1.Show Your Plot 2.Get Feedback 3.? 4.Profit

I just joined this forum and did so for two reasons. To discuss tropes and have a laugh at non-cultural plebs, but also for one feature I feel was missing in the forums.

I came to find some kind of feedback for my story and although that does exist in another thread for entire books that requires I write one, which is self defeating as I need a smidgeon of a market to approve.

So without further adieu, ITT we show our stories.

NEVER MIND MOVING THIS TO UNCLE DRUNKEY'S

edited 22nd Jun '12 10:12:39 PM by sonofkong

In my story we open with our protagonist, Daniel Tell in a void. Frightened and wondering where he is, he is sat down by an old Freud looking man who introduces himself and puts him on a psychoanalytical couch as it were. He reveals that they are both inside the man's mind and he is cut off from all senses; Danny's been there for a while now. As he stays in there his memory will disapear, his mind will go and eventually all thoughts will be overtaken by disney acid trip distortions so the old man calms him by having him go over his life up to this point.

We then hear the story of a man down on his luck. He moves to either the mountains of eastern europe or a small town in the desert outside california (because there's obviously no difference) and meets a manic pixie girl named Bea who seems just too good to be true. They have a marvelous love affair before she asks one favor, that he help her a bit in her job as a qausi-legal scientist by volunteering for an experiment.

She then introduces him to her boss, Dr. Virgil who is an eccentric with local mannerisms (variable on location) on top of general callousness. He has a grand plan for essentially hypersleep in a machine named ALICE and over the next few months builds a pod which our protagonist will enter for a few weeks (months maybe?). In the chapters of anticipation the hero tries not to attach himself to the townsfolk and so always has a distant observation about him, all the while he treasures his life up to being in a very risky procedure and we are hinted as to the possible funding of this experiment (gangs? paramilitary? terrorist?)

Bea meanwhile sets up connections for her life without him and when Daniel discovers she is looking for another man at bars he goes into a rage and instead of taking the last few weeks of time for contemplation tells the doctor to hook him up. Cont.

edited 22nd Jun '12 7:55:06 PM by sonofkong

Continued from last post.

Our hero is then introduced to the now complete ALICE (I'll make it stand for something), which is as ghettoized a hypersleep pod as can get. It is designed to encase the subject in a plastic bag, connected to tubes on the outside, drawing from an underground resorvoire and put sedatives in the brain and generally supply for al bodily functions with renewable energy. This machine highlights the backwards technology this obvious prototype is made from and is hidden under the guise and under the floorboards of a "clinic." He is hooked to the machine and for the first few months he is generally sedated. For reasons to be explained later they wear off and he finds him self fully alert for day after day after day of no sensory input.

He panics and we show pulp fiction-esque short stories from random points in his life right before the closest approximation i can write of someone snapping. He is then reborn as it were having no memory and a fresh state he invents a fun little "friend" to help him guide his way though the void he finds himself in. The only way he can gain memories is when he reveals them to the old man and we then go back to his confession having completed.

Cont.

edited 22nd Jun '12 8:22:34 PM by sonofkong

Continued from last post

Now up to this point, we have had surreal random imagery, hallucinations and jumps in time, to the confusion of the character, and it has grown more frequent as the story proggresses, more specifically in highly emotional times, but these could be hand waved as dreams. However after this we have a very psychadelic happenings. Some of the life stories are retold and blend together, sometimes giant animals and hilarious cameo cartoons pop in for no reason. Colors shift and eventually his vocabulary becomes stilted and limited. He forgets the details of what people look like, instead showing up as silluoetes before he is retelling his memories of his memories and is caught in a singularity. His memory of his entire life becomes basic, cartoonish and short before being repeated as a memory of a memory of a memory of a memory etc. and is caught being unable to remember anything. He then pulls a reverse decsartes, realizing that the only thing to exist is himself and remains calm, tranquil and meditative.

This is a story in two parts so I will reveal part two tomorrow.

Cont.