What do you think of my villain / his motives?

He's not a clear factor in the first book, but he is mentioned and isn't exactly a Giant Space Flea from Nowhere. But here we go:

Four pieces of supplementary data:

• A Library in my novel is someone that memorizes vast amounts of information. Paper is fairly scarce so it's a necessary method of record keeping.

• A Dimanagul is someone from our world that has come to this one (Pange). While they don't have the capacity for magic they can 'cheat death' by returning to the last statue of the Goddess they visited.

• A Managul that has no clear limitation on magical potential but is still bound by normal rules of capacity. Eg. Can use all forms of magic when people typically can only use two.

• Gelbane is the largest and most powerful country on the main continent of Pange. In the past 50 years they have had two major wars once against Erdak that ended in peculiar victory (a mysterious natural disaster that wiped out the Erdaki primary force) and once against Dendarg that led to a tactical defeat (smaller numbers but better trained fighters).

The King of Geldbane, Darius Solace, is a Library renowned for his accuracy of information and vast retention and the ability to intentionally forget information. He is a second generation king (Kings in Geldbane are rarely succeeded by their heirs). His training as a library was cut short by the death if his father and he was placed on the throne under the guidance of the Grand Libraries at age 15. He was an effective ruler the following year and began to formulate efficient systems for running the country and addressing its population troubles.

His closest subordinates were two brothers that served as his bodyguard and enforcer. He dubbed them his sword and shield. Despite being somewhat heavy handed King Darius was fairly popular, as the nation of Geldbane started to prosper. His efficient leadership and the annexed wealth earned in the war against Erdak contribute to this.

The northern part of Erdak was left uninhabitable due to the aforementioned disaster but Darius offered fair pay to Erdaki willing to venture into their now poisonous nation to gather natural resources.

Darius learned the details of the Dimanagul at this time and used his resources to find and gain control of him. It didn't take long for him to discover it was a man named Clayton Cobb. Clayton was travelling with a woman named Beatriz Adakasin. Darius discovered she was none other than the Managul, a powerful magician that has actively sought out Clayton to manipulate him.

Darius (around age 18) divided his time between trying to secure the Dimanagul and investigating reasons the Managul would want to seek him out. History had shown that Dimanagulus made habit of killing Managuls. They are their natural predators. However, Beatriz has successfully seduced Clayton for some unknown purpose.

Finally the truth became known when King Darius factored in an old prophecy that mentioned the relation of the fall of Geldbane and the Dimanagul. Clayton and his kin weren't aiming to destroy anything, but rather he was a tool that could be used to destroy everything. Darius's father, Guiren Solace, had used the 'power' of the Dimanagul to cause the tragedy in Erdak and save his nation from being conquered in one fell swoop.

It was at that point he became obsessed with understanding everything there was to know about the Dimanagulus. He had no interest in the Managul as her threat was plain to see. As King he had greater interest in information than raw power. He viewed his father's 'use' of the Dimanagul as short sighted and planned to use his own much more intelligently.

Darius manipulates Clayton into thinking Beatriz was planning to bring about the prophetic end and tricks him into killing her (Despite Clayton and Beatriz developing real feelings for each other). While her motivations were selfish, she intended to try and prevent the calamity and be hailed as the force that prevents it.

Darius realizes the very real threat looms over Geldbane and it has degraded to a point where the very people that had assumed to be a threat now are the only means to stop it. The King, well versed in the 'rules' of the Dimanagul uses Clayton to gather information he shouldn't have while offering him an empty life of comfort.

His father had been short sighted in his use of the Dimanagul. Darius would not make the same mistake. Once content with the information he could get from Clayton, Darius (Around age 28) tricks Clayton into taking his own life in despair... The one way to permanently kill a Dimanagul.

Darius bides his time over the next ten years (Darius is now around 38), patiently awaiting the arrival of a new Dimanagul (Derrek Graymer). He stages his own death and exploits his extremely limited public exposure to travel the continent as a simple Bard. He found his sword a bit too willful, so he made him a Marytr in the war against Dendarg. His shield remains a loyal vassal even in light of his 'death'. This gives him the freedom to get the rest of the answers he needs to stop the impending calamity. This time however, he would control the Managul (Zammela Glemeis) as well, and his rule would be absolute. He plans to returns to his rightful place on the throne as the hero that saved Geldbane and perhaps all of Pange.

edited 16th Jul '12 12:37:37 PM by Dimanagul

There is a certain well-known serial work with an exceptionally similar premise to this, though some aspects of this remind me more of a completely different work.

Of course, interpretation is the key element here.

edited 17th Jul '12 11:08:58 AM by JHM

I'll need to make sure and check out both. It's always a good idea to scan for similarities even if they were completely unintentional. Thanks for the heads up.

Edit (after some research): The paper issue is more of a lack of natural resources from an impending blight and other factors, but I can see how the Fahrenheit 51 effect could influence this Pange. I remember reading parts of it when I was younger. I think it's time to give it a second read.

edited 17th Jul '12 12:57:32 PM by Dimanagul

The villain seems interesting enough, but the amount of made-up words makes the description a little hard to follow. I would suggest using capitalised normal words to describe the different types of mages and such.

That is really helpful advice. Examples like: Managul = One with Magic, Dimanagul = One without Magic ? And like Erdak = Land of Wind and Earth?

edited 11th Aug '12 4:22:21 AM by Dimanagul