopin. Be Bach in a Minuet."
Sign posted on a veterinarian's door:
"Back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!"
This Space Intentionally Left Blank.
A backwards poet writes inverse.
The possum is a potential perpetrator; he did place possum poo in the plum pot.