Was it wrong to let my parents bribe me into attending my college?

A couple of weeks ago, I got in a fight with my parents over where to go to school. You see, I had just come back from visiting one particular college in California that I had fallen in love with, and my mom suddenly decided that I wasn't allowed to go anymore because it was "too far away." So I threatened to go to this no-name school where I had gotten a full scholarship too. But my parents for some reason offered me a very large sum of money if I graduated from the college they wanted for me to go to all along. I accepted, and I'll be heading there in the fall.

It actually turns out that I liked the college all along. I just originally didn't like it being so close to home and having my parents force where I went. On the other hand, I felt like the money is well worth the cost of not being somewhere where I would've been only marginally happier.

But now I am starting to have regrets. I kind of feel like I threw away something just for money. I feel like for some reason, bribing your kid to do anything so large is a no-no (even though I can't put my finger on why), and I feel bad for accepting my parent's bribe.

So do you think it was ok for my parents to bribe me going to a certain college?

No. College is expensive.

Ehhhh, I'd have to know more details about the situation, but with what I can see here, I'd say that it's probably kinda bad to bribe your kid away from a full scholarship because you have attachment issues.

Echoing what DG said, but hey, you're an adult now (or soon I imagine). I find your actions acceptable, assuming that your parents didn't push themselves into bankruptcy with this bribe. I'm also assuming that they paid you more than the scholarship would have been worth.

As for your parents? They did the most harm to themselves. They're going to have to let go sooner or later, and are just making the inevitable transition harder.

They're your parents. I'd strongly suggest the best course of action is usually just doing what they want.

Ditto. Especially since your happy with the school.

Wow, there sure are all sorts of different kinds in the world aren't there? My parents told me if I wanted to go to college I had to pay for it myself because they sure weren't going to.

That whole bribe thing strikes me as really odd, and raises some warning flags in my mind for future problems. I don't know if I would have accepted it simply because it feels like they're trying to control your life, but now that you've accepted you might as well roll with it. And if the need to let them know that you are your own person arises there's other ways to deal with it.

I lack data from which to give you really good advice, so take what I say with a pretty big grain of salt.

As an individual decision, no what you did sounds okay. But viewed against the larger fabric you hinted at...I'd say be careful. It sounds to me like your parents have some attachment issues they need to work through. After all, if you could have gotten a full ride at the school you wanted, and control wasn't an issue, your parents should have been overjoyed that you could get an education without them having to shell out a dime.

Since they were willing to pay for the privilege of controlling your life, I'd say be watchful of further attempts in the future...say, when you find a partner you like and they don't.

Same. My folks said I either paid my own way and could stay at home for free, got a regular job and paid rent, or enlisted. Went with the latter.

My parents did not approve much of me going to a different country to get a master's degree (although they had enough respect for me not to pull this sort of shenanigan — actually, they had offered me to fund my studies a little, should I have need of it); but after listening to their arguments, I decided that it was something I wanted to pursue anyway, and here I am.

Doesnt sounds too bad to me.

I, as well, didnt attend a college because of parental intervention. At first I regretted it, but then I sort of had fun where I was.

Sure, I could think all I want about the good times I COULD HAVE HAD, but that was besides the point, since I did well were I was, so I dont regret it.

In the end its a WIN WIN situations. Your parents get what they want, you get to have a good college experience, plus a large sum of money. Count yourself lucky.

Besides always remember. The important thing is the bird, not the cage.

edited 22nd May '12 11:46:51 PM by Baff

Call me humorless, but a thing I should point out: college is not meant to be about fun, the choice of college should not depend on which one you'd have the most fun at, and the success of a college experience most certainly does not depend on how much fun you had.

One should try to go to the college choice that furthers their career goals the most (and if one does not have career goals yet, it's generally better to try to get some ideas about them before going to college.)

College is a gigantic investment of money and, most importantly, time. If one wants to have fun, better to go to Disneyland or something.

edited 22nd May '12 11:51:18 PM by Carciofus

I disagree. You should have fun in college. ITS VITAL.

If you dont have fun in college, WHEN THE FUCKING HELL ARE YOU GONNA EVER HAVE FUN??? when you retire and go on a cruise to Alaska? Sounds good but I dont want to wait so long.

Too bad College tuition fee in the US are the stupidest and most vastly retarded and overpriced piece of useless shit in the whole wide world.

I mean... for being an industrialized country, and I say this being proud of being an American for other reason, America kind of sucks at certain things which are sort of basic.

edited 23rd May '12 12:01:11 AM by Baff

Considering how expensive California is period, I'd say you actually made a sound financial decision.

But anyway, if you're doing okay at the school you're at now I wouldn't worry about it too much. I wouldn't worry unless they start trying to bribe to you take a job that's near them. Or something else equally ridiculous.

Also it depends on your age. If youre like, 17, 16, or maybe 18, or 19 but look younger, then I can understand it.

On the other hand if you are like over 21, and look and act like it, then it might began to be troublesome.

Still, sounds like the right decisions to make. In the end 80% of all of us, I would bet, end up doing, up to the point of graduating from college, what out parents influence us to do.

edited 23rd May '12 12:03:40 AM by Baff

I have nothing against fun; but when you want fun you read a book or have a beer with friends or go see a movie or play a game or so on. You don't waste insane amounts of money (college tuition here is much cheaper than in the US; but still, that's not a sum I would spend on a whim) and four years of your life (that is, one twentieth of your expected lifespan) just because it sounds fun and everybody else is doing it.

Still, what's done is done. There is little point on speculating on whether your parents behaved correctly or not and if you did good in accepting or not; look at where you are, look at where you want to go, and plan the best route.

edited 23rd May '12 12:33:47 AM by Carciofus

You shouldn't go to college/university just to have fun, but you should try to enjoy the experience.

On this I can agree. One should try to enjoy all experiences, as far as possible; and there is certainly much that is enjoyable about college.

But "which college is the most fun" should not be a criterion to choose which college to attend.

Their motto has always been "if you want advice, ask; but we won't make your choices for you". That's exactly how I would want to behave towards my hypothetical offspring.

My dad wanted me to study computer science/IT because that's the field he always wanted to work in, but never got around to doing it.

I decided to study art.

It sounds to me like your parents are seeing a financial benefit in you being closer to home and have agreed to share it with you, dressed up as a bribe, if you don't react badly by going to the crappy college instead.

I don't see a problem with that.

I don't remember my parents ever telling me where they want me to study, they've just worried wether I study enough to get what I want. If you're pleased with what you ended up with I wouldn't worry about it, but I'll echo DS in saying that you should make sure to make your own desicions when you think your parents are wrong.

I wasn't clever enough to go to university or have parents rich enough to fund me going there either. So, at the OP, no, hell no, it wasn't wrong. It was probably the best decision that you and your parents are ever going to make in regards to your life. You may feel a bit guilty about it, which is understandable, but do not let guilt screw this up for you.

The regret for doing so will be worse.

The issue isn't that his parents bribed him go to college at all. It's that they bribed him to go to this specific college, instead of another that he liked better.

I don't know; it seems like an odd thing for your parents to do. Particularly if you had scholarships to go to the other college. And kind of... I don't know. I wouldn't be pleased if my parents thought I could be bribed away from doing something I wanted to do with money.

But then, I never really had much choice about where to go. Only two universities in my state offered my course, and I liked the closest one best anyway.

If you don't mind me asking, which university do you go to?

Oh. University of Queensland; I'm in Australia.